Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Daring Shrubbery Design is Done, Panned by Ponyville Paper

Dear Ponyville Chronicle columnist Truth B. Told,

Thanks for the unabashedly brutal assessment of the latest shrubbery I’ve just put in the garden. Who would’ve thought an untrained pair of eyes couldn’t tell the difference between a rounded, slightly bulbous bush and the artistic intent that was the Princess’s Covering Phalanx? Not me, that’s who.

Sure, on the outside it happens to look exactly like somepony tried to replicate a smashed bunch of grapes. And maybe hiring a former guardspony that had an artistic phase best described as “almost not a complete waste of time” could have gone through a better screening process. However, I applaud his effort to design this with a space big enough to comfortably fit a princess inside, which is exactly what I wanted from this. Even if it looks like a mildly engorged Smooze blob, as you’ve so eloquently put it in your column.

In all fairness, I cannot fault you for coming up with descriptions like these. But at the very least recognize that I can get more use out of it than leaping onto it from an eagle’s perch. I assure you, by the way, that such a maneuver is in no way safe or sanctioned within my castle walls. Only an idiot would try—

...Never mind. A certain idiot I know did just try it. Begrudgingly, you have a point with its design in that regard. I’ll see to it that it looks less cushioning and more shielding.

Say Hello to Zesty Gourmand for Me,

Princess Celestia

Oh great. She dove in headfirst too, like a… graceful white lawn dart.

Sunny, quit flailing your hind legs! I’ll be down there in just a minute.

No, I don’t plan on taking a blind leap of faith! We have wings, and we should be using them when we can!

Comments

[Falx_of_Lume]

I feel as if Sunny was referencing Assassin's Creed when she mentioned that leap of faith.

[Tired Old Man]

Northern Equestria: Crowds can be so stubborn they refuse to change their minds even when the truth is straight-up sung to them.

Southern Equestria: Crowds are flipping their opinion more frequently than buttered toast on a cat.

Somehow, I'm not sure which side is better to deal with in regards to repairing reputation.

[Level Dasher]

8422851

buttered toast on a cat

I love when this is referenced. Like, anywhere.

[BlueYoshi]

Oh great. She dove in headfirst too, like a… graceful white lawn dart.

At least she didn't fly into the castle.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/2/14/242497__safe_artist-colon-viva+reverie_princess+celestia_alicorn_animated_caption_crashing_doll_irl_let%27s+fly+to+the+castle_lol_photo_pinklestia_pony.gif

[FanOfMostEverything]

Nice callback to Spearpoint. And poor Sunny. I hope she at least got a bullseye.

8422851
Wherever the pony version of Abacus Cinch isn't.

[Crazy the Clone]

For a second, I thought you were blindly bashing the wings part of the "leap of faith" thing in the episode. Then I saw that you added in the "when we can", so yay! Someone actually remembered the anti-flying enchantment the Sphinx placed on the room!

[Zubric]

8430857
Still don’t explain the earth Tony’s getting Dash onto the trap in the first place