After years of learning her new powers and growing into being an Alicorn, Twilight Sparkle has reached maturity. Her loving mentor Celestia feels she is now ready for the ultimate test, to succeed where her sister and herself failed. Celestia reveals the origin of her sister and herself, and tasks Twilight Sparkle to travel across the great sea and take the throne in the land that they were exiled from.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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"a cracked black heart that was held together by thorny vines"
"It symbolizes my seemingly superpony knack for falling for mares who hurt me." -Eclipse
This is all I could think of.
This... sounds... awesome!!
I don't know. The character interactions seem off a little bit to me. Almost too "perfect" if you get my meaning. The counsel is the biggest example.
But I think this story has promise, so I'll stick around and see where it goes.
MOAR
WRITE
MOAR
SOON
Plz
2340251
As much as i'm sure the author appreciates your enthusiasm, please refrain from typing such obnoxios comments.
2340473
I'm not sure what your talking about. All I said was 'Write moar soon plz'. How is that so obnoxious? I know that I derped and made the font way too big, but that shouldn't change the message that I brought.
~Harmonic Symphony
2340508
I didn't mean offense by the comment, perhaps I was too blunt. I never meant to say the content was obnoxious, only the font. I'm sorry if I sounded unkind. That said, could you fix the font size of your comment?
2340513
There, I have fixed the derpy font. XD
2340519
Thank you. Have a nice day.
Eclipse is the last ruler isn't he?....
This is one of those concepts that I look at, as a (pseudo-)writer myself, and think:
"Damn! Why didn't I think of that? That's AWESOME!"
Methinks we have met the old king...
More?
MOAR
If you don't mind....
eep
If Twilight has a kingdom, then what would be it's name?
I shall name it Faustria (you know Austria)!
aw yeah thats just awesome
cant wait for another chapter
only 30 likes, and you're already on the featured.
2340777 the united equestrian queendom...
ok this might seem rash but I seem to have made up my mind about Eclipse and his daughter.... Her behavior towards Twilight coupled with the magic Eclipse wielded make me think the evil king fell in love and retired to take care of his daughter... So the first friends Spike and Twi make are the old royal family.
Seems like a nice thing, the setup is nice now I want to see Twilight's struggle until she fits into her role. Also I can't wait for the conflict to pop up.
It's always a male royal that is the bad guy
Okay, this is just badass! I love it, I love it, I want it, I need it, i really like its mane! You get
and a follow!
Okay, evil king just saying "Eh, screw it I'm done"? Well that is believable when I think about it.
I mean come on, how boring would ruling a kingdom for over a thousand years be? I personally don't see how Celestia does it, Luna makes sense she has been out of the picture for a long time.
seriously, Twilight, when you go there to overthrow an evil king, are warned that he could be anything or anyone, and then things go better than expected, your reaction should be the above. There is no way it isn't.
Oh my god. Bloody hell! This is amazing so far. I can not wait to find out what happens next.
2341101 - Nah.... your probably right. Unfortunately, it's a little... obvious? An exceedingly powerful White and Black unicorn with a very interesting (and dark) cutie mark who seems to want to stay away from the council, a daughter who's very resentful towards alicorns in general and also uses dark magic, and the whole shadow comments seem pretty clear. Timing might work too.
The name seems fairly prophetic in light of Celestia/Luna and Twilight, so yea. Spike and Twilight probably just met the previous ruler and the Celestial sisters bane.
No clue what his personality and intentions are though. Maybe he's simply gotten tired of the 'evil' business, if he was indeed evil. It's not as if Celestia and Luna's memories can be entirely relied upon.
So far, looks pretty good. It could still use some editing, though. There's quite a bit of awkward prose that doesn't read very smoothly. I suggest advertising for some prereaders.
Bugbears? Wyverns? D&D!
2341413
its ok I tend to guess the ending of most movies and books I read/see. but that does not mean the journey there is spoiled. he did a fairly good job of foreshadowing, it was just a bit to much info... my best advice would be to take the clues he gives in the first chapter and spread them out throughout the first 2 or 3 chapters, then a perfect balance of telling and having the reader guess will be achieved.
2341374 It's most definitely a trap. Poor Twilight. She's still just as clueless as ever, even after all those years.
2341254 For every evil king there is an evil queen.
Huh. This is....unusual. I'm gonna see where this goes.
This sounds like it could be very interesting
... Ahuh... I mean, it's an interesting premise, but as others have said, things seem too... Perfect. I mean, yeah, that will be changing, but still... Twilight felt a bit off, but I'm not quite sure what it was...
FUCK YES
That is all, please continue
2341501
I know! You'd almost think that her genre-savy friend died several unnumbered years ago!
2341374
Well, other than the fact that Celestia also told her that her information was 1000+ years out of date. I'd say closer to 2000 years, as you have to count for the time before Nightmare Moon as well as the century after Luna's return.
2341828
I don't care how out of date it was, I see a big ol' adventure tag at the top, and a dark tag besides. :P
Nevermind... when you're told to be careful, then immediately stop doing that? That's a bad thing.
2341853
It's also called being Genre Savvy. =P
2341916
you know, I think a guy named 2341793 mentioned something about that earlier...
2341922
Yes... yes you did... while I was reading, no less.
By the way, Trixie wants her shtick back.
Edit: You are too much fun.
2341961
Joural resents the implication that he took anything from the bragart. As though anyone as wise and intelligent as he could have things to learn from one so ill informed as she. Honestly, who uses an artifact without reading up on it first?
Hmm... The punctuation needs some editing, and the writing is a bit off, but that's fine as long asit improves over time.
2341488
Hm... We approooove of this do we not?
start of season 7 right here
2340575 That makes you a teeny bit of a hypocrite. No offense.
I'm such a noobly for saying this, but ima say it anyhay.
ONE HUNDREDTH LIKE
Awesome story. Definitely tracking.
2340549
Mind = blown.
2342433 None taken but i cant seem to find my comment since by now ive forgotten about it :/
And now i see it and now i am atempting to undo my evil and its not working >:O
So now i go play GTA IV and help people rather that or help peeps in skyrim =3