Dear "Gabby Gums", aka Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom,
Thank you. Thank you for lifting the veil of overbearing stiffness and demolishing the deified stature ponies have long held me to as a peak in standards.
Finally I get to see myself portrayed in a non-glamorous light thanks to you three, and whoever you hired as your photographer. Because hey, I love cake, and don't mind eating it without magic or letting things get messy. Everypony always assumed I ate my meals with a level of dignity, and I do for formal dinner parties with ponies I need to act proper for. But outside of those stuffy arrangements, I'm just like any other pony.
Except now I have a small problem. As is the case with all news, every noble in Canterlot misinterpreted that and decided to give me cake. Like, all the cake from the bakeries here, and I think some imported fruitcake I can use as a doorstop. I'm swimming in so much cake, frosting, and fruity filling I could hold a day-long cake festival in town where everypony is invited and I would STILL have enough pounds of sugar slices left over to feed all of Ponyville for a week.
Just because I like something doesn't mean I like being flooded with it until I can't get the smell of vanilla out of my nose, and as much as this feels like something I'm sure Pinkie would greatly appreciate, I don't when I can't even walk around my castle without having to eat my way through some of it.
There's cake on the walls, cake lining the halls, even upside-downs hanging from the roof like sweet disco balls. And it all has to be gone before the motherlode of ants comes for the feast of their tiny lifetimes. I can't eat it all by myself; my guards have already eaten more than their fill, and Luna's eaten so much she's bloated to the size of a fat watermelon. I'm in a similar predicament, but can't leave my bed. I think it's creaking under the weight.
Thus, in congratulations for your pinpoint-accurate coverage of my cake-eating habit, whatever cake we don't finish by today you'll get in a shipment tomorrow. It's the least I can do to reward such honest reporting, and who knows, it might be your next headline. "Tiny Reporters Get Their Just Desserts" sounds fantastic.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Luna? Hang on, I'll open the door and--dear gods, you ate more?!
No, Luna, you need to get off this floor of the tower immediately. It wasn't designed to hold the weight of two elephants, let alone--
Did you hear that? That cracking sound. It's--oh no. Luna, hold onto your rolls. NO, not the sweet rolls, the fat ones! We're going down the express elevator.
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that ending, damn, just damn
Yes! this is one of the best ones so far! The comment about the express elevator is probably what makes it even better.
Probably the best "Just Desserts" joke ever. Oh Luna
love the ending
I think this is my favorite letter so far. Many writers can write , but not many can write her well enough to be really clever in turns of phrase and puns without making her seem like a complete jerk.
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I concur with the others. One of the best chapters yet.
Time for some exercise and a strict diet.
5749104
This letter right here is easily in my top three favorites so far.
This also marks the first letter where I rewatched the episode after seeing that cake line in the transcript just to get a grasp on what the photo in the paper looked like.
And once I saw it, I KNEW what had to be done for this.
5749105 That picture. I could feel the ship "Are Hurting" taking off on its revendouz mission when I saw it.
This came to mind: A Slice of Life
Sister! We require more cheetos!!
Luna's putting on some weight, eh? Hope she can work it off.
Also, that punishment for the Crusaders is hilarious. Flood 'em with cake, Tia. Give them their "just desserts" indeed!
This. There was almost something Seussian about that line.
5749413
Now this is a hilarious letter! Not only did you have Celestia thank the CMC and not act like a jerk like the other ponies did in the episode, but you put humor into the letter, which caused me to stop and laugh before continuing on. When that happens, you have successfully launched my sides in the orbit.
Did they get cakes from Willy Wonka's factory?
Death by cake. Oh my. Poor Luna...
5749505
I will neither confirm nor deny the Seussian likeness of that line.
What I will say is I felt like throwing in a bit of rhyme there for fun, and I liked how it turned out.
Heck, I enjoy how this entire letter turned out. Really should try to make more like this.
It should be physically impossible that by eating more of the cake already up there with them they break the ceiling. Matter can not be created or destroyed! Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that Discord and Pinkie Pie had something to do with it. This has their sticky hoof prints all over it!
5749966 If they'd eaten cake from a lower floor before they went up, it becomes possible.
But your explanation works too.
5750326 Psst! Just between you and me, I didn't say that because it wouldn't have been nearly as funny. In other words, I was joking.
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This about sums it up.
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Theres more Im sure
This is the best letter yet!
Absolutely loved it!
I can picture the amended conversation between the ponies.
TWILIGHT: "Celestia, Just Like Us."? Well, not anymore, that's fur s-
PINKIE: *Insert image akin to that of a squishy mountain attempting to jump-rope*
TWILIGHT: ...not like MOST of us.
5750299
regenerator for kindky dom.
Parasites for...well, you know.
One of the best ones yet!
That express elevator though!
5750084 Yes
5747836 Damn it! I was drinking when I read that!
this chapter will forever be my favorite
I'm fucking crying laughing.
5749919 it sounded like he didn't mean it that way.
i may have been stupid tired at that time, idk. i've been editing a lot and it makes my brain break.
The pudge has been doubled!
5755441 Heh. I guess no one is really sure.
5753365
5751818
^
I know two ponies getting treadmills this Hearth's Warming!
5749781
What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
Eating as much as an elephant eats.
What are you at getting terribly fat?
What do you think will come of that?
I don't like the look of it!
:D
They should send all that cake to the moon so it will freeze and be preserved for later eating after the apocalypse.
"What do you mean you had to use a container field on Pinkie PIe?"
"It was that or her eating so much cake she would have a heart attack."
"Yeah, cause her using that bubble you put her into to bounce around all town was sooo much better!"
Just send all the cake to another kingdom as a 'gift'. Gets rid of the cake, and potentially strengthens political ties!
]---[ The stomach of The Pink One is never ending and the hunger shall consume all in her wake. ]---[
- The Book of Pinkism
Why didn't they just call in Pinkie Pie? The cakes would be gone in a matter of seconds.
FLY Princesses! FLY!
*they flap small wings*
Somepony is gonna bounce like a rubber ball.
Oh snaps
That's alright, we'll just forcefeed Diamond Tiara and if she refuses break a new story 'Local Filly Refuses Gift from Princess'
5749899 Am I the only one who thinks you should write The Book of Pinkism as your next project? I mean, you have until Season 6 comes out. That would be some seriously funny shit.
6056549
6754589 I'd follow it. Got my face splitting grin practiced and ready to roll.
6433546 That's how you get ants!- archer