• Member Since 14th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 16 minutes ago

DarkJester


T

I was reluctant to upload this for a long time since it is a very rushed story and in my opinion not very good. It is, however, the only piece I've written that inspired fanart (multiples, in fact), and so I figured, why not?

Enjoy if you can. I won't blame you if you hate it though.

Original Here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qpJFUx-_SzDKEy7Ds7RHC-U92M-dWtkT_HgpMLRz-D0/edit#

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 43 )

Already read it; already loved it

EDIT:

Firsties!

U get one thumb.

well
that was
it was good
i liked it
thumb up

I remember this.
This was great. Very heartwarming. In a bit of a weird way.

I read this relatively recently after finding out about Rocket to Insanity. It's slightly sweet, in that attempted homicide kind of way.

Did you upload this anywhere else? I clearly remember reading it.

453262
Anyway, This story is still amazing!

452899
She's the element of laughter; it's nearly impossible for her to hold grudges, especially at her own friends.

Heart-warming. Much better than the original ending, IMO. :twilightsmile:

WHG

Damn it i already saw this one:ajbemused:

You cannot judge writing good if you considered this 'bad'. This was good.

It felt so forced!! I was surprised they didn't all jump up and start singing "Happy happy joy joy, Happy happy joy joy!" Rainbow just stabbed Pinkie with a goddamned knife, and all she gets was a couple kicks to the face and some harsh words?! :flutterrage:
Anyways. Where is my happy heartwarming alternate ending to Improper Punishment.

I could've sworn I saw the exact same story on deviantART. [link]

475293
Wow, story thief!

Thank you for pointing it out. I'll take care of it!

475293
Wow, Stickmaster5000 really has no shame, does he?

452899 really doesn't sound weird at all being that its pinkie pie

Already read it on google docs I believe, but it was good nonetheless!
I really liked this ending.
keep up the good work:rainbowkiss:

i think the 5 forgave her way too quickly... but its good overall

I really rather this ending very much ::pinkiehappy:

I love this ending much more than the other one.

Friendship ftw.

That was beautiful

Bravo Zulu!

I remember reading this before I had an account :rainbowlaugh: have another like

The original story to which you base this off, is normally something I tend to avoid. I am extremely sensitive to strong, emotionally upsetting content... For some odd reason, I found Rocket to Insanity more tragically exciting because of the Cupcakes related nightmares that Dash suffers through. Though some may argue with me, I don't find it to be a normal Grimdark... Sure it was Uber dark in all, but, Cupcakes, Rainbow Factory, and other horrific stories fit this genre better then this story.

I felt intense sympathy for her as she suffers alone, not wanting her friends to know that the super cool Rainbow Dash is bested by a stupid nightmare. In fact, her greatest downfall is her ego... You managed to capture that story and bring a wonderful, slightly happier redemption for her. Again, for some odd reason, I preferred the original, but this does not mean I hated your alternate take. I shed a few tears during this story when Pinkie forgave Dash, despite coming very close to death.

Moral of Rocket to Insanity is a simple one: Don't write Grimdark as fuck fiction about happy, colorful little ponies as they torture and kill each other, for sometimes nightmares can be the result and a perfectly innocent pony can sometimes be killed as a result.... Good job!!!!
:twilightsmile:

Or did they DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN.....:rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh:

I like this ending a lot more :fluttercry:

This ending is by far the better of the two endings. You shouldn't apologize for posting it, because I think that even Grimdark stories can have happy endings. (for some reason, I've recently become really sappy with my comments and replies. This is probably in my top 10 sappy comments.) :twilightsheepish:

Although this ending was better, the other ending allowed for extension on the story. I think both endings are great in their own ways. (Another sappy comment from the one and only fredsite!)

2251688 you do know he wrote the original right?

i like this ending better:pinkiehappy::heart:

*walks into mcdonalds*
"i'll have one mlp fanfic with extra cheese"

(sorry about the unfunny pun)

anyways, im not saying this story is bad.... my favorite part of darker fics is to see what the aftermath is/create alternate endings to make a certain situation possible. so dont hate me for saying the fic was overly cheesy in some parts. having cheesy parts will never automaticly make a story bad. i personally enjoyed this fic.

there are some things that were weird though. first of all, let me tell you what i learned about friends in real life..... if you fuck up bad: it doesn't matter how good some of your friends are (i had pretty shit friends back then but still) they WILL NOT INSTANTLY FORGIVE YOU THE NEXT DAY. some might forgive you in one day.... some might never be mad at you because they listened to your side of the story before making a judgement (hold on to those friends btw). but the friends that are mad at you will keep a close eye on you in case you fuck up again.

applejack seemed like she had those tendencies.... but then she started being nice to rainbow and that all came crashing down. i liked the idea of the ponies beating the shit out of rainbow for what she did. it shows their anger but, at the same time, makes them no better than rainbow for mentally snapping. the cheesy moments were the ponies being nice to someone RIGHT AFTER AN ATTEMPTED MURDER. oh, and i know the show is based on friendship but, this attack has never seemed to challenge the friendship in a big way like you think a murder would. they forgave her in one fucking day. fluttershy and rarity.... i would let that slide, rarity would probably keep a close watch on rainbow though. applejack.... she seemed like she would end her friendship with rainbow for *at the very least* a few weeks..... and even then she would be constantly watching rainbow. i dont mind pinkie pie forgiving her attacker because it fits her character well and i sort of know whats thats like (i've been hit by my friend's car *it wasn't going very fast because parking lot* when we were going to watch a movie.... i told him it was pretty much my fault for not looking both ways and we left to go see if the damage was bad). my favorite part was pinkie forgiving dashie.

i was also annoyed at fluttershy breaking into rainbow's house to help her. im sorry, but i would of gave it another day at least so we can read about the whole nightmare/how she spends her night. then maybe make flutters ask permission, flutters breaks in to help like you already did write, or dashie asks flutters or her friends permission to make this happen.

these pretty fucking huge slices of cheese made me roll my eyes and facepalm quite a few times.
:facehoof::facehoof::facehoof::facehoof::ajbemused::facehoof:

but that didn't make the fic bad. despite the cheesyness halfway though: it was still an awesome read that will go straight into my favorites list.:eeyup:

Well, it was actually a nice ending of this story. Somehow, it didn't seem that sad for me.

What? I found another story, with the same title and the exact same content(Here is the link) and my reaction was...
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSMAe6zIuJjogurTec9Fnfi2Se6v2_-UgIaw54Sy6RtcG4KjBK5TA

:pinkiesad2::rainbowderp::derpyderp1::::twilightsmile::fluttershysad:sooo sad but soooooo good!love this ending!

Actually, i just thought of something.
From what i could tell from tv tropes, some kind of demonic entity is responsible for rainbow's sanity slip, and i assume the nightmares she had that night about Rainbow's attempted homicide was also this unknown entity's doing.
The question come up is Who exactly is thing, or is Rainbow just secretly schizophrenic or is hiding some kind of mental disorder that just activated out of nowhere.
And if it was someone else's doing, the most obvious suspect is possibly the nightmare forces, but i guess that is a fanfic for another day.

i took your advice and read this after i finally read Rocket to Insanity. you did great man. Maybe you could help me out by reading my stories and telling me what you think and all. part of me wants someone to read what i have and enjoy part of it.

Loved it still need to read the original though can somepony send it to me? Or share the link?

6949211 hey I'm looking for new stories care to send a link?

I like this version more. :) Great job. :pinkiesmile:

I prefer this ending, to the original one.

I still perfer the original. I don't need one where everypony gets to live.
No offence to anyone.
And now if you excuse me, I'll go to the original Rocket to Insanity where Pinkie dies. Then Fall of the Apple Family and Dawn of a Dying Pegasus. They canceled Twilight's Passage. :(

I like the ending better! (:

Great work!:heart:

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