im actually surprised cadence tried magic first instead of being like "you know twi you should just tell him straight up, then we try the magic!"

Kill those flim flam assholes!

Umm. I realized that the bros got the guns. (The only in Equestria) And there is a chance they just sell it for some bits. Some reason im very mad at the bros.

How freaking dense can one be? Just bang the girl if she offers it. No way home, no one else to judge you... DO IT! ADAPT! Just take three bottles of ultra-viagra, er... tetanus potion and do her until she can't stand up anymore and you neither! The sexual frustration in this story is starting to go on my nerves... That guy needs to get laid after every visit in the hospital it's starting to be outrageous that he's stranded there forever and doesn't let go of old norms that don't suit the situation anymore.
...
...
...
Alright, I'm done. Nice Godfather reference and Derpy was cute as always.

WHAT??? Yeah burdy is denser than uranium.

Nightfury

GET DOWN!!!

3341997 Toothless?!

who would try old doughnuts

These are the most important lessons in life

3342314
Yes.

3343329 Yay! *hugs toothless*

Wow, Twi's a real trooper. Despite being Mother zoned she's still going for em, and damn is he dense
All in all I've enjoyed this fic so far. Its silly and overall entertaining.

this is getting too good.

3341568 Perhaps the large quantity of body muscle is blocking the blood flow to his brain?

3353462
Are you kidding? That would be even more reason to think with his dick. I mean his logic is flawed in a way. He doesn't deem ponies sexual partners, but relatives? And what red-blooded male under the sun with a raging boner in his pants and the dire need to release some steam would wave away an offer for sex from someone who can't possibly be a relative? My suggestion would be that Twilight locks the door, forcefeeds him three tetanus potions and he only gets to leave the room if he bucks her brain out.

Oh there are so many ways she could troll him later on. Imagine he would finally do it... Then to quote Fluttershy a bit:
"Good boy, Burdy... Momma's so proud."

3353693 I was joking... My brother's asked me that before after I, as he quoted, got eye raped by a cashier at Food Basics, then the one at the Dollar Store... then again at the gas station... and at Wendy's... and McDonalds... and Walmart... and several other variety stores. Anyway my brother gives me this look like I'm the most retarded person in the world and he says "Just get your dick wet already" and I replied "Why? Getting my dick wet sounds uncomfortable." and he slapped himself and was like "Do your muscles block blood flow to your brain or something." and I just stood there with a dumb look on my face and replied "I dunno." and he stated "You're hopeless." Takes me a while to clue in sometimes.

3358042
Well, it's your story and I would be the last one to dictate you how to write it.
But I might give you hints and inspiration and passively steer your train of thought towards some tendencies.
Just make sure he sees the light before Twilight rapes him in his sleep.

DANG IT! Quit teasing us like this! If the teasing is this bad, I really hope that means they are going to get together soon.

There's only so much stupidity your main character can portray before I cant read a story, for the sake of my rapidly decreasing I.Q. I'm calling it quits here. I am thoroughly disappoint.

3370105
Oh stop being so High and mighty, the whole character is based around the fact that he IS as dence as a fucking diamond

And I thought he couldn't get any dumber. A stale donught? Really? How dense is this guy, my GOD! Love the story. keep up the great work.

I wondered briefly if perhaps the pony who owned the carriage had smashed my truck up.

If so, I'd find him and make an example out of him by sneaking in and destroying whatever it is he does for a living. He'll know why it happened without me having to say anything, and there won't be anything he could do about it. If he does go after revenge on me, I'd ensure he disappeared into the Everfree Forest by luring him there through fake clues leading to him believing his foal had gotten lost in there and needed him to rescue it.

Twilight’s head drooped in failure as she sighed sulkily.

No, I'm pretty sure it's because when he asked if you felt that way about him, you said "no". When someone asks you if you like them in that way, and you say "no", that pretty much ends any chance you have with them. So, why are you sulking when you said "no"? You chose to turn him down, so you have no reason and no right to sulk about him not returning your feelings since it is you who turned him down, not the other way around.

Never before in my life have I met something that can resist that spell.

It is pretty much universal that magic is willpower based. Humans have infinite willpower. You lost before you even started.

I also find out that they don’t eat meat like bacon or steak because killing animals to harvest their innards is like taboo or some shit

Well, you obviously got meat somehow. Probably a combination of eating lots of eggs, working off the fat from it, and hunting in the Everfree. Probably buying smoked meats imported or something, too. After all, if you didn't have meat in your diet, your muscles would deteriorate to the point of being skeletal and you wouldn't have enough energy to stand.

Vegans should be grateful that the modern era has supplements they can take to make up for a lack of meat. They still tend to be less healthy overall than people who eat meat. Humans are primarily carnivorous. We developed an omnivorous diet so that we could eat vegetation during hunts, enabling us to out last any prey and out-compete all other predators. Over time, we discovered that some non-meats (because there is far more than just vegetables that aren't meats that we eat) taste better and keep us healthier than others (such as lettuce being better than tree leaves). Either way, that ability makes us terrifying hunters.

Most everyone else complained that our governments were corrupt and unjust

It isn't corrupt, as that would be breaking its own laws and pocketing the people's money. Instead, the money is spent on expenditures that crop up in modern times that old government processes are not prepared to deal with. In that same vein, existing processes are quickly becoming increasingly problematic and inefficient in modern times; it isn't unjust, just not adapting quickly enough.

this is what happens when you call derpy dumb
click the link...

“Oh… well that’s okay, we’re only bumping flanks,”

maybe not penis repellent (see other comment posted by me)

Magic does not work on dumb guys, folks.

3370105 what the fuck did i just read!?

I'm surprised Cadance is okay worth trying to BRAINWASH someone into loving someone else. Now, calming down a couple that's just arguing and reminding them of their love seems perfectly fine to me, but not forcing it on sometime who doesn't feel that way. Have we already forgotten the love poison, Twilight? Hmmm?!

I liked this chapter it was funny and sweet. I still hope he make a herd. I can't wait to see what happens next between them all next and what happens to them all next. It looks like not only Twilight has fillings for him .this chapter had me cracking up.

As I constantly bang my head on my desk while reading this (yes, it's that painful), I can only wonder if he will wisen the hell up and Twilight gets what she wants.

Seriously, I think that is my only motivation to continue reading. All this masturbation, old movie impersonations, trips down music memory lane, and him with his mental density of a black hole is getting pretty tiring. I'm guessing in the next chapter or so he is going to switch back to his hyper-alert hunter/killer mental state and proceed to blow away whatever enemies just happen to fall before him.

“The roof,”

i use this same response

“Don’t worry Twilight. We’ll find a way. He’s just confused,”

OH THANK GOD SHE WENT FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP YESSSSS

So... maybe this won't be so much of a "will they or won't they" going forward.

At least one of them knows what they're doing...

5957468
The whole 'Duke Nukem' shtik is still fun, to be honest. It's nicely carefree and properly fucked up. He makes for a nice hero, too.

Dense as all fuck, tho'.

And yeah, it feels like the Author is trying to strangle my brain.

9606944
She should just send Spike out for the day one morning, zap her plot with 'want it, need it', and go wake him up.

9615799
Yeah, except that'll wear off at some point, and he'll feel raped. Not the ideal outcome, if you ask me.

“Trust me, we’ll find a way to make him realize that he loves you, even if it takes time,” Twilight smiled slightly and the two embraced in a hug.

Huh, and Cadence is surprisingly dense too, considering she haven't noticed the main issue in their relationships. As in, him considering Twi motherly figure for some idiotic reason and her not denying and even somewhat supporting this assumption.