Being Trapped in Stone is DULL!

by Jioplip

Irony is Uncomfortably Dull

I am BORED!

I'd even settle for Twilight Sparkle and her friends at this point, as long as I have SOMEONE to talk to. It grates on what little sanity I have left, and I could really use some company. I tell you, being trapped in stone does NOT do wonders for the mind. It's true, I have absolutely no choice but to be aware of everything around me all the time. Did you know that I can't sleep?

Oh, and if you're wondering about the italics, I got bored of them, so I'll be keeping a regular font type for the time being.

Ah well, I suppose if it's to stave off boredom, I might as well tell you a little about my origins.

*ahem* As you are well aware, my mother, the creator of this realm and all who reside therein, is a somewhat infamous trickster herself, and I believe that it was that, and a binge of science-fiction entertainment, that provided the seed from which I was born.

Now, as you know from last time, I was raised on a giant cow ranch, but what I didn't mention is that I wasn't alone. My "siblings" were there too. Celestia, Luna, T^%#$, and I all worked together to milk the giant cows, but while I reveled in the work. the others soon grew tired of it, T$#@* was the first to leave, to lead his undersea kingdom.

My "sisters" soon followed him, and though I tried to persuade them to stay, they would hear nothing of it, and without their help I was unable to milk all the giant cows. So they exploded.

I should probably have mentioned earlier that giant cows were designed to produce an over-abundance of milk, and if they aren't tended to properly, they will explode. Which they did.

Now personally I think that the giant cows were a test from mother, a test we all failed when they left. It's their fault though, and I mean so what if I was the oldest? Does that mean I was supposed to stop them from leaving? It's not like the girls ever listened to me, nooo, they were too busy fauning over their "big brother" T&$#%!

But listen to me ramble, I'm sure you're far interested in what happened afterwords.

Well, I hope you don't look up to Celestia too much, because the truth is quite unkind to her character. You see, I was angry at my "siblings" for abandoning me, so I set a plan in motion, I started with sealing T$#@&'s kingdom off, preventing him from speaking with our "sisters." Phase two of the plan was to plant seeds of uneasyness in dear Luna's head, with maybe just a pinch of chaos to make it stick, and since T%&*$ was incommunicado for the time being, the poor pretty princesses were helpless against my magic.

And then Celestia, the Faust-damned (Sorry mom) bitch went and tattled to our mother, while conveniently forgetting that she abandoned the giant cows, heck, I wouldn't be surprised is she lied and said it was my fault just to make her seem even more the victim.

So she comes back with Luna in tow, and they blast me with the Elements of Harmony mom gave her, petrifying me in the middle of my one-draconequus theater's ending number!

And that my friends, is how the Elements, Nightmare Moon, and Equestria as we know it came to be.

That's right, in a stroke of utter irony it was my moment of greatest chaos that brought the Elements of Harmony into creation.

Now Pinkie Pie on the other hand, is an absolute delight! To be honest I really didn't want to brainwash her, but the end result was almost as amusing anyway! But moving on to only slightly less depressing subjects, my most recent defeat, upon closer examination, was purely due to Twilight Sparkle and her annoying perserverence.

Hello again everyone, I'm Discord, and I have a confession to make.

%$%$&^*$%&*$%##@&(^%&$^$^%((*%$%#&**

I really wish they'd left me time for a last meal or something, I was about to go for lunch when they stoned me.

Oh well.

Author's Note:

Toast is a fine item of breakfast, and in non-food-related news, a name you may be familiar with has reared it's letters this chapter, yes it's T%$#*, defender2222's Oceanic Creature, please go check out his stories, as they are amazing and I now present the following disclosure:

I own nothing in this story, everything mentioned by name likely belongs to Hasbro, but the giant cows belong to us all.

T#$%^ is defender2222's, and is also amazing.

Comments

[Diamond Sparkle]

Poor hungry Discord.

[Jioplip]

2466571 It's gotta suck, not being able to eat anything.

[Hekate Sketch]

Hey Discord! I know a spell that can link us together. That way you get sustenance from what I eat. I love the surrogate stomach spell.