Dear Princess Twilight,
You know, when you told me that your new home started telling you where to go and who needed to be there, I thought you were kidding. Maybe you still had some relapse over the loss of the Golden Oaks Library. You know, something sensible that doesn't have your house become some unreasonable landlord having you go run its errands for it.
But after hearing of the strange town of equality and realizing that is the truth, something hit me, and I don't like it. I mean, I should, all things considered. Clearly this table is so worldly and all-knowledgeable as to see problems beyond the scope of my view, given I didn't even know of that town at all, and it wasn't marked on any of the maps we have on record.
This pisses me off. That means my mapmakers have been slacking on their yearly updates, the updates they promised would reflect the new layout of the land. Did you know I checked the most "recent" map, and it still doesn't show the ravine caused by Luna during the last Dragon Migration? How did they miss that? Simple. They just didn't do the work.
Well, I'm going to fix that. First thing tomorrow morning, they're going to stop by your castle, and take every note on that map they can. Please make sure they don't miss a spot--I know you're a stickler for accuracy in references and atlases, so you won't let me down.
Then, just to be sure that map is absolutely up to date, I'm gonna send them out to survey and confirm that the map you have is the real deal. It's going to be a long, arduous process that their lazy flanks will object to every day, every step of the way, but it's either that, or they're fired.
Is it too hard to ask that ponies that have a job to actually... do their job? This is just straightforward observation, note-taking, topography, the works! All I want is a good piece of parchment that tells me where things are within a certain degree of accuracy!
And I'm going to get it, no matter the cost. The post office still has the old maps, and gods know they need that if they ever hope to deliver a package to Discord one day. Which may or may not happen. It's hypothetical right now.
Please give them permission to enter the castle once they arrive, Twilight. This is a matter of utmost importance, and I don't want there to be any further delays.
Love,
Princess Celestia
Luna, are you all packed and ready?
Good, I'll get my things set. You made sure Flint and Spark have enough food for the next few days, right?
Gem salads, cupcakes, and snack platters sound perfect. I'll just write another note to have the Crusaders come by, and, hopefully, everything will be fine.
Just fine.
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Oh dear... It will not be fine. At all.
It WOULD have been interesting to see Celestia's reaction to Equal Town.
I… didn't even realise this. Are they trying to write Celestia out of the show, or is this just a narrative fluke? My money's on "narrative fluke", but still…
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The Crystal Map is Big Brother
I can only assume the Cutie Map is getting a satellite feed. I guess there was more than a castle in the box...
I wondered about that strange rail line they came in on. Dead end in the middle of a desert. No station. And a bit away from the town. Kinda disconcerting from the get-go. Did they just buy tickets to "the middle of nowhere?"
The map should have made then bring discord with them. I don't think it would have taken as long as it did to get the cutie marks.
I was half-expecting there to be something about the fact that there are a bunch of uber-powerful magic users whose names always seem to be synonymous with "Twilight" and "Sparkle."
ALL HAIL THE CUTIE MAP! THE CUTIE MAP SEES ALL AND KNOWS ALL!
6055500
Of course they are. Luna's the only one with any sizable popularity base. Mostly of stark-raving-mad cultists, but still. Who needs Celestia, am I right? She just runs the world's most powerful nation and has taken care of and protected the world for thousands of years. It's not like she spends all her time awake making sure little kids stop feeling insecure about their dreams. Obviously that's a far more important duty for a government official. Gives them tenure, you see.
This post brought to you by frothing mad sarcasm.
Of course you been replaced. You been replaced by the Tree of Harmony by proxy.
All hail the all powerful Embodiment of Friendship
6055624
To be fair, lately Luna appears more in the show that Celestia's does.
6055512 benevolent big brother
6055647
"If this is that tree's revenge against me, it's going about this in a very roundabout matter. But I don't even know what it'd be so mad about.
I mean, is it really that pissed that my sister and I just took its Elements without permission to imprison Discord, then just kept them away for over a thousand years to the point where they'd been rendered inert? And now it's getting back at me by pampering and 'gently' guiding Twilight far more effectively than I ever di--
Oh. Oooooh, it's playing hardball now."
6055649
That was the point I was making, yes. Her appearances in the show are a result of the feedback in popularity. So it's not being fair, that's literally the result of the imbalance and thus unfairness. If she can be in the show that often there's nothing keeping Celestia from showing up now and then and dispensing wisdom or sharing a cup of tea with Twilight or training Twilight in her duties even in the background, or solving something the group can't figure out and teaching them how to do better the next time.
Anything. But all that goes to Luna because she's got the biggest outcry in popularity. I'm not surprised, considering this generation is all about 'evil/darkness is cool!' and brainwashing themselves into believing Luna was some sort of poor babby victim, and the warm motherly character of Celestia is thus mistreated for being a symbol of authority, however pleasant. Tch.
6055716
To be fair, I am not really into the show anymore since season 3. That was the season that was only done to get the show syndicated so it was 65 episodes long, and the way Twilight became a princess was just WRONG. Hey you just messed up your friends lives and then solved the problem, POOF, congratulations, you are princess because you can clean up your messes.
Not to mention they rushed Discord supposed reforming to just be one episode long, when it could have been the season end instead. Season 4 could have been better, it had reruns of old lessons and the whole "keys" ark would have worked way better if we had all the key episodes together just before Tirek. Season 5 has one of the lamest two partner villains ever, and the season is not over yet so I dunno what to think.
Overall, is fanfics what keep me as a FiM fan, not the show. Sure getting G1 villains back is okay, but whats left, Grogar? The Smooze, Tirek and Grogar are everyone favorite G1 villains. After that there is just left what? Catrina? A pair of witches? An evil magic dragon? The crystal wizard?
Actually, it would be awesome to have the CMC defeat the crystal wizard.
Let's see, two growing dragons plus CMC left to their own devices in Canterlot Palace. I'm sure they'll manage...
...to not burn down the whole city.
6055786
But they will manage to cover the entire city in tree sap.
6055716
" You know you want this. I saw it in your dreams." ~ Luna
CMC and a fresh load of C-4.........Let it go....let it go........FIRE IN THE HOLE!
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THAT'S GOING TO LEAVE A MARK.
Oh boy. The mapmakers are gonna have a lot of fun with trying to find out where Discord lives.
6055812
Well, I just sort of took that as a given.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Do you have anything to say about all of these unicorns cropping up everywhere that have a talent in magic? And how they all have similar names. Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, and arguably Trixie Lulamoon. Seeing a pattern there? Trixie is and illusionist, so she doesn't quite fit with the other three, but did those first three all attend your school for gifted unicorns? Two out of three were your personal students. Seriously, what is going on?
A concerned citizen
P.S. Has anyone ever before attempted to remove or alter cutie marks before? And yes, I know about that potion that gives ponies Cutie Pox. I'm talking about experimental spells, rituals, or incantations. How much research gone into Cutie Marks? And if the answer to above questions are "no", how much magical energy would you say it would require to remove a Cutie Mark? Also, you find out about a town where everyones' Cutie Marks are the same, and have been removed by a power mad unicorn who kept them contained in a vault, and you're worried about your maps being up to date!? Priorities, mare, priorities.
6056024 I thought it was confirmed Trixie attended CSfGU. That means only Starlight isn't a confirmed student.
6056094 I have no knowledge of this. I'm sure that the Princess could check alumni records and give us a definite answer. Although Trixie is gifted in magic, it is specifically in illusion magic. And given her trade as a travelling showmare, I find it unlikely that she would persue higher education. I do not think it requires a degree to be a performer of any type.
6055560
No. They took the midnight train to anywhere.
6056163
"I recall a letter written a while back that had mentioned Trixie being one of the students that had attended my school. Fairly certain it involved a day court session discussing banning of wheels, too.
But yes, she did attend, as did Twilight and Sunset. Starlight... I'm drawing a blank on that name right now. I'll check the records to see if she had attended the school later, but my hopes aren't high considering it's about as organized as my desk drawers.
And you all know how those look."
6056228 so, ...
Is rarity a small town girl and spike a city boy?
6056228 nice reference. But the train issue brings up a valid concern. Why in Tartarus would the Bureau of Transportation build a track out to the middle of nowhere. Twice. Remember the first time Twilight and co. Got to the Crystal Empire? The track was basically a dead end in the middle of the Arctic tundra, with no civilization in sight. Tia, you may want to start thinking about cleaning house, so to speak.
6055744
Eh come again? I could very well argue that Starlight has been one of the more interesting villans. She seems very 'human' in how she defends her position with such passion, and yet she herself kept her cutie mark. Who knows what went on in her troubled past that she ended up that way (could be something like Amon's backstory).
The only way 'just fine' could wind up being sillier than anything else is that if things do turn out 'just fine'
It took her jerb!!!!
Dear Princess Celestia,
Are your sure that map isn't actually apart Twilights Castle i mean her Castle is a tree... If that map is growing out of the floor why dont you see if you cant get a couple of clippings and start growing your own get rid of those map makers forever an replace them with gardeners
p.s. Has any one ever called you Sunbutt?
6056381
Easy - the year marches towards it's end - and there is budget left. If you don't use it, your government may think, you don't need it and therefore cut the next year's budged.
So: Rule number one for spending public funds: Don't pile reserves. Use it all.
6056300 thank you for the quick response, but a number of my questions did not get answered. Now, you are a busy mare, co-running a country while also having to manage the earth's rotation so that it remains hospitable. You must not have had enough time to address all of my questions. Or the answers are classified government secrets. If the latter is the case, simply clarify which questions are classified and I will ask no further. If the former is the case, I would like a response on the matter whenever time may allow.
It wasn't marked because that's the town of un-marking.
6056873
Just at a cursory glance, many of your questions seem answerable in the next fanmail response. I'll set up the next open forum for questions soon, ideally by the next letter, and when that happens, please do leave those questions there for reiteration and record purposes.
(I curse my memory for being so shoddy as to forget questions asked in the comments is why, and I currently lack the time to give them a proper answer, which is what I reserve the fanmail for.)
6056381
there was an observation post for the Crystal Empire up in the Frozen North.
I suppose the train tracks near Equal Town were for eventual Equestrian expansion.
]---[ Thus with The Cult of Equality fallen and worshipers of Celestia and Luna falling to the wayside soon Pinkism would become the only religion to be found in Equestria ]---[
The Rise and Fall of Princess Celestia by Mayor Pinkie Pie.
6056426
Nightmare Moon: Powerful alicorn, might be stronger than Celestia.
Discord: More powerful that four alicorn princess.
King Sombra: Weaker than the princesses, but was a genius before he became a stupid zombie like Sombra that wanteds crystals.
Tirek: Weak until he drains enough ponies and could have been defeated earlier if the princesses has just put a bounty for griffons to just kill him (Since it took him a while to be able to drain non ponies) But overall a very dangerous villain if you give him MONTHS to prepare. Honest the guy escaped Tatarus back when Twi was still was a unicorn, was so hard to put a bounty dear Celestia?
Twilight Sparkle: Might be the most dangerous villain of the show. She turned her parents into plants and Spike into a giant when she was just a little filly, almost destroyed a whole town with a simple "Want me, need me" spell, and almost destroyed a town again by switching her friends cutie marks. Was turned into a princess just because the other option was imprisonment, plus you know, lets turn the most powerful unicorn ever into an alicorn and give her even more magic, so she can do even bigger screw ups, just because she occasionally saves Equestria.
After somone pointed it out to me, I'm becoming more than a little concerned that moral power is being handed over to either some sort of automated system, or some unseen intelligence that has, up until now, sat on it's metaphysical arse when it could have been helping out and is only doing so in the most unhelpful unclear way possible. Neither situation seems like its very satisfactory and seems rather... dangerous. Have we learned nothing for the Chamber of Secrets? Where does it keep its brain?
Heck, Celestia has got all kinds of crap over the years for her apparent chessmastering of Twilight - but now a table gets a free pass to do exactly the same only even MORE cryptically...?
6058757 Theoretically, the power is the Elements. They haven't been sitting on their arse, they've been making a certain rainbow laser work. In addition, I'd say that probably, there is a very good reason why it doesn't satisfy itself.
6058769 Yea, Tia probably should have tried to do some research on how the elements work, where the goddess damned tree thing came from... Something! Too late now I guess... Seeing as how the elements were returned to the tree, and now the tree turned into Twilight's new castle. GG Celly, GG
EDIT: I pleasantly refer you to this post 6055677
Celestia, you best pay Twilight as well for this, you're asking them to copy HER map after all.
6062120 Please explain to me why one monarch of a country needs to pay another monarch of the same country? You do realize that as a Kingdom the bit get's it's value from the crown, aka the legal entity that is the Princesses. Meaning Twilight docent need money. Everything in Equestria is 1/4th hers by law. Everypony else (who isn't a princess) is just renting it. That's what taxes are. If Twilight wants something, she just asks for it, and boom it's hers. Her paying someone is not required by law, it's a courtacy.
6063535 ...
Nerd.
6056901
What you did there?
I see it, and I wish I'd beaten you to it