i like writing. and ponies. so it works :D
Lyra and Bon Bon always seemed happy together. But something from Bon Bon's past is forever hiding in the shadows, waiting to bring an end to their blissful life.
~DISCLAIMER~
I am not pushing any agenda in this story. It is merely a fictional tale written to entertain. My beliefs and the themes found within my writing are unrelated. Please stop giving me bad ratings because you disagree with me or my story. That's not very loving or tolerant of you.
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hey, if anyone reads this, id appreciate some feedback
this is a beautiful story. also you need to change the part of bon bon dating spitefire as she is a filly. you could change it to soarin.
i misspelled spitfire
Hmm, seems as though you are pushing some sort of agenda with this story.
Whatever agenda you think i'm pushing, i assure you that i am not
That was great, I hope you intend to do more chapters.
44920 you know, i didnt plan on it, but with all (2 of) the people asking for them, i may have to continue this...
Yeah, you kind of threw yourself into a hornet's nest with this one, this being the internet and whatnot. Add in the fact that it's possible to interpret this story as slightly homophobic, and it's little surprise that people will give poor ratings, regardless of the actual writing.
However, I get the distinct impression that you're not telling a story about how homosexuality is wrong, but rather a story of a poor, lost, confused soul. So, that's what I'm going to focus on here.
First off, you did a brilliant job of portraying Bon-Bon, torn between the lover that makes her happy and the morals enforced upon her by her mother. It's easy to feel her inner conflict and pain, and I honestly felt happy for her when she met Lyra. Speaking of, Lyra felt a bit underdeveloped, but considering the focus of your story that's perfectly fine.
The overall story is believable and moving, and your writing style was easy to follow (Although, I do question the need for a few of the breaks you inserted, mainly the one between when Bon-Bon first meets Lyra and their first conversation). Very nice.
I do have some problems, however, with the ending. I intend no offense, but to me, ending with a character's suicide is normally just a cheap tactic to get some tears out of your readers. Hopefully that's not what you were going for, but I've read a few too many stories where that was the only hook the author could come up with.
Now, make no mistake, I LOVE dark stories, tales that explore the turbulent hearts and souls of seemingly perfect characters. But, there's an old saying that sums up my view on these stories: "It's always darkest just before the dawn." To me, to successfully write a dark tale, the ending cannot, CANNOT, be overly despairing. There needs to be some glimmer of hope, however faint, that things can better, that the day will come to end the night. That's when these stories gain meaning, when the reader feels truly satisfied. Now, I'm not saying make everything nice and rosy, with a pretty cherry on top. Shatter the conception that Equestria is always happy and peaceful, show the pain that lies underneath. Push your characters to the edge of the abyss, force them to stare into the unknowable darkness that surrounds us all. But, when they're perched on that precipice, a single step away from the blackness, give them a single thread to hold onto, a single hope to light their way forward. That's how these stories should end.
Someone taking their life, knowing the pain it will cause the one closest to them, does nothing to earn my sympathy. So, as much as I loved the rest of your story, the ending just kills it for me. Sorry.
Wow, I ramble, don't I? In conclusion, all things considered, this story is certainly deserving of at least a four star rating, if not higher. Nice job.
50592 i wouldve assumed that people would think this ISNT homophobic due to the fact that her mother is portrayed as evil, and its a terrible thing when she dies. and i wasnt really trying to illicit tears, i just write what's in my head. and this was it. but im thinking i'll add some more to it later, after i finish my other story. thanks for the feedback!
and yeah, lyra was underdeveloped, but i'll get into her later. 
Dear god... man tears.
Fuck everyone who gave this a bad rating- this is the best thing Ive ever read and I love it. so fuck you bad rating givers.
You too wrote about Bon Bon killing herself? Nice.
I agree to some parts of what 50592 wrote. But I don't think that a character dying in the ending of a grim fic is just a way to extract tears from your readers. Sometimes it just... happens (and this brings me to a side note: how exactly do you plan on continuing this? Lyra's mind slowly shattering?).
But yes, some writers can use that method for the sole purpose of tear extraction. Which is not the case of this fanfic.
I have to agree that "it's darkest just before dawn". But maybe the 'dawn' is death itself.
I once read that "Death is the permanent solution for temporary problems." This is the most stupidest thing I've ever read, to be quite frank.
We're talking about humans: we cannot group every suicider in one category and say "Oh, poor thing. You didn't have to do it."
Sometimes the answer is: Yes, I had to.
Each one is a unique individual. Their conception of life and death (not talking about afterlife here), pain and suffering is different from the others.
Sorry, I too ramble much.
142747 oh, ive got a few plans for continuing. but im gonna rewrite this whole thing first, putting more backstory and whatnot. it'll be good, lemme tell ya. personally, i dont believe anyone HAD to commit suicide (except for like, war prisoners who will be tortured to give information. they're dying to protect their country). but i do believe that some people are naturally stronger than others, and some, while they could've survived, were put down their whole lives until they're not confident in their ability to make it through. its quite tragic, really.
stick around, maybe by 2026 this'll be finished 
but i do respect your position, sir. and im glad you enjoyed the story.
145864 Suicide to me is very much like euthanasia.
The person is in pain (granted, it's psychological, but still) and he/she just wants it to end.
Granted: It can be cured.
Let me repeat it: It can be cured. But who says that it will be cured?
Very much like a physical illness.
But meh, I'm not going to start a ramble in the comments on your story about the morality of suicide.
I'm just going to add that I'm looking forward into reading your new version of Bon Bon's suicide. I know the methods were different, but I remember my own chapter about Bon Bon's suicide so much when I first read this. I guess that, taking into consideration what happened to both Bon Bons, their motives are related. Both want only to end their pain in the eternal sleep.
PS: If we don't all die in 2012's rapture, that is.
Hmm... I'm confused about how people could rate this so poorly.
It is clear as the night sky that the author is not trying to propagandize anything, and of course is not a supporter of homophobia and/or suicide. The story is about mental pain of a character born by wrong circumstances. While some people/ponies can get through their past (hay, even I can be an example: I'm from a rather conservative family - my father would probably hate me so much if I were gay/an atheist/a rebel etc - but by the time I were around twenty I managed to carry on in the way I wanted to), some can't.
And if every author were supporting their characters' ideas and deeds, then Vonnegut would have been a cynical murderer, Dostoevsky would have been an avid supporter of terrorism, and I would be three types of rebels at once, mixed with an ability to travel through time and... oops, spoilers here.
So, I'm giving this 5/5. No, manly tears weren't shed. But yes, they were brought to my eyes.
Keep up the good work.
Peace.
175708
thank you sir. and jk rowling wouldve been a witch or a bald snake man, and hitler wouldve been racist. oh wait..
but thank you for reading, rating, and especially commenting and enjoying
I found the story well written and compelling. Maybe Lyra can magic the wounds closed and get her to the hospital?
206068 sorry, no can do
she was dead for hours. but eventually, im gonna rewrite this and it'll be longer, with a happier ending.
Character death? A favorite character? How shocking. Shocking can be new, vibrant and exciting.
CAN. /Laconic
Down it goes.
286944 aw, i killed off one of your favorite characters? so sad. let me play you a sad, sad song on the worlds smallest cello. take it away, tiny octavia.
290029
Oh, I've seen some GOOD deaths of characters I like. But it takes a gentle hand, a careful touch. As I said in a laconic fashion, CAN. Like IF.
290076 your laconic fashion was quite understood. i wont lie, this is definitely not my best work and also my first fan fiction, before i even knew much about the show. so yes it sucks. but if you read someone else's story (not mine, i mean) dont thumbs down it just because they kill off your faves. thats hardly reason for thumbs-downing. no offense, man, im just sayin. i didnt mean to come off so harsh with that other comment. bad day, you know how it goes
290339
Oh, I totally understand. I suppose it was a bit much. Without a star system you're trapped in an unfair trichotomy, having to support, reject or ignore something. All told, I should have reserved any rating and left it at a neutral stance. It was a fine story and a good examination of internalized homophobia, but I just felt it wasn't quite at that unidentifiable "there."
290395 yeah, what the heck happened to the star system? i miss it.
and dont worry bout it bro. its definitely not 'there.' im gonna rewrite it soon enough tho. so it'll hopefully be over 9000 times better. lol
1089067 thank you!
lol. im glad you liked it, even tho it was probably my worst (serious) work.