Dear Fluttershy,
How come I never knew you had a brother? I feel like this was obvious information that we had covered once before, especially since Rainbow Dash also knows about your brother. Correction: he thinks she’s absolutely smitten with him (I doubt that) and wants to snuggle up with him in a nice fluffy cloud bed (I severely doubt that) while some singing ponies belt out a mood-setting tune as they bask in my sister’s glorious moonlight (seriously, your brother has an insane imagination if he thinks that would go down as he envisions it).
Now, you might be wondering why I know him, and the answer is remarkably simple:
He’s my new mane stylist!
And I simply must say he’s doing wonderful work so far! I’ve been trying for centuries to find a good stylist that understands how to work with my flowing river of a mane, but to think your brother was the one pony I needed to get it done properly?! It’s nigh unthinkable, you might say!
Yet it is so, and tonight he’s done his finest work yet. It’s a work of art so astounding and miraculous I’m surprised you thought he should keep to “normal” manestyling when clearly my mane is one of the most abnormal things in Equestria. Yes, this hair is just perfect for the fashion show I’m attending soon, and it’ll twist and turn heads all over the studio.
After all, it’s a tornado! A small one that’s more like the inside of an active blender, but it spins and everything! He even dyed it to look like someone vomited in it--it’s so psychedelically horrifying it will all but ensure everypony at the show stares in shock and awe at a fashion trend so avant-garde it will shake the foundations of Canterlot fashion in an instant!
Just imagine it: nobleponies trotting around my city with twister manes and dust devil tails! Oh, it will just look so disastrous, so messy… and oh so hilarious! I simply could not have done this without Zephyr’s unique sense of style, Fluttershy!
Oh, and he asked me to write you a thank-you note for helping him get this far! I am more than happy to oblige (just this once, any others he’ll do on his own time). If you hadn’t pushed him to succeed, he would have never found his place by me.
Never, because outside of his good work ethic and fabulous talent in mane design, his behavior around my staff is absolutely rancid. He’s only spent a single day in my castle, and I already have a stack of sexual harassment complaints from every mare in this castle, including me. It’s like he has this odd thought that now that he’s a somepony, it’s okay to be a rude, ego-inflating ass just because he does a good job that pays well.
Unfortunately for him, there’s still a thing called “workplace etiquette” that he still needs to learn, and learn now. Do note that I’m not saying you should probably come by soon and help teach him how not to be a smug prick. However, if this stack of complaints reaches the ceiling of my tower (it’s currently halfway and slowly rising), I’ll have to fire him.
I also warn you that if further complaints arise from his workplace behavior from other barbers or manestylists, I will be forced to blacklist him as a warning to any other hairy business across Equestria that he is not a pony they’ll want to hire due to his disgusting behavior around others. If he can’t learn to be respectful around other ponies, it doesn’t matter how skilled he is at his craft. There is no “me” in team… wait, I think that should be “I”, and working with others is key for his success.
I’m not giving up on him, despite my complaints. Thus, I’ll be giving him a once-over six-hour lecture on how not to be a self-centered egomaniac shortly. If he doesn’t learn anything from it, I might require your assistance assuming you’re willing to help your dear little brother once again.
I’ll keep in touch should it come to that.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Luna! There you are--oh my, did Zephyr do your hair too?!
I know! A black hole bun really does suit you! I, uh, hope it hasn't crushed anything though.
We're fine so long as nopony touches it? Good, good. Most ponies will want to keep some distance out of respect as well. Anyway, have you hired the photographer?
...Erm, Pinkie is an unexpected choice, dear sister. But so long as she keeps her distance from you, I'm sure nothing could possibly go wrong.
Wait, no. There is one thing. Oh, Zephyr? Could you come here, please?
There you are. You are aware of our body doubles, correct? I know you might want to try something different, possibly out-of-this-world with them, but do exercise some restraint for now. Keep your maneiac ideas for us until we feel confident that they can handle your styles, okay?
GASP! Updating Letters while I'm in the middle of Yellowstone?
Sure, why not?
Imagine how it'll be like when Sunny and Moony get their mane styled by Zephyr.
Hey, Zephy! Or is it Zephor? Zeph...eh, I dunno. Let's call you Zeph! Zeph, I want you to style our mane, please!
Moony: Me too! I want to see how you do other ponies' manes!
(later)
Huh. That felt nice. Now, how do I-(looks at mirror) AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Moony: Sister, you don't have to-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Sunny and Moony: NOT OUR GLORIOUS MANE!!! (runs around the room and breaks various things in it)
Zephyr's sensibilities plus princess manes...
Huh. I've never seen the fabric of the universe done in cornrows before. Neat.
But yeah, given how much work Shy and Dash had to do, it's not that surprising that they weren't quite able to fit in "no means no."
"Nothing could possibly go wrong." Famous last words, 'Tia, famous last words...
Get it done properLY, but otherwise a good twist :)
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*looms, cracks knuckles*
static.giantbomb.com/uploads/scale_super/0/5874/897754-mitsuruclose.jpg
Execution.
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Oh. Right. Adjustment made.
He definitely seemed capable of falling back on old habits even after the progress he had made at the end of the episode. So he definitely has a way to go before I'll believe he's made genuine progress.
Liked that touch with the complaints from the castle staff too. I thought his flirts with Rainbow were funny at first when they were harmless, but the tone changed for me when she felt she had to run away and started actively resisting.
A black hole bun for Luna gives an interesting mental image and makes me wonder what Celestia's hair would look like done up like a supernova.
The idea of the Princesses having body doubles is odd, and touches on an idea of mine.
It would be strange to be the pony who doubled as Celestia. How would they find a pony large enough? Perhaps they would use illusory magic?
Well, it's official. Rarity must kill Zephyr Breeze, in the name of fashion, before his hairstyle ideas are allowed to spread!
7284550 I think you missed the part where they copied themselves using the Mirror Pool.
It's not body doubles, it's copies. Slightly demented, Pinkie-esque clones!
7284550 There was one where Celestia was actually a changeling queen, and had fulfilled the role of Celestia since NMM's banishment while the real Celestia recovered.
7284686 I had forgotten that, to be honest.
7284813 That sounds fascinating, to be honest.
Mine is somewhat different.
Can't tell if Celestia's comments are serious or sarcasm but well done
7284537 Thank you.
At first glance, I thought it said "set him on fire". Either way works, though.
7284541 Personally I see that as a very poofy hair style... really poofy ending in spikes...
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It's called "Princess Celestia: The Changeling Queen" and is written by vren55 if you want to read it. ;>
Nice Yandere High School reference.
Awesome wokr, heres my unexpected sequel with fluttershy
Dear Princess Celestia
"Oh that's wonderful news! Believe princess, i knew he had a talent for hair, granted your using it in a way that i was not expecting.... but as long as he's working hard i don't mind.
And believe me princess i know.... he is like the Johnny Bravo of real life. If you do try to teach him that it will be a hard battle. Rainbow Dash has try repeatedly, with lightning bolts. But maybe alicorn magic might work better.
I wish you good luck. From your Subject Fluttershy.
I'll just leave this link here, in case Celestia runs out of rhymes before her next letter to Applejack:
http://www.sporcle.com/games/Spacemaniac/rhyming-words
I really wish he had tried to style rarity's mane somehow. Sombra that cancer patient and applejack's parents are the only ponies of the top of my head to be confirmed dead but why not just add to that number
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you seem to like repeating phrases, to be honest
7289692 I don't see how that even rates a comment, to be honest.
In the wake of the latest episode, I hope for/anticipate three letters. :D
One to scold Zesty. "I was wondering who had my favorite bar remodeled into such a bland monstrosity!"
One to praise the Cumin and Saffron.
And one to thank Rarity and Pinkie Pie.
:D
I still can't feel sympathy that guy and I havnt even seen the episode yet
Amazing.
Gotta love them favors XP