Rainbows Last Wishes

by Flutterwh0

Dear Scootaloo

Dear Scootaloo,

What’s up squirt! It’s been a while since I’ve last heard from you, and at this point, I honestly don’t know how much longer I will be here. You remember that problem I told you about a while ago? It’s gotten much worse… I’m not exactly good at sugar coating this kind of thing, or really anything for that matter… The doctors said that I only have a week at the most left to live.

I know that this isn’t the easiest thing to hear, erm, well, read... and I would have much rather told you in person. I know that you have been busy though, being the new captain of the Wonderbolts and all. I didn’t want to interrupt you or your training. I know just how stressful that job is, but I knew that you could do it.

Have I ever told you just how proud I really am of you? Not just for becoming the captain of the best fliers in all of Equestria, but for everything that you have accomplished over the years. I remember when you first came to Ponyville. You seemed so scared, so unsure of anything and everything. I remember seeing something inside you though, something different, something special. There aren’t many ponies that had what you did. When I looked at you, I saw a miniature me inside you. I saw so much potential that was just waiting to be unlocked.

Do you remember that time you, me, rarity, sweetie and everypony went camping? That was a great time! The others were so terrified of those stories! You put on such a tough little exterior, just like I did at your age. Then, after that whole crazy mishap with the waterfall and everything, when you came out and said you wanted me to take you under my wing, you don’t even understand the feelings that went through my head. I was so excited, so happy. I always kind of looked at you like a little sister, watching out for you from a distance. After that night though, I no longer had to keep that distance. I was able to be there by your side, showing you how things really were.

I still remember that night where you told me about your past, about where you came from. You of all people know that I hate that sappy stuff, and crying. Your story touched me though, and it made me that much more proud to call you a little sister, even if it was unofficial up to then. Do you remember when I brought you back to where you came? The look on your face was priceless! I told you that I wouldn’t ever let anypony hurt you. When I walked into that orphanarium in manehattan, I never felt so sure about anything. The look on the ponys face behind the glass was priceless too, when I told her that you were my little sister, and that you brought her there so they could take you off their records for good. Apparently they had been looking for you for a while, or at least that’s what she said. Oh well, they weren’t going to be ever again.

After that, things finally seemed to be normal, or at least as normal as they could be with me around. Haha. I remember when you finally flew for the first time, the look of excitement on your face, the tone of your voice. It was such a happy day, and from then on, I made it my mission to make you as good a flier as you could be, maybe even make you as good as me. Remember that obstacle course I made for you to practice with up in the clouds? It was AWESOME!! Heck even I used it a couple times... just to see if it was good enough for you.. Or something like that... You definitely picked up on flying quickly, proving to me yet again that you were pretty much a miniature me! It was awesome.

You even kicked butt at the young flier’s competition! Do you even know how hard that is to get into!? Good thing you had me looking out for you squirt. I pulled a few strings and got you in. After watching your competition, I knew you could outfly them with one wing tied behind your back. I never realized just how good you were getting in such a short time. You blew the entire crowd away! You might have even got me out of my seat. I’m not saying you did! But there is the possibility. When the judges and Celestia came out to announce the winners, I wasn’t surprised you got first. That was one of my proudest moments, seeing my little squirt growing up before my eyes.

Time just seemed to fly by, sometimes literally. Do you remember that time you thought you could beat me in a race? Don’t get me wrong, you were progressing incredibly well, but c’mon Scoots, it was me you were going up against! I had you that whole race! Well... until the end. I TOTALLY let you win… I wanted to give you that motivation to keep going, to get better. Do you honestly think that the current captain back then could lose for real? You put up a good race though. It was totally awesome!

Gosh I could just go on and on about all the great memories that we have made over the years squirt, but that wasn’t the point in my writing this letter to you, although at the same time it does help. The reason I wrote this to you though was I want you to take care of everything, the funeral, the reception, everything. There is nopony I trust more in all of Equestria than you, and I know that you will do an absolutely awesome job. It will be easily 20% cooler than any service anypony has ever seen! I don’t want you to be sad squirt, which is partially why I was reminiscing with some of the good times. I want you to be able to look into the sky and think happy thoughts of me. I don’t want anypony to mope around and be all depressed, that’s just not… cool. You get where I’m going with this? I will leave you everything that you will need to arrange everything, and then some.

I promise you squirt, no matter what happens in your life, I will always be there watching over you, just like I always have been. Whenever you feel the wind in your mane, that’s gonna be me. Every time a rainbow zips across the sky, it will be me. No matter what, I will always be there watching over you. You have my word. I am the element of loyalty for a reason. Hehe.

I love you squirt. I know I don’t really say that, I hate that mushy stuff. But I do love you, and I always have. You’re my awesome little sister, and I am glad that I got to spend the time that I did with you.
Love always, your Sister,
Rainbow Dash

A small wet spot appeared on the letter, the sounds of sobbing coming from the young pony as she lays the letter down flat on the table in front of her. Words seem to escape her as she sits there, her eyes closed. The sound of footsteps came towards her from behind, stopping at the back of the chair that she was sitting on.

She felt a gentle hoof on her shoulder as the tears began to flow freely, staining her coat with moisture. Her eyes remained closed as she laid her head against the other pony, which pulled up a chair next to her, wrapping a comforting wing around the younger Pegasus. A familiar, soft voice spoke up after a short while, comforting the Pegasus. “It’s ok Scootaloo, just let it out. I’m here for you, no matter what.”

As the sobbing began to slow, Scootaloo finally opened her eyes, wiping the tears away with her hoof. She looked up and saw the loving, supportive blue eyes of Fluttershy, gazing warmly upon her. “There there little one” she said softly, gently moving Scootaloos mane from her face. “Everything is going to be ok. I promise you. I know that this isn’t the best way to find this out, but Rainbow wanted this to come from her to you. Not from me, or anypony else. I am truly sorry.”

Scootaloo closed her eyes again, sobbing lightly as she went limp against Fluttershy. She knew that she couldn’t be sad. It’s not what Dash had wanted, and no matter what, she was going to do what Dash asked of her, no matter how much it hurt her to put a smile on her face and pretend that things were ok.

Comments

[The Scratch]

Nice little short story. However something's should be changed just so they're a little bit easier to read

I honestly don’t know how much longer I will be here.

"I will" should just be I'll, you know, just silly stuff like that

And perhaps separating the letter from the story just so it doesn't take a second to realize the settings changed. It breaks the mood.

Other then that it was nice and I enjoyed it in that sad feel kind of way

Long sorry short: thumb obtained!
And because I'm sleep deprived you get a follow as well

[Flutterwh0]

I appreciate it! I'm going to go through it tonight after class if i get the chance and fix those type of things. I also made the letter separate from the rest. I honestly forgot to do that when I transferred it to here from MS Word.

Thank you again though!

[DeLongMan]

My main question is what did Rainbow Dash die of

[iMac1998]

2359427
A sickness

[EquestrianBros]

That was a very touching story and I commend you for writing it. I expect other amazing stories from you, but its going to be hard topping this one.

[Flutterwh0]

2364252 Thank you! It definitely means a lot to me, and im about to start writing another story soon! Its hard to balance Navy life and writing. ^.^

[flash codex]

you should keep writing man

[Flutterwh0]

2387716 I actually have another story that i am working on at this moment! I am hoping to have the first chapter of it up tomorrow night at some point. I just need to find a pre-reader.

[flash codex]

2387990 can't wait to read it man

[The Scratch]

That one dislike is making my OCD go batshit crazy

[arcum42]

Alright, I tend to be a sucker for fanfics like this. Added to Twilight's Library.

[hiskid]

Loved it, here, have a reading! XD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDvaFKyPWTw&feature=youtube_gdata

[Flutterwh0]

2466908 Thats awesome! :) I appreciate it ^.^

[TheSnarkKnight30]

This was a great story. I saw a few mistakes in it, though. First of all the title should be Rainbow's Last Wishes not Rainbows last wishes. If you mess up the title, how do you expect the reader to think you could write a masterpiece like this one?
rarity sweetie manehattan : These names should have the first letter capitalized because they are proper nouns.
What’s up squirt! There should be a comma before squirt because it is addressing Scootaloo. You really don't want to mess up the first sentence of your story or people are going to judge you.
I don’t want you to be sad squirt, which is partially why I was reminiscing with some of the good times. There should be a comma before squirt again.
c’mon Scoots There should be a comma before Scoots.

[Flutterwh0]

2526199 I definitely appreciate the feedback! I am going to go and make all of those changes in the morning! There's always those little things that get missed, as well as some larger ones that a hectic lifestyle caused me to miss. >.<

[Sayer]

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: Rainbow's last wishes

Grammar score out of 10: 6. You have various grammar mistakes, there's no capitalization for the characters names or places like Manehatten, and you should use more commas more often.

Pros
-The premise was interesting.
-The characterization was good. I could imagine Rainbow Dash writing the letter for Scootaloo.
-Having Fluttershy take care of Scootaloo is a nice idea. You should use this for a sequel.

Cons
-The "Scootaloo is an orphan" background is a cliché.
-You have some issues with grammar and capitalization.
-Letters don't contain ellipses or rectifications; those belong for a narration or a dialogue.

Notes Section: Overall, this is a good fic, but it tends to drift towards average. Using too many periods forces the reader to pause at every moment, and that interrupts the flow of the lecture. The idea of this story and the background for Scootaloo have been used too many times to the point is not original anymore, but you still tried to work with these elements, and I approve it. Another problem is that at the beginning, this is supposed to be a letter yet it looks like a dialogue with all the ellipses and things like "I know that this isn’t the easiest thing to hear, erm, well, read..."; I don't think that letters are really written this way. And as I pointed above, names and cities have capitalizations; that's one of the most basic things you have to learn as a writer. I would recommend you to search a proofreader and/or an editor to help you with any future projects as to avoid these mistakes.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at this story: Rainbow in the dark

[Sayer]

Ahem...

i606.photobucket.com/albums/tt146/mortablunt/AHAGoldenRules_zps05e8649e.png

[Hash1996]

Really nice letter/short story, got dem feels going you could almost make a series out of this

[Twi74r8934274]

This...actually made me tear up a little...and this is coming from a guy that giggles like a psychopath whenever I read anything Dark and such...damn it...*grumbles while whipping eyes*

[Ara]

The part of the story after the letter needs serious work. You have multiple tense shifts throughout, and the usage and verbiage are very awkward in a few places. The tense shifts are pretty inexcusable.

[ize be LOYAL]

I never cry but this made me cry....
Reminds me of the time I lost my 10 year old sister.. :(

[Perry Pinkie Potter]

[NatlaxyHB]

It's 8 in the morning