Hey all. Sorry my stuff's taking a while, I've been down lately. I lost my job a few weeks back and it kinda hit me hard. That being said, the update for one and the possible beginning of another is coming.
I don't know how to explain it... I guess It feels like emptiness mixed with loneliness. It's like I'm missing something in my life. Today I went to work, feeling alright. I was talking to my Co workers and everything was fine, But right when I got home, All these feels started to get to me for some reason. I also don't feel like doing what I love everyday when I get home from work(Video games, Youtube.) I'm just not feelin' it tonight I guess. It feels like I need to cry, but I don't...
Four years old with my back to the door
All I could hear was the family war
Your selfish hands always expecting more
Am I your child or just a charity ward?
You have a hollowed out heart
But it's heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it but it's hopeless
Hopeless, you're hopeless
Oh, father, please, father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh, father, please, father
Put the bottle down
Well shit here we go again. Maybe i really should go see a shrink. Cause what I've been doing hasn't been working. But then again? What good is talking to a doctor going to do? They can listen. But all they'll do to "help" is tell you shit you already know or put you on drugs. I don't want either of those and I'm cool smoking pot. Though the fact still remains? I suffer because of my depression. My writing suffers. My Youtube channel suffers. My mood suffers.
I don't want to say I speak for everyone. I don't think I can even speak for anyone else. I just want to share what depression is to me.
It's not just feeling sad. It isn't about having pain. Being alone is only a small part.
Depression is a hole. It's a pit. Walls so steep there is no purchase. A bottom so deep no light reaches it.
It's been three weeks since my family and I moved back to Houston and things are not going great. Right now my mom and I are having a difficult time trying to adjust our new home and my dad is doing everything he can to support our family since he's the only who's working. My sisters on the other hand are not giving a damn about the situation since they are always on their phones all day. And since I lost my job back in Austin, I can't do anything to help my parents out with the bills. But
So sad right now.
I even changed my avatar.
Fire Donnie Nelson.
I don't care if it wasn't your fault Donnie, someone needs to take the fall.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, what am I doing with me life. Fool me four times, lets just end it already.
#FreeDirk
It's been a full year since I lost my dad, as of Yesterday (07/23/23). I honestly was numb the entire day. Like my mind couldn't cope with that many emotions and trying to comprehend the reality of death just was too much for my brain yesterday. Therefore the numbness and lack of talking. Also why I was offline yesterday. I only cried 1 time yesterday, not long after I woke up. The rest of the day was numbness and the occasional phone call/message from a relative on his side of my family. Still
I'm sorry to say this. It's not anybody's fault. It's just that I'm in a bit of a depressive state. I don't want to project my feelings onto others or manipulate anybody when I say this, but I've made a lot of mistakes and screw-ups today and I don't think that I'm ever going to improve no matter what I do, because I personally think that all I ever do is mess things up and ruin others' lives. You don't have to feel bad for me or anything. I just need your opinion on whether I should or
So I've discovered if you put fresh cut up broccoli at the bottom of a deep but medium small plastic bowl then cover it with torn up a couple times large bits of sourdough bread, then frozen chicken pre-sliced precooked, then a generous but not gratuitous layer of fresh I.E needs to be refrigerated Parmesan cheese, maybe a little bit of dried onions and garlic and some barbecue sauce, and put it in the microwave for 5 minutes, it's fucking delicious and the waters and oils in the other products
Sometimes I just want things to be alright. Sometimes I just want things to be simple. Sometimes I just want to do what's right. Sometimes we all make mistakes. Sometimes we all get a bit mad.
And sometimes I just want it to all to stop.
I couldn't sleep. I needed to get this off my mind.
Earlier today, I went to a Twitch stream featuring some of the major members of the group The Good Hie List. Writers like Flammenwerfer, Anonpencil, and numerous others were on a Skype call just answering random questions and talking about whatever topic happened to come to mind.
That's right! I am back and am working on Chapter 6 of 'A Dragon's Depression'!!!!
Sorry for over a year delay, but I had general life to deal with and I hope you can forgive me 
Chapter 6 will be up soon!!!!
Hey, FireRain?
What?
Where have you been? There's been no updates for a while!
I've been pretending to be dead.
It happened.
The test results have finally come back and my father indeed has a malignant tumor in his lung. It has been stated that he will have to go through surgery or chemo and radiation therapy, which he will be going through starting this week. Today he begins both with a vicious cycle to try and get rid of this. The upside? He doesn't seem to be as affected, or he just doesn't understand the severity of the situation. The downside? I am having a hard time breathing and not crying.
So, I have the first few pages of a new story. It's barely related to the story I said I was working on a few months ago, except that it's a story about magical talking horses. Hope you're ready for another trip into Sweetie Belle's head.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” I said, lighting up my cigarette and drawing the smoke into me, ash burning my throat as smoke filled my lungs, and I blew it all out into Bright Lights’ dumb face. “I never wanted to see you again, either.”
I am seriously considering Discarding my Chronicles of Light storylines.
No one seems to notice them. Or pay them any mind whatsoever. They're outshined by stories like War of Two Worlds or my Shadows Continuity stories.
The thing is, COL was meant to be my primary story. The backbone of my library. Everything else was secondary.
It's a shame too. I had big plans for it. I made an entirely original universe with gods and monsters and aliens!
Yet no one even sees it.......
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