It was wrong.
She knew that. She’d known from the start. It was unnatural, as if the earth itself had certain unwritten laws that she had broken. She felt eternally condemned, forever in the wrong, and she knew that nothing good would await her at the end of her path.
And yet…
It felt so right. To wake up every morning and see her beautiful face, still asleep, and simply adorable for it. To stare sleepily from the living room at her perfect figure, every curve flowing wonderfully into the next as she made a delicious breakfast of toast with daisy butter, their favorite. To walk through Ponyville every day with her at her side, the only pony to ever show her such compassion, such kindness, such love. To lay down at night with her, to hold her close, bury her face in that gorgeous seafoam-green coat, and just drift off to sleep…
Lyra.
Everything about her was beautiful. Her excitability, the deep, mournful music she played when she was feeling down, even the ridiculous way she sat. She was simply perfect. Lyra… The name alone was enough to bring a radiant smile to Bon Bon’s face…
But still, in those quiet moments at night after Lyra had fallen asleep, Bon Bon was still wracked with guilt. She remembered the words of her mother, many years ago…
~
“The way I see it, fillies for colts, and colts for fillies, is how should be. No good ever came outta any other combination, whether it be fillies and fillies or colts and colts,” Bon Bon’s mother said. “All these fillyfoolers these days are nothin’ but trouble, Bonnie, and you’d best stay away from ‘em.”
Bon Bon tried to follow her mother’s advice. During her schooling years, she dated several of the popular colts, including Soarin, who would later go on to fly as a Wonderbolt. But she never felt a real connection with any of them. It was as if she was nothing more than a fine-looking apple in their eyes. They cared just long enough to get what they wanted and throw her aside, leaving her scarred and bruised emotionally and physically, sometimes visibly, sometimes out of sight.
By the time she graduated, Bon Bon had given up on colts completely. Her friends told her that stallions were different, but how could they be? They had all started out as colts. She couldn’t face the pain and sorrow of another relationship. But she could never abandon her mother’s advice…
For a long time, Bon Bon lived her life as a shadow. She was always there, and yet… She was strangely disconnected from it. Her life occurred around her, and she merely allowed herself to be led by the hoof, doing whatever was required of her with no feeling.
She spent her days working at Sugarcube Corner, but there was no joy in her heart. Not at all how she had felt when she earned her cutie mark on a field trip to that very same place. Mr. and Mrs. Cake had given the class permission to make their own batch of sweets. Bon Bon could still remember the wonderful happiness that had filled her when she was the only pony who had succeeded, and when her cutie mark, three candies, appeared. No pony had ever been so full of joy…
But now, that happiness was gone from her work, gone from everything. She could never be sure who was her friend, and who was using her, just like everypony else had used her. There was nothing left to live for…
Until one fateful day…
Bon Bon decided that it must end. She couldn’t go on living like this, with no love, no joy, no peace… Her once-curled navy and pink hair hung lank over her watery, pain filled eyes as she took one last walk around Ponyville. She glanced mournfully at Sugarcube Corner as she remembered all the happiness that the wondrous confectionery had brought her in days gone by. The sounds of the fountain in the town square reached her ears, and the rhythm combined with the melody of the birds created a strangely melancholy tune. Bon Bon sighed and began to wearily make her way back home.
“Hey!” cried a voice.
Bon Bon almost didn’t respond. She wanted desperately to return home and escape from everything… But something inside her held her hooves tight. She subconsciously stopped in the middle of the path and looked.
She immediately caught sight of a pair of beautiful golden eyes. They were bright, vibrant, and full of the best kind of life. Bon Bon became so lost in those eyes that it took her several moments to notice that they were connected to the body of an equally beautiful mare unicorn. Her seafoam coat was delicately accented by a pale blue and white mane that had been artistically styled to look messy. A golden lyre graced her flanks, and a lively smile graced her face. She was seated upright on a bench by the fountain, a strange position for ponies.
“You okay?” asked the unicorn. A worried look entered her eyes as she saw the obvious pain in Bon Bon’s eyes.
Bon Bon stood speechless, staring at the most beautiful mare she had ever seen. New feelings burst forth within her heart, feelings of love and kindness, of joy and wonder, of a new awakening. She felt her cheeks begin to redden as the unicorn’s worried look changed to one of confusion.
“Hello? Anypony there?” asked the gorgeous mare. She began to look awkward.
Bon Bon finally found her voice. “Oh, um… hi.”
“Are you okay?”
“I… yes. Yes, I’m okay. Thanks for asking.”
And for the first time in a long time, it was the truth.
~
“I don’t think we’ve been introduced,” said the unicorn. “My name’s Lyra. I’m kinda new around here. Just moved from Canterlot. And how about you?”
Bon Bon looked up from the apple and daisy sandwich that Lyra had just bought for her at a small outdoor restaurant. “I’m Bon Bon. But you can just call me Bonnie, if you like,” she replied. “And thanks for this. I… I really needed this.”
“Oh, it’s not a problem,” Lyra smiled as she bit into her own sandwich that she caused to hover in front of her face. “I like making new friends, especially since I don’t know anypony here. Your mane is absolutely gorgeous, by the way.”
Bon Bon blushed again. “Oh! Um… Thank you!” she stammered. “I like yours too.”
Lyra tossed her head to shake her mane. “Do you?” she asked. “I just had it groomed the other day. Does it really look good?”
“It’s beautiful,” asserted Bon Bon.
As they finished their meal, Bon Bon could feel her spirits lifting eternally higher. She felt as though her hooves fell not on the hard ground, but on soft, puffy white clouds of nothing less than the sweetest sensations in all of Equestria. She was alive again, and there was nothing that could take away the joy in her heart.
Bon Bon never told Lyra about her past life. She kept it hidden away under lock and key, vowing never to think on it again. She didn’t tell Lyra that she had saved her life the first day they met, or that she had fallen in love with her when she first saw those bright, shining eyes. She chose instead to leave her past behind her and live as if her life had never met sadness.
This was the Bon Bon that Lyra knew. The adorable young mare that had become her first friend in Ponyville. The Bon Bon that Lyra knew was always filled with happiness and energy, the first to show kindness to anypony, the first to compliment, the first to smile and wish somepony a good morning. Lyra wondered how she could’ve mistaken this bright and happy pony for the downtrodden, miserable figure she thought she’d first met.
But Bon Bon knew that her seemingly happy shell wouldn’t last forever. The scars of her former life were still there, like a dull burning that would lessen, but never go away. As Bon Bon and Lyra grew closer, her mother’s words began to haunt her.
“Nothin’ but trouble, Bonnie.”
“Stay away from ‘em.”
She knew it was wrong. She knew she shouldn’t feel that way. But something within her was strangely attracted to the beautiful mare. Was it her eyes? Or her styled-messy mane? Her perfectly accented colors? Perhaps her friendly personality? Bon Bon could never quite lay a hoof on it, but she knew that all she wanted was to spend just one night wrapped in the sweet embrace of the mare who had saved her life…
~
Lightning lit up the sky. The rain poured down from the heavens, drenching anypony unlucky enough to be caught outside within seconds. Bon Bon and Lyra were included in this unlucky number as they made their way back to their respective homes from the restaurant they shared lunch at every day. They quickened their pace until they were nearly at full gallop.
“Oh, of all the rotten luck!” yelled Lyra over the sound of cascading rain. “We’ll be dead of pneumonia if we stay in this mess!”
“No, we won’t!” replied Bon Bon. “My house is up ahead! We can stay there until this storm clears out!”
Lyra didn’t bother to respond; instead, she focused all her energy into racing towards Bon Bon’s house.
Wrapped in hot towels that Bon Bon had heated over the fire and drinking hot apple cider, the pair quickly warmed up. The thunder outside flashed and crashed furiously as rain pounded on the windows, but Lyra and Bon Bon felt comfortable and safe in Bon Bon’s house. They spent the next hour in animated conversation. Lyra had a great sense of humor, and the pair was soon in tears from all the laughter.
Lyra had brought her lyre, of course. She never left her house without it. Upon Bon Bon’s fervent request, she played a beautiful piece she had composed while she still lived in Canterlot. Bon Bon never ceased to be amazed at the vast stores of talent that Lyra had hidden away inside her. She was content to just sit there and listen to her play for hours upon end, gazing up into those deep, golden eyes…
Just as the sun began to sink below the horizon, the storm disappeared completely, leaving the town outside smelling of freshly fallen rain and new growing flowers.
Bon Bon glanced out the window. “Well, the storm’s cleared up. You should be heading home, I guess.”
Then Lyra turned to her and looked her right in the eyes with an expression that Bon Bon had never seen before. It was unreadable, equal parts sad, happy, forlorn, and loved. She stared into her vibrant eyes, and she could feel the intensity of their returning gaze. Lyra gently stepped forward and whispered into Bon Bon’s ear.
“I don’t want to go home.”
~
Years passed. Lyra and Bon Bon lived happy lives, and they were happy to have each other. But every night, Bon Bon was haunted by terrible dreams, dreams of her mother, and of guilt and misery.
“Trouble, Bonnie. Nothin’ but trouble. Stay well away from ‘em, Bonnie.”
She whimpered in her sleep.
“No good ever came outta it. Nothin’ but trouble, Bonnie.”
She began to toss.
“Stay away, Bonnie. You’re nothin’ but trouble!”
Bon Bon sat up in bed, tears streaming down her face as she gazed at Lyra’s sleeping form. She looked so happy…
“What I wouldn’t give to be happy like her…” Bon Bon said quietly to herself.
She decided she’d go for a walk to clear her head. The voice of her mother played back continuously in her mind, and she was desperate to find relief. Bon Bon walked outside. She wandered Ponyville in the dark of the night, not really caring what the other citizens would think of her strange behavior.
She walked slowly past Sugarcube Corner, past the library, past everything until she stood at the outskirts of the town. And still her mother’s voice screamed in her ears.
“No good. Nothin’ but trouble. Stay away from her, Bonnie.”
“NO!” Bon Bon yelled at the sky, venting all of her frustrations to the midnight air. She couldn’t hold it in any longer. Beneath the stars, out of earshot of any buildings, Bon Bon broke down and wept.
She had no idea how long she’d sat there. It might’ve been minutes, it might’ve been hours. It may have been mere seconds. All she knew was that her pale coat was soaked with her own salty tears, and that she couldn’t handle this misery anymore.
Bon Bon slowly walked back to her house. It was still dark, and she knew that Lyra was still asleep. She quietly opened the door and entered the kitchen. She grasped a long knife in her teeth and sat, silently contemplating what she was about to do.
“You’re trouble, Bonnie. Nothin’ but trouble.”
Bon Bon shut her eyes tight to block out the sound. She slowly but firmly began to drag the knife across the inside of the joint of her foreleg. Dark red blood spilled from the deep cut, staining her coat and pooling on the linoleum tiling. Bon Bon didn’t make a sound; she merely moved on to her other foreleg and sat down, waiting to die.
The voices had stopped. Finally. Her mother seemed happy with her daughter’s decision. She was, after all, nothin’ but trouble. Lyra would be devastated, though…
Lyra!
She had completely forgotten about her! How could she understand that this wasn’t her fault? That she had been wonderful and kind and everything a pony could ask for? Bon Bon couldn’t let her follow her to her death.
She slowly and painfully pulled herself up to the counter, praying to Celestia that it held what she needed. As soon as her eyes could see over the edge of the counter, she spied a scroll and a quill. Bon Bon quickly pulled these down to the floor and began to write.
She knew she didn’t have much time. The blood poured from her forelegs, and she could feel herself slipping already. She wrote faster.
“Just let go, Bonnie.” Came her mother’s voice, closer than before now. “You can’t beat death, Bonnie.”
Bon Bon refused to speak, but her mind was screaming. She COULDN’T let go. She had to finish her letter. It was the only way that Lyra could understand…
The dark fingers of death began to clutch at the edges of her vision. She could feel their cold touch on her hooves, spreading up her legs like stepping into an ice-cold bath. She forced herself to write through it all.
Bon Bon slowly lost feeling in her limbs. The cuts didn’t hurt anymore. She felt a sort of vacant peace. She was drifting off to somewhere. Where it was, she neither knew nor cared.
Not yet!
She couldn’t die yet! She hadn’t finished writing! She tried desperately to grasp the quill in her hoof again, but she couldn’t move her leg. She forced her head towards the quill, her vision almost fully obstructed by darkness. She saw the quill just beyond her grasp…
Nothing. Blackness filled her eyes for a brief moment, and then… Nothing.
~
Lyra awoke the next morning feeling very cold. She noticed that Bon Bon wasn’t in bed, and she assumed that perhaps she had woken up early and gone for a walk, or made breakfast for herself. Lyra got out of bed and fixed her mane to look messy, just like she did every morning. She watched her gleaming face in the mirror as she worked. Her own smile was contagious, and she couldn’t help but smile a little bigger as she watched.
Soon, her work was done. She exited the bedroom and headed towards the kitchen to fix herself a nice bowl of grain. As she reached for a bowl, she felt something cold, wet, and sticky on her hoof. She looked down.
Bon Bon’s body was covered in her own dark blood; some of it already begun to dry, and some of it still dripping into the shining pool that Lyra had stepped in. Her legs were spread out on the floor. Two deep cuts showed on her forelegs. Her face was frozen in a panicked, yet exhausted expression. Lyra couldn’t bear to look into those wide, blue eyes, once so full of life, now devoid of all feeling. She spied a small, blood soaked scroll lying at Bon Bon’s hooves.
Lyra picked up the scroll and brought it to her eyes. As she read, her tears fell hard and fast onto the scroll, like the rainstorm that had brought them together at last, and a beautiful yet mournful song echoed throughout Ponyville, bringing every pony to tears.
Lyra,
In all our years together, I never told you… I never told you about that first day we met. You saved me, Lyra. But I couldn’t be saved forever. Please understand that this isn’t your fault. I… love……