Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Green is Somepony's Color, Just Not Yours

Twilight Sparkle,

You made Spike angry, didn't you? I know this because he wrote a few words in your friendship report. Certain angry, venting words that enlightened me to a shocking fact: you broke a Pinkie Promise.

Pinkie will come by your home tonight. Lock the door, close your windows, double-check that every opening is closed. Even your inside doors: bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, basement. CLOSE. THEM. ALL.

Then sit in the middle of the room. Keep your eyes moving, looking for her. If you see her outside your window, don't look at anything else but her. Smile and wave, try to carry a conversation if you can, but don't look away even for a second. Blinking is safe to do.

If she smiles then walks away, take a deep breath. You're safe for the night, but don't be a fool like me and open anything up just yet. Just sleep in the room as it is, and wait until morning.

But if she gets in the room... you better Pinkie Promise your way out of it somehow. Then honor that promise, like I am now.

I've sent out invitations for my birthday in two days to you and all of your friends. Bring nice gifts and nicer smiles. It IS a birthday long overdue, but don't let that factor in to your gift searching. Anything is appreciated if it gets Pinkie off my arse.

I'll see you in two days. Remember to keep those promises if you want to keep your friends.

And your life.

Love,

Princess Celestia

Luna, my birthday is coming up soon. Do you think you could bake a cake for that?

Moon Cake Surprise? What's the surprise?

No, I guess it wouldn't be if you told me. But will at least taste like your cookies?

Better than those? ...I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

Comments

[Canary In The Coal Mine]

I think this is the closest we've seen Celestia genuinely caring what happens to her student. Then again maybe dealing with Pinkie Pie is an experience you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

[Mad Maudlin]

Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your husband, cause Pinkie is in da house!

[Brony Soprano]

I know Pinkie gets mad when one of "her" promises is broken, but I've never understood where the idea comes from here on Fimfiction that she brutally murders those responsible.

It's funny if played this way, though.

[Mad Maudlin]

5602682

Huh. Thats a new one.

My own head cannon has her as a larval Draconequus. Someday she's going to explode into a cloud of confetti and glitter, releasing Surprise the chaos spirit on an unsuspecting Equestria.

[Canary In The Coal Mine]

5602654

Nah, it's just played that way for laughs with how other ponies react. Most of the fanon regarding Pinkie Promises and breaking them is pretty much exemplified in Changelings, Love, and Lollipops, where it's something you don't want to do, but it's not fatal (though it got close when the main character kept chain making and breaking them).

[FlameSwordedLink]

5602602

I saw a comic once where Tirek was in Tartarus, and when he was being sentenced Pinkie was talking to him. When he was given his sentence, he basically said, "Yep, it`s better than being pestered by Pinkie."

[FlameSwordedLink]

5602738

Please don`t give the show any ideas! Please!

[The dragon hunter]

24.media.tumblr.com/b956c307a443c40021bab9f1531f9c59/tumblr_mpxbi1Ri1i1r99g86o1_500.png

[SgtFrog]

5602654

She doesn't murder those who break Pinkie Promises, but the sheer psychological trauma inflicted by your own paranoia will probably make you wish you were dead.

[TimeLord11]

5602816 Ah, yes. That is a particularly enjoyable one

[Brony Soprano]

5602997 Apparently, based on what you see in a lot of stories.

[Alex Warlorn]

I honestly like this better than Disgruntled Student, mostly cause the main character isn't a rampaging sociopath.

[Maxes Altho]

5602830 Screw the show, don't give the FANDOM any ideas!

[Tired Old Man]

5603285

...uh-oh. I did miss that.

Thanks for spotting it. I'll need to mingle with the chapters in a moment, but it'll be updated tomorrow.

[howard035]

5603223 Thanks. I wonder if that means that Fluttershy is technically a royal guard though.

[Tennis Match Fan]

This fic really paints Pinkie as a creepy stalker.

[BBkat]

5603119
They're probably basing it off her reaction in The Last Round Up when she thought AJ broke a Pinkie Promise and went utterly apeshit.
Like, she looked ready to murder her.

[FlameSwordedLink]

5603307

But the fandom is trustworthy! We even turned Pinkie into a psychopathic murderer.... Oh, right.

[Brony Soprano]

5603722 I saw the episode in question, but rage =/= readiness to slaughter somebody.

[Lord Midnight]

5604416 Hmmm, Pinkie becomes a draconaquus named Surprise god of parties, whether you want them or not. Pinkie splits herself so that there is a version of her stalking everypony and conquers the world outlawing frowns and... you know what? I think I might actually make a spoof of this in Another Wolf's Moon. Wolf has a phobia of Pinkie anyways so it would be a pretty epic nightmare when I need an insanity break between arcs. It'll be a great opportunity to break the 7th wall. (breaking the 4th wall isn't enough for Surprise)

[Aurora Dimmet]

5604870

Your view on it is kind of pointless. It's about taking an idea from the source material and then expanding on it in whichever direction you want it to go. The main characters in a cartoon for little girls aren't going to be trying to kill each other as if demonically possessed. So yes, murder-spree in canon is not a thing. It is in fanon, and that's all anyone needs to know.

[Brony Soprano]

5605284 As pointless as your own commentary. Everything you have said here is obvious. That does not leave me barred from speaking my mind. It always seems a bit silly to me.

[Aurora Dimmet]

5605300

If you're going to speak your mind and post something worded in such a manner, don't get defensive if someone explains the situation to you. You did not word your post as if you understood and that you simply don't get why people do it. You came across as if you were against the practice AND lacked comprehension on the subject. That is a miscommunication error on your part, because last I checked it's pretty hard to read minds across the internet. I could have made some serious cash if it was possible! (Who wouldn't enjoy that?)

As for my thoughts on your opinion itself, it seems silly that someone would find it silly. It's the same basis behind all fanfiction. Even the story concepts and fanon you do enjoy. If it doesn't sit right with you, why do you enjoy any of it? Is there some sort of subdivision you neglected to specify that you especially don't like? Like as it applies to violence, specifically?

[Brony Soprano]

5605425 My apologies if you did not understand for whatever reason. I will not carry on here. If you want a long-term discussion, feel free to contact me via private means so we do not disrupt this board.

I understand where the idea comes from well enough. It mainly seems odd to me that so many people seem to have the idea that she is killing or torturing those who break such promises.

[user123]

hmmm......I think Lulu might put more hate in the cake.

[Brony Soprano]

5605858 It seems to have worked with the cookies.

[HeroOfVillians]

If Luna's cake looks like its chocolate, I think we can all agree on what the surprise in it is.

[kooarbiter]

"Luna this cake is delicious, what did you put in it?"

"...bananas"

[Fireflower]

5607143

Hmm... I see.

[Hillbe]

Dear Celestia,
Spike here, I was in my basket enjoying a comic book when Pinkie popped out from under the blanket. She said something about a wet whatever . . . I can't even enjoy myself Oh em, Comic book IN PEACE ! What laws of nature does she continue to break as you stuff angel food cake in your muzzle! DO SOMETHING NOW !

SPIKE THE BRAVE AND GLORIOUS HERO OF THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE ( scared of Rarity ) Dragon

[Kumquatodor]

Remember to keep those promises if you want to keep your friends.

A Jingle All the Way reference?

[Blue_Paladin42]

5602602
Actually, I feel from these letters she really does care, she is just continually shocked at just how, well, stunted Twilight is with regards to her knowledge of social behavior, and as a result, is enormously frustrated.

[Mr Zelda C Brony]

Then sit in the middle of the room. Keep your eyes moving, looking for her. If you see her outside your window, don't look at anything else but her. Smile and wave, try to carry a conversation if you can, but don't look away even for a second.

O.O
polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=66372668
OMG PINKIE NOO
SHE'S A WEEPING ANGEL!!!
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTySio8TYoVbKihrR2BnXdHaQwUegXhmQLcgegWZRsgffXlvtae
It all makes sense! How Pinkie appears Randomly EVERYWHERE!!!

I know how to survive! Just call Deadpool!
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/8a/02/d6/8a02d679ade37827036b88118cd87e6b.jpg
but that might not work...

[BronyWriter]

Her advice on dealing with Pinkie sounded like some Five Nights at Freddy's thing.

[keaton-furman-prower]

Dear Princess Celestia:

You're overreacting. Stop it

Your somewhat-concerned student, Twilight Sparkle.

[Pinklestia]

At least is not moon pie.

[FluttershyFan84]

You so missed the opportunity to use SCP:173 Pinkie Pie as a reference. If you haven't played My Little Foundation yet, do so... (but this is likely long overdue anyways..)

[Short Stories]

The way Celestia says it sounds like Twi will be working at FNAF soon. XD

[rst64tlc]

6156919 That was the first thing I thought of when reading this. I was thinking either FNAF 4 or 3.

[Deleted-account]

5794031

Why am I strangely disappointed?

[crossed]

5607126
so you're an, mmmmbeyatch that likes, mmmbananas?

[coduss]

instead of hatred, the cake has a lingering aftertaste of crippling suicidal depression

[Pensive]

This feels like FNAF, but Pinkie is... Well... You know.