A crazy winter lover who likes to write, blog, and cartograph about the fun and inconsequential.
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"If you can make it in Fillydelphia, you can make it anywhere," or so the saying goes. When a young mare comes to the big city with dreams of being a reporter, she is instead thrust into a world of corruption and squalor where she will need the strength of friends to survive.
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Tracked....
I'm so interested in what happens next.
I'm liking this story more and more.
221010
And I haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet.
Honestly, I don't know why this story doesn't have a few thousand more views.
The writing is excellent, the characters are rather fun. It has steam (I may be biased), and ,although a little slow at first, the story has good action.
I am very happy that this landed on SALT, it was quite fun to read. Keep it up Toixstory!
Congrats on making it onto EqD. I don't usually like OC stories but this one looks interesting. I'll have to give it a read later.
You had me at "steampunk."
Found this from the EQD feature, pretty interesting so far.
NOTE:
User codename "BlackBox" has started to become interested in this. He states that he requires creative inspiration from this file. He requests that you be more awesome, if possible.
Right now you and this story just took up in the fight my favorite story that is still being worked on.
and a KH crossover that I'm been enjoying.
Good luck though, your up against CardsLafter and his story Through the Eyes of Another Pony
Why are there so many good stories out there.
This story is really well written and interesting.
I have really high hopes for it.
Wow, that was great!
Brilliant story! Absolutely brilliant! I sincerely hope to see more of this soon my friend!
As a side note, you have the following line.
-- Herald held up a hoof. “Say no more; you’ve got my story and I’ve got mine.” She returned to her work, but not before looking up and telling me, “You watch out for your partner, you hear?” I hastily agreed and hurried to catch up to a rapidly-walking Grapevine. --
I believe you mean 'You've got your story and I've got mine.' Aside from that, keep it coming! I cannot wait to see what happens next!
This has been an excellent read so far, Toixstory! Love the crazy characters, the varied and bustling settings, just all the in-depth brilliance from your descriptive tend! Bravo, bravo!
Thank you for sharing this with me, with all of us. Be well until next time!
438664
Heh, oops.
The line is now fixed.
I'm liking the story and the writing. some remarks and quibbles.
1) was confused about the trolleys emitting smoke. had to read ahead a bit.... adventurous, to use so much Steampunk in the mix.
2)Why would Minty not know what her own cutie mark meant? Ponies get their cutie marks when they discover their talent--- they don't discover their talent when they figure out their cutie marks. They might look similar, but the only one who knows what a cutie mark means to a pony is the pony who GOT it.... because they get it right at that moment of epiphany.
3)Death threats and gun brandishing over a casual verbal jab? The big city's rough but it's not THAT rough.
4)What precisely did she do to turn her dress into a torn mess? I could see it getting dingy from the soot (it's the reason "basic black" got started in the big cities during the industrial revolution.... because soot didn't show as much) but from the vague descriptions it sounded like she rolled in the mud and then took a walk through a barbed-wire fence.
More bitchin' from the kitchen....
1) One of the first things any city of any size gets up and running is its water and sewage systems. Ponyville had plumbing. ANCIENT ROME had plumbing. I could see rationing the water a bit if it was Appleloosa, but FillyDelphia?? This was a real eye-roller. The Equestrians aren't that backward.
2) They also have "self cooling" refrigerators. Electric lights. stoves and ovens. flushing toilets. In short, other than the cosmetic, they generally live in twentieth century convenience and comfort.
3) Minty's a civil volunteer in the weather corps, not an inductee in the Marine Corps. Only a dick uses The Drill Sergeant Nasty routine to train someone. IRL, that alone would have gotten Starshine's plot bounced out the door in an instant.... to say nothing of taking an obviously untrained flyer up in a "training routine" that nearly got her killed. Congratulations on making me instantly DISlike someone you obviously intend to make a focus character.
4)why would they have legends about gryphons carrying little ponies away? Gryphons are so rare in Equestria that almost nopony ever sees them.... yet Gilda didn't startle or frighten anyone by her appearance in Ponyville . A ZEBRA freaked them out more. And most recently they had a gryphon that was a weenie French snob. The "ponies and gryphons are hostile nations" riff is overplayed and doesn't match the show; so is "gryphons are scary scary monsters."
1)Butler is a male position.
2)"callous" is "cruel or heartless, unfeeling". You mean "careless/ly."
443075
Well, to make an analogy to recent RL history.
Think of gryphons as Russians and zebras as blacks: In the US, Russians were the enemy but meeting Russians on the street in New York didn't scare some people nearly as much as coming across a black man. It would be perfectly consistent with the show to have a gryphon nation that is at least semi-hostile but has always been there while zebras are from far away and thus become a distrusted "other".
You could also assume a bit of an uncanny valley effect, as something that is close but fundamentally different is often more off-putting than something which is clearly something else. i.e. They tend to see a zebra as a pony who is very strange, while a gryphon is compared to what they expect a gryphon to be like.
That was great! I couldn't stop reading!
I'm having a lot of fun reading this, I cant wait to see what happens next. Keep up the good work. By the way, is there a update schedule? or do you just update whenever a chapter is finished?
470963
For the next few chapters, I'm going to try to keep a bi-weekly update schedule. So, if possible, the next chapter will be up next Tuesday/Wednesday. At the very least, I'll have the next five chapters done by the end of May. After that, I'll probably move to a quicker update schedule with summer and all.
470995
Awesome, I can't wait.
Nice it updated!
I was hoping for a update from this for quite some time.
This is easily one of my favorite fanfics lately.
good chapter, I feel like the story is going to be filled with conspiracies and misinformation,i can wait for more. Also, it seems like it takes place a few years after the mane six's adventures. What exactly is the timeline?
504819
Glad you liked the new chapter! The story takes place 30-ish years after the release of Night Mare Moon; I try to avoid being more specific than that as a precaution.
504852
Interesting, that is longer than I thought. I suppose that's at least how long is needed for technology to become steampunkish enough to fit, assuming that this story is in the cannon universe.
Great update.
I find I'm starting to really like Grapevine. She almost seems... compassionate near the end! Celestia forbid!
Can't wait for more!
P.S. - Damn Pullmare!
I know you said steam punk, but this seems more like Diesel Punk to me. I only know three though. Steam Punk, Diesel Punk, and Clockwork.
519518
It's a mix of both, really.
I didn't know Fillydelphia was more steampunk like.
530202
I like your home, but I'm not so sure that some of my characters feel the same way.
529689
I like it! Maybe we might see some Clockwork? If you're, you know, integrating more than one?
530616
Hmm...maybe.
531191 Oh. Really? I live in Fillydelphia, but only really close to the top west of the outskirts. I still live there, I'm very known there.
Do you mind if you add me in the story? It would be really fun.
550375
Private Message me if you wish to know more or discuss.
Well, I've got the story pretty well planned out for the next 80 or so chapters, but I'll see if I can't fit you in as a reference or something.
>>ToixStory
Okie Dokie!
550402
you forgot the "Loki!"...
Ah... now I see what you meant when you were asking about high explosives... well... they hadn't killed anypony innocent... just as you said. You remember "Sniper Elite v2"? Well, As Pullmare was trying to sound like the hero, I'm off in a building in the surrounding area with a Scoped Springfield, Aiming down the scope... and... *fires* *Slo-mo bullet cam* The round pierces her rib cage and punctures her lung. As she falls over, gasping for air, unable to do so, I fire another round. *Fires another round* *Slo-mo bullet cam* The round arcs through the crisp night air, finding it's resting place embedded in the back of Pullmares skull. GOOD ENDING
I would like to post on an old chapter just to say, props for the Firefly reference.
Oh, and the story's great too.
Great.... as it is right now, Minty is playing poker with Pullmare and the mayor has all but a hoof full of cards in her hand.
657175
I'm glad you like the story, and am happy that someone caught that reference!
659804
Now it's just a matter of waiting to see whether Pullmare will call Minty's bluff...
I know you said Minty's telling the story, and she heard it as “I didn’t say it was for me.” But I'm sure Joya heard "I did not say it was für mich".
“Yeah, it really was.”
as:
"Ya, it wirklich was".
“I do not,” I snapped. “How could I? He’s weird and awkward and only knows how to talk about machines...” My sentence petered out when I looked up and saw Joya still grinning at me. “What?”
I think it would sound more like:
"Ich weiß nicht," I snapped. " How könnte Ich? He's weird und awkward und only knows how to talk über Maschinen..." Mein sentence petered out when I looked up and saw Joya still grinning at mich. "was?"
“Joya,” I said, “please, please, please tell me that you didn’t make him a matching outfit without asking.”
would sound like:
"Joya," I said, "Bitte, Bitte, bitte tell mich that you didn't make him a matching outfit without asking."
I smiled back. “Same here,” I said. “But what are you doing in this part of town?”
I smiled back. "Same heir," I said. "But was ist du doing in this part of town?"
I sank back in my seat. “Wonderful, just wonderful.”
I sank back in my seat. "Wundebar, just wundebar."
“Okay, lesson over,” I said. “Can you tell me about your sister now?”
"Okay, lesson over," I said. "Kanst du tell mich about deine schwester now?"
She strikes me as when ever she gets flustered some of her speach reverts back to Germane.
661365
Also, stealing idea for Minty reverting to Germane when really pissed...
That's a...good point, actually. Minty's accent is now canon, I guess.
Truly a masterfully written story, the plot is a paragon of its type, it sets a new standard on how FPP (first pony perspective) stories should be written and planned. Bravo good sir, bravo!
Believe it or not there was a newspaper in Philadelphia called "The Chronicler"
tuschs.org/main/images/stories/samplefiles/Chronicler.jpg
(and yes, I just discovered how to upload pictures, and I'm not stopping anytime soon
)
Bravo!
I find this well written, well paced, and it flows along as smooth as silk!
And who doesn't love a little steampunk?
I believe this story deserves a
8 chapters in one sitting and now the only thing I can say is MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, thanks for the reminder that a story that is fully OC based means a lot more personality changes for an unpredictable story XD.
Certainly enjoying this. Please keep up the excellent work!