Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man

Flurry's Emotions are Uplifting in More Ways Than One

My Dearest Cadance,

I love you with all my heart. I do, and I say this next statement with all the kindness and royal courtesy I can muster:

What in Tartarus were you thinking dropping off your baby with Twilight without even an inkling of advance notice?

Actually, don’t answer that. I know for a fact your mind was not in the right place—you’re raising a huggable baby with more latent magical power than half of the ridiculously powerful ancient artifacts in Equestria. It’s only natural to expect you and your husband would have a few days where a screw comes loose.

Keeping that in mind, what exactly prevented you from finding a local babysitter in the Crystal Empire? Was Sunburst stricken with a case of Hay Fever? Did other babysitters reject the offer because they lacked fire extinguishers, hoof mirrors, or a way to cage a wingspan that could shade four foals from the sun at once? Were they afraid that if a single hair was left out of place on her mane, you’d exact an unloving wrath reminiscent of their former king?

Whatever the reasons were, there’s still no excuse for not sending some sort of advance notice to Twilight regarding your situation. Speaking of that, you’re incredibly fortunate you could give her the baby at the castle with no advance warning. If she wasn’t home, what was your big plan then? Carry her with you to an art show where trash is completely indiscernible from treasure? FeathEx her over to me? Or perhaps you’d suck it up and treat it as a day trip with a baby in tow?

Sigh……. Look, I understand you are new to the whole parent business. As far as rookie mistakes go in realizing exactly how much planning you have to make regarding your little ball of squee and awww, this is hardly the worst thing in the world you could have done. You’re certainly not neglectful of her needs, but do make sure you’re not being an inconvenience to others when you think you need to take a day to breathe.

Other than that, I wish you the best in being the fun, but definitely responsible parents Flurry Heart could ever hope for.

Hugs and kisses to you and Flurry,

The Wise, Other Best Aunt Ever

P.S. Thank you for sending over forty jars of mashed peas in the event I do watch Flurry one day in the future, but... does she eat anything else? Also, am I using a hundred packs of diapers for her, or to drain my garden fountains for maintenance?

Actually, I'm just going to use those diapers to build a fort. I'm sure Flurry would appreciate that, but this might be overkill for future notice.

~~~

Dear Twilight,

How could you possibly think that taking on a babysitting job while also volunteering to read for a room of sick children suffering from Horsey Hives was ever a good idea? In the hours you spent over the course of the day, has there not been a single second where you realized exactly how dumb this was?

I get you put yourself in a rock and a hard place shoehorning a baby into that plan, but… really?? Was there no other way to keep her out of that room? You could have her play with Spike for fifteen minutes or something, anything that would keep her away from that contaminated environment! That was so utterly neglectful of Flurry’s safety, I’m stunned Spike didn’t call you out on that.

Cadance and Shining gave you their child to take care of and keep under a watchful eye. This is Child Safety 101 for you, and you’re already failing the class. I’m not sure how you managed to turn things in your head around enough to think all you needed to learn was to make time for her when you needed to learn so much more than that.

However, you’re also new to the whole babysitting job. To some degree, this incredibly irresponsible mistake can be chalked up to a grave error in prioritizing, and you should be thankful Flurry hasn’t developed any symptoms of Horsey Hives at this time. Even so, don’t you dare make this kind of mistake to our darling niece again, or you’re going to find yourself as a new contender for this year’s Spazzy by being Aunt of the Year.

Discord is already a shoe-in for it by turning the Miss Swiss Alps into a sugar-coated choco-mountain of a mess and ruining a humble ski resort in the process. I sincerely hope you don’t do anything to trump this “achievement” of his.

Regards,

Celestia

P.S. I hope if you eventually have children, you will take notes from Applejack when it comes to safety concerns for children. However, you should take most of her advice on that front with a grain of salt... maybe an entire salt shaker. Just be sure that whatever you take from her that sounds sensible, don’t hop the fence and coddle your children either. That’s opening the door to a whole other problem.

Hmm… come to think of it, what would I do to make Flurry’s stay safe in the castle? All of the kitchen muttware need to be good with foals, and now that Sunny and Moony figured out how to make catlery, I need a safe way to sort out the forks and knives. A spray bottle should do the trick there...

Ah, there’s my afternoon slice of cake. Thank you, Ready Maid. I need this today more than most other days.

...Did this plate just growl at me?

NO! Listen up, you pomeranian plate, that cake is mine. I don’t know how you got mixed in with my fine china, but this is not okay!

Look, I don’t like this situation you’re in either, but let’s compromise. I eat the cake, you clean up all the crumbs. Deal? Deal.

Comments

[MythrilMoth]

Yeah, Twilight learned the wrong lesson from her ordeal with Flurry. All the wrong lesson.

[Briarpelt]

Catlery? Oh, dear. As if normal claws weren't sharp enough!

[Tired Old Man]

"Babies take a lot of work, and some ponies are just not cut out to handle the responsibility." ~ Twilight Sparkle

Don't you just hate how years later, your own words can come back to haunt you sometimes?

[Ponygon]

Now all Sunny and Moony need to do is make a sentient candlestick, and they can do their own rendition of Be Our Guest.

[BlueYoshi]

Oh boy. I would hate it to see how it would be like if Sunny and Moony met Flurry Heart and tries to babysit her.

[Seether00]

Have Celly and Luna babysit. Let's see how they fare.

[Boulder]

FeathEx her over to me?

Good one.
Is this a dog bol?
rlv.zcache.co.uk/midge_bol_bark_out_loud_plate-r63ec146db561488dbd0b5b3ebc9e2b46_ambb0_8byvr_324.jpg
...and a hissy fork err fit?
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/44/d5/a8/44d5a8a884fa7deb7ff51e977b12454a.jpg?noindex=1
Be happy Tia it wasn't one of these!
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/92/e4/ba/92e4ba17afa61f830d2f591b77b866bb.jpg
Actually felt the heart trembles for Flurry for once, especially now she's trying to emulate the family tradition of fixing problems, thinking her power surges are still a bone of contention though, after all look what she temporarily did to Pumpkin Cake! (wings?...alicorn??)
pre08.deviantart.net/5846/th/pre/f/2017/112/9/c/evil_cakes_by_lynx318-db6sf6w.jpg

[Coyotek4]

8117616
What I would have given to see Pinkie just lay into Twilight, what with the shoe on the other hoof.

[Dinode]

P.S. I hope if you eventually have children, you will take notes from Applejack when it comes to safety concerns for children.

What do you know, she's actually sticking by her agreement to not mess up her name.

Actually felt the heart trembles for Flurry for once, especially now she's trying to emulate the family tradition of fixing problems, thinking her power surges are still a bone of contention though, after all look what she temporarily did to Pumpkin Cake! (wings?...alicorn??)

pre08.deviantart.net/5846/th/pre/f/2017/112/9/c/evil_cakes_by_lynx318-db6sf6w.jpg

Wow, I didn't notice that. Now, we can either go with your explanation, or we can go with the boring one of an animation error. Hmm, decisions, decisions.

[Jphyper]

8118322 She's been messing the name up often enough that she's bound to mess up occasionally. To be fair, I'm pretty sure she'll catch herself and cross it out immediately, but bad habits like that don't just go away. It takes time to get them to fade from your brain. Plus, her EQG self hasn't made that promise.

Also, why does my autocorrect want to replace "she's" with "Qur'an"?

[FanOfMostEverything]

I do quite like "FeathEx."

As for Flurry in the hospital, I'm convinced that her magical density is so high, she burns out any disease short of the tatzl pox.

[AetherToast]

8118476
Auto-correct is basically stupid as hell. Everytime I say hell it replaces with he'll. Also replaces a lot of common words with ones I have literally typed once, decides that words needs to go into the past tense when the entire paragraph has been in present tense, and will sometimes decides not to correct if I hit a "w" instead of an "e". Then again I am talking about a Samsung phone auto-correct, but still is appropriate for this.

[Jphyper]

8119588 Even by autocorrect standards, this is ridiculous.

[Hclegend]

The Wise, Other Best Aunt Ever

T W O B A E? Am I reading too much into iths, or is T O M trying to hint towards something else...

The curtains are probably just blue in this case. Although with T O M...

[dshadow14]

How could you possibly think that taking on a babysitting job while also volunteering to read for a room of sick children suffering from Horsey Hives was ever a good idea?

I am so relieved that I'm not the only one who questioned that decision.

[Cursed Quill]

FeathEx

hah

a shoe-in

shoo-in

[Javarod]

8118476
Auto complete can be even more fun. When using Swarm to check in at the grocery store, my cheap China phone wants to follow up the word food with stamps, shopping isn't even offered as a choice.

[Dashie04]

8119588
Apple devices are just as bad, trust me.

Until I disabled it, every and was an ‘Andy’.