Dear Princess Cadance,
I received your notice a few days ago, and I will state for the record that I completely understand your concerns after you received a box filled with a bunch of R.A.P.I.S.T. cards with my face plastered all over them. Out of context, I will not fault you for the action you took as a result. Believe me, if I had received such a disturbing box of material sent from your home, I would definitely take some precautionary measures before I even approached you on the subject. Although I would not go to your extreme measure.
Which is what this letter’s getting to. I formally request that you revoke the restraining order asking me to not approach the outer limits of the Crystal Empire and to stay at least a mile away from Flurry Heart, which is incidentally somewhat larger than the outer limits. To this end, I also ask for forgiveness for causing such undue stress on you in this time of overprotective motherhood.
You know I love you, Cadance. With all my heart I love you as an aunt and a mentor. And I do love your daughter, just not in a weird werewolf-y sort of way. Because that’s just extremely awkward, and not at all what I’m trying to get at here. The point is that I would never do such a thing to your daughter, or to anypony else. It’s a despicable crime that I could never see myself doing, no matter how likely you seem to think it so.
As for the cards, they are also not at all what they appear to be. They belong to a company in my city with an acronym that’s as terribly conceived as they are efficient with their work. Did you know this company actually managed to score me a timeshare on the Hayman Islands? I get to spend an entire week there! Well, assuming I arrange the travel to and from and do so when I get word of its availability, which as of yet hasn’t happened because ponies keep reserving it like the real estate sharks they are…
But I’ll find the right timeslot. I’ll get it one day.
Ahem. Anyway, I’m sure once you take the time to look into both of these investment and timeshare companies, you’ll realize just how huge of a misunderstanding all of this was. Again, I understand how you jumped to the conclusion you did. But now that you have enough reasonable context to nullify this order… well, you can fill in the rest from there.
Also, if it’s not too much trouble, could this issue be resolved by the end of the month? I have about three cartloads of gifts to send your way, and would like to personally deliver them and see all of the ‘aww’-inducing giggles and baby snorts I’ve been missing since a few weeks ago.
And please, don’t refuse the gifts. Some of them aren’t even my own—nobles are already approaching me with some of their own toys and trinkets for Flurry Heart to enjoy, no doubt to kiss our hooves and curry favor as usual.
One of these gifts is a golden pacifier. Hang on, the inside of this sounds hollow. There’s a little hinge and door on the tip, but I can’t quite get it open. I don't want to send you any gifts that I don't know everything about beforehoof, so I'll look over the gifts one more time before I get them prepared to send to your castle.
Thank you for your time and understanding regarding the other very important matter here. Hopefully I'll speak with you in person soon.
Love and deepest apologies,
Princess Celestia
Alright, pacifier. How do I get you open?! My hooves can’t work your foul hinge, so you must require a great deal of dexterity and precision!
...I have it! Heh, clever. Alright, tongue, it’s time for you to go to work.
Mmgh… almoh goh ih...uh…
H-Hello Luna! I… erm, what did you see?
No, I was NOT sucking on this pacifier! I was working a weird lock on it with my tongue and… well, it’s been difficult. Do you want to try?
...okay, how did you do that so fast? And more importantly, can you teach me?
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Because it's funny.
Poor, poor Celestia. That is hilarious.
Like
How Luna
Just
HOW?!
7162414
"I asked her that after she taught me.
She learned it from a cunning linguist."
7162414
Luna has been spending a lot of time with Twilight... Alone... with a copy of a certain book.
7162431
I wonder what foul poison was hidden within that pacifier? Which noble was behind this most recent attempt at regicide?
I can only imagine what Luna can do with cherry stems. I think that may be how they made the Gordian Knot.
Also, I suppose magic wasn't an option?
Whoever made that pacifier needs a whack in the head.
... Why oh WHY can't we upvote both chapters AND the story?!
7162419 Well, I guess we know which way the barn door swings for her now
I guess the next question to be answered is "is Luna narcissistic enough to hit on Moony?"
Awkward explanations are awkward.
Like the one Luna now owes Celestia about her love life.
7163803 You are confusing 'should' with 'has to'. Ever hear of the French Revolution? That was thanks to nobles just seizing things all the time. It happened more than you might think.
7163702 I think people are reading a BIT much into this... Till we get Word of TOM, I am going to just treat it as a hilarious play on words.
7163702
"What love life? You mean with her linguist?
Because as far as I know, that hasn't mounted anything yet..."
7164007 that's bad and you should feel bad
7164007 Waithalfamomment... isn't her linguist/speech coach Ms. Harshwhinny?! The only speech coach able to not only brave Luna's shouts, but who also terrifies the moon out of her? Okay, this begs another question; Where would SHE learn such a skill?!
7165109 her marefriend? tongue technique is everything.
Bonus bonus is good just like Moon Moon since you have two Lunas.
i.makeagif.com/media/1-11-2014/myaX8u.gif
For Equus sake don't show Tia any tongue tricks, you'll regret it.
static1.e621.net/data/69/fc/69fcfba2dad5dd7b6705f42e5c6961b2.gif
Plot twist: Cadance actually knows that the cards are for a timeshare company and that's the reason she won't let Celestia anywhere near her kingdom or her daughter.
Celestia was sucked in by a timeshare scam... I wouldn't want her around my kid either.
Shame.
Shame.