This Never Happened

by Commodore64

The Pony Hurricane Strikes Again

Cotton candy, detergent, baking flour, hormones, perfume, and something wet. All of these mixed together and slapped Rarity right in her face, skewing her makeup more than it currently was. Her eyes opened slowly, she saw the edge of her bed, and part of the floor, which was covered in an array of fabrics and garments, along with many different kinds of pillows and blankets. There were hoofprints on the walls, floor and even part of the ceiling, which seemed to have been made with spilled eyeliner. Bottles lay stiff and stagnant on the hardwood floors. The bottom corner of one of the windows was cracked. One of her mannequins was tipped on its side, wearing a top hat askew on the head. Makeup was scrawled all over the fake pony’s body: two racoon eyes with small, white pupils, a bright red smile creeping across it’s cheeks, and a number of “Ha”s written in various places.

A sudden sense of alarm came to the clothesmith as she saw this disaster. An even stronger sense of the same alarm, but in a higher extreme, came when she felt something warm and moist laid gently across her stomach. She pulled up the blanket and saw that it was a hoof; a pink hoof. Her eyes slowly crawled up the hoof to find the shoulder, and the shoulder to the neck, and the neck to an all too familiar head. The head of Pinkie Pie, sleeping softly, with a mischievous grin plastered on her face.

Rarity stifled a scream as she threw Pinkie’s hoof to the side and started crawling backwards on the bed, nearly reaching the edge before catching herself on a nearby nightstand. This awoke Pinkie, slowly but surely. Keeping her smirk, she opened her eyes, sat up a bit, yawned, and said, “Oh hey. What’s up?”

“What’s up?” Rarity repeated, breathing heavily, “What’s up is why are you in my bed? And, more importantly, why does my bedroom look like a hurricane went through it?”

Pinkie chuckled, “Well, you do know I am the pony hurricane.”

“Pinkie,” Rarity began to regulate her breathing a bit, “What happened last night?”

Pinkie crawled over to Rarity, swaying her hips back and forth, almost as a cat getting ready to pounce onto a wounded bird, cornering her against the night stand. “You really don’t remember?” She stopped as she was muzzle to muzzle with the white, disheveled mare. “Maybe this will jog your memory.” Pinkie planted a firm and lingering kiss on Rarity’s lips. Rarity’s eyes widened, but she slowly sank in and closed them, the feeling of Pinkie’s tongue swishing about wildly in her mouth being way too familiar for her own good. Pinkie pulled away, both mares’ eyes opening slowly as a single thread of saliva connected the two before breaking and slingling down their respective necks. Pinkie continued to sport her wicked grin as she got out of the bed, leaving a mesmerized Rarity on the bed.

“I’m gonna go freshen up a bit.” Pinkie announced as she strolled out of the room.

Rarity simply stared at the pink party pony as she swaggered out of her bedroom. After the door shut, she shook her head into consciousness and her eyes widened even more.

“Wait.” she said, gesturing her hooves back and forth as the cogs and gears of her mind turned, “so that means.”

“Pinkie... and me... and we...”

She lifted up the covers to her bed and looked at her crease. Now it was a throbbing, wet, red crease.

“Oh my sweet Celestia.”

Rarity made her way down the staircase of Carousel Boutique after she washed a majority of the mushed up makeup off of her face. Pinkie Pie was methodically putting things back in her saddlebag, her mane was only slightly less chaotic than it was previously. Maybe that’s what she meant by “freshen up”. The white mare took a few seconds to regain proper posture and then ventured forth into the hurricane.

“Pinkie?” she called.

“Yeah?” Pinkie answered with a book in her mouth.

“I’m assuming that I had a good time last night...”

“You assume correct.”

“...Right. And I’m also assuming that you had a good time as well.”

“You assume correct again! Congratulations! You win this cucumber!” With no other warning, Pinkie chucked the phallic vegetable at Rarity’s head. She caught it effortlessly with her magic and examined it for a few seconds. One question came to mind.

“Where did the cucumber come from?” Rarity asked under her breath. “Nevermind. I don’t want to know. Anyway, Pinkie, regardless of whatever pleasure you or I may have derived from our... activities last night, I want you to know that the second you step out that door, this never happened.”

A look of almost sheer panic came across Pinkie’s face, “But WHY?! It was so much fun!”

“Don’t you remember me saying ‘despite whatever pleasure you or I may have derived from our activities last night’?”

Pinkie’s eyes looked up and scratched her chin before a light bulb popped out of her mane and exploded, sending glass flying everywhere as she exclaimed, “Yeah! But you have to remember, I’m not as experienced with this as you are.”

“As experienced with what?”

“One night stands.”

Rarity blushed and giggled out of nervousness, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on, level with me, Rares...”

“I told you not to call me ‘Rares’.”

“...you don’t think I see all those stallions you’ve invited over here for the night and then sent them packing. I bet you’re one of those mares who keeps a list of all the colts that she’s nailed and never called again.”

“It’s not a list.”

Pinkie Pie seemingly pennant stared straight through Rarity’s eyes.

“....It’s a spreadsheet,” she admitted.

Pinkie Pie laughed hysterically, “Oh, Rares, you so silly.”

“Stop calling me ‘Rares’!”

“Never happened.”

Pinkie slammed the door, creating a resounding echo throughout the lobby of Carousel Boutique. Rarity was left alone to her own thoughts. Her face twitched rapidly as she slowly sat down on the floor. Her forehooves curled around the top of her knees like a python strangling its prey. With the rounded surface of her bottom being her main center of balance, she started walking back and forth. Her face continued to twitched as she repeatedly mumbled, “This never happened. This never happened. This never happened.”

Author's Note:

Just a little comedic experiment, trying to deviate from the Doctor Whooves fics a bit.

There are two more chapters expected and the next chapter should be up soon.

Please leave a comment telling me what you think. I'm still pretty new to fanfic writing so the more feedback the better.

Special thanks to Norrie McFly for prereading/editing the story and writing up the synopsis.

Comments

[OnionPie]

This is beautifully written. I wholeheartedly recommend people give this pink sapphire a read. Can't wait for the next chapter.

[Commodore64]

2792846
Thanks!

[F4D3]

Love this story. Love this pairing.

[OnionPie]

2792866
It is a really cute pairing. Such a pity it's so rare. Pinkie deserves some love in shipping too.

[John The Dragon]

it's so cute!

[Commodore64]

2792994
Glad you liked it :) Got a lot of great stuff planned for the next chapter.

[Captainmann]

You have gained my attention.
2.bp.blogspot.com/-MK3qv1So_z4/UZozTfiDc8I/AAAAAAAAAJs/SEjESuZniIU/s1600/jigNrmn.gif

[Commodore64]

2793009
And now I shall use it to my full advantage!
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[Paladin Redflare]

You're right, this never did happen, it's just a fabrication of the minds of those who need to satisfy their sexual urges with gay sex.

[Commodore64]

2793079
O.o Wut?

[Captainmann]

2793013please be gentle

[Commodore64]

2793100
Hmmm.....

Okay!

[Einhander]

This is a fun start! And it is a fun pairing, I can't wait to read the next chapter. I do wish it was a bit longer, since it stops right when it gets rolling.

I do understand Rarity's reaction. The debris of the room is almost sinister. It's like making out with the Joker.

[TheGreatEater]

Ks. You have this in the wanted feed back section of Struggling Authors so I'm going to give you my honest opinion.

1) You need more spacing in your paragraphs. You have quite a few paragraphs that are indented, but have no spacing between them.

2) Crease on her bed, her red crease? Can you please use vernacular that is a bit more clear?

3) Other than those two down points. It was a funny chapter, and I'm interested enough to wait to see what happens next. I'll admit that I've never seen a Rarity X Pinkie Pie shipping fic before so that alone makes this somewhat interesting.

and

4) This was well written. Nice descriptions. Pleasant dialog. And most importantly it was cute.

[Commodore64]

2793151
Thanks for the feedback. The whole spacing thing is just me being used to writing outside of the fimfiction format. I will try to add spacing between paragraphs in later stories in chapters.

[Commodore64]

2793150derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMDcvMjgvMDNfMjNfMjNfOTMxXzU5Mjk4X18iXV0/59298__safe_pinkie-pie_batman_the-joker_artist-ohthatandy.png

[Einhander]

2793177

Yeah I stand by my statement.

[Cunt_Crusader]

Tracking this.

[Midnight herald]

This is a nice start to a fic of this nature, and I really enjoy the mental image of the Pony Hurricane. I also love this pairing, and I think you did an excellent job setting the scene for a drunken fling between the two of them.

I found your use of the word 'crease' mildly off-putting(personal tastes, i guess) and I would like more context on why Rarity wants to be so secretive about this - does she pull this on all her lays, or is it be wuss Pinkie's a friend, or is it because Pinkie's a mare? Although I hope that will be touched upon in the coming chapters. But definitely worth tracking, and nice job.

[Commodore64]

2793769
Thanks, the whole "This Never Happened" thing springs out of Rarity's obsession with image. Put, as you suggested, it will come in the later chapters.

Thanks for the feedback

[Zeyon The Green]

“It’s not a list.” I was like, "wait, what? Did she just go there? SHE DID! "

Then I kind of lost track of stuff, like is Pinkie suddenly mad? Because I'd think she'd need a bit of time to get there from calling Rarity silly. In her personality, she doesn't go from happy to another emotion quickly unless it is something BIG. This seems like it wouldn't be one of those times.

Anyway looking forward to more of this.

[Spice of Life]

Pretty good but it needs some editing.

Instead of putting everything together in blocks like

“It’s not a list.”
Pinkie Pie seemingly pennant stared straight through Rarity’s eyes.
“....It’s a spreadsheet,” she admitted.
Pinkie Pie laughed hysterically, “Oh, Rares, you so silly.”
“Stop calling me ‘Rares’!”

spread it out like

“It’s not a list.”

Pinkie Pie seemingly pennant stared straight through Rarity’s eyes.

“....It’s a spreadsheet,” she admitted.

Pinkie Pie laughed hysterically, “Oh, Rares, you so silly.”

“Stop calling me ‘Rares’!”

And when you do a scene transition, instead of just double spacing that like

“Oh my sweet Celestia.”

Rarity made her way down the staircase of Carousel Boutique after she washed a majority of the mushed up makeup off of her face. Pinkie Pie was methodically putting things back in her saddlebag,

triple space it and just add some dashes between them

“Oh my sweet Celestia.”

----------------

Rarity made her way down the staircase of Carousel Boutique after she washed a majority of the mushed up makeup off of her face. Pinkie Pie was methodically putting things back in her saddlebag,

It just helps the eye when reading, otherwise things just kinda mesh together.

Also I'm annoyed this has more likes then my RariPie stories.

[Commodore64]

2796076
Yeah. A lot of people complained about the spacing. I did explain it in another comment, but I will try to work on it in later works.

Idk, popularity is a bitch.

[blank check]

2796185

You really should use something other than crease. I don't even know what it's referring to, her vagina? Her bedsheets?

[Commodore64]

2811924
It was a last minute edit. I apologize. In hindsight, it's not very good.

[metroid_freak]

HERE I AM

ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE

[Alexxx]

Amusing and well written. I desire moar!

[Renard Dashie Prower]

Humorous and interesting; I'd love to read more. Was this project never continued?

[Renard Dashie Prower]

2811924
Pretty sure it's the former.

[blank check]

3547299

It's still a bad word to use there. I've never heard a vagina being called a crease. At the most, a slit, but never a crease.

[Renard Dashie Prower]

3547994
It's an odd allusion, I'll give you that, but I wouldn't go so far as to say "bad." It still...fits, as 'twere. Euphemisms come in all shapes and sizes.
On a pseudo-separate note, I seem to be making some mature and unintentional puns.

[Luxina]

Moar

[SleepIsforTheWeak]

both mares’ eyes opening slowly as a single thread of saliva connected the two before breaking

Strands of saliva almost never happen in real life. It is something that artists like to draw and something that people find attractive for some reason that escapes me.

In future works, I strongly advise against using the strand of saliva thing.

Other than that, not bad.

[hellhounds04]

Keep it up! This is a great start!

[PinkieHD]

I'm still waiting...

[hellhounds04]

8806962
same.