//------------------------------// // Prancer is Not Second. He's Third, Followed by Vixen // Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess // by Tired Old Man //------------------------------// Twilight. Twilight Sparkle. Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle, Your student stood me up. You stood me up. And to add to that, you stood up the guests you insisted were Starlight Glimmer’s friends, when they’ve only barely heard of her. That’s stating it generously, by the way--two didn’t know she existed (one of which didn’t even acknowledge my question and listened to her music instead), and Cranky misheard me and assumed I wanted to cut their toupee with hedge clippers. He refused. Adamantly. If this is your idea of showing me how fantastic of a teacher you are with your new student, I’ll say that a poor showing of attendance reflects just as badly on you as it does for them. This goes double when said teacher spends so much time looking for her student that my sister raised the moon, and I had not received a single notice updating me on what the delay was. It was only by virtue of me keeping those three highly confused guests company in your absence that I didn’t leave to search for you myself. Which, in hindsight, I probably should have done and sent your guests away given how much of a waste of time it’s been for all of us. Except for the mailpony stuffing her face with muffins. She looked like she’d reached nirvana at the time. I’ve been snubbed before, but not to this degree of disrespect and definitely not twice in a single week by the same person. Gods above, SLOTHS manage to keep their appointments, and it takes them a whole day just to walk to the train station centered in their own town. It takes them another day to walk from Canterlot station to my castle, with no stops in-between. I’ve met them at the station ever since the first meeting for obvious reasons, but that’s because I like being punctual and efficient with my time. Speaking of time, do you have any idea how much time I’ve had to set aside for this meeting?! I’ve had to cancel one of my own diplomatic appointments and shift another to Luna so she could meet with a new dragon emissary in my place! I looked forward to that meeting--Ember said they’re the delegated leader of the hugging committee, and I badly wanted to know how that would go down. Instead, Luna got hugs, and I sat here watching your ice cream sculpture melt while badly wishing for a cake to go with it. And no, muffins don’t count. I tried making that work. It’s not the same. I even told the muffin munching mare as much. It didn’t go as expected. Here’s a small snippet of that conversation. "Muffins." "Cakes." "Muffins." "Cakes." "Muffiiiiiiiiiins!" "Caaaaaaaaaakes!" “If muffins are so inferior, why do cupcakes try to be like them?!” “Hah! Muffins are just dense cupcakes denying their true identity!” “YOU TAKE THAT BACK!” “MAKE ME!” On a side note, you’re going to need new plates. Anyway, after your sculpture completely melted and the small scuffle I had came to a close, all of us figured the meeting wasn’t going to happen, so we left. Correction: Cranky, Muffin girl and I left. I’m pretty sure the white music pony didn’t even know we left and should still be inside by the time you get this. In case you’re wondering, this did not go well. I was okay with the first snub--you had a reason for that, and that reason is stuff happens. This second time had no good reason for such incredulous delay and deception on your part. Don’t try to cover for your student’s faults, Twilight. You are their mentor, not their mother. One more thing. Don’t do this a third time. Do. Not. Otherwise, at the next summit, I’ll sit you next to Jerry. Yes, that Jerry. The one that treated your tail as a cookie crumb collector and turned my table space into his non-food trash bin. Thou art warned. Sincerely, Princess Celestia There you are, Luna. How was the hugging emissary? Five minutes straight? And you stood there and took it like a champ? Bravo, dear sister! Oh, nothing much happened with me over there. Except chatting with Cranky and a small disagreement over pastry. Yep. Very small. Wait, Cranky did have one concern. He said the bottle of Mane-Gain we gave him grew out his nose hairs instead of any head hair. I know, right? He’s clearly not using enough of it! Sure, the nose hairs ARE how they start, but he seemed to think that’s all they grow. Mmhmm, we simply must correct this false outlook of his, although he’s pretty adamant about using his fancy wigs these days... Sister? Why are you quiet all of a sudden? You… came here to discuss something else, didn’t you? Please tell me it doesn’t involve Sunny and Moony... T-They found where we stored all of our Mane-Gain? Okay, so how many bottles do you think they used? Haaaaaaaaannngh… very well. I’ll get some hedge clippers for both of us. And while we’re at it, summon our hairdresser. Cranky’s getting a brand new wig from us. You know, something that actually works for him.