- Member Since 11th Jul, 2011
- offline last seen Jun 6th, 2023
Drax99
Vizit meh on teh web! Drax99.deviantart.com
Drax99
Joined 11th Jul, 2011 ·
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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This has been around awhile, my first ever Fic, so excuse the crappiness of it. it was rejected out of hand by EqD, but I published to great praise on other sites, including my DA and FF.net accounts, and PonyFictionArchive. I will be adding chapters here as I get time, so please be patient.
Well there are some really odd spelling to some words like material and maybe. But maybe you did that intentionally insinuating it was some sort of pun. And if so, make it clear. Now, I do appreciate you placing a "mature" label on your story. Most stories here are light-hearted even if they include grim-dark. To what I've read in my extent. Maybe people dislike something so out of it?
Problems:
1. Author's note. Kill it. Destroy it. Mame it. You never want to start a reader out by reading something like that.
2. Odd spelling at some places +
3. Your increasingly gary-stu character. Self inserts can be quite a problem especially if you relate it to yourself very much. The whole "Human to equestria thing" is a very negative subject on all levels of the word and I would plainly say I dislike them as well which is why I must stop reading now. A tip of advice, you have to give a whooping punch for this sort of story to be acceptable. I think its good personally but as a writer myself, I can't take the time to read a topic I dislike :T sorry.
With that being said, I will now state the things that were good.
1. Your writing style, much better than most mediocre writers along the lines here.
2. The comedy intuitive that your placing on it. I like comedy.
3. Your attitude. <3
Oh and things I am half hearted about:
1. Your tags: Keep them to the lowest as possible. From what I can tell.
-Comedy
-Slice of life
-Dark
-You can do without the alt universe thing. By saying that its like being a total different dimension where the protagonist is a girl and everyone in ponyville were actually sheep and everything else was a walnut. Take it that I have a story where everyone from ponyville is gender change. That sort of thing.
-Tragedy+Comedy=Fail. If you ever played Fable 3, you'd know what I'm talking about. Its a general universal rule, unless your a legend amongst writers, tragedy+comedy is a no no.
-Potentially Adventure(haven't read other chapters).
And as my conclusion I will say this:
I know you've already written your story and its actually quite good from what I can see and I know you will not change this (unless your planning to.) but be sure to take my words into consideration if you ever decide to write another fic. Author's note are generally bad, ESPECIALLY if they are the first chapter x3 And also if you mention your story has gotten praise. Its like saying "Others thought it was jizztastically good and I if I shove it in your face you too will jizz instantily." well its a bit of exaggeration but you should get the point. Also, I praise your writing skills. I'm more of a tall-tale light hearted kind of person in both personality and writing style so you could picture my stories
God's speed and good luck.
Gave it 5 stars btw.
Didn't mean to review your story or anything, its part of my nature, you can delete that thing if you wish
Kudos to you sir. This was the first fanfic i ever read and the one that got me interested in even more fics, 5 stars.
33023
Thanks for the review, but at this point its all old news. The author's note remains for the sole fact that i am sick of people bashing my story, then I point out it was all a damn dream i had, then suddenly they are like "Oh, well in that case the story was great". That usually means they skipped over it, and I am just sick of repeating myself. The fact that I was recounting a dream, in essence retelling a story that I had overheard, is also why the character is so damn Gary-Stu, borderline self-insert, and I have no plans to change any of it. So yea, take the entire thing with a grain of salt. Oh... and I do suggest either read the rest on one of the other sites or wait till I am done fighting with the formatting tools on this site and post the rest. Some of the tags will make sense then.
To this day, I cannot understand why this story has gotten me more praise than my much improved later works. I don't mean to brag, it's just the truth, and it baffles me. I do like to point out that it will always be a point of frustration that it was rejected without even a proper review or feedback, and then later another story with similar elements was posted, while at the same time making fun of mine in the post description. But, screw it, I moved on. At this point, everything I am posting to this site has already been posted elsewhere for months, and I just finally got around to re-posting it here. I wasn't even aware they were allowing mature content until yesterday, lol. Need to update the FAQ.
Oh HOT DAMN!
Finally some human love and pony love!
Shit.
Failed spelling...
Holy shit!
My M4A1 how did it get here?!
Why Pinkie?!
Why her?!
I hate Pink and I hate pie!
Pinkie Pie is worst pony!
I used to think the same way, until I wrote chapter 8, it actually made me cry. She kinda grew on my like a fungus after that.
Boning ponies like a boss.
34262
What can I say, when i dream, i dream big!
Huh, not the best self-insert I read, but far from the worst. I like how it develops an idea over the chapters as opposed to most other fanfics where everything is thrown into your face, desensitizing the reader to any preceding plot twists. A lot of other things could've been developed, like Drax's relationship with Pinkie, but it does spend enough time to address and develop a crucial plot point. Sans some grammatical errors, not bad, not bad at all.
34566
Not truly a self insert, as much as Drax may share with me, he will always be just a character I roleplay. Of course, using the same name muddies the issue, and at this point I have stopped caring.
The grammatical errors are mostly intentional, as much as it infuriates followers of "proper" English. I write how I talk, as well as how I hear others talk, which makes my stories easier to follow, until your OCD kicks in and you try to copyedit my writing to conform to what your teacher tried to beat into you. Lol. Still, it is just a stylistic choice, and you will find it consistently throughout my writing.
Fir an extra mindfuck, I even change writing styles according to character. Twilight is very grammatically correct, where Dash is alot more loose and full of slang. Applejack, I just imagined the sound if my family from tennassee and then facerolled the keyboard.
If you want a fun read, you will love my stuff. If you want proper English, run far away.
Wheee! Hey Draxy! I posted my side story here too!
Private Party 2: Kynky Cuts Loose
I think that my own mind snapped when I became a brony, that was over 4 weeks ago, (a month already?). I'm writing this out before I've read the story.
I feel the need to write this out because I find that I might be in the same predicament as you, insomnia wise that is. When I try to sleep, all I do is daydream in a rather furstratingly eratic way. When I do actually get sleepy though, I still don't fall asleep, I merely livid dream.
Also, try to never wake straight up from a livid dream, it's like slaming into a brick wall, all thought processes come to a screaming halt before starting back up. All within the time span of a split second or more, usually leaving behind a headace.
ENOUGH RAMBLING! STORY TIME!
Assume this story of yours has the same affect as MLP:FiM itself. Without fully understanding it themselves, others enjoy it. As many bronies have said and written, IT MAGIC! I DON'T HAVE TO EXPAIN IT!
ONWARD!
Awesome story is bucking awesome, drowned in awesome, baked in awesome, iced in awesome, and finally deep fried in BUCKING AWESOME!!!
If only......
I originally read this as one of the very first Fan fictions I had read.
Now, after re reading the epilogue I recognize that it is among the very best of fan fictions.
CreeperDaReaper! I had no idea that you were into this sort of thing, I remember when you still maintained The O.S.M.S. on MCF gee times have changed since then.
Okay, before I read the next chapter, I'm going to say one thing.
You better fucking not have this turn out to be happily ever after >:[
This story was far too good to be that shallow.
58287
Depends on your definition of "Happy", and weather you read the sequel. I believe in happy, but I don't believe in ever after. Especially if you are immortal.
[iamactuallyokaywiththis.jpg]
Alrighty, this turned out to be fine, sorry about that last review. Many awesome applauding mind fucks everywhere, the fourth wall integrity has fallen to 0.09000% D:
grrr.
Good to know I'm not the only one with insomnia problems
I personally think this story is amazing. At one point I had actually gotten a sense of deja vu; and having not read this prior, makes me feel a much stronger connection to this.
71946
if this story gives you deja vu, you must have some really trippy dreams like I do...
72179 You would be surprised... And I seem to share quite a few qualities with Drax; this is an extremely well written story, especially taking into account this is your first fic. By far this is one of my favorite fanfics I have so far read
Messy mangled moodles mump.
trebled tales of true and trumped
left to life listed last
telling tails that turn the top
when it ends the time does say
look to find another way
end is neigh but out of reach
telling all our secrets keep
slowly falling out of tune
meet myself, reborn anew
Really did enjoy the story, even if i did skim over a couple bits.
98537
Actually, some parts were purposely written so they could be skipped, if you arn't into that sorta thing. Yet despite this, it still got slammed as being a clopfic. bleh.
that was awesome
lol, kinky pie :megusta:
Damn!!
120270
Damn, indeed
69003 its not a problem its a gift... use it (pinkie looks on things)
O///O ow...my...
>///< now! THATS a story!! hes good (pinkie rev.
) to good (RD rev.
)
hmmm i like it alot but i must say... you became obsesed by the power of the writers mind... saying to much power in to little time.
would have loved to see him getting stronger by trying his magic... and your OC aint that far from mine... hehehe pony and dragon mix al the way dude!! W>.<W also black but mine would have a black mane with a red stroke high light... and for getting him out of the mood cueses his mane to burn yust like twi did... starting with small wings and 3 little bumps of horns who would grow in time by using magic ^///^ boy and the fitting name ''Burning Ruin''
a computer with wierless internet would explane so much more... I-pod LOVE IT!!
it only needs to be said 1s... uuhhmm... ''trollestia'' so there! its said and its past now... and love the fic dude
as much as i like this story... i miss this clopping view that told me to keep reading and now with luna... hmm is there hope? nice plottwist there hehehe
O.o ... Nice...
O.o scrap nice... asome... is what i seek
This stuff is pure comedy gold
152507 FINALLY! Someone gets it.
"It all fun and games till someone ends up pregnant..." on that note can he even get them pregnant?
152725 No spoilers... keep reading, lol.
I don't even know how I got here... Well, since I'm here, might aswell just read it