Being Trapped in Stone is DULL!

by Jioplip

Excess of Dullness.

Ahhh, that was a fine nap. Well, as fine a nap as you can get when you're petrified anyhow. I literally wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, it's excruciating just how DULL IT ALL IS!

But I'm back, and so far today has been-

it's odd to read about someone other than pinkie breaking the fourth wall. Discord, I'm right there with you. How did the universe forget about the element of honesty? and it not have anything to do with you?

Dachande

What's this? Dachande? How do you pronounce that?

Well, whatever, at least if I'm talking I'm doing something.

And no, I couldn't have affected the Elements in that way if I tried, Chaos can't affect Harmony, neither can Order. Harmony is too powerful, too metamagical to be affected by my powers.

Hey Discord! I know a spell that can link us together. That way you get sustenance from what I eat. I love the surrogate stomach spell.

Dachande

What.

hey discord? can you summon me to equestria? I have a feeling my sarcastic and overall different nature will allow me to use chaos magic. I wouldn't do anything your amount of crazy would do. I will leave that stuff to you, but I'd still have fun showing twi the internet. (got that idea from shirotora, all credit to him for what I just said)

Dachande

After that stomach tease you aren't even in the same universe as me? Of all the {YOU INTRIGUE ME, WE WILL TALK} and as much as I'd love to bring you here, my Chaos magic is linked to this domain, a limitation set by my mother. While I've been to the inter-universal events before I haven't been able to go since Celestia and Luna sealed me here. Though the next function is scheduled to occur pretty soon, maybe I'll have broken out by then.

...I seem to have gotten off track, where were we?

Discord, don't you have something in your chaos arsenal that can at least make it easier to be trapped in stone? and besides, at least your not quantum locked, like we#%&$@#%&*els.

Dachande

Unfortunately my powers are almost completely sealed, and I'm afraid I can't afford to waste effort on comfort, I need to get out, I NEED to get my revenge on Celestia and her student, I NEED TO KNOW WHO THAT STRANGE DOCTOR IS!

Sir, if I may ask, what do you know of two old washouts named Grogar and Tirek? the appear in a few universes, and I was curious as to if they ever existed in yours.

the_Changeling_prince_2

Grogar is a beast that should never have been created! I'm glad it's sealed in it's cage!

I'm afraid I've never heard of any Tirek however, he must have been pretty small-time.

Are you a carnivore? You have the teeth for it.

toa697

I'm technically an avore. But no, I've never eaten meat, I find the thought rather repulsive actually.

hey, that sounds easier to do than w#^&%#@$^&*^$#@%.
and discord, Luna is best princess. Celestia can be really...taxing. I'm guessing you haven't tried reading $%^&#ction to pass the time, so. I recommend reading %$$%^$#$%^$%^&&%$$

Dachande

Dachande again? How did he... she... Whatever!

How did Dachande even have time to contact me this many times all at once when I normally only recieve a single communication back from each of you?

There can't be enough time to...

Time? But what could be affecting time?

Is it Dachande? Celestia? It can't be that Doctor pony...

I have a jailbroken iPad and I modded my keyboard to put down different accii code that injects objects into your univer........ Errr black magic yea
Black magic that the story and I'm sticking with it.

Deflem1

YOU!

I don't know what half of those words mean, but you keep your magic boxes to yourself I'm yrngra llits Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha-ÇÚÍÑÖ-FORK!

as a torture idea, discord, why not inject hydrochloric acid into their bloodstreams and watch them scream in agony as their own bodies disolve themselves?

Dachande

I think we're going to get along splendidly. If you ever breach the border between our Universes that is.

Hey discord, I found a cure for Petrification, you just need to make a potion from the ground up roots of a Mandrake plant. Hope this helps. P.S. have you ever met Loki (Asgarian god of Tricksters) Or Set (Egyptian god of Chaos)

zeusdemigod131

Oh I'm familiar with them all right, they're both regulars to the Function, or they were when I attended anyway.

Set's just a blowhard though, and far too concerned with his image.

And Loki, ugh! For being hailed as a 'Trickster God' the guy's a real downer, always whining and complaining about his family and how Thor was always Father's favourite and how nobody gets him because he's a poor adopted little giant-thingy.

I miss those guys.

Oh dear Mother I have a lot of correspondence to get to. I'll deal with it in a minute, the Elements have gathered and I have to watch them for any sign of weakness.

---

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED!

Ugh! And here I was thinking I might learn something from their gathering, but it was just to celebrate that baby dragon's birthday!

Not a shred of helpful information! Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy.

Each of their seals are holding strong, Magic's weakening has unsealed some strength, but I need the rest to doubt in their Elements as well.

What I need is an opening, some kind of fault to exploit, some weakness of their's.

I can't do anything while I'm stuck in here, I barely have any power right now, and while I'm enjoying having a shred of contact to this universe's Chaos...

Of course! This Stoning must be dulling my senses, since Chaos is a non-local energy source, I can use it anywhere I need to.

But that still means I'll have to wait for an opportunity...

the doctor huh? I have seen him aroud here and there, and, being a tenno, $%^&&%$$%&&*^%$#%&*^$$&*&^$$&he begin$##%^^%$#@$%^$an tell you, that %$$%^^%$$^^&^%$tor you saw way back when. He is%%#^&&_#%^&&%#^^&, if you piss him off, the most $%^^%$$^^%$$%^^.. pony in the multiverse.

Dachande

This again? Why is it that I can never get a straight answer about this Doctor? Is he interfering with my correspondence?

my wrist computer contracted server transmitted data while I was in the Oort cloud.

Dachande

Alright, this is getting ridiculous, why is it that each being that's contacting me is doing so in a different way?

Yes that is a question for all of you, how does this make sense?

for your question, discord, I am an interdimensional being known as a tenno, My comunications array isn't affected by location, but it's very sensitive to tampering. My dreadnaught is currently in orbit around your equestria. I am down in my forward command hub in Ponyville, but just so you know, the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn" sounds like a minor toothache compared to the fury and battle tactics of a tenno hunting down beings who cause harm to those he/she protects. (in my case, all of the ponies of equestria are under my protection.)

Dachande

In orbit around my Equestria? I think you're confused about which Discord you're talking to, this wonderful Equestria is located on an infinite plane of existence, known by a twisted and inutterable name.

The ponies refer to it as 'the world', or 'reality'.

Also, while your bragging was mildly amusing, might I remind you who and what I am?

Discord, Spirit of Chaos, God of Disorder, The Laughing Tyrant, Destroyer of History, Master of Disharmony, and the best damn Giant Cow rancher you've ever seen.

I don't think you'll be much protection against me.

I have a theory for you about those cubes discord.

They exploded because they were from an alternate reality. This universe didn't want them here so it caused them to destabize at the molecular level causing an explosion.

also, I seem to have caught up with the correct timestream to reply to. yay for me.

Dachande

So the temporal disturbance was felt on both sides, was it?

It doesn't matter now, I need to bring down the Elements!

I'll be watching them closely from now on.

---

Dragon greed, huh? It's not how I'd pictured their downfall, but it'll do, I suppose.

I must say that I didn't expect this from the dragon's party yesterday, I had figured Twilight Sparkle would have at least done her research into a potentially dangerous creature she herself was raising.

Oh well, with the dragon getting bigger and bigger and Twilight Sparkle being too attached to it to strike it down, I just might have a rather large victory to-

OH WHAT THE HELL?

What just happened? What was that? He... gave her a Fire Ruby? That's one of the rarest, most magically powerful gems in existence, if he had eaten that, he might have even overcome his natural greed...

Well, I suppose this is the weakness I've been waiting for.

---

Night had set on Ponyville, and the sounds of the reconstruction efforts had since faded away. It would be several days before Ponyville was restored fully, but most of the citizens were just glad the damage wasn't worse.

But one pony in particular had nothing to be glad about right then, as Rarity tossed and turned under her sheets, gripped in a nightmare.

A sickly yellow glow pulsed weakly from under her eyelids as a mocking voice rang out in her dreams.

"How could you take it from him?"

"Don't you know how precious it was to him?"

"He'd been aging it for weeks."

"Looks like the grey you was the real you after all."

"I wonder what you'll take from them next?"

Rarity bolted upright, the yellow leaving her eyes as a soft laughter echoed unheard in the darkness.

Author's Note:

An update!

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Well, if you're still bothering to read this story, tadah!

I have nothing witty to contribute, and even though I said I'd finish this chapter this week, I did about half on monday, procrastinated tuesday-thursday, and just finished it today.

Hopefully it doesn't suck too bad!

Comments

[Hekate Sketch]

ok, I may be a bit brutal, and arrogant, but don't screw with the doctor. trust me, I had to spend 1 google years in a time lock for pissing him off.
one google is one with one hundred zeroes following it.

on a side note: The color sasquatch taste like the letter 3.

[Delmon]

( This message actually has recorded imagery, the individual seems to be adorn with a dark red practical wizard-like robe, with lighter blood red trimmings, also sporting a fair amount facial hair and seems to have a sinister smirk that would make a lesser man uncomfortable. He is currently standing in a dimly lit room, the wall in the current image sporting a single torch that seems to be burning out. With him, a couple Skeletal animations whom he seems to shoo away when he realizes that the message is starting. )
Well Discord I suppose i have a question for you sir, Unfortunately it took almost my entire stockpile of children's tears, and the essence of one this world's immortals as well as a rather taxing amount of magic to send this message to you. I really rather not tell you how i even ripped one of you bastards out of your physical shell, as that in itself almost killed me.. anyways on to the question. Does your dimension and or realm have dark magic? If so would you care telling me about it. If it sounds promising i actually might make a visit, that being a large inter-dimensional portal that would rip apart and destroy the land around it on my side, after dispersing when i pass through it, but i could careless about this place. ( Taking a moment to think with his right hand to his chin in thought) Though that might take a bit, but rest assured, the possibility is there! Even if the magic isn't all what it could be, i might pop in for a spell to see sights a bit. Even though i would like a nice vacation of sorts. I may have to bring some ... friends if your Pony Sun princess has a problem with it.( Pausing for a moment almost looking sad) Though that would be most unfortunate. (The message fades away here.)

[Prince_Staghorn]

Discord, tell me, what do you have to say to those who believe you used to be Starswirl the Bearded?

[zeusdemigod131]

Ok I think this transmitter will overcome whatever is messing with the messages hang on.... Eht Rotcod si morf eht tenalp Yerfillag eh sah a enihcam dellac het Sidrat taht si a emit enihcam eh esu ot eb emit drol morf rehtona esrevinu tub na tnedicni tens mih ot Airtseuqe het Sidrat syawla setagitsevni larepmet seilamona os fi ouy nac ekam a xodarap fo yna dnik taht dlouhs gnirb mih ot ouy neht gnibrosba larepmet ygrene morf eht Sidrat dlouhs tel uoy epacse.

dna eht snoitcerid rof gnidaer ti era ni owt tnereffid segaugnal morf sesrevinu s'eh reven neeb ot

qaStaHvIS neSlo' laD legh

debis ootay a kkahu'a ar jat

lets hope this works

The hints for both. One is from a galaxy far, far away and the other is the first place we heard Discords voice. These hints may or may not be in the correct order

[SilverAlchemist]

Congratulations, Discord, on being the best damn Giant Cow rancher I've ever seen (even though I don't see you).
We haven't talked in a while. How's life? When's life? Why's it so lively (or not, in your case)?

[rannu182]

Hi Discord! I have some new questions. Please answer them!
Do you know anything about the cockatrice( I think that is how you spell it)?
How does paper taste like?
Do you know anything about applejack's parents?
And finally: What do you think about Derpy?

Thank you for your time.

[chaos5367]

Hey Discord has Lady Faust ever discovered that your siblings abandoned you to deal with the giant cows before they exploded?

[zeusdemigod131]

Discord three questions.

1. Have you ever met a being named Eris?

2. What is the oddest place (In the multiverse) you've ever visited?

3. what other notable reality warpers are at this function you keep mentioning?

[booklover41]

Hey Discord have you seen any antimatter squares I thought I saw Deflem1 near hi but I'm not sure. Anyway I have Three questions for the chief of grief, the master of disaster, the one true king of mischief (screw loki) DISCOOORD!
1. Did !you know some people think you and Celestia were an item once. In fact they believe that you were turned to stone because of you broke up with her.
2. If I send you a cockatrice could it use it's abilities to turn you back from stone.
3. I can see the Future it just takes a while.

[Blazing Shadow]

broadcasting on every nearby ethereal responder/magical foci
can anypony hear me!? i'm stuck in sun-butt's dungeon!
my teleportation spell broke down mid-use and i appeared inside a room made from pillows! i tried telling the stallions outside but they tell me to shut up and mutter "crazy ass ponies", "dude, i dont recognize her, but i guess thats because they're all the same, right?"
they annoy the "#%// out of me and the desert they serve is horrible! they had pineapple pizza too!.

blazing out.