• Published 15th Feb 2012
  • 14,082 Views, 610 Comments

Tears in the Snow - Wintergreen Diaries

Twilight sees a vision after casting a spell to see the future and ends up saving a mysterious colt.

  • ...

alt: The End of Tears

// This ending takes place during ch.22-24 and is dependent upon having read them first.

Alternate Ending: The End of Tears

"Writhe... You shall always be alone, abandoned and forsaken. There is no escape." Bangles winced as the runes flashed crimson before slowly fading from her legs. She sat in silence, knowing that Cerulean's life would quite likely end soon.

"Why... Why do you make me do these things!" she shouted at the empty office, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Oh come now, shed no tears for him. He deserves every ounce of pain he's receiving for rejecting us, you know." A black earth pony appeared in her vision, her long crimson hair running down to her chest and matching her eyes. Her cutie mark was a cracking whip, an ever clear reminder to Bangles that her specialty was causing pain. She floated in the air for a moment before appearing to land and walking close.

"How can you say that, Spikeflail? He was only ever kind to me..."

"Then how come he left you? Even after you gave yourself to him, he left a few days later. Not a word, no goodbye, he just up and left. That's why we cursed him to the same fate."

"He left because you made me lie to everyone!" Bangles raged, tears now flowing freely from her soft, green eyes. "Because I tried to take what wasn't mine..." Spikeflail sighed in exasperation and slowly wrapped Bangles in her arms.

"Hush now, Bangles. This is for the better, you'll see. With him gone, we can find a new toy."

"No!" Bangles screamed as she slapped the imaginary hooves away. "I'm done with this! I can't live this way anymore, just leave me alone!" Spikeflail gave her a glare before disappearing into nothingness. She would bide her time, and if it came down to it, she could simply take control for a while, as she had done for years. Bangles was much too timid for her own good, and all ponies were worthy only of scorn. Especially that bucking Cerulean; as if we need his pity!

Bangles whimpered as her mind was suddenly flooded with anger that wasn't her own, and she set the files down, cleaned up her mess so there was no sign she'd invaded the study and ran to her room. She fell asleep on a damp pillow, her body slowly exhausting itself as the sobs flowed unchecked.

Bangles woke with a start, a loud noise she couldn't identify having wrenched her from unconsciousness. Only three years old, it frightened her deeply, but her curiosity got the better of her and she slowly made her way to the kitchen. She cracked the door open and stood in horror as the image was forever burned into her memory. The dripping knife, her mother's corpse, and her father standing over her... Speechless she slowly backed away, and then he turned and looked directly at her. She broke into a run but was quickly overtaken, her screams stifled as her father's bloody hoof covered her mouth.

"You saw nothing. Do you understand me Bangles? You speak of this to anypony, and you will die."

Her pillow had just dried out when a fresh flow of tears drenched it again. A nightmare this early? She'd only been asleep for two hours...

"Spikeflail, stop... I can't handle this, just let me sleep!" Bangles lay back down as she received no response, her eyes half closed as she tried to push the memory down deeper. Sleep came back to her slowly, a much happier memory coming into view.

"Hey, gaudily dressed mare. You look like you could use a smile." Bangles slowly lifted her head to find herself face to face with a blue stallion, his teal eyes shining merrily. She immediately broke eye contact and stared at her sandwich, too frightened to speak.

"Oh my, he's quite charming, don't you think? Nothing like those other ponies we've dealt with. Go on, talk to him." She regarded Spikeflail with a glare, causing Cerulean much confusion as he didn't comprehend what the other side of the bench had done to deserve the mare's angst.

"What's your name?" Bangles said nothing, squeezing her sandwich tighter and greatly reducing its visual appeal. Spikeflail sighed and took control, Bangles green eyes turning the same bright red as Spikeflail's mane. Cerulean stood back a little, the obvious change being something both intriguing and slightly disconcerting.

"I am Bangles. It is a pleasure to meet you," she said, happily offering a now messy hoof. She immediately withdrew it, giggling and shooting him a shy smile. Cerulean looked down at the many emerald rings around her legs before smiling back.

"Hmmm, I suppose that makes sense. A smarter pony probably could have guess that, but I unfortunately do not fall into that category." Bangles watched from the inside as Spikeflail bantered easily with him, passing a pleasant hour before Cerulean stood to make it to his next class. Her eyes returned to green as he turned to leave.

"Cerulean?" He turned, noting the change in her eyes but saying nothing. "Can... can we talk some more sometime?"

"Eh, why not? Couldn't hurt," he replied casually before catching up with a friend who was on the way to the same class.

"You're blushing, you sad, smitten foal."

"Spikeflail, shut up."

Bangles was too grieved to leave her house the next day. No matter what had happened, even if Cerulean had somehow managed to survive the devestating hex that Spikeflail had put on him, it didn’t change the fact that she had played a part in it. Spikeflail tried to comfort her but after being ignored several times she gave up, leaving Bangles to pass the day in silence, drifting in and out of sleep and ignoring the growing hunger in her stomach. Eventually she fell into a deep sleep as the moon rose in the sky, dreaming of nothing and wishing she could just disappear.

The sunlight had already filled her room when she awoke, and though she had slept far longer than she normally did, it was anything but restful. She groggily descended the steps and opened the fridge, finding little by way of food. Closing the door revealed a hastily scrawled note which read “buy groceries.” She donned her cloak, grabbed the bag of bits from the table and walked into the streets of Canterlot.

Everypony knew who she was cloak or not, but for some reason fewer stopped to insult her when she wore it. Her mind quickly wandered back to her dream of when she first met Cerulean. She had so much trouble even getting out simple things like “hello” that after that day, she let Spikeflail do all the talking. It was rather fun, getting to take a backseat while still feeling all of the emotions as Spikeflail easily carried on with him, her overly outgoing personality the complete opposite of her own.

She had wanted to try speaking to him without Spikeflail’s help, just once that night in the garden, but Spikeflail forbade her, and she could do nothing but watch as she backed him into a corner and cut off his escape. And then, after she was through with him, she pulled down his wristbands and cast her curse, making the penalty all too clear. Bangles had never been able to shake the look he had in his eyes that day; it was too close to the one on her father’s face when she...

“What the buck? How is he still alive?” Spikeflail suddenly howled, wrenching control from Bangles and running towards a restaurant in the distance. Bangles heart leapt as she beheld Cerulean, still alive and seemingly in good health. But that mare was with him still... "You, you're... You're still alive? But how?" Cerulean grinned mischievously, savoring her confusion as he proudly trotted over and stood just inches from her face.

"You have no power over me anymore. Find somepony else to torment, because I no longer acknowledge you." With that, he cantered off with Twilight, laughing happily and making sure his cutie mark was clearly evident, as were his bare forelegs; he even waved as they left. Bangles was overjoyed; somehow, some way, he had managed to free himself from her wrongdoing. It could never erase what she’d done, but if he could be happy...

“He’s going to die. Tonight!” Spikeflail howled as she steered Bangles’ body towards the university.

“No, he doesn’t deserve this, I won’t let you!” Bangles screamed, fighting her other half with all her might. The other ponies in the street backed away as they beheld the yellow mare curl into a ball and begin to scream, her pained howls carrying on the wind. Bangles slowly felt control return to her limbs, and she struggled to her feet, ignoring the fearful looks of the ponies all around. Spikeflail stood panting for breath on her vision, eyes blazing as Bangles met her rage with defiance. “You’re not going to hurt him anymore. You’re not going to hurt me anymore. I don’t need you anymore, so just go away!” she shouted. Spikeflail stood still, casting one final glare before disappearing from sight.

Bangles breathed a sigh of relief as she continued the rest of her shopping undisturbed. If Cerulean could find the strength to overcome all she had put him through, then maybe she could too. Bangles cringed as she heard Spikeflail’s voice once more, several hours having passed since her departure.

“You should apologize to him.” Bangles regarded her with utter disbelief as she came into view, her face actually appearing concerned.

“Why should I listen to you? After everything you’ve done?”

“Easy, you know I’m right. You do want to say you’re sorry, right? Then do it. Use your new found strength and make amends, you silly foal.” With that she disappeared once more, leaving Bangles to ponder her words. She really did want to apologize for everything, but having it suggested by Spikeflail made it seem like a terrible idea. She returned home, the issue plaguing her mind. She tried to resist, but every argument she offered led back to the same answer; she had to go. Grabbing enough bits for train fare, she galloped to the station in time to board the last train to Ponyville that day. It would be early evening when she arrived, and she realized she had no idea where he lived. It would be scary getting directions in a new town, but she would find a way. She had hidden behind Spikeflail for too long, and she wasn’t going back. Fatigue from her horrible night’s sleep began to catch up, and she drifted off clinging to her newly found hope for freedom.

“Hey there, Cerulean, whatcha doin?” Spikeflail asked as she bounded into the magical practice wards. Each room had high walls made of magic resistant materials to stave off the damages should anypony’s spell backfire.

“Just testing some new spells. You’re welcome to watch. Do keep quiet though, you have this habit of running your mouth,” he replied, not looking up from the book and waving a hoof at her. Spikeflail giggled and sat down near one of the walls. Cerulean closed his eyes and built his magic, releasing a sudden burst of energy from his horn. The wall shrugged off the blow easily, though it would have been devestating for anything else. He nodded his approval then summoned Bangles over. Spikeflail was about to praise his magical talents when he tapped a hoof to her horn, a small burst of magic shooting through her and paralyzing her limbs. She could only stare, her view turning sideways as she fell, not feeling the impact. “Oooh, that’s a good one. I”ll have to remember that for later,” he grinned, tapping her horn again and releasing her.

“That wasn’t nice, Snowgleam,” she pouted, pretending to be upset. The truth was Bangles really was impressed, though Spikeflail couldn’t care less. She had become increasingly flirtatious as of recently, a fact which didn’t seem to faze Cerulean in the slightest.

“Spikeflail, what are you doing?” she asked as her body wandered over to the book, Cerulean having stepped away to try out his next spell.

“Just taking some notes,” she replied, scanning the pages and finding the two spells Cerulean had just learned. The text made no sense to Bangles, though Spikeflail seemed to grasp it easily. Satisfied, she returned to harassing Cerulean, and Bangles settled in for another fun-filled afternoon.

“Now arriving in Ponyville Station. Please exit in an orderly fashion,” a voice called out, rousing Bangles from her slumber. She yawned as she descended the steps, the sun having dipped below the horizon an hour or two ago. There weren’t many ponies in the streets, but she stopped a passing earth pony if they knew where Cerulean lived.

“Oh sure, he’s probably at the library. About ten minutes that way,” he said, pointing a hoof. Bangles thanked him quietly and began to trot in the direction he had indicated. How would she ever be able to say she sorry in a way that showed it? The things that Spikeflail had done, that she had let happen... There’s no way he could forgive her now. Her fear threatened to overcome her as the building came into view, and it took all her strength not to run. Sounds of music and joyous voices came from the building, and her timid knocking went unnoticed for a time. Closing her eyes, she brought her hoof down as hard as she could, a single loud thump catching Pinkie Pie’s attention, who promptly threw open the door and gasped in shock.

“Pinkie, what is?..” Cerulean asked before stopping mid speech, his eyes connecting with Bangles’. The voices ceased and soon only the music was audible as a heavy silence fell over the room. “Bangles, what are you doing here?” Cerulean said after a time. His words were completely devoid of emotion, and it reminded her of the vacant look in his eyes after Spikeflail had sent him on his way after cursing him.

“I... I just...” She couldn’t do it. Cerulean watched as she turned and ran off into the night, too shaken at her sudden appearance to give chase. Twilight drew up beside him and placed a hoof on his shoulder.

“I think... I think she was going to apologize... I’ve never seen her look like that, not since the very first time I met her...” Twilight could tell he was freaking out on the inside, and that until this was resolved he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the party.

“Come on then, let’s go talk to her.” she said with a sigh, nudging him towards the door. As badly as she wanted to teach that little tramp a thing or two, she knew Cerulean had other plans and she would try to support him in that. Twilight and Cerulean asked that everypony wait for them at the library for their return and took off after Bangles. She hadn’t made it very far, her emotions robbing her of the strength to run. She slowed to a canter on the outskirts of the town, crying softly.

“Bangles?” She slowly turned at Cerulean’s voice, finding his eyes full of sympathy and concern. Twilight looked in confusion at her green eyes. Hadn’t they been red in Canterlot?

“Well done, Bangles,” Spikeflail whispered before forcibly taking control, her horn glowing with a dangerous red aura. Cerulean tackled Twilight to the ground as she used the spell she had seen him use all those years ago in the magic practice ward, the red blast of energy landing where Cerulean had been moments before and blowing a large chunk out of the earth. Cerulean touched horns with Twilight and erected a quick barrier of ice, which was immediately assailed by continual blasts.

“Cerulean, what’s going on?”

“Twilight, something’s wrong. That’s not Bangles, not the real one. The one at the door, the one with green eyes who can’t look me in the face... That’s the real Bangles. Gather the Elements of Harmony as fast as you can and come back as soon as I lower the barrier, all right?” he gritted out, maintaining the barrier draining massive amounts of magical energy. He let it fall and Twilight took off. Spikeflail saw and turned to fire when she was knocked to the side by Cerulean, who had summoned his wings and charged while her attention was turned. He quickly righted himself and stomped a hoof to the ground, a pillar of ice materializing and slamming into her chest, sending her sliding a short distance. He flew to her position and raised a hoof to freeze her body when she slammed her hoof into his chest, a sharp magical pulse sending sparks through his limbs. He suddenly found himself frozen in place, and he slowly fell to one side, his wings turning to powdery snow as their magic supply was abruptly severed. Spikeflail brought her crimson eyes to Cerulean’s, speaking in a soft tone.

“My, how this brings back memories. Do you remember, Cerulean? Let me show you what I learned that day.” She backed away and her horn began to glow, and one after another she launched less powerful versions of the spell at him, burning him badly with each strike. Spikeflail didn’t stop until most of his body was a deep crimson, the wounds instantly cauterizing with each impact. He couldn’t feel a thing, the numbness of his body complete, only watch unblinkingly as she gave full vent to her fury. “And now, we wait for that little mare’s return,” she said, sitting upon him and gazing into the night.

Twilight burst through the door to the library, shocking everypony and demanding their full attention. She raced to the place she kept the elements and doled them out, giving them a rushed explanation as she did so. Nopony argued, as they knew time was of the essence, and the raced back to Cerulean, their hooves and hearts beating with one purpose. The six friends stopped short as Spikeflail stood, revealing Cerulean’s marred form. “This,” Spikeflail said as she lowered her hoof to Cerulean’s horn while locking Twilight in her gaze, “is what happens to those that cross me.” Cerulean’s screams rent the night as feeling came back, his mind unable to shut down as his entire being was wrapped in pain.

Twilight closed her eyes as her fury fueled her magic, her body soon bathed in lavender flames. Even as Cerulean struggled to maintain consciousness he could feel the magic, growing dangerously out of control and threatening to consume everypony there. The rest of her friends drew back fearfully as Spikeflail summoned her own magic, but not soon enough. With a howl, Twilight released a massive blast as Cerulean stood, summoning a wall of ice with what little strength he had left and standing between them. There was a blinding flash of light, and then silence. Cerulean stood with his hooves outstretched, a massive chunk blown from his chest as he slowly fell forward. His horn glowed briefly, spelling out one last message into the blood.

“Use the Elements.”

Bangles raged against Spikeflail as she began to laugh, her mirth soon turning to frustration as Bangles fought with all the strength she had. Twilight slowly sank beside Cerulean, ignoring the message and staring at what her anger had brought. He was gone, and she could only blame herself.

“Snap out o’ it Twi! Cerulean’s gone but all of Ponyville could be wiped out if we don’t do somethin’!” Applejack cried, shaking her desperately. Twilight stared down at the message in the blood, which had started to melt and run. She stood slowly and focused her Element, her five friends drawing beside her and doing the same. Bangles continued to scream as she fought to hold Spikeflail at bay, but was beaten back. Spikeflail raised her head in time to see an enormous beam of rainbow light enshroud her vision, before she was forcibly ripped from Bangles’ mind, slowly fading into nothing.

Cerulean sat in silence as the meadow he had enjoyed for such a short period of time withered and died. The flowers petals curled and fell as the stream evaporated, leaving him in a barren wasteland. He took no notice as the ground beneath him started to crack, and soon he was falling deep into a black abyss. Placing his hoof to his neck, he clung to the necklace Twilight had given him, ignoring his surroundings and focusing on his memories as they tried to slip away.

"To you, Cerulean Snowgleam, I pose a question." The voice came from deep within the darkness, and Cerulean found himself no longer falling. He could see an alicorn approaching, though he was incredibly difficult to see as his coat was jet black. His mane was white like his own, minus the teal streak and his wings were massive, each feather tinged with white at the ends. As a whole he was much larger than Cerulean, and his cutie mark was a set of scales. "You sacrificed yourself to save your greatest enemy. Why?” Cerulean dropped his gaze, staring into the black.

“Everypony deserves a second chance.” The alicorn raised an eyebrow as he continued. “After seeing Bangles again I realized that she was fighting a war inside, just as I had. It may have been for different reasons, and she may have made it known in terrible ways, but I know that no matter how far gone I was, I’d want somepony to reach out to me, and Twilight did. I wanted to show that grace to somepony else, I guess.” The alicorn walked over and tapped his horn to the necklace, causing it to shine.

"Your compassion speaks greatly with much more articulation than your words, Cerulean. You are indeed the seventh element, and the gift of a second chance I bequeath unto you." The light emanating from the necklace grew increasingly bright, banishing the darkness around him and lifting Cerulean from the abyss. He set his sights on the sky above, the meadow returning once more to life as he rose above it.

Twilight clung to Cerulean’s still form, oblivious to the blood that had matted to her coat. The Elements of Harmony had restored Bangles, who lay unconscious a short distance away, but she couldn’t even begin to be happy with the trade. No matter how she looked at it, she had failed.

“Cerulean, I’m so sorry...” she whispered. A sudden increase in warmth caused her to start, Cerulean’s body quickly becoming coated in soft violet flames as his necklace changed from silver to gold. His wounds began to close, the burns healing and his coat regrowing. Even the scars from her outburst disappeared under the purifying blaze, and her heart was again filled with hope as he opened his eyes, gazing fondly at her.

“Well done, Twilight.” Relief, adoration and love flowed down from her eyes as they held each other, relieved that the battle was over. Bangles let out a moan as she came to, setting everypony but Cerulean on edge. He slowly stood and drew close to her, and expecting a beating she closed her eyes, knowing that she would deserve every blow. Instead she felt herself encircled by his hooves, her second half no longer present to twist the sincerity of his words. “Bangles, it’s over. You don’t have to fight anymore.” Twilight came to join the hug as Bangles fell to pieces, unwilling to restrain the cavalcade of emotions that tumbled down upon her as she found an acceptance and forgiveness that she never believed she could ever have.

* * * * * One Month Later * * * * *

“Twilight, are you feelin’ all right?” Twilight shook her head as she munched on the fruit Applejack had brought. She’d noticed a steady increase in her appetite, and it was beginning to show around her stomach. It embarrassed her to no end, and try though she might, exercise did little to help. In fact, she’d felt kind of under the weather for a few weeks now. “Why don’t you run down t’ the clinic and get checked out? Come on, I’ll go with ya.”

With a sigh she dragged herself off the couch and made they made their way through town. Bangles had left about a week after the battle, returning to Canterlot to have an audience with the princess. Celestia had her set up with a job and a small apartment so she could begin rebuilding her life away from her father, who was immediately jailed upon her confession of witnessing his crimes. Cerulean was as active as ever, eagerly helping her with her studies in magic and friendship. They had some clashes as they adjusted to living with one another, but in the end she couldn’t hope for a better relationship.

Due to the lack of patients that day, Nurse Redheart immediately led them back to a room and began the examination. As she pulled out the stethoscope and checked Twilight’s heart, her hoof slipped and it came to rest upon the mare’s stomach. Twilight cocked her head to the side as Redheart gave a shocked expression before busting into a cheery grin.

“Uh, what’s with the look, Nurse Redheart? Do you know what’s wrong with me?”

“Oh, Twilight, there’s nothing wrong with you. Let me be the first to say congratulations! Oh, this is so exciting!”

“Uh, Nurse Redheart? Could ya try makin’ some sense?” Redheart beckoned Applejack over and stuck the stethoscope to her ears, moving the receiver again to Twilight’s abdomen. Applejack recoiled back and shook her head, flabbergasted.

“You and Cerulean... already Twi? I knew you two was movin’ too fast, but that’s just too much!” she exclaimed, blushing deeply. Frustrated with the enigmatic reactions she grabbed the stethoscope and gave it a listen, her eyes growing wide as she heard the sound of a second heartbeat.

“I’m... I’m!..”

“Congratulations, Twilight Sparkle. You’re pregnant!”

Landing on a low flying cloud, Cerulean surveyed the town, hoping to spot Twilight. He cracked open the jewelry box to make sure for the hundredth time that the order had be made to perfection. He saw Twilight burst from the clinic doors, frantically scanning around her, and he immediately began to worry about what the doctor had said. Whatever it was, she didn’t look very happy, and this suspicion was confirmed as she saw him land and tackled him to the ground.

“What did you do to me?” she bellowed, completely beside herself. She wasn’t angry, or even slightly upset, she just had no idea how to handle the news that she was now with child. What would happen to her studies, her library? And what about romance?

“Actually, I’m glad you asked. I have a present for you,” Cerulean quipped, ignoring her obvious discontent and grabbing the box once more.

“Oh, you already gave me a pretty big present, thank you. You can keep that one to yourself!” she huffed, sitting up and regarding Cerulean’s crestfallen face with annoyance. He slowly rose, and stared at her for a moment before speaking in a quiet voice.

“I just wanted to ask if you would m...”

“Mate with you?” she interjected, cutting him off. “Too late buster, you’ve already had your fun. And you better be ready to take responsibility for our child!” The box fell from his hooves, opening as it hit the ground to reveal a beautiful platinum band inlaid with a diamond and two sapphires. Twilight’s breath caught as she realized what he had been meaning to say, and she desperately wanted reverse the flow of time. “Cerulean, is this?..” He stooped slowly to pick up the box, smiling as he did so. The idea of having a child posed no fear for Cerulean, only excitement for the future, and he locked eyes with her as he completed his inquiry, offering the box to her.

“Twilight Sparkle, will you marry me?” He slowly lifted her hoof and slipped the ring on. It fit perfectly, as if it had always been there, and Twilight wrapped her hooves around his neck and held him tight, smiling through the tears.

“If you would have me, Cerulean, then the answer is yes.”

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Comments ( 106 )

For those that cried "mary-sue" I humbly offer an alternate ending, which upon review fits much better into the tone I set with the rest. Honestly, I prefer the alt ending, and my future stories that take place here will be based off of it, but both endings will stay posted. And for those wondering? Yes, I plan to write a comedy fic about Twilight's pregnancy, but I do not know when I will get to it since most of my time is spent on "The Risks of Braving a Storm." thanks for reading, everypony! :twilightsmile:

Much more suitable ending. Kudos!

Indeed. This ending is so much better. And it explains Bangles' actions :pinkiecrazy:

Excellent work. :yay:

yes this is better and i will look forward to your comedy fic

So odd that you would put Bangles in very different light after you've explained that you have based her off your ex-wife.

This version of bangles is rather less based off of her and more just a character I created. If I had to give a justification for it, I'd have to say I'm torn between wanting retribution (the first ending) and recognizing that it's possible she acted the way she did for a reason (second ending). Like I said, I have no idea to be sure, but I really do want to be able to look her in eyes and honestly say that I've forgiven her. And if given the choice between revenge and redemption, I'll choose redemption.


Then, if you don't mind me saying this: give her a call and tell her that. Your ex-wife I mean.

very nice ending, but i liked the previous one better!
i hadnt even expected an alternate ending!
keep up the good work!

but still to un-canon for my taste. as for the torpedeo-ing like you said: i'm sorry. i never meant to let it sound that harsh, it was just my honest opinion.

the un-canon issue with these wings and curleans magical abilitys: yea, it was, but that's okay for fanfics, it isn't to drastic. to use the elements against "normal" enemys or to alter them to 7 elements: that is to much ^^

and like i said before, the story was good untill the ending, so your writing abilitys are over average. keep up that work and tag you storys with alternate universe, so we expect something drastic like that. because i would say that this was the main problem. if your readers could have expected to read about an oc-hero, i don't think someone would have complained about your seventh element ^^

I am aware that this needs a much needed mass edit. I wrote this whole thing in wordpad, which is likely the worst possible option. I was planning on going through this and fixing the multitude of mistakes before posting "Unplanned," but OminousBrony wanted it up pronto, so... yeah. I will be fixing these. :facehoof:

I like this one too, although I like the other one better, your opinion matters too. Also, this is a much better ending for sequels.

Rating and cake, as well as the internets are still yours.

365415 Meh, what can I say? I wasn't a pre-reader for him yet, so I didn't have to care! xD Rude of me, yes, but I already spend an ungodly amount of time every single day pre-reading. Aren't I allowed to just read something, not having to care about grammar or words or stuff like that?

0-0 what does that face mean? I am being legitamate

366708 The first reply is a response to the first half of your comment, and the second reply is a response to the second half of your comment! :pinkiehappy: 4.9 moustache faces!
The face means ":pinkiegasp: Twilight adopts Trixie... da fuq? :rainbowhuh:"

366769 I believe I have now fixed all of the errors you have pointed out. Thank you for helping me make this an easier read. :twilightsmile:

Gratz, I now no longer hate your OC, I hate you for making this chapter.

I'd say it was the reason for the villain's existence, if I actually knew why the villain existed to begin with!

Seriously, not only have you just invalidated the reason for the existence of that shitty seventh Element of Harmony, but you managed to completely undermine the villain! You gave answers to questions that didn't exist!

The problem wasn't the villain, it's your mother-bucking shitty Marty Stu OC and unnecessary seventh Element of Harmony! He was a tolerable Stu up until he became the bearer of a completely new Element that is more powerful than all the other Elements!

Now all I can do is stare at this story and ask the damn-near dozen questions that exist now because of the gaping plotholes this chapter made.

Who is Spikeflail?
Where did Spikeflail come from?
What is Spikeflails motives?
How and Why is it that Bangle's eye color changes depending on which half of her is in control?
Why is it that no indication of Bangles' split personality disorder even exists is ever given until this chapter?
Why did Spikeflail curse Cerulean in the first place?
How did Spikeflail/Bangles get access to even information on such forbidden magic, not to mention the materials for it?

This chapter is not an improvement. You just redirected my anger at you. Have a thumbs-down. :facehoof:

370587 370768

Yeah. I say your opinion means jack shit. You don't even sound like you read the story, and if you did you obviously paid no bucking attention to it. I would appreciate it if you would kinda STFU and GTFO

SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage: other than that....IT WAS BUCKING AWESOME!!!!! 7/5 STACHES :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

Check out "The Risks of Braving a Storm." Not a direct sequel, but Twilight and Cerulean play a part in it. Also in the midst of writing a fic about Twilight's pregnancy, called "Unplanned Parenthood," first four chapters are up. Thanks for reading! :twilightsmile:

weird.... I still feel some small Mary-Sueing from this ending.... less than the original ending mind you but..... having a Third Alicorn who has the power to bring your OC back to life..... that's still somehow Mary-Sueing and of course the 7th element

I won't deny that, but the seventh element thing, as of yet, hasn't even been mentioned since if that's any comfort. Nor has the alicorn. So, should you choose to continue and read my other stories, you can expect to not see these elements present, as they caused the most displeasure. :twilightoops:

My final review:
I have enjoyed this fic far more than I first expected! In my opinion EVERYTHING was perfect: the imagery, the emotions, the plot devices, the vocab, the spelling and, my personal favorite, the crazy twists and turns!

All in all 10/10! I congratulate you sir on an amazing fic.:pinkiehappy:

WHY ANYONE DISLIKE THIS STORY? AHGH.... the race part I can understand though.

Edit: This ending makes me like the story alot more.

Hey, new picture, alright.

my god........ this story gave me a heartbeat, something I have never felt this strong in my life. :heart:

620275 The other OCs, Lemon and Bangles, both play a part both in this story and ones to come. I try to have a reason behind everything, so if there's an OC, there's a purpose.

640373 He does happen to cry a lot, and actually, I'm currently completely re-writing 21-24 atm, and he confronts that, admitting to himself that he never used to, but for some reason Twilight just seems to bring it out. He toughens up throughout the rest of the fics I think, though. :twilightsmile:

643512 As is stated in the description, all that is currently being worked on. Even though it says "Ch.1-16" done it means the content. My editor is slowly working back through all of the chapters, as he wasn't around until story two. This was my first story ever written. I literally just sat down and started writing, so I'm not surprised it's got issues. :facehoof: Also note that 21-24 are going to change drastically, so if you, like many others, read the end and go "Wtf..." Well, it's being worked on. On another note, glad you are enjoying it! :twilightsmile:

315610 I agree with you on the endings and find you to be a writer of more than epicly-awesome-over-the-top proportions!:pinkiehappy:
I cannot express enough how much of a fan of your stories I am already!
(even though you have horrible grammar) You know how to write a story, you have my watch from now on.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Very good. The Magic Hobo approves.

Carry On

668281 Well, how many people actually try to remember Big Mac?

The newish story picture makes me think you're high.

694362 Trust me, the "true" ending which is in development right now because I'm fully aware the first two are rushed and lacking will feature 0 gary stu, and minimal amounts of cheese. Also, no seventh element shenanigans. I apologize for the current endings. :facehoof:

May I make a suggestion? You talk about a second chance; maybe the 7th element should be Forgiveness instead of love, because Kindness kind of covers that.

702753 Uh... all of my stories are OC shipping. That's kind of the point. If that's not your thing, you may wish to turn away now. :twilightoops:

This alternative ending was better. As canon of the show dictates, everything is made right (and the originally ending didn't do anything to help poor Bangles...). And right, it wasn't so much "Mary-sue," so the chapter was that much more enjoyable. I kinda missed the whole imaginary voice of Tyrael yelling off Cerulean's lines though :C

I know I'm late to this story but I just stumbled on this story and oh man is it great. Just great, I stayed up to 3:00am reading this. Great work.

703224 Sure they are good ideas... but there is no honor in tricking your opponents, YOU HONORLESS DOG!

708315 Hahaha, that's fuckin' funny, you're a comedian.

Besides... love leads to jealousy, jealousy leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.

To tell the truth I didn't like previous ending, bit overdramatic and mary-sue as you said yourself but this
Well it's certainly great ending for a great story.
You have a gift with words, thanks for taking us all for this little adventure with Cerulean and Twilight.

Ow... you posted a few sequels with Twi's friends.
Onward to another story. Huzzah!

this is a better ending then the last one but it feels rushed the action is more realistic in the context of the story but doesn't have the passion and kick to it that the other did. also really glad you didn't make Cerulean so OP that he is the only one that can save equestria but still he is too op for an oc sry im out... the wing thing is what really got me he uses it too much you might have just as well made him an alicorn, i really wanted to like this it started so well but he just got more and more ridiculous and it makes me sad because this had potential to be a good OC fic but it turned into a generic gary stu. :fluttershysad:

So I just spent all day at work reading this and I'm now off in twenty minutes. Thanks for that. Also to all the people crying mary sue or gary stu, I have one thing to say:


This story was well written, action, romance, and held my attention for 5 solid hours until I finished it. THAT is the mark of quality writing, not whether or not it has a mary su or gary stu, two character likenesses that guess what, EXIST IN ALL FICTION.:flutterrage:

To the author, good work and keep it up.

So, is this story fully edited ? I really love it but I don't want to finish before it's totally perfect :3

826507 It's... likely not even close... I've been looking back on it, and thinking about it, and there's probably a lot that's going to get changed. But it's edited enough that you can read the other stories. After I finish "Song of Whispers," my most recent story, I'm not releasing a new one until I'm finished working on this one, at which point I will post a blog and let everypony know what's up.

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