• Member Since 24th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen May 4th, 2014

Scourgefan


T

Lyra has invented a machine to transport 1 human to her home in Ponyville. How will she react when she gets Pewdiepie? Pewdiepie doesn't mind that he is constantly surrounded by ponies. He can handle it as long as he has Stephano by his side. Follow Pewdie, Lyra, Bonbon and Stephano on an adventure through Equestria. But, what will Celestia think? All this will be told and more. And there will be a few barrels in the way of this journey.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 103 )

Chapters are too short, aim for twelve hundred words minimum. Many people will insta-dislike if you've got less than a thousand words per chapter.

Been there, done that. It's not looking better than my fuck of a story either. Which is bad, because mine was pure shit.

1889426 Also, downvotes because basic punctuation and grammar mistakes, and poor formatting. Along with dry dialogue ans shitty descriptions.

Hey guys what's this link you're showing me?

*Sees story*

NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE.

OMG! i just read "friendship....sucks" by the alpha and suggested Pewdiepie be in ponyville, AND U DID IT!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Carrot Top, if you are here reading the comments, let it be known that I hate you for linking me here.

Fuck the haters who dont like the story, (No offense) but as a fangirl who looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooves Pewdie, I give this story 8 pinkiepies out of 10.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

1889558 It's not that we don't like Pewdie(I love him, been a bro since July), but this story is written TERRIBLY. Horribly, in fact. Misses capitalization, dialogue and descriptions are dry... this guy is a pretty shitty writer. Sorry, but that's the truth. Also, many Pewdie fics(including mine) are pulled off terribly, this one included.

1889549 You are a bad influence, in a sick, twisted good kind of way

How the fuck did I reply to myself.
God dammit

Okay, you officially qualify for a Warren Peace review, prepare yourself.

Lyra was in her basement, working on a machine that should bring a human to Equestria.

No. This is boring, this is telling and that, my dear friend, is breaking the uber-sacred rule "Show, don't tell."

...screwing in a screw.

What else would she be screwing in? A nail?

Pewdiepie was playing Amnesia: The Dark Descent.

Boring, give us the details that we, as readers of fiction, crave. Show us what is happening, convey it through words so that you may paint a portrait for us instead of putting it forth with petty wording. Reading good fiction will help you get better at this (see feature box).

tThen suddenly he was surrounded by a blinding light. tThen he wasn't in his house anymore.

Then this, then that...Boring and not at all descriptive!

"Oh my god, ponies hitting on me,! i I didn't know i I was THAT awesome!" Pewdie exclaimed., "And i I still have Stephano!" he said to the figure in his palm.

Okay, this is the critical part in any HiE story that can make or rape your story, the humans meeting the ponies. There's a right way to do it and a wrong way, you did it the wrong way (sorry 'bout it, bro). No sane human would in their right mind be chill with effing ponies, trust me. If you suddenly poofed into a world of talking colorful ponies, freakouts would be had.

"No, no, it's me,. yYou got the right one.," Pewdie said.

How does he know what's going on?

Also, I know who Pewdiepie is (I've seen some of his videos), but what in the name of [insert dietic figure here] is Stehpano?

You must understand that some of us don't know who in the hell your idols are, don't come into a story expecting everyone to be on the same page as you are...figuratively (since in the literal sense, we are on the same page).

1889558 Even if it isn't an accurate portrayal? Nor is it written well?

1889583
I know its badly written, but i love the concept.

1889611 Right, but having a good concept does not make it a good story.

1889611>>1889615

If I could write a story about Theodore Roosevelt uppercutting Discord and saving Ponyville I would, but if I wrote with my face, it would still be bad.

1889615
Ok, let me revise my original comment:
I love Pewdiepie, I love Ponies. Mix them together and you've got yourself a big pot of Haybales's love. OK? yes.
the story: Badly written, I'll admit that. I write and use grammar badly. I think Daniel would want to kill me.
the concept of Pewds being inPonyville: OMG THE BEST THING EVER

Luv Pewdie, but I also love details, and I gotta downvote. Sorry.

Well... At least it's a step up from this.

1889632 Naw, bro. That'd be a TIE story (Tobuscus In Equestria).:trollestia:

What the fuck, tumbleweed? I did NOT need this image on my terminal... god damn.

1889558
EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT ABOUT FUCKING PEOPLE WHO DISLIKED IT?
I disliked because it was very badly written. He fixes it up, i like it. I already faved.

1889722
dude. I revised my statement. I know its terribly written, but to the people who downvote because of the concept, those are the haters I'm talking about.

I just read a new story and then im looking through the storys like "i wish there wuz a story about pewdiepie on here. Dat would be awesome..." and den i c dis an im like"yes my wish came true!" But i relized dat now none of my other wishes will come true today cause dats how teh universe works:pinkiehappy::fluttercry::derpytongue2::moustache::rainbowkiss::coolphoto:

Concept is alright. I'd advise following Warren Peace's advice, lol. And maybe watching a bit more Pewd's to get a bit more accuracy on that type of thing. Other than that, I'd be happy to help with whatever else you'll come up with in the future of the story, like grammar, spelling, and whatnot. :twilightsmile:

EDIT: Unless you're just writing this your own way for fun and not taking writing stories with any seriousness at all. In that case, I'll move along.

It would better if James and Toby were in it...

1889687 You don't need to be so self-deprecating. At least yours was comprehensible.

1890648 thank you. everyone else it seems hates this because of a few(well more than a few..) mistakes.:pinkiesad2: it's nice to know someone likes my writing. thank you.:yay:

to the people who disliked this story: if this is really that bad then maybe i should improve my other stories too, huh? and i should delete Muffins. its hated more than this :derpyderp2:

Thought process:
Ponies+Pewdiepie=BEST FANFIC EVAR!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

First thoughts that fly through my mind when I see Puedipie: You descrace! You sicken me!

FUCKING BARRELS!!!
Heheheh! We corrupted the story so it's horrible and gets a lot of dislikes!!!
But IM NOT FALLING FOR IT! Liked because Pewds.
You're such a faggot.
Shaddup, barrel.

Is this the...what's the word..."Barrel" thing you were calling me?

Great. I'm getting insulted by a tyke obsessed with a 20-year-old manchild that screams at everything.

Yippee.

My boy, what you need direly is an editor.

2048026 screw you barrel. he's not a manchild, he tries to be funny. he uses a thing called "humor" understand what i say? you understand humor? LOOK IT UP SOMETIME BARREL!

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