Crystal Princess Cadance,
Dear gods, that sounds tacky. Do I really have to call you that?
Anyway, I write this to you to bring both good news and bad. You'll want to sit down for the bad news, so I'll just start with the good first.
The good news is I can maybe bargain the murder charge down to involuntary slaughter. The bad news is the Crystal Empire is being charged with the murder of Sombra.
I know what you're thinking. "But he was an evil tyrant that enslaved the crystal ponies, generally making their lives miserable!" That is true, and certainly evil in its own regard. But such crimes are not deserving of his untimely death. We have Tartarus for such villainy, but leave it to a demon horse of crystal and smoke to, well, turn into smoke and vanish on us before we threw him in a vacuum cleaner.
When he came back, I had hoped that his evil could be bound and restrained so that he might face due process in due time. Now that the entire town killed him, however, that due process shifted to the town itself. Exacting a wrong for being wronged does not make it right, Cadance.
You might wonder who is pressing this charge, and no, it's not me or anyone in Canterlot. It's his horn; Sombra's horn.
That long face you're making as you just read that is the exact same face I made, but it's not a new thing. Considering I've had to preside over cases like Penny Pincher vs. Coinpurse, Chicken vs. Egg, and my favorite, Rock vs. Paper vs. Scissors, this is exactly as crazy as it sounds.
And let's be honest, the horn has a pretty good case nailing the town for murdering its owner. But like I said, I can negotiate it down to involuntary slaughter unless you think you can make a good case as to how the town is not responsible for doing the deed. Respond to me if you can't think of a better option, and I'll see to it that the sentence is as light as it can get.
Meanwhile, we've since interviewed Cuppa, and concluded that he was not, and never was, a part of the invasion. This is of immense relief to us and our shameless desire for his tasty brews, and we agreed to give him legal citizenship on the condition that he merely continues his great work in serving coffee to my fair nobles, tea blends for me, and doubleshot espressos for Luna.
Thankful feels like a small word to express his gratitude in that moment, but it's the only word I can think of that works best.
Anyway, good luck with the case, Cadance. Remember to contact me if you run into trouble, and for the love of the gods, stop rummaging through Shining's belongings. She is gone, okay? Calm down.
Love,
Princess Celestia
Luna, is that you? Hang on.
Yes, did you want some--thhhaaats a megaphone.
Look, I'm sorry it happened, okay? I really thought it wasn't you, but this is going a bit too far and--don't touch that switch, Luna. Do you hear me?
Okay, fine. I do deserve this, but at least don't use the Roya--
Page generated in 0.07 seconds
Total duration
900 users online
490,102 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ooooooh! Luna is getting revenge!
This is actually a clever plan made by King Sombra to have revenge by pretending to be his own horn and winning the case!
"You might want to stand back, Tia."
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/310/9/5/95d5f16b12fbd67f5657d6c76af19113-d4f9wib.jpg
5773311
XD that one earned a chuckle, even more so in context to the story.
"Lu.. Luna, is that a microphone? and why did you set up a stereo sound system in the hall?"
...
"What do you mean the acoustic is gREAA?YAAH!!"
'*'
Oh, my...
They're going to blame all of this on Spike, aren't they.
Luna: Fos Ro Dah!
I'm pretty sure that the Crystal Empire can claim not guilty by self-defense. I mean what with the threatening crystal spikes, the debilitating enchantments, the the snarling and the general memory of what happened previously it is natural to assume that sombra was trying to kill the battered Princess Cadence and the Crystal ponies. His death was by no means intentional, but much leeway is given in the realm of self defense, which this clearly was as Sombra lunged screaming bloody murder for the alicorn and the Crystal Heart.
Failing that getting the case thrown out, argue that the Crystal Ponies were not the ones who chose to destroy Sombra, but the Crystal Heart. The energy fed to it went with a plea for safety and protection from the rampaging tyrant, and the Crystal Heart is the thing that decided how to do that. It could have just made a barrier and expelled him, but it didn't and the ponies of the empire should not be held responsible for that.
Failing even that, argue if sombra is even technically dead since his horn is still alive enough to articulate its desire to press charges. This should at least get the charge down to the equivalent of accidents that result in loss of limb.
...Awkward
Sooo... Celestia has Brutus... What's the megaphone's name?
5773499
"That would be Mike the Megaphone. Normally Luna doesn't bring him out as often as I do for Brutus, and only does so for special circumstances where she's very mad.
And, well, I'm responsible for such a circumstance."
~Celestia
Edit: Okay, Thu'um is simultaneously a good name and something I can hear Luna shouting.
5773499 The megaphone shall from now on be known as Thu'um.
Spin-off series? Please?
Ok. Now that was hilarious.
Cadence and the Crystal Empire being charged with equinicide would be both surreal and hilarious. I wanna read the letters for that.
5773385
He could make a counter claim that as the lawful King of the Empire, he himself was acting in defense of his country from internal terrorists and instigators from a foreign nation. And that the charge should be Regicide.
5773579
Dear gods, actually writing out those insane court cases?
...well, I guess it's something else I can think about as I write these, at least.
5772385 <<No its not, because until I start talking about hugs and the rate of energy transfer all the science is legit XD>>
The Cadenza is a unit of measure based off the value of a well loved leader. it is archaic and not very helpful because the average pony or person has to be described in millicadenzas because only a princess of love has a value of one Cadenza.
Retaking his city was me doing it the nice and easy way.
But you've forced him to the most evil and gruesome way possible: court.
The common townspeople didn't do anything, Cadence did, and she used a child to deliver the murder weapon.
Everyone else was just happy. That's it.
When all else fails...blame Spike
5773703
That is a gross oversimplification of the event.
First, the Crystal Ponies weren't "just" happy. They were specifically asked to channel their light and love into the Crystal Heart by Cadance to purge Sombra from the Empire. This puts blame on both her for instigating a movement, and the ponies for initiating it. Insinuating the Crystal Ponies did nothing directly to harm Sombra is true though, as it is for Cadance; indirectly, however, is a different story.
Second, Cadance didn't use Spike to deliver the murder weapon; Twilight did. Spike and Twilight are also on the horn's list of contributors to Sombra's death for that reason.
The Crystal Heart is the direct killer of Sombra in this case, with the Crystal Ponies, Cadance, Twilight, and Spike as indirect accomplices to the Heart's murder.
This would be one hell of a trial to watch.
Princess Cadence: I have a defense! I didn't do it! It was Discord, I'm sure i could prove it somehow!
When all else fails, blame Discord. It always works.
Hmm. Personally I would argue that a case could be made for accidental killing. Strictly speaking I don't think Cadence or any of the crystal ponies knew exactly what would happen when they activated the Heart; they were trying to get rid of Sombra and didn't much care how it came about.
Willful negligence, maybe?
And that's only IF the Crystal Empire was considered a part of Equestria (and I don't think it is, given the name). Even if it was accepted as part of Equestria after Sombra's death, Equestria still has no right to judge crimes performed on foreign soil.
5773770
Has Celestia ever thought of indirectly putting the horn of Sombra into a situation where it could be (hopefully) destroyed? If there's no horn to press charges, there's no case, right?
5773630
Point out that such claims were and are not legitimate. In Celestia's letter it says:
Not the regicide of King Sombra, but the murder of Sombra. Even if he had had a legitimate claim on the Crystal Empire, that was almost certainly revoked when he was defeated the first time around,
He was cast down, but escaped just imprisonment for a thousand years. He has no royal claim. Princess Cadence on the other hand may have legitmate claim to the throne of the Crystal Empire, and as such would have been acting/leading her people against an external threat of the aggressive usurper and known fugitive/criminal Sombra. For that matter, depending on the legal status of the Empire as a region and its relationship to Equestria, the Crystal Princess may have been totally within her rights to marshall the citizens as a militia to counter the very real and present danger Sombra posed to both her throne and the Empire itself.
Luna certainly knows how to get revenge. Royal Voice through a bullhorn. Ouch.
As to Sombra? No sane court would require they prove they were not responsible. Sombra was openly attacking them, leaving them perfectly cleared to defend themselves.
Okay, you're taking a case from a horn that (presumably) has an echo of personality left in it? Why? I'd just destroy the horn. Of course it would be funny if Celestia rigged it so that every member of the Crystal empire could share the one sentence. It'd be nuts, there'd be a huge line at the prison. Pony goes in, wait a minute or two, pony comes out and the next one goes in. This would go on for ten years or so (I'm guessing that's fair for involuntary slaghter) until everyone had had their turn and the sentence was served.
5774001
"The case would fall flat, yes, and such a misfortunate 'incident' would certainly rid the world of such a thing if I hypothetically used indirect means to deal with Sombra's horn that way.
But it's also largely illegal, and were I to be caught or proven of using such indirect means, it would be the scandal of the century for nobles to feast upon like ravenous hounds. Which, you may recall, is something I don't want to deal with.
This doesn't mean I haven't thought about doing it, but I will not act on it. Much like a snarky comment thought of for a foreign dignitary stuffing their face with moon brownies, I keep my lip shut."
~Celestia
Reading this chapter, I could only hear Celestia's words with Will Ferrell (as Alex Trebek)'s voice. This is priceless.
5773633 Don't do it!
(Writing legalese is its own headache! I had to do it for a class, so I've first-hoof knowledge.)
Or if you do, make sure you pick a predefined court system and study it thoroughly.
You never know what lawyers or para-legals are hiding in the comment section.
5773770 More like Cadence's murder. The Heart was merely the murder weapon.
5773770
That's some straight up poetry stuff there.
5774553
I'm familiar enough with my state's court system and the general procedures, so theoretically I should be able to write such a thing without gettin those legal folks' pants in a wad. Ended up having to point out a few flaws in a trial I've seen written on here for another story I read, actually; one that was poorly constructed.
Still, there'll be some crazy leeway, given I've introduced a system where sentient objects can legit sue ponies or other objects, so it'll be a curious balance to strike if I give it a whirl.
Well. Celestia's gonna need a doctor specialising in aural surgery. And a necromancer.
5773385 "Hazey logic". A misnomer if I ever saw one.
5774834 I find the potential legal shenanigans to be worryingly intriguing.
5777050
horn, instrument.
This just in: Blanket vs Pillow.
5773311
The sound has been doubled! (Max)
GENIUS
Well, seeing as how Spike ended up somehow getting all the credit for it, maybe Cadance and the Crystal Ponies were spared this in the end and the horn decided to shift its case against him instead. Or maybe they gave it to him to shift the blame away
So pushing the whole thing about Sombra's horn pressing charges against the Crystal Empire for the murder of himself aside for the moment (I have the mental image of the horn rolling into the courtroom wearing a clip-on tie stuck in my head now), I'm really glad Celestia and Luna were able to resolve the issue about what to do with Cuppa without having to throw him in jail or worse.
The horn? They could argue Sombra is actually the horn and...
Sombra's horn pressing charges in court? Wow, that is hilarious. XD
Oh this was a good one. Very funny!
5773384 Fus Ro da....... Is loud as it is. When spoken in the Royal Canterlot voice (which is essentially Dragon Rend), it's even louder, and to top it all off, Lulu is using a megaphone.
My ears are bleeding just from the thought.
-Sanity is overrated
Goddamnit, do we need to get Phoenix back here again?
5953107 Indeed Majora in fact if Luna did that in real life she'd break the sound barrier so hard it'd be heard across the world. People/Ponies on the said side of the planet would immediately go deaf or die by force/fall damage (depending on proximity to origin of sound).Not even the Song of Healing would reverse what happened to everyone on Earth/Equestria. In other words Luna can cause the apocalypse if she used the RCV at max power.
5773977 Not entirely. There's the tenet of 'extraterritorial jurisdiction' where a country claims legal authority (and in turn, obligation) for things that occur outside of their borders. This involves crimes committed by their own citizens outside of the country. One of the more notable cases in the last year is trying people who leave the country to join ISIS. You occasionally also hear about cases against paedophiliac sex tourists. Even if the Crystal Empire is separate from Equestria and Cadence renounced her Equestrian citizenship the instant she becomes leader of the Empire, she still would have been an Equestrian when 'committing murder'. I think 'leading a coup against the rightful ruler of the Crystal Empire' is quite easily something the horn of King Sombra would use to justify the Equestrian Crown trying Cadence, and it would probably wreak holy publicity problems Batman! if the Crown were to dismiss the case out of hand.
Can't believe I just wrote an entire paragraph on whether or not pastel-coloured ponies could try each other or not.
Would preventing their own enslavement legally count as grounds for claiming self defense?
6722434
Actually protecting yourself or family from re-enslavement is considered a legal act of self-defense.