• Member Since 31st Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

atfalcon261


E

Shute gets a distress call in his dreams, resulting in the Gundam Force and Genki Energy Squad to go on another dimensional journey, where they end up in Equestria, meet the Mane 7, and help them protect their home from a newly-created Dark Axis, with the help of new and reformed allies.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 50 )

Ok, from the description alone, I can tell this is going to be terrible. I'm no expert at math, but I'm fairly certain there are SIX mares, who were given the fan-name "Mane 6".

Here, let me show you them.

:facehoof: Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic
:yay: Fluttershy, Element of Kindness
:pinkiehappy: Pinkie Pie, Element of Laughter
:rainbowkiss: Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty
:raritywink: Rarity, Element of Generosity
:ajsmug: Applejack, Element of Honesty

THERE IS NO ALICORN GARY STU NAMED ALEX. If he were to be an Element of Harmony, he would be...

static.fjcdn.com/pictures/What+the+fuck+.+No+seriously+what+the+fuck+Found+this_c6b66c_4007390.jpg Alex, Element of Nobody-Gives-A-Fuck

Looking though this, it's really obvious that you have no clue whatsoever of the difference between a good fanfiction and a bad one. You've broken about a dozen of the unwritten rules of writing MLP fanfiction.

1) Alicorn OC
2) Gary Stu
3) No character development
4) No plot development
5) Human shipping with Mane 6
6) Crossover with some show nobody's heard of
7) Crossing it over again with another show nobody knows about.
8) Human's name is Alex.

I'd go on, but I can't really stand to be here anymore.

First of all Alex happens to be the element of a Pure Heart.

Second the human's name is Shute.

Third google SD Gundam Force and see for yourself that it's a good show.

And finally I don't what you think, this story will be 1 of my best stories to be created in the history of this website because 1. It has ponies, Gundams, Zakos and SDGs vs New Dark Axis villians that I've thought of.
2. There's going to be a love triangle between Shute, Princess Rele and Trixie. And 3. There's going to be ZakoZako hours with ponies taking part in them sometimes, and if don't know what that is then that's your problem. Hmph!!!:twilightangry2::flutterrage::twilightangry2:

Excuse me? Buddy you think your Gundam expert. Because I've seen enough Gundam series to know that SD Gundam Force is Gundam related so there!!!!!!:twilightangry2::flutterrage::twilightangry2::flutterrage:

1983153 I spy me a troll.

If you're not, i have some premium real estate in Cuba to sell you!

Good luck keeping up with the likes of Past Sins, Background Pony, Of Challenges and Kisses... should I go on?

Nope. 100% guarantee you'll never make a footnote on this site. Other than being yet another person who thought their story was the best because they mixed crap with more crap, with a little shit on the side.

You have just dug own grave pal!:twilightangry2::flutterrage::pinkiecrazy:

1983266 You know, screaming about a crappy FANFIC story over the internet isn't really making you more macho.

1. People have the right to say exactly what they feel over the internet and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

2. Winterstorm here is a DAMN good reviewer, so when he says that this is shit, then odds are this is really really bad shit.

3. Using emoticons to express emotions, classy.

4. See that like to dislike ratio? Maybe you should listen to that instead of your ego.

1983333 He actually threatened me via PM. I gave him a friendly PSA about IP addresses, and how knighty can track them and ban them from accessing the site. Were he to do something like, say, make multiple accounts to downvote my own fic, I'd be sending knighty a PM.

Now, he's either a troll, or really believes this. Either way, personal threats alone could get him banned, if I chose to report them.

1983349 Oh joy, so not only can he take criticism in stride (like a functioning member of society) but he's taking it a step further and threatened you.

REAL MATURE THEREM AUTHOR.

1983365 Frankly, I think he needs to take a look at your profile pic, and learn from it.

1983378 What I find hilarious is that he had the audacity to declare my fic bad, when he never even looked at it. I checked the stats. 3 views today, and those were all me, when I was doing some formatting. So, he's also a liar.

Edit: Well, he apologized, so there's hope left still. :yay:

Okay, I can tell you're new to this. As Winter Storm said, there are a few unspoken "rules" that you should be aware of.

1. It is in incredibly bad taste to whip up an alicorn OC with no proper justification.
2. OCs are not to be shipped with canon characters without a proper justification.
3. There is no mysterious seventh Element of Harmony that wasn't required in any other situation beforehand.
4. Unless it is some kind of a nickname or bastardization (real word there) of their real name, ponies almost never have human names.
5. Introducing giant robots does not necessarily make your story cool.
6. Unless such things are incredibly commonplace, rifts in space/time/dimensions of reality are to be avoided.
7. Pacing is everything. Slow. It. Doooooowwwwnnnnnnn.
8. Never piss off your readers by being a jerk in the comment section.
9. No matter who you are, you are not God's gift to the English language and a contributor to the zeitgeist of modern society. You are writing fanfiction about magic talking ponies.
10. Even though you are writing fanfiction about magic talking ponies, a certain degree of maturity is expected.
11. Vague and obscure crossovers never succeed.
12. Only people with the most practice and skills should ever attempt a triple crossover. Everything else will just fall flat on its face.

Personally, I used to love Mobile Suit Gundam. And I'm talkin' old school Gundam, not the beating a dead horse series spinoffs like they did to Dragonball Z. THIS AIN'T GUNDAM!

1983713

9. No matter who you are, you are not God's gift to the English language and a contributor to the zeitgeist of modern society. You are writing fanfiction about magic talking ponies.

Who says that I can't do both? :twilightsheepish:

1983713, 1983217
Pardon me for butting; but I believe that all of you who are nit picking this guy (and I'm especially including you Winter Storm) should just shut up and let the guy write. :twilightangry2: And those "rules" PegasusKlondike are more like guidelines then anything else and can be bent or broken for the right reasons. Plus the guy just got the SD Gundam crew into Equestria this chapter so don't start about his not having any background in Equestria, FOUR FREAKING CHAPTERS INTO A CROSSOVER STORY!!! :flutterrage:

*clears throat* Pardon me.... Anyways, the argument about there not being a seventh Element of Harmony; atfalcon261 is just using the creative author license any fanfic writer should have. I personally will wait until about 10 or 15 chapters before passing judgment; but I like what I see so far. :pinkiehappy: :scootangel:

Keep on writing atfalcon261 and ignore the idiots who nitpick a story before it even gets off the ground. :yay: :raritywink: :heart:

1983966 "Creative author license".

i1046.photobucket.com/albums/b461/nocoolnamejim/definitionwrong.jpg

I'm sorry, but if you mean what I think you mean by that, then you have to realise that the "creative author license" does not give anyone free will to write whatever the fuck they want, especially when it comes to fanfic. Canon proves that there always has and always will be six Elements of Harmony. A seventh one is almost never justifiable, except perhaps if you use the Alternate Universe tag, and even then the excuse has to be very good.

Also author, learn to use the reply button.

1984094
:ajbemused: and that ladies and gentleman is the reason why I could never finish any stories on my old fanfiction page. Yes atfalcon probably should use the Alternate Universe button on this story but then again this is a "crossover" it's to be expected in some way or form that the story would deviate from canon. How far back is up to the Writer.

BTW, atfalcon, I just talked to Winter Storm (again I apologize for my comments to you without knowing all the facts; look at my page for full apology:pinkiesad2:) and while I do agree your chapter lengths could be longer as well add more material for pacing sake; your heart is definitely in the right place where this story is concerned. I am no editor at all (which is my I try to defer to my readers in that department at my old site) so I really can't help you there but if you need any help content wise I'll try to with the best of my ability.:pinkiehappy:

Okay, this is WAY too short to deserve to be called a chapter!:flutterrage::twilightangry2:

I haven't even started more on it yet, I am still trying to figure out what Shute's reaction will be just be patient.:twilightsheepish:

And if you had seen the SD Gundam Force series, you'd know that the robots are semi-human sized.:scootangel:

1990859

I've seen the show when I was a lot younger. I thought it was pretty awesome for the time.

However, I don't think you're doing SD Gundam justice with this fic...

Every chapter is really short, not even passing the 1k minimum. While I don't mind this so much since it can be done if done right, everything feels really vague and rushed, like you were writing this up just for the sake of it existing.

Grammar and punctuation needs work too... I've seen a lot of dialogue with commas where they shouldn't be, like after a question mark. You don't put two forms of punctuation in the same dialogue.

"For instance, like this?,"

I really think you should get an editor or a proofreader to help you with yer work.

I know, I know. But I assure you there's going to be some good SD Gundam and Genki Power Squad action in the next chapters with Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Alex helping out aswell. Just be patient.:raritywink::pinkiehappy::rainbowdetermined2:

Oops, forgot to add the comedy category in my story. After all, Zako soldiers=comedy:twilightsheepish::rainbowlaugh:

Okay I appear to be not getting anymore comments than my own. And I've recieved no notifications. What gives?:rainbowhuh:

Okay, Your a troll if you think this will become your best story ever....just saying

You know what, I'm going to ignore that comment of yours.:duck:

Comment posted by M-Tails-P deleted Apr 19th, 2013
Comment posted by M-Tails-P deleted Apr 19th, 2013
Comment posted by M-Tails-P deleted Apr 19th, 2013

Deleting negative comments? That's very mature of you author.:facehoof:

1983266 Excuse me while we attempt to take you seriously. This may take a few millennium.

Why does it seem that so many authors who make terrible stories always end up handling comments immaturely? Deleting them, making excuses, or raging at people. It's seriously repetitive.

My story is not terrible! :applecry::fluttercry::raritycry::raritydespair::fluttershysad::pinkiesad2:

2987081
Of course it's not terrible! That must be the biggest understatement I've ever heard in my life! 2924625 Shame on you!

3004176 Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better.:twilightangry2::flutterrage:

But I'm not giving up on my story so there!:rainbowdetermined2:

2918954 And excuse me while I ignore you which is right now.:duck:

3390555 I posted that comment 3 months ago.
What is even the point.
I have no idea who you are.
Why I posted my comment.
I don't even remember what any of this is.
I'm bored.
Back to Dark Souls.

i love it write more chapter please

1983378
1983389

I have seen you both around the site every so often, I was wondering why you both seemed a bit familiar. I truly have no idea why I'm writing this response, I kinda did it on an impulse, or maybe it was because I was bored and had no favorites to start reading... Either way, regarding Mr.Ignorable's statement about how Winter Storm is a good critic, I was hoping that... If it wouldn't be too much of a bother... you wouldn't mind taking a look at a few of my stories. I'm kinda looking for stuff to read and people to read my stuff and I love to communicate with readers to see what works and what doesn't.

...And now I'm just kinda rambling... Sorry, It's mostly the boredom talking.

5021449 Wow, those are some old comment you've replied to there.

I'm a reviewer with the Writers and Reviewers institute for Technical Excellence. I'd recommend sending in a request to have your fic reviewed by them, and one of our guys will go over it. I can vouch for the quality of our reviewers. I myself am "on leave" from reviewing due to college.

would be fun if a LOHAV was made with the human turned into a zako soldier but not as short. :pinkiecrazy:

hi are you going to continue the story become it is getting a fums down

Can we all stop bitching about the author and start bitching about how he wrote a crossover with SD Gundam Force of all things? A show where the gundams are robots instead of mobile suits, the war drama stuff was replaced with humor on the same level as 4kids, the robots hang out with little kids and has the worst art style I've ever seen in a gundam show. Out of all the gundam shows you could've used, it was this? Really?

Well I can honestly say that this story is definitely interesting, and funny at times.:rainbowlaugh: Please write even more chapters I want to read more of this story.:pinkiehappy:

SD Gundam is so CUTE!

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