• Member Since 7th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen May 8th, 2018

Writey the writer


I write stories. I like to hear what people think and tips on how to improve. I'm also looking for an editor/someone to regularly criticize my work to help its formation. Thanks, and enjoy the fandom.

T

Pinkie is a murderer and through some twist of fate Twilight is dragged in as well. With each other they experience the greatest passion, and the greatest tragedy.

Anonymous they live. Infamous they will fall.

A huge shoutout goes to 'WildcatzAL' at deviant art for this fantastic cover image, I really do appreciate her putting up with my constant whining to get it finished. Her link is here, go check it out: http://wildcatzal.deviantart.com/

Chapters (15)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 57 )

Tracked because this can go somewhere. But it lacks substance, and has a lot of mistakes at the moment.

I loved it. Can not wait for Chapter 2.

Morbius I have to disagree with you on that I think it is very good and I can't wait for the next post. :trollestia:

Have fun trying to sleep now. :trollestia:

291598
Sleeping is overrated anyway, I substitute coffee...lots and lots of coffee.

291598 Oh why, thank you. Just what I needed.

This is surprisingly good so far. Badly in need of editing for grammar, punctuation, and style, as well as a bit rushed, but very intriguing despite these.
The mechanics of writing can always be repaired, a poor storyline cannot. This, however, seems to have an excellent foundation!

Oh, this was absolutely delightful!
I do so hope that you will continue this, there is definitely something great here.
I won't kid you, the structure and many word choices are atrocious, but the story! Wonderful!
27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1uegu8u551r2zkbyo1_500.png
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxp4vuIiIR1r00q5y.png
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxp4trI1121r00q5y.png

Um, what?
This chapter seems rather... disjointed, and the sudden switch to and from the first person was very out-of-place.
It seems there are some very interesting concepts underlying this story, however, and I am quite intrigued to see what arises in future chapters, but a more focused style of recounting would really help keep it moving forward in a clear fashion.

Good story so far.:twilightsheepish:
But I nearly threw up.:rainbowwild:

Good job, I like the relation between pinkie and twi, hope to see an update soon.

Yay! Glad to see this one update, the story is very intriguing, please continue.

Interesting, posted on TTP here: -link-

Glad to see this isn't dead! Hope to see more regularly!

Why do I get the feeling that Clock will be the one hanging in the end? :pinkiecrazy:
I mean, it's Pinkie. She's crazy enough to pull it off, somehow.

Looking forward to the next chapter

Is it wrong that I hope that they somehow escape and live a life full of murders and love :pinkiecrazy:?
Also

Clock looked at her and only now realised how thin she was and how her coat was a lustreless grey

Does that means that she suffer from the malediction of a special draconequus?

Hm. The premise is VERY tempting, but I think AU tag would be fitting for this story. It's not like Equestria in the show is so dangerous that burglars attack libraries. :facehoof:

Everything happens a little too fast though. If Twilight thought this all was still a dream, I might understand what had happened in this chapter. Not questioning this weird Pinkie, their kiss and not being unsettled by the murder could've been understandable then. And don't tell me Twilight killed a thug while being angry and perfectly concious. Rage and the urge to avenge Spike should've taken over, and a little while after the kill she could snap out of it and begin to doubt herself and what she did. :twilightoops:

I mean, the ponies in this story are all weird. None of them feel any guilt when they kill, like they did this all the time. They only care about legal consequences of their actions, but there is no conscience or morality involved. This really breaks my suspense of disbelief and makes the whole story more shallow. I would suggest rewriting this a little.

The sudden kiss I think happens a little too soon for Twilight to just go along with it. It's her clearly insane friend kissing her, and there wasn't any indication of hidden feelings Twi had towards her before. Even then, I think she would resist. What the fuck. :ajbemused:

I am more dissapointed in this story than anything. But it's just my point of view. :applejackunsure:

Lol. What. Rainbow suggested getting baqck to 'her' place, and she still accuses the guy of trying to get advantage of her. While leading him into a trap. :rainbowhuh:

And she doesn't ever question Pinkie. Why is she helping her? Wh... what is going on in this fic. I don't even know. Is this just a torturefic with an afterthought romance on top? :twilightangry2::fluttershysad:

All the ponies here are braindead. :facehoof:

Seriously. Pinkie waits a while after every kill, seemingly to avoid suspicion. And she doesn't even check bags of her victims. :ajbemused:

Detective is proud of himself, because a stallion working under him got killed. *claps slowly* Great job, detective. Sacrificing lives just to talk to someone who should've already been caught. :rainbowlaugh:

Sorry if my comments seem harsh, but the plot is nonsensical.

This detective guy isn't that dumb, though he got the upper hoof only because of Twilight's incompetence. And Pinkie's. Yeah, two/three kills are enough for Pinkie to let Twilight take care of the dude who leads an investigation against them. Brilliant. Same goes for the party idea. Stallion goes to the party after an obnoxious invitation and then gets killed. Nothing suspicious going on here at all. :unsuresweetie:

Is interesting how you put rainbow, she will never betray her friends even if she kill someone

Odd that Celestia didn't just force Twilight. It's not like she would remember it anyway :trollestia:
Can't wait to see the next chapter, I really want to know what happened to Twilight. I mean, killing off Twilight would take away all of the fun, wouldn't it? :pinkiecrazy:

You have kept this story going strong and staying interesting. Please, don't stop!

Comment posted by Thread Necromancer deleted Aug 31st, 2014

4263452 There's been one with rarity, then Sweetie, then her daughter. It was like a North Korean murder punishment for all of equestria

Pinkie Pie as a serial killer? Wow. How original. Horror fics with Pinkie as their main character are unoriginal. This story is no exception.

Is Twilight actually dead? The reason I ask is because I don't think anybody can convulse for nearly a minute after their neck snaps. Seems a bit suspicious :pinkiecrazy:
Plus, killing off one of the main characters feels pretty wrong to me :pinkiesad2:

Anyhow, I hope Pinkie gets her revenge :pinkiecrazy:

4263748
you know this is a FAN FICTION site where ANYONE/ANYPONE can make THEIR OWN STORIES?Its not like an OC or something where you cannot just copy.A lot of good stories just came out from those Original Fics.

4263796 Now that you mention it that DOES seem mighty suspisous. It also could be a plot twist further down the line, and sorry if this is counted as a spoiler even though I am just guessing but I have no clue how to use the spoiler thingy for blocking then...

4267646 just put [spoiler ] 'Text goes here' [/spoiler ] like so but without the spaces:twilightsmile:

Honestly, loose cannon doesn't even begin to describe Clock. Who in their right mind taunts a crazed killer with nothing to lose? :pinkiecrazy:
Looking forward to more!

Does that last scene take place in Pinkie's mind? Or perhaps Clock's...:pinkiecrazy:
Either way, it feels like we're reaching the end game now. Are we?

Well, it's over. Turns out my theory about Celestia spiriting Twilight away was wrong. Boo!!!:trollestia:

But seriously, it's been one heck of a ride.:twilightsmile:

Kinda disappointing how Pinkie died. But, it's like they always say: In with a bang, out with a whimper.
Bravo on a riveting story.

I don't really read many serial killer fics, but this was quite the ride. I wouldn't say it is as good as 'Secret Life of Rarity' and it's sequels, because of some mistakes and errors you made in writing, but it is close in terms of suspense, emotion, and thrill. I would give this an 8/10.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

When I read a Dark/Gore fic, I usually am well mentally prepared to not really get totally scared from it. And although this doesn't fit the horror genre, its one of the only two stories I read that actually gave me a nightmare. I have no idea why...perhaps due to it being well done. Mild grammatical and spelling errors, but still thank you for the read :twilightsmile: I did enjoy it.
Pity about Twilight though! :pinkiesad2: Half-expected her to save Pinkie and disappear never to be seen again...

3895855 But if pinkie checked the bags, the game would be less fun. Also, you're NOT supposed to get multiple civilians killed while working on a homocide case? Holy shit, I've been doing it wrong! :pinkiegasp:

3895898 You sir, CLEARLY do not watch horror movies. The serial killer HAS to be dumb so the detective doesn't look like a toddler with a cool hat compared to them. Duh!:trollestia:

And this chapter killed the fic....

I've never stopped reading a fic before, but this is way too fast and horribly done by this point I'd think.


Interesting concept, poor writing.




I also apologize for lacking constructive criticism, other than work on making the story feel more natural with the timing of the events in it, and making the characters act more logically...

5714486
Apologies. That chapter was written two years ago and I agree with you...I've gotten better since...honestly :twilightsheepish:

Ok, where the hell do I start?
1: I hate the fact the focus was barely on Twilight and Pinkie, all of the focus on the cops really felt jarring and a definite change in POV from first few chapters, the description & first couple chapters made this fic sound like A Twipie version of A Clockwork Orange. (And part of me wanted thay)
PLOTHOLE 1: Why didn't Twilight use Magic to escape Clock? Twilight & Pinkie could've easily said Clock was stalking them & was not right in the head because of the lost of his brother.
PLOTHOLE 2: Clock could've just gone to Celestia when he found out Green had Pinkie and Celestia would've torn up the place (she is a god like figure after all, I'm sure she wanted Pinkie dead for corrupting Twilight)
General complaints: Complete knew Green was gonna die, Celestia & Luna should've had a lot more involvement, Spikes death was never brought up again, Where the hell are Fluttershy, Applejack and Rarity during all this? Did I like this fic? Not really.... this really could've used less cops and more mane characters.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!