Twilight. Twilight Sparkle. Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle,
Your student stood me up. You stood me up. And to add to that, you stood up the guests you insisted were Starlight Glimmer’s friends, when they’ve only barely heard of her. That’s stating it generously, by the way--two didn’t know she existed (one of which didn’t even acknowledge my question and listened to her music instead), and Cranky misheard me and assumed I wanted to cut their toupee with hedge clippers. He refused. Adamantly.
If this is your idea of showing me how fantastic of a teacher you are with your new student, I’ll say that a poor showing of attendance reflects just as badly on you as it does for them. This goes double when said teacher spends so much time looking for her student that my sister raised the moon, and I had not received a single notice updating me on what the delay was. It was only by virtue of me keeping those three highly confused guests company in your absence that I didn’t leave to search for you myself. Which, in hindsight, I probably should have done and sent your guests away given how much of a waste of time it’s been for all of us. Except for the mailpony stuffing her face with muffins. She looked like she’d reached nirvana at the time.
I’ve been snubbed before, but not to this degree of disrespect and definitely not twice in a single week by the same person. Gods above, SLOTHS manage to keep their appointments, and it takes them a whole day just to walk to the train station centered in their own town. It takes them another day to walk from Canterlot station to my castle, with no stops in-between. I’ve met them at the station ever since the first meeting for obvious reasons, but that’s because I like being punctual and efficient with my time.
Speaking of time, do you have any idea how much time I’ve had to set aside for this meeting?! I’ve had to cancel one of my own diplomatic appointments and shift another to Luna so she could meet with a new dragon emissary in my place! I looked forward to that meeting--Ember said they’re the delegated leader of the hugging committee, and I badly wanted to know how that would go down. Instead, Luna got hugs, and I sat here watching your ice cream sculpture melt while badly wishing for a cake to go with it. And no, muffins don’t count. I tried making that work.
It’s not the same. I even told the muffin munching mare as much.
It didn’t go as expected. Here’s a small snippet of that conversation.
"Muffins."
"Cakes."
"Muffins."
"Cakes."
"Muffiiiiiiiiiins!"
"Caaaaaaaaaakes!"
“If muffins are so inferior, why do cupcakes try to be like them?!”
“Hah! Muffins are just dense cupcakes denying their true identity!”
“YOU TAKE THAT BACK!”
“MAKE ME!”
On a side note, you’re going to need new plates.
Anyway, after your sculpture completely melted and the small scuffle I had came to a close, all of us figured the meeting wasn’t going to happen, so we left. Correction: Cranky, Muffin girl and I left. I’m pretty sure the white music pony didn’t even know we left and should still be inside by the time you get this.
In case you’re wondering, this did not go well. I was okay with the first snub--you had a reason for that, and that reason is stuff happens. This second time had no good reason for such incredulous delay and deception on your part. Don’t try to cover for your student’s faults, Twilight. You are their mentor, not their mother.
One more thing. Don’t do this a third time. Do. Not. Otherwise, at the next summit, I’ll sit you next to Jerry.
Yes, that Jerry. The one that treated your tail as a cookie crumb collector and turned my table space into his non-food trash bin.
Thou art warned.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
There you are, Luna. How was the hugging emissary?
Five minutes straight? And you stood there and took it like a champ? Bravo, dear sister!
Oh, nothing much happened with me over there. Except chatting with Cranky and a small disagreement over pastry. Yep. Very small.
Wait, Cranky did have one concern. He said the bottle of Mane-Gain we gave him grew out his nose hairs instead of any head hair.
I know, right? He’s clearly not using enough of it! Sure, the nose hairs ARE how they start, but he seemed to think that’s all they grow.
Mmhmm, we simply must correct this false outlook of his, although he’s pretty adamant about using his fancy wigs these days...
Sister? Why are you quiet all of a sudden? You… came here to discuss something else, didn’t you? Please tell me it doesn’t involve Sunny and Moony...
T-They found where we stored all of our Mane-Gain? Okay, so how many bottles do you think they used?
Haaaaaaaaannngh… very well. I’ll get some hedge clippers for both of us. And while we’re at it, summon our hairdresser. Cranky’s getting a brand new wig from us. You know, something that actually works for him.
Yes! I've been waiting for this one.
Still... you would really make Twilight sit next to Jerry? No one likes Jerry!
Not gonna lie, I about died at the muffin/cake argument.
Another hilarious chapter, as always.
No! Look, Who's on First, What's on Second, and I Don't Know is On Third! Not that hard, people.
Wow, Celestia don't take no shit from nopony.
Yeah, I knew this was coming when I saw the episode. Poor Twilight.
muffins
cakes
muffins muffins muffins
cake cake cake CAKE!
MUFFINS!
CAKE!
Rarity!
SPIKEY!
CUPCAKES!
NO!
Is it too late to be eaten by a manticore?
I got one you can rent,,,,
7180845
But... WHO's on stage.
7180940
I thought Who was the first baseman for that one baseball team, what were they called again?
7180808
"What happens when you put an OCD control freak directly next to a total and complete slob everyone loathes?
I don't know, but I'd love to find out."
7180955
So, the poolclones are now stunt doubles for Fluffle Puff?
I'm going to have to side with muffins on this one, but I am a bit biased when it comes to the debaters.
And yeah, this really could've gone better. Heck, where was Spike in all of this? Was he part of the meeting with the hugging emissary?
Also, do the clones' nose hairs coruscate like their manes and tails if long enough?
Heh. I had a feeling Celestia was going to write a letter to Twilight about the dinner that ended in a huge disappointment.
And speaking of large hairs, I guess Sunny and Moony looked something like this:
img05.deviantart.net/b9e1/i/2015/236/1/f/long_hair__nd_socks_by_discosweetruletik-d96ya1b.png
Source here
Sunny: Moony, why is our hair so long?
Moony: I don't know, Sunny! Did you use the stuff for your tail, too?
Sunny: Yes. And now this room is all covered with our hairs!
Moony: ..... Urgh!
Sunny: What are you doing?
Moony: I'm...ugh...trying...argh...to...move!
Sunny: (tries to move around but trips on her own hair) Agh! I can't move either!
Sunny & Moony: HELP!
7180965
"Dear Celestia,
Oh my, would you look at that. I totally cannot attend the next Summit which Jerry will be attending due to reasons entirely out of my hooves. Please relay my apologies to everyone who will be present. I've Pinkie Promised it to Pinkie too, so nothing I can do about it. Nope!
Your Fellow PRINCESS,
Twilight Sparkle"
I'm not sorry
7181056
They do now
7180879 upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/14/Donkey_from_Shrek.jpg
DONKEY!
7181553 Link doesn't work
7181079 I imagine it looks something like this:derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/5/2/1144885__safe_oc_queen+chrysalis_parody_oc-colon-fluffle+puff_star+trek_artist-colon-up1ter_tribble.png Just toss in some star fields and rainbows.
7181690
just copy paste it into the url bar
Huh I'm sure there has been times when Tia snubbed twilight as a filly. Karma' sa bitch
7181030
I know, I was referencing the original joke.
I could almost hear this going through Celestia's mind at that dinner.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/5/1/1144285__safe_solo_princess+celestia_screencap_meme_exploitable+meme_food_cake_spoiler-colon-s06e06_no+second+prances.jpg derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/5/1/1143832__safe_twilight+sparkle_princess+celestia_screencap_princess+twilight_animated_magic_food_cake_unamused.gif
It's like she's writing this exact chapter in her head.
7181056 spike ? Hmm havifj a social life off screen I like to imagine
incredible
delay cannot be incredulous (skeptical or disbelieving) wthout sgnificant boost from Discord.
All your diplomatic exchanges take two minutes longer seated next to Jerry.
And I am now envisioning Sunny and Moony going full Fluffle.
Curse you.
8854076
You have set in motion things which cannot be undone.