My darling Cadance,
The Crystal Ponies have been out of the loop for over a millenium, and I know you've been having problems getting them to adjust to some of the more modern societal standards and technology. Your latest introduction of fans into their life was of noble intent, even if it backfired from the reams of responses you lamented to me.
"ALL of them claimed it was a horrid generator of torrential stormy winds and water that make this awful noise within their homes! For land's sake, they're not even the ones used at the Wonderbolt Academy! Just the personal-size ones you sent me from Canterlot with the mist spray!"
Gods help you when you get around to toasters with them.
Now, I do understand why you needed to take a day off from their painfully slow and steady lifestyle. But that's also why you need to get them up to speed, especially since they have a station on the railroad as a prime tourist town. I know you've been dealing with more tourists than I usually get, but that's what happens when a town just suddenly reappears on the map again. Give it a few years--it'll wind down soon, hopefully.
Until then, make sure they're aware of technology like those fans existing in other towns, and especially of those that carry such technology on their person--I don't want to hear of complaints from nobles having their cameras broken for "blinding witchcraft shenanigans" again. I'm quite thankful you managed to get them used to trains, although admittedly hearing them called "whining, screeching iron demons" was hilarious at the time.
A-Ahem. Anyway, it sounds like you had an... interesting time hanging out with Twilight. And Discord. Curiously, I looked up that Blue Flu you say he mentioned, and it is a real disease. Not too contagious, but I'll tell Twilight to keep an eye on those that contracted it, including monitoring her own status. Thus, I warn you as well: if you see signs of intense swelling and bloating of rounded proportions, as well as an intensifying blue hue, let me know as soon as possible. I know someone who can fix it.
With love,
Princess Celestia
Oooh, I know that popping sound. Discord, what are you doing he--YE GODS!
What happened to you? I know Cadance mentioned you received some well-earned karma, but did an elder dragon sneeze on you or something?
Tatzlwurm? Close enough, but euuugh, keep your distance from me. I do not want to catch that stuff.
Discord, get a hankie! Actually, leave out the balcony! Don't you DARE sneeze in my room and--
I hate you SO much right now, you don't even know. You don't. Just... just get OUT of here!
Oh please, stars above, don't have Luna visit right now--
LUNA, DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR! QUARANTINE ZONE!
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Obviously Celestia doesn't know of the health bubble. Very nifty spell of Cadance's -- it is obvious Twi and her rubbed off on each other.
... Why would the Crystal Ponies need fans in the frozen North?
... Should I be reminded of a certain chocolate factory with a certain chewing gum?
Yeah, I definitely do not want to see Discord sneezing on other ponies after getting infected by a Tatzlwurm saliva. If it can infect the spirit of chaos, I don't want to know what it can do to alicorns or even ordinary ponies.
Ermahgerd! Pinkie Pride chapter coming soon!
Reminds me of this short comic
derpicdn.net/img/2014/1/31/539097/large.png
5920645
"Once Sombra was defeated, the cold had faded away, and the land around the Empire had become about as temperate as the rest of Equestria. Not entirely though--the land still generates its own Winter without Pegasi aid. However, since snow is no longer the permanent climate, the Crystal Empire is subject to the seasons once more.
Including their first summer in a thousand years."
5920645
Well inside the Crystal Empires Barrier isn't cold. Also, even if it was a fan even on low setting is good for air circulation and helping get rid of lingering smells. Or helping get smoke out of a kitchen where they just burnt whatever they were cooking as well as the smell of the burnt food.
5920676
Ouch, that'd leave them with dick-all for heat tolerance.
5920681 They then screamed that the toaster was the devil and claimed their bread for it's satanic rituals.
Yeah, when your very anatomy is an inflexible mineral lattice, you're not going to adapt to change well.
Also, why do I get the feeling that Celestia's contact with Blue Flu experience is a confectioner of some kind?
5920716
"He has a way with candy that's a mixture of immense tastefulness and filled with wonder. Curiously good singing voice too.
But if you feel like visiting his factory, a word of advice:
Don't get on the boat."
Snot everywhere
5920645 what if someone farts? also, fans are an integral part of many heating systems, and to them seventy-five degrees might feel a bit too hot if they're anything like me.
5920738 I find it funny that the boat was apparently the least dangerous part of wonka's factory.
5920645 The Empire is kept in a tropical artificial environment in a massive dome
5920654 Well, given that the breath of the Tatzlwurm from OUR legends (yes, it exists) is immediately lethal to any and all lifeforms... well, you do the math.
Incidentally, regarding the title of the chapter, it's not always true. There's a thing called (appropriately enough) herd immunity, where widespread infection won't occur if enough of a group are immune.
5921174
I ain't Luna. I can't do that.
I thought that the tracks were there before. And that's what anyone who heard a train for the first time would think.
5921251 Yes, but if the group is from a thousand years ago (or just plain stupid, as can be seen today IRL), and therefore not immune...
Could be worse. They could've been jailed for stealing souls with those cameras.
5920664
I imagine that letter will go something like this:
"Oh gods there's two of them! And the other one's a male! THEY CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO BREED!"
Dear Princess Luna,
I wanted to ask, is there any magic to make wings grow? I mean, there is a spell to give earth ponies and unicorns wings, so making wings grow should be easier that creating wings out of nothing, right? And in case there is not, could you help me get some hormonal supplements or something? Maybe direct me to the right Doctor. I think I can afford one, since Rainbow Dash adopted me as her sister, or so she says. And in case she can't pay, Twilight Sparkle is a princess, she could loan whatever of her royal pay she doesn't use to cover the "Ponyville screwups" to give me the right medical treatment, right?
Your faithful subject.
Scootaloo
PS: My ballet troupe is dancing in Canterot next week, here are two tickets, one for you and other for anypony you want to bring in. This is not a bribe, and please don't let Diamond Tiara or Rainbow Dash find out I do something so girly as ballet.
5922048 Don't worry. I'll take care of Mr. Sandwich. Me and Cheese need to talk about his unnatural closeness to one of my 2 waifus. You don't want to know what happened to that Unicorn who tried to get near AJ. Let's just say there is a reason Sweet Apple Acres is the only apple farm with trees that can make Zap Apples.
5922199
I believe the cake contained *despair*...
5923417 This is true. My bully got me to snap one day. So I went to chem lab and whipped up a certain pretty well known knock out liquid, applied it to a rag, knocked the jerk out, picked the lock on a random locker, and locked him in it on a Friday. I told the janitor, who I was friends with and helped her clean up everyday the whole story, so being basically a paladin in terms of her scene of justice and knowing this fuck broke a 6th grade girl's fingers once just cuz, she let him out at about 3 in the morning the next day. Dude never bulled anyone ever again. Mission success.
5922048
5923205 I don't remember which letter it was mentioned in, but I'm certain the cake didn't use despair in the recipe. If you manage to find the reference for it, I will definitely be grateful. I want to keep track of the various foodstuffs that Luna and Celestia have developed. I would go search for it myself, but laziness and 80+ different letters to look through...
5923205
5925064
Moon Cake Surprise was mentioned in the Green is Somepony's Color letter, but I didn't say what was in it, because that would ruin the surprise.
5925064 click the static.fimfiction.net/images/icons/html.png icon (next to the "incomplete" tag) for the whole story in one convenient file.
Willy Wonka?
5982684 Either him or the Oompa Loompas.
... Am I the only one who noticed she said someONE instead of somePONY?
7157397
Well, the chapter involved Discord, who is arguably not a pony.