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This chapter took me about a month to write, and about a week to type up. However, I did get it done.
I would like to thank my Editors- Venatus, Bunsen, sfitzknott, and A Dumb Door... though I can't find his fimfiction account for some reason... They each helped me get a lot of this chapter done. I am always looking for more editors, if anyone is interested. New editors for the team are always welcome, as these guys seem to be offline a large amount
I would also like to thank my pre-readers- FlimFlamBros, ChainReaction, and SleeplessBrony. Each one helped me fix some of the little things, both improving flow and catching my mistakes, and helped me come up with some of the big things. Plus, the sheer amount of laughs had were amazing. They also each helped me improve some of my favorite scenes and point out some of my shortcomings. Special thanks to FlimFlam for helping me get it typed up and for coming up with the name for the story and finding the cover picture, and for being one of my biggest supporters writing this story. Special thanks also to Sleepless, who was part of the inspiration of the story and, generally, just a very cool guy to talk to. The artistic conversations he and I had were instrumental in this, and getting the feedback for this chapter was very helpful. The fact that I never asked him to do this was just awesome. Thanks, once again, Sleepless.
In addition, I would like to thank NightsGlory , who was another one of the inspirations for this story. This chapter, in particular, has quite a bit of reference to Sparkling Cider, and is full of call-and-response to that. But it goes even deeper than that. It was a comment on a story of his that launched this whole fic. So it owes a lot to him.
BroniusMaximus also deserves a mention, as he was yet another influence on this story. Seriously, if you haven't already, give his stories a read.
The idea of this is that this is out of order, a bit. There are several running motifs through this work, and many things I mention will be brought up again. Some influences on this story are the movies of Sergio Leone (the leaving the camera running feeling you might get is entirely intentional), and the music that goes along with it. Another is opera, which I am quite fond of. Stanley Kubrick's works are also influential on this chapter- in particular, Barry Lyndon, where I got the idea for the use of the candlelight and streetlighting of the tail end of the chapter.
Also, I did indeed use as much sexual allegory as possible in this chapter. But other motifs are also there. A flower motif, a color motif, a fruit motif, and several others. The sex at the end was, in fact, more than a little odd. But, if you were not expecting sex by the end of this chapter, then you are just willfully ignorant. Or way too innocent, but, if that is the case, I don't know why you are reading my story.
Let me just go out and say that there is a great deal planned for this story. And that I have done a great deal of research to prepare for this, as well.
Where will this story go? Well, let's wait and find out.
Note that while comedy is in this story, it is not the sole focus of it.
Also, I will respond to every comment made individually. So, Fire away.
I can't believe you're letting me comment on this!
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fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/288/d/c/twi_mac_by_drax99-d4cwm06.png
and now for an actual comment!
There comes a time in every stallions life that he must find his speaical mare (or stallion if you're into that sort of thing) and for Big Macintosh, it's Cheerile Twilight Sparkle. There love for each other is like the budding rose (Which I give no fucks if related to the apple family) and from that rose will spawn the everlusting rainbows that is there deepest and most secert desires. Couples gaze into the bask of the morning dew and light (and knowing you they will get turned on by said morning dew and light.) and they will perform the ritual of bliss, moaning and aching as their bodies become one and from one comes another... they are the gods and goddesses of the drunken story that is a love story, each actor playing his or her part, and although I deserve all the credit I am humble to have played my part, I give you all this, an alternate to a letter to the princess...
I am not Shining Armor. I am not Cadance. I am not my mother. I am not my father. I am not Spike. I do not show love like they do.
...
But I really want to fuck them all. Especally Shining and my father! (penis envy!)
your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.
PS: Someday imma gonna fook you too! ;)
That is all I have to say. I wait til the next chapter is here and gone. But until that day comes.... I bid thee.......
Adieu
1722253
Honestly, I expected this...
Dat shipping...
1722926
Yes. Dat shipping, quite indeed.
Go on I like where this is going.
I have one question though why did she feel the need to write to everyone as soon as she wake up for a sexy dream with Big Mac.
1723704
She didn't wake up, so much as never fell asleep. It was an interplay of magic and shadow, fantasy and reality.
As for the letters... since when has Twilight not gone overboard about things that make her nervous?
Thank you kindly for explaining that to me and yes.... Yes she has.
1723729
Exhibit A: Lesson Zero
Exhibit B: It's All About Time
Yeah,but I'm surprised she didn't freak in yesterday episode
1723757
Indeed. But, we had plenty of Fluttershy freaking out to counterbalance that.
Twimac is best ship in my opinion
That being said, I really enjoyed this chapter. Very well written and there's over 10k in words! Most stories aren't even that long
I will patiently await the next chapter and try to upvote this twice
1723890
Thank you for the very kind words. It took me a month to write this chapter, but, I got it done.
In the meantime, go check out the works of the other people involved with this fic.
Yay, my favorite shipping pair!
This is amazingly well-written and your writing style is very unique. While it does take a bit to used to, once you get into the story it's definately one of its strong points. The jokes you placed in it were well-timed and kept interested the whole way through. All in all, I love it and hope to see a lot more of this.
1723987
Thank you. I hope that I can live up to those words of encouragement. What I would really like is for someone to tell this to my editors and pre-readers directly, as well as to the guys who inspired the story. Without them, this story wouldn't be here, at all.
Because I feel like every story deserves thoughts, and that I feel like it's healthy, I have my own thoughts that are forming as I type this.
Reading the story, for the first time in a long time, you took your sweet time.
You were humble and patient, having the things come at the right time.
In my mind, a roller coaster story is a story that has short scenes and long scenes. Yours didn't.
It was definitely worth my 2 hour read, implying I read quite slow for my taste.
The idea of the story is really what reeled me in because I haven't read something like this since this one fic, of course I can't remember it,
Anyways, I'd like to say, the pace you wrote this story was no more than perfect, was very interesting, and had me craving more to read.
Certainly one of those cosey stories that you want to just keep reading.
I can't explain how much you nailed this concept of shipping, taking it easy, giving it time, although you did kinda rush the whole getting together scene.
I don't know, but there could have been more into the whole "kissing, now we go out" scene. But that's just me.
On another note, I can't stop laughing at all the apostrophe's and accent you thrown in the middle there. Must have taken quite some time to get it polished and edited.
The only problem I can possibly think of would probably be the whole clop scene. I have a horrible problem imagining the positions Twilight Sparkle is put in while she is clopping. For the sake of clop, I wasn't clopping to the end, but I did try to imagine what I was reading, as I do with everything else I read. Can't lie, this story is very juicy.
One more thing, incredible talent you have, the whole month of writing really paid off and hopefully I'm not the only one who realizes it.
That being said, keep up the good, no great work, and don't stop being awesome!
This as of right now, gets a smooth 4.6/5
1724056
Wow... that is actually very helpful...
The rushing is somewhat intentional. Look up what the chapter name means, and that will make sense.
Also, the trouble you are having imagining the positions she is in is a deliberate thing... the lines between thought, fantasy, and reality are blurred significantly. If nothing else, go with what you get into your mind. There is no wrong interpretation, here.
1724077
I see. I re-read the clop scene and I'm starting to see what you mean. Thanks for the clarification.
P.S I feel like I didn't do my job as I couldn't really explain how I feel about the concept and all that...
It's hard to conjuncture up meaning and a "gist" of a story that clearly needs more time to read.
That being said, I forgot how well you nailed the characters in this story. Whether you watch a lot of MLP, or you don't I found these characters fitting, almost like Hasbro tackled this on with the same interpretation that they did with the original series.
I just have to remind you though, I haven't felt this much potential in an story since do I dare say My little dashie. I know this story isn't comparable or anything like that, but the feels you bring out of this story definitely is what keeps me thinking about it, even for me to finally sit down and start writing my own thing.
I felt happy, sad, grateful, impatient, happy, sad, gutsy, idk. Just overall awesome.
At the same time.
Good job, and there's probably a bit I'm missing, as I do tend to forget a lot, but that's all for now. I keep rambling
Keep up the GREAT work!
1724121
Getting the characters is partially thanks to me being in a somewhat similar situation to them, and partially because I read as much TwiMac fanfic as possible. Almost every single one on the Internet. Yes, I do watch a lot of MLP. Another part is that I live in the South, and, as thus, am accutely aware of the personalities of the people living there. Yet another is that I did a metric megatonne of research into apples while writing this story.
But, hell, the best thing you said was that I am getting you thinking and wanting to write. That's, honestly, the best part of all of this.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/236/815/903.png 1724146 not...bad...
1724796
Thank you.
That is easily the most interesting comment I have gotten.
Very good! though this story has only began it's voyage in the hard seas of Fimfiction
anyway the first chapter is good. Spotted no grammar mistakes, no misspells, and great humor 
all i can finally say is keep up the good and write many chapters to come 
1725186
Glad to hear it. Honestly, It took a month to write this, a week to type it up, and two more weeks to get it through Pre-reading and editing, necessitating me to go out and find two more pre-editors, and, surprisingly, being asked by SleeplessBrony himself if he could pre-read it.
Chapter one is here, but I am looking forward to whatever happens.
Well, I greatly enjoyed reading the story. You managed to portray their budding relationship quite well, in my opinion
The one big thing that put me off were the letters. They simply seemed like something that Twilight, even while in a state of excited euphoria that she seemed to be, would never write. My main concern about them was Twilight listing off Mac's traits and bringing up many unnecessary details (like the love poison incident). Also her style of writing seemed very common, not befitting an erudite of her caliber. This kinda spoiled the overall experience for me. Also... this art of Twilight without a cutie mark hurts my eyes...
However, I am going to check what you are going to cook up next. Good luck.
1726311
Yeah... The art wasn't me. That was the artist.
On the other hand, the style of the letters can be fixed.
Give me a moment, and I will see what I can do.
There... they are now first drafts...
I'm using the comics as my backup, on this one. It took several editing sessions for one letter.
Also... I was writing that bit late at night... much like she was. Sleep deprivation is likely a factor in why she sounds like that.
Here are some humorous comments from the editing process-
A Dumb Door
She looks at him, smiling, seemingly, from one ear to the other.
I'm so sorry, I broke out laughing because I imagined the creepy smile face that Twilight makes in "Lesson Zero".
Me:
Me, too.
SleeplessBrony:
HELLO BIG MAC MAY I BUCK APPLES WITH YOU?
...
IT"LL BE HOT.
Me:
... I never thought about it that way, Sleepless. Honest...
<Total lies>
A Dumb Door:
blushing a slight
A red stallion blushing has got to be a sight to see...
Me:
Indeed, it must be.
Venatus75:
I must agree...
SleeplessBrony:
I had the same thought - he blushes in the opening also, I think. Excusable since it's from his POV and he's feeling it, I think.
A Dumb Door:
She slides her hoof between her legs and begins to rub her clit. She feels a wetness- warm tackiness, and somewhat slippery, with a slight stick to it.
Boy, that escalated quickly. Was not sure just how detailed you were going to be at first, No complaints, but now I at least see how deeply (no pun intended) you're going to go with vocabulary.
Venatus75:
Yeah. Sure, that wasn't lust up there? Huh. Sure would've fooled me.
Me:
That was the intent.
Venatus75
There’s no other way but up from here.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllllllllllllllllllshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeet.
Venatus75:
They each push their own lips against the other, and, then, each one’s lips tremble.
AND THEN THEY FUCKED
Me: SH! Not yet...
A Dumb Door:
more than a few stallions, too.
Big Mac is the Neil Patrick Harris of Ponyville!
Me:
Maybe.
Venatus75:
You mean Braeburn, and Caramel, and freakin' everypony? Hell, I'd go gay for Big Mac. Who wouldn't?
A Dumb Door:
Little do they know, Pinkie Pie has the ability to conjure wormholes at will.
Me:
SH! She doesn't want anyone to know that.
FlimFlamBros:
S’y’all’rn’un’o’n’lope’r’othin’, r’ya?
WTF is this? (note I have read on when I posted this, still going WTF)
Me:
It is, "So y'all aren't gonna run off and elope or nothin', are ya?"
Believe me I've heard worse.
SleeplessBrony:
Ha, well-played!
My earlier accent comments still stand though.
Me:
It was parody of a real thing that I witnessed.
*Just for reference, the incident in question was that I was listening to someone. They said a very long sentence. I lost count after forty words, but it was all one huge contraction.*
FlimFlamBros:
make her react more to that insult to grammar
Me:
I was trying to capture something that was actually a very real reaction I had in a very similar, yet more extreme version of the situation.
Venatus75:
*grammar. Come on man, you're an editor/proofreader! That had better have been an attempt at a joke. :P
A Dumb Door:
Ah ain’ senile... yet
That's up for debate...
Venatus75:
‘Eeyup.’
Damnit, he beat me to it!
A Dumb Door:
You've set up romance and quite a bit here. Big Mac is walking her home. Either this is going to turn into a "and then they fucked!" moment, Big Mac's going to be a gentlemen, or something out of left field will happen.
Me:*decide to be a jackass*
I'm a mathematician, too, so,yes.
A Dumb Door:
I am no longer a single mare. I have a coltfriend named Big Macintosh, now.
Well that was blatant.
Me:
Revenge is a dish best served obviously.
A Dumb Door:
Granny Smith shouts, like many grandparents do during embarrassing moments.
Elderly humor FTW!
Me:
True.
I have a feeling my own grandmother would have said the same thing just to mess with me.
A Dumb Door:
Big Macintosh slips his yoke off of his neck
Oh dang! Macintosh done lost his one piece of "clothing"
Me:
Oh, my, Big Mac! Getting all daring, over there!
SleeplessBrony:
You're switching up the phrasing, but boy howdy has there been a lot of blushing.
Me:
I know. I guess it is a motif...
Flim Flam Bros:
“Sorry ‘bout gettin’ ya’ all wet,” he says.
He is so not sorry about getting her wet.
A Dumb Door
“Oh, don’t worry. I don’t mind,” she says, deepening her voice ever so slightly and batting her half-lidded eyes. Her now wet mane is drooping down.
Absolutely no subtlety whatsoever. (I understand it's intentional, don't worry.)
Me:
Nope. None at all... Especially in light of the last sentence.
A Dumb Door:
“Yes, Granny Smith!”
One does not simply disobey the word of Granny!
Me:
Nnope. That would have been my reaction, too. Meme it. Please!
Venatus75:
I just read this in a voice not dissimilar to that of Forest Gump's at boot camp when he's talking to the Drill Sergeant.
A Dumb Door:
again?
Again? I want to know the backstory on the last time this happened.
A Dumb Door:
I feel like if Twilight took this the wrong way, she'd think he meant the entire day's romping. Boy is he lucky she didn't!
Me:
Eeyup.
I think I told my third editor this- even a blind monkey couldn't have missed all of those sexual allegories.
A Dumb Door:
A squee noise, or literally a squeal?
Me:
Squeal.
A Dumb Door:
Squeal sounds a bit harsh for someone out of breath due to its connotations, (I.E. a pig squealing). Your choice, but just be aware that some may misinterpret this.
Me:
Sexual Squeal.
SleeplessBrony:
...sigh?
Squeal seems a little much here to me. They're not actually having sex yet, just metaphorically, heh.
That's all for chapter one.
Yes Its here! after all your hinting and comments; it has arrived!
and with all the names involved how can I not read this?!
) I think you need a comma after each ( he's strong, smart, and handsome). My only problem was there was a lot going on at once to where it got a bit confusing, so sometimes less is more? or maybe that's just me. I'll re-read this when I'm not sleep-deprived and exhausted from work and double-check 
So my thoughts: I like this, I like this quit a lot. For descriptive stuff (I forgot what they're called
If I may make a suggestion, I don't think you needed all the "in her mind's silverscreen" stuff after the second bit, with those you've already shown what the underlined bits are- her fantasy/dream, and I think it would make it flow better and give it a sense of her fantasy becoming more and more vivid in her mind until she reaches her peak. then the fantasy fades, leaving her tired and comfortable...
Can't Wait for more dude!! Thanks For the Great Read!! - Fav'd, upvoted, and tracked!!
1728629
You get a bonus.
I would be happy to invite you aboard to help with it. Hell, it was a conversation with you that is the reason why this story exists in the first place!
Don't worry about some of this stuff, though. It's mostly just a motif.
Also, I did have all of the commas. Don't worry. You might be just sleep-deprived.
1728671
Hey, finally showed up!
I like this ship, really, I believe you are doing a masterful job of handling it and can't wait to see it soar!! You've also attracted quite a bit of attention with a TwiMac ship (I swear, people go crazy for it).
Also, I may have to use this;
Just because I nearly fell out of my bed laughing!!
1729415
Thank you. If you would like to be a pre-reader for this story, be my guest. This offer is open to all TwiMac writers.
On one hand, I am flattered about that. However, I don't want it being overused. So, mess around with it, a little. Change up the phrasing. Don't make it a word-for-word quote. The idea can stay, but I would like to keep the exact wording my own.
1729509
Alrighty, and I would love to preread!
1729480
Dude, that is awesome to hear from you. I always enjoy reading your comments.
As for the formatting issues... those were due to a crazy gdocs import. Thank you so very much sir. It means quite a bit to have your approval.
1729527
Awesome.
You will get a PM from me momentarilly.
1729554
Knight Wing, standing by.
1729569
Sent.
I'll be honest, I really don't ship too many ponies in this series [Scootabelle being the only one, for whatever reason], but you made this really believable! I really enjoy it so far and look forward to seeing where you are going with this! Keep up the amazing job!
1732234
Thanks, old buddy. I really appreciate hearing that.
I've improved quite a bit, haven't I?
1734098
yes you have, my friend. A lot more than myself, if that counts for anything!
tho as the sex was not bad
i would have it be the real thing then twilight imaging every thing.. i kinda wrecked it for me... will be waiting to see where this goes
Wow your doing really well my boy
1735468
It was deliberately mind-boggling.
Though in a restrained way... In addition, it's more of foreshadowing...
With shadows...
Yes... I'm horrible...
1735570
Thank you, man. Glad you finally commented.
1735645 sorry I've been busy and where flim I haven't seen him
1735666
I talked to him earlier.
Also, I want Path of Cloud to read this...
1735628 ya man that was horrible
1735973
But very well hidden.
Sorry... had to prevent a suicide.
Okay! *cracks knuckles* here are my thoughts after reading this. Bear in mind there will be constructive criticism, and having been on the receiving end of it many a time, some of it may sting a little.
First, good points!
Your grammar is impeccable, that's a huge bonus already, too many fics have poor editing, so kudos there.
Structure too, no walls of text is always a plus.
The story is cute and warming, even if it felt a little rushed, but I believe that's intentional.
Your descriptions can be gems at times, example:
'She turns a shade of red that would render many a rose an envious shade of green.'
That kind of stuff is brilliant.
Some things that might need improving...
I will get nitpicky here, as criticism invariably will, apologies in advance.
Some of the times you walk out of the story telling to an omnipotent viewpoint like this:
'He turns red (well, redder than he is already) and purses his lips slightly as his eyes widen.'
The immersion in the story breaks and I'm back in the real world, and I have to get back into it again. This is just me being fussy.
Some descriptions feel long winded, this struck out in particular:
'The world around him is an orchard, full of apples. Golden Delicious, Red Delicious, Crab Apples of various varieties, Granny Smiths, Braeburns, MacIntosh, Red Gala, Green Gala, Royal Gala, Fuji, Ambrosia, Bloody Plowpony, Beauty of Bath, Peasgood’s Nonsuch, Wolf River… well, one gets the idea: it is a literal orchard.'
That's a lot of words that doesn't describe a huge deal, as a wise writer once advised me: "Every word should have a point, be it describing, or driving the plot forward, if the word isn't needed, get rid of it." Rather vague advise I know, but it has helped me before.
The final point is that at the beginning, Twi felt out of character. Twi seems far too forward and flirty for such an introverted mare, I would have written here to be much more shy towards him. The way you depicted her towards the end was much more like it, with the letters and suchlike, case in point, examining his ass for science of course is a very Twilight thing to do. The way you wrote Pinkie, AJ and Granny Smith was spot on too, Twi just seemed too forward at the start.
Overall, not a bad story, I can't comment on the clop because I'm not into it, so I have no idea whether it was good or not. But still, I will thumb this up and favourite it.
And I'm out!
Please Help me Understand
, So Did Twilight do The Magical equvilant to a Sex doll
, You mention shadows and Stuff i couldnt follow 
it and why so many letters at the end
But I Love the Rest of the Story as is, it's just that Shadow part Caused me to clean my room because My brain was spamming Question marks everywhere.
1739724
Honestly, it is an honor to have you read this.
I am an editor, and I have four more, and three pre-readers for this chapter.
However, while you make some very valid points, I do feel the need to explain some things...
To the first point... I am fairly sure Big Macintosh is fairly aware that he is a red stallion... It was more of an attempt to set up all of the metaphors, similes, and subversions of said devices within the story. For that one... I am not quite sure if I was successful with it.
Second one... the long-winded descriptions... The one you picked out was very deliberately like that. I can't quite tell you why, yet. Rest assured, it does have a purpose. I need it to be noticed. Otherwise, it wouldn't be as effective. Let's just say I'm glad you noticed it.
Third one...The effect you described was more than a bit intentional. After all... this is third-person(or, in this case, pony), limited. It's from his point of view. Once they are thinking more together, she becomes more exactly like we know her. After all, this is from his point of view, and no two beings see the same event the exact same way. This will be addressed later, in fact. As for the switching, well... we switch to her point of view.
Also, I am glad you liked the line about her examining his ass. It was a moment of me thinking... HMM... How could I make this as Twilight as possible and keep it funny... OOH! I KNOW...
My humor can be a bit tongue-in-cheek at times. I like to occasionally lean against the fourth wall, without necessarily breaking it.
As for the other three characters... it wasn't hard to write Pinkie... I just had to keep her as close to the show as possible. I also made sure to remember that partying isn't the only thing she can do-but she does love it. Applejack... I live in the South... I know people just like her... thus... not all that hard to write for her. Plus... I've watched her episodes in the limelight a bit more than the rest of them(Rarity likely being the exception to this.) Granny Smith... I thought... How would my grandmother react to this? Now... when would it be funnier for her to act like the exact opposite of my grandmother?
Once again, thanks for reading this.
1739799
It's ambiguous... It was more of a combination of the darkness... of her mind filling in what her eyes cannot see... and of her magic interfering...