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// Bonus Bonus (...or is it Double Bonus?): Showing Restraint After Being Restrained 
// Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess 
// by Tired Old Man 
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Dear Princess Cadance, 

I received your notice a few days ago, and I will state for the record that I completely understand your concerns after you received a box filled with a bunch of R.A.P.I.S.T. cards with my face plastered all over them. Out of context, I will not fault you for the action you took as a result. Believe me, if I had received such a disturbing box of material sent from your home, I would definitely take some precautionary measures before I even approached you on the subject. Although I would not go to your extreme measure.

Which is what this letter’s getting to. I formally request that you revoke the restraining order asking me to not approach the outer limits of the Crystal Empire and to stay at least a mile away from Flurry Heart, which is incidentally somewhat larger than the outer limits. To this end, I also ask for forgiveness for causing such undue stress on you in this time of overprotective motherhood.

You know I love you, Cadance. With all my heart I love you as an aunt and a mentor. And I do love your daughter, just not in a weird werewolf-y sort of way. Because that’s just extremely awkward, and not at all what I’m trying to get at here. The point is that I would never do such a thing to your daughter, or to anypony else. It’s a despicable crime that I could never see myself doing, no matter how likely you seem to think it so.

As for the cards, they are also not at all what they appear to be. They belong to a company in my city with an acronym that’s as terribly conceived as they are efficient with their work. Did you know this company actually managed to score me a timeshare on the Hayman Islands? I get to spend an entire week there! Well, assuming I arrange the travel to and from and do so when I get word of its availability, which as of yet hasn’t happened because ponies keep reserving it like the real estate sharks they are…

But I’ll find the right timeslot. I’ll get it one day.

Ahem. Anyway, I’m sure once you take the time to look into both of these investment and timeshare companies, you’ll realize just how huge of a misunderstanding all of this was. Again, I understand how you jumped to the conclusion you did. But now that you have enough reasonable context to nullify this order… well, you can fill in the rest from there.

Also, if it’s not too much trouble, could this issue be resolved by the end of the month? I have about three cartloads of gifts to send your way, and would like to personally deliver them and see all of the ‘aww’-inducing giggles and baby snorts I’ve been missing since a few weeks ago. 

And please, don’t refuse the gifts. Some of them aren’t even my own—nobles are already approaching me with some of their own toys and trinkets for Flurry Heart to enjoy, no doubt to kiss our hooves and curry favor as usual. 

One of these gifts is a golden pacifier. Hang on, the inside of this sounds hollow. There’s a little hinge and door on the tip, but I can’t quite get it open. I don't want to send you any gifts that I don't know everything about beforehoof, so I'll look over the gifts one more time before I get them prepared to send to your castle.

Thank you for your time and understanding regarding the other very important matter here. Hopefully I'll speak with you in person soon.

Love and deepest apologies,

Princess Celestia

Alright, pacifier. How do I get you open?! My hooves can’t work your foul hinge, so you must require a great deal of dexterity and precision! 

...I have it! Heh, clever. Alright, tongue, it’s time for you to go to work.

Mmgh… almoh goh ih...uh…

H-Hello Luna! I… erm, what did you see?

No, I was NOT sucking on this pacifier! I was working a weird lock on it with my tongue and… well, it’s been difficult. Do you want to try?

...okay, how did you do that so fast? And more importantly, can you teach me?