As rainbowdash return next thrilling book of derring-do, this time investigating the tomb to battle the darkness. Will derring-do come out of this unscathed with her sanity intact, will rainbow find out about the darkness that lies within. Or will the tome of internal darkness claim more ponies to its deadly statues.
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This... this can't be for real, right? It's got to be a trollfic. Either that or English most certainly is not your first language.
Either way, I'm fearing for my own sanity just from looking at this mess.
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Also, piclair.com/data/7hetc.jpg
This is really bad. These sentences don't even make sense.
Well, you tried, so that's something I guess. But if this isn't a trollfic, then you seriously need to work on your grammar
. I mean c'mon, derring-do? That's spelt with an A man. Also, the 'wut'ness of this fic is off the charts. "Investigate a gigantic"? I... I don't even know.
Still, you tried, so that's worth something, I suppose. I'd suggest that you work on your grammar and give it another shot.
I can count 9 grammatical issues in the description alone....
Quick!
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Rainbow Dash returns to the next thrilling book of Daring Do, this time investigating the tomb to battle the darkness. Will Daring Do come out of this unscathed with her sanity intact? Will Rainbow find out about the darkness that lies within? Or will the tome of internal darkness claim more ponies to its deadly statues?
I'm not sure whether this should be "tome" and "statutes" or "tomb" and "statues." Also not sure if you meant to say "internal" or "eternal." At any rate, try this grammatically correct (or more correct, anyway) description if this is a serious attempt at storytelling.
I did actually have a editor check this out.
3275582 Fire him.
I would like to suggest that you work with a prereader and/or editor for this story.
I found this impossible to read.
Sorry.
You should be honored. This fic made it into the Mibbit chat and we just spent the last ten minutes laughing at the total train wreck. I am been democratically elected to present you with this token of our esteem.
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I know my dyslexia can be a problem at times but I'm pretty sure I can reach my own stuff, and when Dragon is actually listening to me it works so, I really wonder who is having brought to reading this.
I don't mind, criticism as long it's constructive, just saying this stuff has wrong stuff and it is not helpful.
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3276341 makes sense a hot air balloon usually goes in directions based on wind currents, a Pegasus can pull a hot air balloon we've seen in the show.
3275303 tome = BOOK
3278891 I know that tome=BOOK. A really big book, to be precise. I'm confused as to how a really big book has statues, which is why I offered two versions that seemed equally possible: either you meant a really big book with lots of statutes (laws), or you meant a tomb with statues.
3278913 well it's a magic book
I have never laughed so hard three paragraphs in before.
I'm giving this a thumbs-up purely because this is the best pony comedy I've ever read.
... Wait a minute. There's a dark tag, not a comedy tag. How did this pass FIMFiction pre-readers?
Never mind, no thumbs-up for you.
3280029 YA! oh if I placed down the dark comedy, they would think something completely different.
Thank you for the thumbs up I really need those!
The story make no sense at all o_O
You want constructive criticism ? Fire or burn your current editor, he's worst than you or he didn't even read this whole mess.
It's not even possible to understand some sentence, because the words Inside have no meanings in the context
3290824 you have read the author's notes correct?
3295908 I like your story. Why does it have down votes?
4242872 I'm not really sure beyond early comments criticisms,which most of them could be entirely blamed on everyone still uses texting is talking! ( with the exception of people who have dyslexia, like for example me! I'm sorry but LOL is not actually a word it's an abbreviation! this is what happens when you have a grandmother who was a grammar teacher/Nazi who cannot hear! and I'm going to stop before start renting, and thank you for liking my story so much!
4247919 Ok good luck. Hey want to check out my story Ace Combat: Divided Feelings?
4247927 COOL! Will do