• Member Since 27th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 1st, 2015

Jioplip


I write silly things! Oh, and occasionally something serious.

Sequels1

E

Twilight Sparkle has a secret, one she's never told anypony, in fact, she believes that her secret is more shocking and terrifying than any known to ponykind. But little does she know that Celestia, Discord, and Tank have terrible secrets as well.

As secrets are revealed and bonds of trust shaken, will Twilight have the courage to reveal her darkest of secrets?

(Now has a sequel.)

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 69 )

2793409

Why thank you!:twilightsmile:

I was going for random.

Big McIntosh? Nah. Should be Davenport, the owner of Quills & Sofas.

2793467

Drat, now why didn't I think of that?

Ok that was a good random story (witch usually anoy me^^)

I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't get inspired...

I disagree.

................





I LIKE IT! This was a hilarious little story! I'm a bit surprised I don't see more stories like this.

2793630

Aww, thanks!:twilightsmile:

2793653

Hooray!

I suppose you don't see much of this because it's just so... out there, and yet also so obvious when you think about it.

Da fuck did I just read?:rainbowhuh:
Random Status: Random Overload!!!
:derpytongue2::facehoof::rainbowhuh::pinkiesad2::flutterrage::pinkiecrazy::trixieshiftright::twilightangry2::moustache::trollestia::yay::unsuresweetie::twistnerd::twilightsmile::twilightsheepish::twilightoops::twilightblush::duck:

>Indeed, Tank had revealed his true form, but with this reveal would come another!
I didn't notice the random tag.

I sort of figured it out after that point though.

2793848>>2793926>>2794020>>2794457>>2794577

I believe that these comments sum up this story perfectly!:twilightsmile:

My explanation: Equestrian Soap Opera.

thubs down because my head hearts :derpyderp1::twilightangry2::rainbowhuh::pinkiesick::rainbowderp:

This is now my new head canon.

That was the awesomest thing I have ever read

2798465

My first downvote? I've done it! I've done it!

Here we go again.

What did I just write?

Some awesome that's what. :pinkiehappy:

2814450

Why thank you.

It just... fills my hear with a fuzzy feeling, seeing comments like this.

It also fills my stomache with a feeling like chrome. It's heavy, but it feels good.

Do you know what feeling I'm referring to?

It's duty.

If even one person enjoys something I wrote, I feel responsible to make the next thing I write as good or BETTER.

How did I even get on this tangent anyhow?

Dafuq? :unsuresweetie:

I'm not even sure what happened. So, Tank is Star Swirl, Discord is Sunset Shimmer, Twilight is some Draconequs or whatever, and somepony is Embryous.

WHAT?! :raritycry:

2827613 That's basically it.

Everypony had a secret, though oddly only the ones thought not to be ponies turned out to be ponies.

How strange.

Also, Embryous is Celestia's true form.

2846001 Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

Thanks for reminding me, if I had gone on writing the sequel without recalling that I might've introduced a plothole!

Scary thought.

Unfortunately, you have far too many errors to warrant inclusion into the Good Grammar Directory at this time.
The errors are too numerous to list, but I will give a few examples.

COMMA SPLICES:

The Throne room was quiet, it was so silent, in fact, that had a pin been present, it would have been heard even if nopony had dropped it.

You have two independent clauses joined by a comma. This is incorrect; the correct mark is a semicolon. This error occurs many times in your story. Also, the word "throne" does not need to be capitalized.

LACK OF PUNCTUATION:

Perhaps I'm speaking out of turn Celestia,

You need a comma after "turn" and before "Celestia." This error also occurs many times in your story.

LACK OF CAPITALIZATION

"But who could fool two of the most powerful beings in equestria

Capitalize Equestria.

I suggest that you get a proofreader here: Proofreader Group to review your story.
You may re-submit your story into the submissions folder whenever you are ready.

2852729 Room was meant to be capitalized, and I see, thanks for pointing those out, I missed all that!:twilightsmile:

This was the best random thing since Double Sun Power.

2943410 Your avatar.

Hee.

Hee ho.

Ha!

...And now I have to find out what Double Sun Power is...

what an...odd story. not sure if i should laugh or kill it with fire.

I'm going to laugh.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::twilightsheepish::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!!!!

3127402 Why hello there!

It seems you've come a way to get here, might I inquire as to what your opinion was on this story?

:rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp:



I'm not sure if my mind is blown, but it is certainly cracked..:derpyderp2::derpyderp1:

3130582 Well, I hope it's in a good way.:rainbowhuh:

If it was a bit much for you, the sequel is usually tamer.

Sorry it took a while. I'm not exactly the best at giving reviews, but here it goes.

Name of Story: A Secret Thrice Unconnected

Grammar score out of 10: 8

Pros:
- It was hilarious! :rainbowlaugh:
- The narration was great.
- It's definitely something I haven't seen before. Original, and not to mention, random.

Cons:

- Capitalization issues. "The Throne Room was quiet, it was so silent in fact, that had a pin been present, it would have been heard even if nopony had dropped it." The word "throne" doesn't require capitalization.
- Commas. "The Throne Room was quiet, it was so silent in fact, that had a pin been present, it would have been heard even if nopony had dropped it." I'm not really sure how to put this, but there's a bit too many commas here, and reading it had kind of a weird flow.
- Missing apostrophe (minor). "Celestias gaze hardened as she focused her eyes on Discord". Should be Celestia's. This one isn't too bad, as it's the only one I've noticed.

Notes Section:

That. Was. Awesome! :pinkiehappy:
Definitely earns a like and favorite for me. I really enjoyed your humor and silliness in this fic, and that's really all I have to say. I'll be looking forward to more fics from you! :twilightsmile:

3142056 In the capitalization case, The Throne Room is the chamber's full name, capitalized to show it's importance and grandeur.

The commas I should really deal with, and I'll seek to rectify the apostrophe issue as well.

Thank you for your time, and for pointing out my errors! :twilightsmile:

3220309 'Tis the general consensus amongst our peers.

I think my mind just melted... :twilightoops:

3220979 Heeheeh!

That picture makes me:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:.

3222747 Hoo...ray? Maybe.

3223037

Yep. Hooray! Wait... what? Oh yeah, that part of my brain already melted :derpytongue2:

2795225 ........................................................ wut

I..I.. Wu...it...uhhh....ehh....hum....>.> :coolphoto: <.< Nope I got nothin lesigh

if this was a halo game :flutterrage: KILLAMANJARO!!!! :pinkiecrazy::heart::pinkiecrazy:
this was awsome :twilightblush:

..........I have this sneaking suspicion that the author of this ..... for want of a better word, story, is a Draconequus.

3594597 Say whaaa?

Naw man, 'm just a cheery blue unicorn. Totally.

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