That way, we can all end 2020 the way that it fucking deserves.

Part one: What is the first letter in your middle name? This will determine which Pokémon it is.

A - Squirtle
B - Charmander
C - Bulbasaur
D - Pikachu
E - Jigglypuff
F - Lugia
G - Togepi
H - Arbok
I - Meowth
J - Gengar
K - Gardevoir
L - Lucario
M - Greninja
N - Scolipede
O - Snorlax
P - Magikarp
Q - Dragonite
R - Incineroar.
S - Clefairy
T - Bellossum
U - Mewtwo
V - Entei
W - Giratina
X - Ditto
Y -Wobboffet
Z - Metapod

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Enclosed are two stories I'd written by stuffing all my other ones into an online predictive-text keyboard and seeing what I could come up with from scratch.

With no other way to attack the princess, applejack swung scootaloo from her foreleg to the throne, munching at a few classmates.

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ALL I WANT TO DO IS LISTEN TO JOHNNY CASH AND USE FIMFICTION AT THE SAME TIME.

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How about a joke?

A conductor and his wife make up a plot to make up more money than they actually do by having him steal one penny for every dime he earns in his job.

So, he does exactly that. One penny for every dime. After days turned to weeks turned to months, he finally goes a full year of stealing one penny for every dime he earns.

"This is splendid!" His wife cheers. "With this money, we can by a new TV!"

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