Raising Turf to Train-Surf
Dear Queen Novo,
I have to say your hippogriffs and seaponies’ have provided exceptional assistance in putting together a fully functional railroad on a brand-new landbridge extending from Equestria to Mount Aris. Though this plan did not proceed without staunch resistance from some of the construction team leaders on my end. To give you an idea, here’s a few I had to answer:
“Wouldn’t it be far easier to arrange for a dedicated airship or two for transit?”
...Yes! Next question please.
“I second that proposal, actually. Why are we doing a railroad all the way out to that isolated island instead of building airship docks?”
Because hippogriffs/seaponies really like the idea of having a train station instead of an airship dock. To punctuate that, they declared the entirety of Mount Aris a no-fly zone for any aircraft. So unless you feel like taking a carriage offroad or flying by your own wings, we stick to the train.
Note: At the time, I didn’t know you were aiming to preserve the serene hymn of the Harmonizing Heights. That is fair and sound.
“Do we really have to shift around an absurd amount of earth and stone to add an extra expansion of land beyond the necessary landbridge?”
Completely necessary for future development projects. I have been assured they will be put to good use by Novo, but specifics are unavailable at this time.
Note: I swear, if it’s a seashore seashell market you’re setting up there, I will regret defending you on this.
“Couldn’t we just build an airship landing pad on that additional turf then?”
My little ponies, I will repeat this but once more, and no longer: Novo wants a train. We build a railroad.
“Why did Queen Novo shoehorn in a redesign to the surface entrance of Mount Eris to completely remove all traces of stairs that previously existed, even though that has absolutely nothing to do with the railroad construction?”
Great question, Fore Mare! I’ll put in a request for Queen Novo to grant you some fins and gills so you can ask her that yourself!
Note: Sorry, I can’t help you with this one. I legitimately have no idea what the deal is with that last-minute add-on to the project.
Anyway, despite any and all hiccups incurred during the construction process, the completion of the railroad is a monumental achievement in sheer persistence and effort that should not go without acknowledgement of some sort. I wanted to give you a trophy of a big clamshell with a huge pearl in it to celebrate the literal bridging of our nations, but this feels somewhat diminished in value ever since you smashed your precious pearl into a pile of shards.
I considered smashing the statue’s pearl to match what had to have been the most brazen destruction of a priceless artifact since Starswirl’s second journal, but I think the decision on that should fall to your fins.
I’m going to send it by express mailpony, by the way. This is urgent mail.
Hoping You Won’t Mind a New Sunroof,
Princess Celestia
~~~
Dear Twilight,
Thanks for forwarding a copy of the thesis on Hippogriff/Seapony culture. This is a very interesting document detailing some of their… intriguing events such as the Hippogriffs’ screeching competition and their weekly pride festivals. Both sound like great events to bring earplugs for, by the way.
I also didn’t realize Hippogriffs/Seaponies could have an identity crisis based on living as one creature or another. If anything, I would have pegged Changelings to have this problem first, but color me surprised. Still, is it really that big of a deal when the worlds are separated by nothing more than the water surface and a pearl fragment? I’m not sure whoever was the focus of this issue you documented, but they are living between worlds that are less than three minutes apart from each other. How on earth they could have stumbled upon this problem in the first place with a key to both cities hanging around their neck escapes me.
It would be different if, for example, one had to choose between city or farm life and can’t have both due to the distance and lifestyle differences. But this? It sounds like this on-the-fence hippogriff/seapony didn’t understand they were literally sitting on the fence and could go to either side whenever they want.
Oh well. At least the rest of the paper discussing the Seapony habitat and eating habits was more worthwhile. I’m particularly interested in seeing how their kelp chips taste! Not their fish oil tea, though. That sounds about as palatable as putting butter in coffee.
If I were to change anything about this paper, I would revise the section on newborns and mating rituals. It takes up roughly half of your entire thesis and spends a lot of time on all the different ways they can engage in the act. If I didn’t know they had over fifty ways to lay eggs, I do now. In vivid, excruciatingly precise detail.
The revision is simply to remove that whole part, or tone it down so that others do not become disgusted, aroused, or some bizarre combination of both. It might be better off listed in some sort of Mating Compendium instead. Considering how much time you’ve spent on researching other species’ mating habits, why not start now? It can’t be worse than the last book you published!
…Can it? We will have to wait and see.
Wishing You Success in Your Continued Research,
Princess Celestia
Luna, for the last time, quit offering me that ridiculous butter coffee! I am a milk and sugar preferent princess. Creamer too, if we have it!
Look, you can waste your butter on that coffee if you want. I’d rather see my butter spread out on toast, muffins or pancakes!
No, Luna. I will not drink it from a mug, even if the mug is a pug! I will not drink butter coffee, even if it’s served with toffee!
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Dr. Seuss, huh? Rhyming time!
i would read twilight's paper on seapony/hippogriff mating habits (did anyone else think the airshow on mt aris looked like a mating ritual? i know both were male, but seriously?)
I would not like them HERE or THERE,
I would not like them ANYWHERE!
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam I Am!
I would, not could not in a tree.
Not in a car, you leave me be.
I do not like it in a mug,
Would not drink it with a pug,
I do not like it here or there,
I do not like it anywhere!
I will not drink your demon coffee!
I do not like it, Celestia-I-be!
I can say without hyperbole that this chapter is, far and away, the best thing associated with that episode. I would have greatly preferred the episode focus on the train/airship debate.
If I knew the Mysterious Mr. Enter, I'd nominate the actual episode for his 'Animated Atrocities' list.
8883814
Good to know I wasn't the only one getting a Green Eggs and Ham vibe from that last part.
Yes! That railroad thing really bugged me. I was all: "It's just been a few weeks—months at most—since the movie! How did they build a rail line across half the continent already?"
I bet this was Celestia's reaction as soon as she reached that part of Twilight's paper.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/6/14/348551/medium.png
So you want to replace the train that can transport about a thousand ponies per train (which is reasonably reliable and cheap to operate) to the tourist destination with an airship that can berelly hold a hundred, extremly overpriced, and filled with hydrogen to make it float. I am glad that you care about safety.
8883876
Ah, but that's Pony-Flash ... and technically Guards are paid to take a hit (and yes thanks to Mudbriar I cringe when I use that and a few other select words).
But other than Guard, he never shows any traits outside being used as a gag for Twilight, but only in that movie. Past that, no longer has speaking roles, and is one of the three color schemes CE Pegasi Guards have ... Kind of wierd they aren't just one color.
Hell when Twilight sees the pony version in the show, doesn't see / notice him in the least (unlike the movies where they constantly blush),which shows either A) he has nothing worth noticing, or B) the impression he gave wasn't worth pursuing.
I figured the hippogriffs still had traumatic memories of the Storm King's aerial armada. I know that would put me off airships for a while.
8884453
1. Make the boat bigger.
2. Helium.
3. If it is slow, make it enjoyable.
4. If anything, trains are more at risk because of all the environments they'd have to chug through and the maintenance required to keep those stationary objects safe and functioning.
More like sitting in the middle on an open gate
8884548
Well, he certainly noticed her in Three's a Crowd
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/f/fe/Flash_smiling_S4E11.png/revision/latest?cb=20140127130359
8885131
Broken image. And "open in new tab", shows an error and can't reach host page.
But from the look of the clip. It's not clear if he's eyeing Twi or Cadance. But yeah, Twilight treats him like scenery (aka, nonexistent). Unlike the gag in EQG where she looks at him and turns into a blushing mess of teenage hormones (This fic is headcanon and explains so much.)
8885157
8885245
Not at all head canon. And him eyeing his superiors wife ... I point out 3 obvious things.
1) Princess of Love.
2) Hot ass flank.
and
3) There's no law against looking at piece of tail.
________________
That said. Still doesn't change the fact that he's: A) Walking scenery, B) Twilight didn't notice / acknowledge his presence (which puts him miles below human Flash in terms of her actions), and C) was as crappy a set up as the gag in the movies (while ultimately going in the same direction as the movies (no where)).
8883920
Only upvoted because some salty reader felt offended enough to downvote.
And also slightly agree with this chapter being the best thing about anything having had to do with the episode. Still no hyperbole.
Nevermind the airship debate, it was the fact that Mount Eris was on the edge of the map, in the sea and yet ALREADY has a direct line to Ponyville that was what got to me. I know pony plays fast and lose with time continuity but COME ON.
How EVEN.
8885440
They've gotta be using portals to bypass Desert of Death and Slavetown. Maybe Starswirl is mass-producing them now that he's out of Limbo.
8885599
Alternatively, Pinkie wanted the mountain to be easier to get to so she can visit her new bestie/girlfriend whenever she wanted. And so the land bridge came to be because Pinkie.
Airships are fine for passengers. If there aren’t too many. But if you want steady trade and cargo, you need a train.
For shattering the pearl, I honestly figured it was more ‘ lending out tiny pieces of its power’. Which is fine, especially if you can get them back later if you want.