CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS : User Guide and Manual

by ininbbtfctub

TECHNICAL SUPPORT

"kaijinzero : um, yes... i have a problem. you see, im a..."contractor", and my applebloom keeps following me. for some reason, she was in insane mode when i got her out of her box, and now, she keeps messing my jobs up. can i get some help here...like now?
Riloussa: We are sending you a portable EMP Device good for 1 use."
After deactivating the unit, kaijnzero then sent it back for a 20% refund. We delined then sent him back a Scootaloo unit deep fried and rapped in bacon.

videocrazy: Can I order one?
Riloussa: Look up on our website www.[Data Expunged due to SOPA].com/catalog
videocrazy couldn't find the website and is now still fighting against SOPA

Bronyzilla : Mine dosen't have a cutie mark, what a rip off!
Riloussa: *beep beep boop beep beep beep* *mumbling*
The pony secret service then sucked out his brain and gave it to the Johnsons brain dead sun. Where it lies today.

Squeaky Toy": 1. Yell at the top of your lungs "CUTIE MARK" she will teleport out of the box then get sad."I suspect the other CMC members were originally going to be part of this, that's a Sweetie Bell model ability.
Riloussa: Yes, I'm making the Sweetie Belle right as I'm typing this, multitasking... so tired....
Riloussa then fainted and hired an assistant for more questions

Dr. BobI had my APPLEBLOOM help me sell some stuff at my garage sale.I'm now barricaded in the closet with her, please help. Everyone wants their refunds but my APPLEBLOOM spent the money on treesap remover...
Riloussa: Hey, thats not related to the pony unit, you should watch more Mlp : FiM and know that she is a very bad salesfilly.... so NO PIE FOR YOU!!!
They then mobbed his house and took his Applebloom

BronyRave24okay listen, i ordered a SCOOTALOO unit and when i tried to get her out of the box, she wouldn't, i tried everything, even the RAINBOW DASH FREE FLYING LESSONS part. SHE DOSENT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT COMING OUT!
Riloussa: Oops, according to the order list we accidentally sent you kaijnzero's package of COOKED SCOOTALOO! We'll resend another Scootaloo right now
According to BronyRave24 the Cooked Scootaloo was delicous...

BalancerExcuse me but I think my unit might have a glitch, every time it uses it's scooter it always turns left, even when I locked the steering to turn right it simply broke the handle bar....I also need to order a new scooter can I do that separately or do I need to order a whole new unit?
Riloussa: You can't ride scootaloo's scooter unless you have wings, they balance the scooter. As a solution for getting a new scooter, send the broken one under the warrenty
Just like in zelda and skyrim Balancer was mobbed by a army of scootaloo because he broke one unit's scooter. Don't fuck with scootaloo...

More to come, keep posting questions! (only on the 3 units included in this set.)

Comments

[olihmajor]

XD

[ininbbtfctub]

161964 I hope you like your cooked Scootaloo!

[Dr Bob]

I had my APPLEBLOOM help me sell some stuff at my garage sale.
I'm now barricaded in the closet with her, please help. Everyone wants their refunds but my APPLEBLOOM spent the money on treesap remover...

[BronyRave24]

okay listen, i ordered a SCOOTALOO unit and when i tried to get her out of the box, she wouldn't, i tried everything, even the RAINBOW DASH FREE FLYING LESSONS part. SHE DOSENT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT COMING OUT!

[Balancer]

Excuse me but I think my unit might have a glitch, every time it uses it's scooter it always turns left, even when I locked the steering to turn right it simply broke the handle bar....I also need to order a new scooter can I do that separately or do I need to order a whole new unit?

[Kaelzoroden]

Hello. I bought two Scootaloo units, and told them that Rainbow Dash was looking for a new sidekick. I was expecting an outburst of competitive violence, but they seem to have become stuck in a loop of squealing about the prospect of being Rainbow Dash's sidekick. They aren't responding to any of my commands. Help?

[Kupkakekrazy]

Help me, my scootaloo unit keeps on
Doing crazy stunts but just before she ( inevitably)
Dies, she somehow reverses time
It's screwing up my work

[Dreamer of Dragons]

I purchased a SCOOTALOO unit last week and put her in her chicken coop. When I took her out she had laid three eggs, which are now trying to hatch. WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOOO!

[Maple Sunrise]

lol cant wait for Sweetie Belle

Oh hi there, I have a question. I bought a Scootaloo and Applebloom but when they greeted each other they fought instead of playing together nicely.
I tried to break it up but then Discord made my legs disappear. Where the hell did the Discord unit come from and I want a refund for my legs

[LunaUsesCaps]

This is why original ideas can't be used, because the instant they become popular, these shitty spin-offs come up out of nowhere. Which mod passed this story? Really. It's a shame, the author actually had something going for her here. Now, you've taken four parts of a series which rightfully belonged to her away.

That really pisses me off.

[banjo2E]

The Johnsons' brain dead sun?

CELESTIA'S SURNAME IS NO LONGER FAUST GUYS

[banjo2E]

##SUPPORT TICKET 0000000031

I recently purchased the complete set of CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS. I found them very entertaining; however, I've noticed a few anomalies in your product claims. Firstly, all three of the CRUSADERS have acquired cutie marks, and are quite proficient in their areas of expertise, which are quite obvious at one glance. Furthermore, my SCOOTALOO has recently become capable of short-term flight, and I have observed my SWEETIE BELLE levitating entire shelves of my library while cleaning.

Additionally (and this is most unsettling) my SCOOTALOO recently fell onto asphalt while using the provided scooter, and began bleeding. I mean, actual blood, like from an organic creature. I even tested it with my chemistry lab. The implications of this lean heavily in the negative direction.

Please contact me as soon as possible so we can work these issues out further.

[Super]

The APPLEBLOOM unit started eating some weird stuff and now she's... Different. Also, several other units I have ordered have appeared to run away... Would this happen to have anything to do with the PINKENEMA DIANE PIE unit I put in INSANE mode a while ago? Because I'm starting to get worried for my remaining units...

[ThisIsMe95R]

why does my SCOOTALOO unit keep beating up my ZECORA and APPLE BLOOM units I can't get her to stop!!!

[ininbbtfctub]

164048 Yes, yes it is...

[ininbbtfctub]

164351 No, she's just growing up....

[Black Alicorn]

Um...

My SCOOTALOO unit and my APPLE BLOOM units are trying to earn 'serial killer' cutie marks. Should I be worried?

[ininbbtfctub]

164566 Yes, *looks at watch* you should run right abouuuuuuuuuuuuut Now!

[Nightwing]

I've just received my SCOOTALOO unit in the mail and succeeded in getting it out. It then immediately began crusading for it's cutie mark in hedge art, and just will not stop. Ponies, penguins, lizards, crocodiles, velociraptors, you name it, it's made it in HEDGE FORM. My yard can't take this much abuse! What's even MORE disturbing is that when I asked what it wanted for dinner, SCOOTALOO told me "fried chicken!" I am terrified and have hidden myself in SCOOTALOO's hedge art kangaroo's pouch, typing this from my laptop. Please help.

[ininbbtfctub]

164256 Wow... I didn't think you do that
thefuck did you do that?

[Truebrony]

my SCOOTALOO unit had my APPLEBLOOM unit build a machine that made her and my RAINBOW DASH unit splice together! She is making so many sonic rainbooms.... oh the property damage...... *CRASH* My window! YYYYHHHHH!!!!! NOT IN THE HOU..... *BEEP BEEP BEEP*

[videocrazy]

Um, it was Pegasister101 who asked to order one, not me. My comment was below that one.

[KaijinZero]

brony rave...you have my chicken...im coming for you...as soon as i receive my new arm from capcom robotics...

[ForlanceAbice]

Dear Equestrian Emporium.

I have successfully received the CUTIE MARK CRUSADER DELUXE edition.
They've been around for about a month, and until now I had no problems with them.
Just last Tuesday though I "accidentally" left my PC on. At this point you would think they would have gone bonkers right after.
No, they did NOT, I repeat, did NOT get on any Friendship sites whatsoever.

"Hey, what doe-

.......

Sorry about that, SWEETIE BELLE has gotten somewhat more curious with the PC.

Anyhow, where was I? Oh yeah. What they did find though was my Dead Frontier opened on my browser.
And before long, they were bugging me on how not to die and why the game wasn't letting them play.
They ended up trashing not only my character, but somehow ponyfied all of Dead Frontier, and I do mean ALL of it.
And what is worse is that both APPLE BLOOM and SCOOTALOO have turned my house into a damn near fortress. But oh no, that isn't
the worst of it. Now I hear gunshots, (how and where they got those firearms, let alone use them, remains unknown.)
and I see zombie ponies and humans walking outside, and a TYRANT CELE-, OH MY GOD, IT JUST BLEW UP KENNY'S HOU-.
*Is bonked.*

-------

Sweetie Belle dragged ForlanceAbice up to the couch while her fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders continued on blasting
the undead. Scootaloo was putting round after round into the rotting corpses. "Hey Apple Bloom, you got that chainsaw ready?" Meanwhile under the tower, the sounds of hammers and construction could be heard. "Not yet, but I reckon I will have this thing workin soon."
Sweetie Belle could only shake her head as she examined the PC. On it was the letter that ForlanceAbice was typing until
he was knocked out by a stray gnome.

A wry grin crept up to Sweetie Belle's face as she googled the schematics for a Ponyfication machine, comparing and contrasting ForlanceAbice as a test subject. encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSQZN0AFHcevQ6sP6E2U5pbHFa0PBYqjpKtqSPu8ui2yp1nxNZz

The Aftermath:

fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/253/f/f/pony_transformation_by_koopa_master-d49f23t.jpg

[ininbbtfctub]

174570
Go on our website
www.hooflix.com/cupcakes

[BronyRave24]

welp, i can say I'm saving hundreds of dollars right now. instead of a SCOOTALOO unit, i got an XBOX 360, PINKIE PIE UNIT(Witch is currently playing gears of war and is looking at me with those insane eyes she had in party of one) and a swiss roll. I'd like to have a talk with whoever ships me these thin...OH $#!& SHE GOT A CHAINSAW FROM WHO THE &$!# KNOWS WHERE, AND SHE'S HEADED STRAIGHT FOUVY GC>NNRXZKNFDJ XMHJGFKXJZG#<Gcfh SHE JUST CHAINSAWD TE KEYBOARD. GOTTA GOTP*IRLIKTC#TCKTLURGITLGCUR2tg,ucgjrf4wufkgw4ejxtrbgQUKGJDRutujrb< l

[konjulove]

Um, yes. I have a problem. I just bought a SCOOTALOO unit, and she is flying. I don't know what's wrong. Help!

[burning-ruin-666]

... i.. sigh... i bought a scootaloo(third buy) and a appelbloom(third buy) unit... wen i yelled CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!! there where sad of and trying to make me tell where sweetie bell unit where... sadly my flutershy got mad by this(first buy) pinkie(second buy) couldent take the sadness and*glup* snapt... she saw there change clear and now... ow FU-!!! *runs like the mother bucking hell!* (my pinkamina diane pie unit included a knife... SICK SENS OF HUMOR!!)

[Sgt. Brony]

Help, I don't have much time till she comes back. My crusaders units are being too helpful at trying to find their cuitie marks. They were hanging around my Zecora and Fluttershy units to try and earn their cuitie marks. Well needless to say the crusaders decided to help me by resetting my Fluttershy unit's clock to skip mating season, which she is now permanently stuck in horny mode, which she now has me restrained to my bed (the strain of typing one handed hurts). My Zecora unit is missing but I hear laughter coming from the basement where she keep her kuldrrn and potion making materials, and I also over heard something about the special dinner for me is about ready. I'm so scared right now, help me.

[Fluttershy Yay lover]

OK I got a DISCORD unit, and suddenly, he started to slowly eat my APPLEBLOOM unit, and she slowly started eating his torso, so I have 2 questions.

1) Why are my DISCORD and APPLEBLOOM some cannibals when I asked for that setting to be removed? and
2) Can I order a new APPLEBLOOM. Oh, God now he finished APPLEBLOOM, and is spotting SCOOTALOO, please help!

[TenshuraX]

whoops, i accadentally left a clopficabout scootaloo up, and found her READING IT, she's now looking at me with 'bedroom eyes' HELP

[Ravenmane]

Help! I'm writing this to you now, while I distracted the CMC with a writing activity. They found FiMFic and started reading clopfics. I have to steal my computer back so they stop writing them. They're all terrible so I can't post them here! Though, Sweetie Belle's are the best so far.

Addendum: It might also be related to last mating season when I had to sacrifice myself to the Fluttershy unit for everypony's sanity. I had to call in for lots of vacation time before the 911 call...

[BronyGirl]

Um...is it normal for my APPLEBLOOM unit to be laying purple-and-bright-pink eggs? Oh crap, they're hatching. Aw, cute little baby Appleblooms! WAIT, why are some of you guys unicorns and some pegasi? And why are there 112 of you?
Oh crap, please help me. The babies have started laying eggs.

[AlphaThroughZeta]

set scootaloo unit to be a Helpful Liar
She's kinda TOO good at it,

she managed to make up a lie that got me out of jail!!

now she forcing me to help her get a bank robbery cutie mark,HELP!!

[BronyBlast9000]

Ok I DEMAND A Refund The CMC Units Wanted To Be Testers So They Made A Machine That Turns Humans Into Ponys And Back AND THEY MADE ME A PONY. OH NO!! The Main 6 Are In Heat And Banging On The Door All Of The Male Test Subjects Are Holding Out With Me In The Fallout Bunker The CMC Built Even Prince Blueblood And Discord Are In Here. HELP US PLEASE.SOS

[BronyBlast9000]

Help Us Now The Girls Have Nearly Broken The Door. Big Macintosh Willingly Ran Out There To Buy Us Some Time. Last Time I Saw Him. Was Geting Humped 6 Ways To Sunday. Save Our Souls

[BronyBlast9000]

I Finally Managed To Destroy The Last Remaning Units First I Killed Rarity Then Fluttershy Then Applejack Who Also Bucked Me In The Face Then Twilight Then Rainbow Dash Then Insane Pinkie Pie
I Swear I Am Going To Have Nightmares For Weeks .
I Also Got The CMC To Reverse The Machine And I Got My Shotgun From The Hypereon Corperation.
NOW GIVE ME MY REFUND

[no longer on]

My SCOOTALOO unit is humping my leg while my APPLEBLOOM unit is humping my SCOOTALOO unit. Please help before it escalates.

[DiscordFan]

During what should be FLUTTERSHY unit's mating season, my SCOOTALOO unit is staring at my FLUTTERSHY unit who is shaking and mumbling insanely. What happened?