Dear Applequack,
Of all the ponies I expected to uphold their greatest value that Twilight had seen, I would never have predicted that you would lie outside of a Discord intervention, especially over something as petty as pride and money.
Look, I know your family has a habit of making mountains out of molehills. Apple Bloom had made that quite clear in the letters she had sent me about her lessons learned, and Granny's always worried that she takes advantage of my generosity too often.
I reminded her that Mayor Mare asks me for funds all the time, and I almost never turn her down because those are usually for town emergencies. Even a personal emergency like a lack of hair dye to keep her hair shimmering silver was of no consequence; what's a bag of bits between good friends that are good on their word?
Which circles back to you, Appleknack. I understand you promised you'd bring money back after your little venture. I even admire your determination in seeing to it that the money would come, even going so far as to have a backup plan to bring bits home.
But what I don't admire is the way you went about this by lying instead of openly admitting your faults to your family, one so understanding of faults within their members it rivals even Fluttershy.
If this feels like reiteration, that's because this is, and it's really important. Family will always be there for you, even if they may not be understanding of all your decisions. The only fault is if a family carries too much pride within themselves--much like the nobles here where a name matters more than anything--but that is not your family.
The sooner you learn this, the better.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
P.S. Tell Granny I can't go bar hopping this week. The nobles got antsy over me declaring Canterlot benefit parties illegal after I found out the benefactors weren't charities, but themselves. Just tell her I'm dealing with rich pony problems again; that should be more than enough.
Evening, Luna... what's wrong?
Oh, Luna. Don't mind the nobles. They always get riled up when I spot some dumb thing they do that makes no sense and just exists to piss off poor ponies even more. What should their words matter to me--
"Bit breaking, cake cramming, date damning, fanny flogging, joy jamming, party pooping waste of a crown and a title?" Please, that's kindergarten insults. It's not like they insulted our mother--
...Luna, get your horn.
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Oooooooh, the Canterlot Nobles for Narcissism Beneficiary Society done goofed big time!
And suddenly, half of Canterlot was gone in a smoking crater.
You dun goofed, Canterlot Nobles. You dun goofed.
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/241/5/7/princess_celestia_mad__by_the3javi-d5cwfh1.png
Also, I would like to see how Celestia would react to Applejack "not learning anything" in the next letter.
5689595 You mean Applewhack
I swear Celestia's just being a troll at this point. There's no way she doesn't know Applejack's name by now.
Applejack is best duck.
Ouch. Celestia really tore into AJ there. In fact, a gentle rebuke like this would hurt far more, yeah.
That's actually quite terrifying.
It's about to get real.
Watch out Canterlot Nobles...
new1.fjcdn.com/comments/4641968+_4e2da38a4247601b93f1223712609618.jpg
canterlot nobles prepare for some extreme punishment
5689659
Apparently Applejack doesn't seem to mind, or she would have sent flash cards with her and her friend's names by now.
...respectfully, of course.
5685843 Okay then
5689788
"Flashcards? Please, like I need those to remember Appleback's name.
If I got flashcards for something so obvious, I would start sending them flashcards with lessons in ten words or less like, 'Honesty isn't always the best policy, but still generally acceptable,' 'Practice doesn't always make perfect, but it's better than nothing," and 'Eggs are meant for eating, not throwing on my gate.'"
~Celestia
5689595
Instead of her normal reply, Celestia sends GRANNY SMITH the offending letter.
5688160 Yeah! That's what you get for reading what people comment on your story!
And on that day, Celestia's heart grew three sizes they say, for truly she had a heart as bright as the sun, and it was well fed with the mass of cake and potentially those who have aroused her ire.
Hell hath no fury like that of a mare scorned.
5690092
>glances at the name
Oh hey, you're the guy that writes the response letters to Disgruntled Friendship Student.
I should have seen this visit coming sooner or later, but welcome to the party. Spiked punch is to your left, non-spiked punch is to your right. Also, I think the bowls have moved around, so I don't know which is which.
Anyway, good luck if you're having a drink, and have fun reading.
Ah, Luna, why did you call in the WondeDolts? Okay, We strike against the rich, stupid, arrogant, back biting and stabbing little trolls and the WD keep the masses from seeing this.
5689877
Actually, now that I think about it I think it would be endlessly amusing to to see Applejack trying over and over to Correct her, and Celestia continuous slaughtering her name.
5689595
Perhaps the name slaughtering is the very reason she sent such an offending letter? Applejack seems to be the passive-aggressive sort to me.
Noble-hunting? That's my favorite sport! I'll go get the rusty bear traps!
I was unexpectedly amused by this. I don't even read all that much on this site anymore, but this caught my eye, and I wasn't disappointed.
I'll be trying to follow along. Just, like... keeping this open in a tab and refreshing once a day. I'm not great with tracking favorites otherwise.
5690278 Ooooh I like that! It's got nothing on my Noble Tax and Welfare Increases though!
5690537 You mean the gun in Braeburn's office?
5688234
5688160
You know what? I'm sorry about that.
Take this video as an apology, maybe it will help you forget about necromorph porn.
5690551
that doesn't help in the slightest.
5690692 Aw, I really thought that would work. Do you want more?
5691422
no thanks.
5690865 Praise the Sunbutt!
th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2014/075/6/4/celestia_and_solaire__praise_the_sun_forever__by_gennbu-d7ah69v.jpg
That last line...
http://www.doctorshrugs.com/foxhound/images/foxhound_109.png
5690232
Applejack is probably the least likely of the mane six to use passive aggression, except for maybe Rainbow Dash.
5693100 She sure is!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk5spyC5kJ1qi3fol.png
Not even the most controversial bronies desecrate the name of Fausticorn.
Its noble burning time.
I can't help but wonder why Luna has to 'get' her horn... are those things detachable!?
5777050
or she has a big horn from some other beast that she uses as a weapon.
5777050
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my horn was missing again.
This happens all the time. It's detachable.
5794234 Huh. Maybe she got it from Erza?
It should read beneficiaries, not benefactors.
I'm surprised there was no mention of the broken pinkie promise. That seems to be a big thing in these letters.
]---[ ...and in the darkest of days there will come a party to chase away the shadows and bring about the Era of Pink Hearts...]---[
- The Book of Pinkism
5794234 Or it's something like this. discountmugs.com/cliparts/detail/12197.jpg
One does not insult Faust and expect to live...
Some day Celestia. Some day you'll get Applejack's name right.
You can make it up to Granny Smith by bringing 'Little Mac' along on your next clubbing trip. Just keep an eye on him when you break out the cake.
(Always little animation gags that I only catch on a rewatch. When Pinkie Pie's talking about candy about 4 minutes in, Big Mac licks his lip with his tongue. Barely noticeable. Clearly he likes his sweets, no surprise given it's Sweet Apple Acres)
5794234 Or she has a spear from way back when that looks like a horn. Either way, I see a pair of suspicious giant ponies in sneaking suits and burglar hats trashing some poor noble who failed to understand what punishment his comments have wrought.
Fanny flogging? Now if Date Damning was spelt Damming, that would be suggesting something.
I love the little bits at the end of the letters with Luna.
Now I can't get out the mental image of Luna with a war horn trumpeting out the charge while Celestia menacingly sharpens her war axe and the various nobles quiver in fear.
Fancy sits in a corner and drinks whiskey with Fleur and they take bets.
5998904 Bravo! If the nobles were the benefactors, I'd have to think better of them than I do.
Odd thought: Are there any other characters besides Applejack who are named after an alcoholic beverage?
Wait... what?! Do you realize what that means? This one comes out! I don't even want to think of whatever horrible accident may have caused this...
8154572
And I thank you for that mental image.