My faithful student,
I hope my unannounced appearance during Ponyville's annual Running of the Leaves didn't throw you off. Rather, I'm delighted you got a medal. That means you actually read something on pacing yourself properly, I take it?
I actually came to also visit Mayor Mare that day. She and I go way back, but more importantly, it was to discuss my... erm, damage towards Rarity's property.
Do you know how expensive your friend's windows are? I could feed a full orphanage for three days for the cost of that thing! Or three orphanages for one day! Good gods, are they made from the crystallized tears of baby dragons?
It might be a good idea for you to start watching Spike around her. I don't want her getting ideas.
Now, in regards to Applegak and Rainbow Dash, I thoroughly enjoyed their tussle as they crossed the finish line. Their fierce competitive spirit made for an enthralling end to a competition that otherwise usually ends in broken dreams, broken bones, and broken twigs.
And pointlessness. You know those leaves fall on their own, right? Does anyone in this town know that? Applegak has to know; she bucks trees for a living! She's got to rake leaves too, and I seriously doubt she's got a whole pony stampede on hoof for that.
That said, I made them run again to get those other trees since everypony apparently wanted Fall to end as soon as possible. I don't blame them; it's a terrible season filled with cold weather, cold people, and colds.
Especially colds. That pesky illness always seems to breach my ward and just ruin me for a whole month. You might remember those times when I had Cadance keep an eye on you while I was busy blowing my horn for days. I even got complaints from the townsfolk about the noise coming from the castle.
Yes, over a millennium spent on this land, and I can still be brought down by common disease. Go figure.
Anyway, keep up on these reports, Twilight. I look forward to your next one.
Love,
Princess Celestia
...Luna, you visited the school again, didn't you? You have paint in your mane.
Oh, they told you jokes? Let me hear one.
Who's there?
I eat mop who--LUNA!
Page generated in 0.068 seconds
Total duration
1,016 users online
371,871 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Haha!
Nice one, Luna. I can't say I've ever heard that one.
Oh, good. For a while, I thought I was the only one.
Alright, alright, since everyone else is doing jokes, I'll tell one as well! . . . *thinking* *thinking*
Dangit! I had a really good amnesia joke, but I forgot it!
{Sigh}, alright fine... (looks in the bottom recesses of his mind...)
"Well, you can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass."
(I considered something religious, but my Karma ran over my Dogma...)
only one I can think of is:
What's green, weighs a hundred tons, and lives at the bottom of the ocean?
Moby Snot, the Great Green Whale.
Not too funny but it can derail a train.
What has six legs, five ears and four eyes?
A man riding a horse and eating corn.
Ooh, joke session? Pick me! Pick me!
How many elephants can you fit in a Mini Minor?
Five. Two in the front, two in the back, one in the glovebox.
How many elephants can you fit in a fire engine?
Six. Two in the front, two in the back, two on top making the siren noises.
How do you know there's been an elephant in your fridge?
There are footprints in the butter.
How do you know there's still an elephant in your fridge?
You can't close the door.
How do you know there are five elephants in your fridge?
There's a Mini Minor parked out the front!
I keep repeating the last line to myself. I'm sure it sounds like something else, but i can't figure it out. Someone help a guy out?
5585769
I think it's suppose to sound like: "I eat my poo"
"You are a piece of spoiled cabbage that has been left outside for a week."
"What?"
"Oh dear, was I not blunt enough? Here"
"...toilet paper? What is this for?"
"That's to wipe yourself, because your a piece of shit"
my grandma has alzheimer's and tells this great joke.
"knock knock"
"who's there?"
"I can't remember" and she starts crying.
5584482
Hey, don't beat yourself up about it. I had a dozen unemployment jokes, but none of them worked!
I doubt the leafs do fall off on their sans Everfree, the forest of death.
You were supposed to save that pun for the Crystal Empire!
What did most bronies do when they finished the season 3 opener?
they had a heart a-gak
Never heard the eating-mop one.
Jokes? OH! A baby seal once walked into a club.
I'll go in the corner now...
I like how Celestia rants about the cold as if winter didn't come after fall.
applegak...
th00.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/315/f/6/gak__gak_everywhere_by_vaguedoodles-d5kovzm.png
This is amazing overall but the best part is how she continually messes up Applejack's name.
I honestly think some of the best parts of this fic are the remarks she makes to Luna, and the way she can never seem to get Applejack's name right.
5615772
5601123 <slap>
I'll admit I've never seen that one before.
Ever hear the one about the red wedding dress?
There was a Stark contrast in quality between the design and end product. The area between the princess seams was Freyed beyond belief. The final Tully came to no less than seven distinct tears. The only good news was that we fixed it with some spare fabric, of which I happened to have a spare Bolton hand.
weknowmemes.com/generator/uploads/generated/g136812338842921881.jpg
5584548 that's pure brilliance, that is.
"What's the difference between a piano, a fish and a pot a glue?"
"What?"
"You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish!"
"What about the glue?"
"I knew you'd get stuck there."
Hats off to the bad puns in the comment section. Best Comment section.
Joke time?
Two Irishmen walk out of a bar...
I think the "I eat mop" joke was made from the fact that when you say "mop who" really fast, it sounds like "mah poo."
Joke time?
How many Germans does it take to change a bulp?
One. We are efficient and have no humor.
5686614 ...
...
... thank you for explaining the joke. Note the sarcasm.
A bloñde lady sees other blonde lady rowing a canue in an empty grass field.
She pulls over and starts yelling at the rower. "its idiots like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I would go out there and kick your ass!"
A lady tells her doctor that everywhere she touches hurts. He asks if she is a natural blonde. She says yes. So the doctor says "I thought so. After all ma'am, your finger is broken."
A lady goes to the store and ask the sales man if she can purchase a TV she found. He tells her that they do not sell to blondes. When she asks why he says "Cause that is a microwave ma'am."
A man buys a bull and only has enough money to telegram his wife ONE word. He sends 'comfortable'. When the office workers ask him why that word the man replies "My wife is blonde so she reads real slow."
Dear Princess Celestia:
The knowledge that you can get infected with a cold should reassure me... but somehow, it doesn't
Your worried student, Twilight Sparkle.
P.S.: How many alicorns does it take to screw a lightbulb? One... unless the alicorn in question is addicted to cake, then she needs her much thinner sister to help
Celestia sneezes fire, right?
5750849 What does the last one mean
5806948 Try reading the word "comfortable" really slowly.
Come-for-teh-bull.
How many whorses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None! They can't fit in a light bulb!
OH SHIT!!!
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/819/702/5be.gif
5750849
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Dude, that's horrible...exactly why it's so damn funny to me.
ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41T64OUcCUL._SX300_.jpg
All my jokes are really bad, so I'll post one of the safer ones.
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
The prostitute can wash her crack and resell it.
5855579 that is bad. Like, really bad. And i loved it.
5634906 people club baby harp seals for their fur (and possibly meat).
5855579 10/10 I love it.
Twilight is never going to live that down, is she?
Alright Joke corner! Here are some jokes that are in poor taste.
"What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes."
"Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast."
"Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't."
"Whats the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet."
"What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber."
"What's the opposite of Christopher Walken? Christopher Reeve."
I'M A MONSTER! DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!
I thought dirty things when I read that.
6449604 *Looks deeply into your eye*
I laughed at the Harry potter one! I'm a monster too.
6449604
Here's my favourite.
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
Usain Bolt can finish a race!
Bad joke time? What's the difference between an apple and an orange?
As far as Celestia is concerned, they're all the same, right?
6709994
Damn, I actually cracked up. Lovely!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer? The prostitute stops screwing you when you're dead.
A civil engineer, a surgeon, and a consultant start arguing about who has the oldest job. After a while, they decide to take it to the greatest authority on the matter of olden jobs: The Bible. The surgeon points out how Eve was created with one of Adam's ribs, removed in the first surgery. The civil engineer calls the creation of everything from chaos and darkness the first and greatest feat of engineering ever. The consultant just sits back and laughs.
"So where do you think the chaos came from, eh?"