Well there are some really odd spelling to some words like material and maybe. But maybe you did that intentionally insinuating it was some sort of pun. And if so, make it clear. Now, I do appreciate you placing a "mature" label on your story. Most stories here are light-hearted even if they include grim-dark. To what I've read in my extent. Maybe people dislike something so out of it?
Problems: 1. Author's note. Kill it. Destroy it. Mame it. You never want to start a reader out by reading something like that. 2. Odd spelling at some places + 3. Your increasingly gary-stu character. Self inserts can be quite a problem especially if you relate it to yourself very much. The whole "Human to equestria thing" is a very negative subject on all levels of the word and I would plainly say I dislike them as well which is why I must stop reading now. A tip of advice, you have to give a whooping punch for this sort of story to be acceptable. I think its good personally but as a writer myself, I can't take the time to read a topic I dislike :T sorry.
With that being said, I will now state the things that were good. 1. Your writing style, much better than most mediocre writers along the lines here. 2. The comedy intuitive that your placing on it. I like comedy. 3. Your attitude. <3
Oh and things I am half hearted about: 1. Your tags: Keep them to the lowest as possible. From what I can tell. -Comedy -Slice of life -Dark -You can do without the alt universe thing. By saying that its like being a total different dimension where the protagonist is a girl and everyone in ponyville were actually sheep and everything else was a walnut. Take it that I have a story where everyone from ponyville is gender change. That sort of thing. -Tragedy+Comedy=Fail. If you ever played Fable 3, you'd know what I'm talking about. Its a general universal rule, unless your a legend amongst writers, tragedy+comedy is a no no. -Potentially Adventure(haven't read other chapters).
And as my conclusion I will say this: I know you've already written your story and its actually quite good from what I can see and I know you will not change this (unless your planning to.) but be sure to take my words into consideration if you ever decide to write another fic. Author's note are generally bad, ESPECIALLY if they are the first chapter x3 And also if you mention your story has gotten praise. Its like saying "Others thought it was jizztastically good and I if I shove it in your face you too will jizz instantily." well its a bit of exaggeration but you should get the point. Also, I praise your writing skills. I'm more of a tall-tale light hearted kind of person in both personality and writing style so you could picture my stories
Well there are some really odd spelling to some words like material and maybe. But maybe you did that intentionally insinuating it was some sort of pun. And if so, make it clear. Now, I do appreciate you placing a "mature" label on your story. Most stories here are light-hearted even if they include grim-dark. To what I've read in my extent. Maybe people dislike something so out of it?
Problems:
1. Author's note. Kill it. Destroy it. Mame it. You never want to start a reader out by reading something like that.
2. Odd spelling at some places +
3. Your increasingly gary-stu character. Self inserts can be quite a problem especially if you relate it to yourself very much. The whole "Human to equestria thing" is a very negative subject on all levels of the word and I would plainly say I dislike them as well which is why I must stop reading now. A tip of advice, you have to give a whooping punch for this sort of story to be acceptable. I think its good personally but as a writer myself, I can't take the time to read a topic I dislike :T sorry.
With that being said, I will now state the things that were good.
1. Your writing style, much better than most mediocre writers along the lines here.
2. The comedy intuitive that your placing on it. I like comedy.
3. Your attitude. <3
Oh and things I am half hearted about:
1. Your tags: Keep them to the lowest as possible. From what I can tell.
-Comedy
-Slice of life
-Dark
-You can do without the alt universe thing. By saying that its like being a total different dimension where the protagonist is a girl and everyone in ponyville were actually sheep and everything else was a walnut. Take it that I have a story where everyone from ponyville is gender change. That sort of thing.
-Tragedy+Comedy=Fail. If you ever played Fable 3, you'd know what I'm talking about. Its a general universal rule, unless your a legend amongst writers, tragedy+comedy is a no no.
-Potentially Adventure(haven't read other chapters).
And as my conclusion I will say this:
I know you've already written your story and its actually quite good from what I can see and I know you will not change this (unless your planning to.) but be sure to take my words into consideration if you ever decide to write another fic. Author's note are generally bad, ESPECIALLY if they are the first chapter x3 And also if you mention your story has gotten praise. Its like saying "Others thought it was jizztastically good and I if I shove it in your face you too will jizz instantily." well its a bit of exaggeration but you should get the point. Also, I praise your writing skills. I'm more of a tall-tale light hearted kind of person in both personality and writing style so you could picture my stories
God's speed and good luck.
Alright, haven't got past the Tara Strong Raven reference, just had to give you props for that,