Chapter 1
Rainbow Dash soared through the air, A vibrant and glittering rainbow following in her wake. She zipped through the maze of white cotton clouds at breakneck speed, her colourful trail blessing the early morning sky with a beauty that just seemed so natural to Caramel, who stood watching contently as Rainbow Dash drew her mark across the sky. His dreamy eyes followed the twists and turns the Pegasus made, admiring the way she weaved such graceful and complex patterns. The sunlight caught her coat, and she shone as if she were the sun herself.
Caramel sighed deeply, crossing his forelegs and resting his head in them as he followed each of Rainbow Dash's swift movements with his half-lidded eyes. She was like an artist, painting a beautiful picture across the blank canvas of the sky...
"Caramel?"
Yes, that was it, she was an artist, a modern-day Leonardo Dahoofchi...
"Caaaaramel?"
Maybe, just maybe she'd consider making him the happiest stallion in all of Ponyville, no, Equestria tomorrow when he-
"CARAMEL!"
Caramel leapt into the air as the heavily accented voice of Applejack blasted into his ear like a great big hillbilly blow horn.
"Ah ain't payin' ya ta stare all googly eyed at the clouds, Caramel!" she berated him sternly "Git back ta work!"
"Y-yes ma'am!" stuttered Caramel nervously, and hastily got back to picking the plump, red apples from the trees and plopping them in the twin baskets he had strapped to his sides. Work on Sweet Apple Acres was tough, but it paid well, plus it had the odd benefit her and there (one being that Rainbow Dash commonly chose the air above the orchard to practise her flying).
"That's more like it!" chirped Applejack merrily. "So Caramel" she asked, the rough demeanour that she had donned earlier now completely dissipated "We're closin' up the barn for tomorrow, so y’all can feel free to take the day off."
Caramel gasped deeply "Really? Really really?"
"Well of course," answered Applejack "it IS Hearts an' Hooves day after all."
Caramel let out a fillyish squeal and clapped his fore hooves together frantically. Yes! Now he had the whole day to prepare! He could buy a bouquet, oh! And chocolates as well! Mares like chocolate, don't they? Heck, all ponies liked chocolate! That's it! He'd buy her chocolate! He'd get her mounds of the stuff, a whole river even! He'd bombard her with it! And who doesn’t like flowers? He'd fetch her barrel-fulls of those as well! He'd make her an entire wreath out of roses, stack an entire wagon full of daffodils, and create a shrine from the rarest and most delicate flowers known to ponies! He'd drown her with petals!
Well, he probably wouldn't go that far, but still...
"Uh... Caramel, yer lookin' kinda giddy..." stated Applejack worriedly. In all the years she'd known him, she had never seen Caramel so... ecstatic.
Oh course he was giddy! Who wouldn't be? He was only going to exclaim his love to the mare of his dreams! Tomorrow was going to be perfect, for him and for her. He'd make sure of it, in fact, he swore to Celestia that tomorrow was going to be, by far, the best Hearts and Hooves day ever!
(some music to listen to whilst reading)
Caramel emptied the contents of his wallet onto the counter of the confectionary stand, all eight bits of it. True, he was a little skimp on money, but he blamed that on the ludicrously overpriced bouquet he'd bought earlier and now kept tucked securely in his saddlebags. Who in their right mind sells something that grows out of the dirt for seventeen bits! Moreover, what kind of idiot actually blows their money on something so ridiculously expensive? A love-struck one, that's who.
Honestly, Caramel couldn't give less of a darn over how many bits his love-fuelled shopping spree deducted from his meagre wages, not when the spoils of his spending extravaganza went to a mare as wonderful as her.
He scooped up the heart shaped box of chocolates and dumped them into his saddlebags next to the flowers. Chocolates and flowers, the perfect Hearts and Hooves day combination! A must have for any crushing stallion or mare. And a bowtie. Because bowties are cool.
Stepping away from the street vendor he continued down the road, the directions to Rainbow Dash's house that Applejack had written down for him held in one of his fore hooves.
Take a left here.
He trotted into the road to his left.
Take the next right.
He walked through the passageway on his right.
Keep going to the end of the street.
And so he did.
Up.
... Come again?
Caramel read and reread the simple two letter word over and over again until something finally clicked in his brain. Rainbow Dash was a Pegasus, and pegasuses pegasi pegasee flying ponies lived in sky. As soon as this revelation dawned upon Caramel his snapped upwards and, lo and behold, there stood (or rather, floated) the proud and surprisingly majestic household of Rainbow Dash.
About ninety foot in the air.
...
This may prove problematic.
Pinkie Pie tore the newly baked cupcakes from the still steaming oven and slapped them onto the kitchen table with such force that the table nearly gave way. Perhaps she was being a little over-enthusiastic about her job but to be fair, it was Hearts and Hooves day. Sugarcube Corner had been put into overdrive, what with all the orders for heart shaped cakes or muffins with sweet little messages written in icing on them they'd been getting. Today was probably one of the busiest days on the calendar for her, and by Celestia was she pumped! She had already broken seven of her previous records that she'd set last year, and she was still going strong!
In short, Pinkie Pie was on fire.
"Uh, Miss Pie?" whimpered the small voice of Caramel behind her.
Suddenly and unexpectedly, a blueberry muffin whizzed past his ear, rebounded off of the wall and tumbled across the floor before inexplicably bursting into pink flames. Caramel watched this spectacle with great intrest and unmatchable horror. Who in their right mind gave flaming projectiles to Pinkie Pie.
"*Sigh* combustible muffins were a bad idea..." Whimpered Pinkie, now right beside Caramel.
"W-what?"
"Hmm?" her head snapped to Caramel, as if only noticing him now "Oh, hi Caramel!" she squawked, her lips curling into an unnaturally large smile "Watcha doin' here?"
"A'hem, I uh... just wanted to ask you something."
"Ask me something? Ooooh, you must want to... ah... Sorry Caramel, but I kinda already a special somepony for today." stated Pinkie solemnly, her mane poofy mane deflating and hanging limp around her shoulders.
"What? No! I was talking about borrowing something!" blurted Caramel, veering the conversation away from that notion as fast as ponily possible. Ugh, him and her, together like that? The thought alone made him cringe. It wasn't that Pinkie was a bad mare or ugly or anything, it was just, well, the idea of them being with each other in such a way seemed unnatural. For Celestia's sake, she kept a cannon in her closet! Nope, he was fine and dandy being just friends.
"Oh!" she exclaimed as her mane exploded back to its normal, frizzy self "So what d'ya wanna borrow?"
"Well..."
"Thank *huff* you *huff* Pinkie!" wheezed Caramel as he madly worked the pedals of Pinkie Pie's weird and colourful flying machine. Slowly but surely, the crazy contraption began to lift itself from the ground, gradually gaining height.
"Oh, don't mention it, I wasn't going to use it today anyways." dismissed Pinkie Pie with a casual wave of her hoof.
"Really?" asked Caramel, now hovering four feet in the air.
"Well of course not silly, I've got a date today!"
A date? Well, she did mention that she had a special somepony, perhaps they chose to go out today? Wait. Hold on a second, this was Pinkie Pie, or rather, 'the Undisputed Queen of Randomness', as he liked to call her. You'd have to be a machine to keep up with her! What kind of pony had that much energy?
"Oh! You're here!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie to the stark white, muscle bound Pegasus who'd wandered towards them. "Are ya ready to go?"
"YEEAGH! There's this great new restaurant on the outskirts of Ponyville, and I just know you'll love it." said the hulking, crimson eyed stallion in pristine Canterlot Equestrian.
'Well...' thought Caramel as his altitude increased 'I guess the Queen of randomness finally has a King.'
Caramel pumped his hind legs against the flying machines pedals, summoning all the energy that he could muster in order to keep his aching muscles working.
And he thought towing wagons was hard work...
As Caramel's head pierced the clouds (and accidentally head-butted a snoozing Pegasus, which earned him a swift right-hook to the jaw) he noticed something which he found spectacularly surprising.
He was enjoying himself.
The cool mid-day breeze washed over his face, swooping his mane back and nursing his now burning legs. The sun hung in the middle of the sky, tinting the clouds with a subtle hint of gold. He could see Everfree forest stretching out into the west, and snow-capped mountains teetering on the horizon to the north. He could see Canterlot in the east, the city itself so miniscule when compared to the rocky behemoths it clung to. To the south lay the fiery red sands of the badlands, which almost seemed to glow beneath the radiant sunlight. He never knew the world was so... big. A faint rainbow arched across the sky, and he was once again reminded of Rainbow Dash. Was this what she saw every day? Could this be why she was always so full of life, so energetic and cocky and cheerful and... her.
He could still remember the first time he saw her. They were younger then, he was five and a half and she had just turned seven. Whenever he saw her tracing Rainbows through the sky, his heart would flutter and his stomach would tingle with a feeling he really didn't understand at the time. He could still recall their first conversation as clear as crystal...
Caramel was sat at his school desk, staring intently at the blackboard and the colossal list of equations which was scribbled upon it in chalk. He scratched the bottom of his chin thoughtfully, going over the methodology and jottings which he had scrawled across his math book. 'Alright, so, seven times four is twenty eight, three plus six is nine, so the answer is-'
"Psst!"
'No no no, that's all wrong! Maybe if I-'
"Pssssssst!"
'And turn the two on its side-'
Caramel's train of thought derailed as somepony jabbed him sharply with a pen from behind.
"Ow!" he squeaked, rubbing the spot where his unseen assailant had jabbed him.
"Psssssssssssssst!"
"What?" he snapped, turning around as he did so. His frown fell off of his face as he met eye to eye with Rainbow Dash, who was frowning at him.
"Jeez!" whispered the seven year old Rainbow dash. "Somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!"
After a few seconds of blank staring, Caramel finally found his voice. "S-sorry, I uh, just... well-"
"C'mon! Out with it already!" goaded Rainbow Dash.
"Just... sorry, I guess." whimpered Caramel, not willing to mess up his first conversation with his crush even more than he had already.
Rainbow Dash's angry frown melted away as soon as she recognised how upset Caramel was. "Hey... don't beat yourself up, I didn't mean to, y'know, hurt your feelings or anything."
"What? Oh! No, no, it's fine, really! I uh, shouldn't have snapped at you." said Caramel, hushing his voice so the teacher couldn't hear.
Rainbow Dash smiled warmly at him, and all of a sudden the butterflies began to flutter in his stomach. He quivered with that feeling, the one that felt like a cocktail of excitement and anticipation, only more intimate and warm. It was a strange and new emotion to the five year old colt. One that was gripping and electric, yet at the same time kind of soft and tingly.
"Hey," whispered Rainbow Dash. "are you okay, you're going all red." she pointed a hoof towards one of Caramel's blushing cheeks. She stifled a giggle. "Wow, you're like, turning into a tomato!" she chuckled again, and this time Caramel joined in. Her laugh just had a way of making him... happy.
"S-so buddy," the cyan filly managed to say through her chuckling "do you know the answer to number four?"
Caramel shook his head, still giggling. "No, *chuckle* I'm terrible at math!"
Rainbow Dash held a hoof to her mouth, trying and failing to hide her smile. "*snort* me too!"
The two burst out in garish laughter, attracting the eyes of the entire classroom. A tear rolled down Caramel's still blushing cheek as he shoved his head into his forelegs in a vain attempt to stop himself from laughing.
"You two quiet down back there!" snapped the teacher, who'd set her work aside and was staring scornfully at the two foals through the rims of her large, circular glasses.
He tried to stifle his laughter, unlike Rainbow Dash, who just let it pour out freely. She wasn't even listening to the teacher. Eventually the pair was sent to the 'time out corner', or rather 'corners'. The teacher believed it to be too big a risk to let the two of them sit together. That was the first time Caramel had ever been told off by the teacher, and there was no doubt his parents were going to find out about this. He could pretty much kiss goodbye to his allowance, and he was certain that he'd be grounded for at least a week, and he didn't even want to think about what they'd do when his friends decided to come over.
And you know what? It was totally worth it.
Caramel sighed to himself contently as the fond memory drifted through his mind. Ever since that fateful day in the classroom, he and Dash had been friends... not the closest of friends admittedly, but friends none the less, and that had to count for something, right?
He shook his head violently. He could space out later, at the moment he was on a mission.
Rainbow Dash's house floated just up ahead, and boy, it was some house. Thick pillars formed from cloud and expansive engravings were littered around the walls, and extravagant rainbows weaved and danced from surface to cloudy surface, turning what would have been a plain old cloud house into a beautiful work of art. Caramel smiled to himself. Rainbow Dash was the only pony he knew who could turn something so boring into something so magnificent.
He worked the pedals of the flying machine harder, each push bringing him closer and closer to the front door. His smile widened as he reached out with a foreleg, now no more than ten feet away from sweet, sweet victory. A small *squee* escaped his lips. Finally, after literally years of putting it of, he was finally going to confess his love to the mare of his dreams.
Eight feet away.
Caramel giggled merrily, rejoicing in his conquest of gravity.
Five feet.
He took a deep breath, pulling the oh-so-expensive bouquet from his saddlebags.
Three feet.
He toned down his grin, making sure that he had no more than a warm and welcoming smile on his lips. He didn't want to seem creepy, after all.
One foot.
"Almost there..." he mumbled.
Half a foot.
"Almost there..."
Two centimetres.
"Almost-"
The flying machine shuddered and began to cough and wheeze. Caramel immediately clung to the handlebars, holding on for dear life. As Pinkie's contraption choked out a final dying splutter, Caramel's eyes flicked to the small, flashing signal which flickered upon the pink handlebars.
'Empty.'
The whizzing gears and rattling chains of the flying machine's innards locked up, and Caramel only managed to say one word before plummeting back to the earth.
"Horseapples..."
Caramel pried himself out of the pink and mangled pile of steaming junk. He sported a gash across his forehead and was covered head to hoof in scratches and bruises. There wasn't a part of his body that didn't burn like the fires of tartarus. Even the mallest of movements would subject him to an unbearable pain. He flopped out of the wreckage and onto the grass, landing with a 'whump'.
"Owwwiiiieeeeeeeeee..." he groaned as a new wave of agony coarsed through him. "How does something *cough* powered by pedalling *wheeze* run out of fuel? It's totally illogic-" Caramel cut himself short. He was trying to make sense out of something which belonged to Pinkie Pie. Had experience taught him nothing? He had lived in Ponyville all his life, and had known Pinkie from foal hood. Through the years he had known her he had come to one simple, easy to understand statement which he'd apply to all of the mental mare's reality-bending qualities: one does not simply make sense of Pinkie Pie.
"Uh... mister?"
Three little fillies stood in front of him, one orange, one yellow and one white, each regarding him with the upmost concern. Well, two of them were. The orange one, a Pegasus, was staring at him in slack-jawed amazement. He identified the yellow earth pony almost immediately as Applebloom, the sister of Applejack. She hung about the orchards sometimes, playing fetch with Winona or slinking through the long grass, pretending she was Daring Doo venturing through thick jungles and lush rainforests. Most of the time however, she was out playing with her friends.
"Mister!" said the white unicorn. What was her name again? Sweetie Belle! Yes, that was it, she was Miss Rarity's sister, wasn't she?
"yes?" he wheezed.
"You've... kinda got a piece of metal in your butt."
"Come again?"
The little filly raised a hoof and pointed it towards his flank with a slight cringe. Caramel swivelled his head around, following Sweetie Belle's gaze. His jaw dropped upon seeing the three-inch shard of candy-pink shrapnel lodged in the centre of his cutie mark.
"Th-there's a... oh boy, this can't be good." whimpered Caramel.
"Now don't y'all worry mister," said Applebloom comfortingly "we have band-aids."
Caramel examined his rump, wiggling it back and forth to examine the effectiveness of the Cutie Mark Crusaders' handiwork. Scootaloo had held his mouth shut to stop him squealing like a filly, Applebloom had ripped the shard of metal from his rear, and Sweetie Belle had slapped on a Band-Aid, which according to the three fillies, made him 'all better'. Considering the outcome of most of the terrifying trio's other shenanigans, he was just thankful that he wasn't currently on fire.
"Hey mister," pestered Scootaloo, nudging him in the side "you gotta tell me how you got all the way up there!"
"Oh, I just borrowed a little something from Pinkie Pie." answered Caramel, looking sideways at the twisted heap of scrap had once been Pinkie's flying machine. 'Perhaps 'borrowed' wasn't the right word.' he thought as the broken remains coughed up another cloud of smoke. Hopefully Pinkie Pie had insurance.
"What were you doin' up in the sky anyhow?" asked Applebloom.
Caramel's face reddened and he began to rub one hoof against the other nervously. Of course, Applebloom just had to point out the elephant in the room, didn't she? His eyes darted from left to right as he began to concoct a series of excuses in his head. He had always kept his love for Equestria's fastest flier secret from anypony other than himself out of fear of being ridiculed. Just what would his friends think? Him, a common work horse, crushing on an element of harmony, a national hero. Sweet Celestia, he'd never hear the end of it!
Sweetie Belle began to look at him slyly, a mischievous smile spreading across her face. "It wouldn't have anything to do with those flowers, would it?" she asked, grinning deviously.
Caramel glanced at his saddlebags, and his heart dropped upon noticing the brilliant bouquet he'd bought hanging out of one of the pockets. 'Horseapples!' he thought to himself.
"And isn't that RD's house?" queried Scootaloo, pointing her hoof at the cluster of clouds which formed Rainbow Dash's home.
'Double horseapples!'
"An' just why're y'all goin' so red?" questioned Applebloom.
'Triple horseapples! Sound the alarms and batten down the hatches, we've got trouble!'
The three fillies began to add one and one together, each of them scratching their chins thoughtfully with their hooves. Caramel could only bury his head in his forelegs and groan in embarrassment as his interrogators widened their eyes and gasped unanimously.
"Y'all must be smitten with Rainbow Dash!" bellowed Applebloom at the top of her voice, as if intent on telling the entirety of Equestria about his cherished secret.
"Keep it down!" he hushed her, hs cheeks still glowing strawberry-red "Nopony's supposed to know!"
"WHAT?!" yelped Scootaloo, completely and utterly ignoring his orders "YOU like Rainbow Dash?"
Defeated, Caramel hung his head and waited for the hurtful comments and stinging insults that the three fillies were no doubt going to throw at him. He knew they were only foals, but if his time in school taught him anything (apart from his times tables) it was that children could be the cruellest of them all...
Caramel sat on one of the playground swings, etching a pen across a piece of paper. The merry sound of childish laughter and giggling filled the air as fillies and colts rushed back and forth in a game of tag. Some spared the usual 'hi Caramel' as they darted past in twos and threes. Occasionally, he'd cast them a quick smile or a quick greeting of his own, but usually he kept to himself. He was far too busy to be making friends, what with the copious amounts of homework he was getting.
He held the piece of paper up to the sunlight and beamed at the stanza of poetry he'd created. He may not have been the sharpest tool in the shed, but by Celestia was he a stonking great poet! Well, he was in his own mind, anyways. He had written the charming little poem for none other than Rainbow Dash, although she'd never know that it was he who wrote it.
He did this last Hearts and Hooves day, and the one before that, and the one before that as well. Each year he would pour his heart out onto a piece of paper, encase it in an envelope and slip it into Rainbow's locker whilst nopony was looking. After that, he'd lean smugly against the wall, smiling contently as RD opened her locker, saw the envelope and eagerly tore it open. She would read and re-read his handiwork before hugging it lovingly to her chest. Then she'd fold it up and tuck it into her saddlebags, unlike all the other fillies and colts, who would just crumple their love letters and throw them in the bin upon reading them. Every now and then, if recess happened to be rather unexciting or if the teacher was torturing them with a particularly boring lecture, Rainbow Dash would take one of his poems out of her bag and give it a quick once-over. Whenever she read them she would crack a small and appreciative smile.
He folded his new poem in half and slid it into an envelope; he had a feeling that she was going to love this one.
"Hey geek!" spat an all-too familiar voice from behind.
Caramel didn't even have to turn around; he already knew who that voice belonged to. It was the same voice that haunted his nightmares and invaded his dreams every night. An orange hoof clamped around his shoulder and dragged him backwards off of the swing; he hit the ground with a thud. His tormenter loomed over him, staring at Caramel with emerald eyes and grinning evilly. Looking up into the face of the bitter bully, a single thought went through his terrified mind.
'The devil wears a Stetson.'
Applejack, the filly from tartarus, had been intent on making his Caramel's life a living hell for as long as he could remember. She would steal his homework, spit in his sandwiches, fill his locker with gravel and had snuck enough tacs onto his chair to make his butt look like a pin cusion. She was, to put it quaintly, the embodiment of all that was wrong in the world. Nightmare Moon had nothing on this pony.
"Jus' what do ya think yer doin' on mah swing?" she hissed in her thick Appleoosa accent.
"N-nothing!" he stammered, quickly hiding the poem behind his back.
"Nuthin' what?" growled Applejack, bringing her face closer to his until their noses were mere millimetres apart.
"Er, nothing ma'am?"
"That's better," she spat, widening her smile. Applejack was the kind of filly who revelled in the thought of having power over others (particularly him), and therefore demanded to be referred to as a figure of authority. Heck, even the teacher called her 'Miss' Applejack.
Caramel sighed in relief and silently thanked Celestia. If Applejack found out about his secret crush, she'd turn him into the laughing stock of the school.
"But," continued Applejack, "if y'all were doing nothin', then what's this!" she flipped him onto his front, revealing the creased piece of paper he was hiding. She snatched it out of his hooves, chuckling spitefully. She unfolded the note and scanned it up and down. "Well waddya know, it looks like lil' Caramel's got himself a crush on Rainbow Dash!"
The entire playground froze as soon as the words left Applejack's mouth. Everything became silent, and the eyes of everypony fell directly upon him.
He hid his head under his hooves as the school yard erupted into laughter.
The condescending laughter of foals still haunted his dreams. Sometimes he would wake up in a sheen of cold sweat, screaming at the ceiling and clawing at the bed sheets with his hooves before rushing into the bathroom and vomiting into the toilet. From that day onwards he had vowed to never let anypony ever know the truth again, because it could only end in more pain and tears. He buried his head deeper into his forelegs, waiting for the three fillies to introduce him to that horrible laughter again.
"Daaaaaaaaaaw!"
What?
"That's so adorable!" yelped Sweetie Belle.
"It's, like, daaawtastic!" screeched Scootaloo.
"That's the cutest thing in all the history of forever!" chirped Applebloom.
"Wait," said Caramel. "you're not going to... y'know, laugh at me?"
That earned him a shocked gasp from each of the little fillies.
"Why would anypony do that?" asked Applebloom. "That would just be plain mean!"
"Yeah," butted in Sweetie Belle. "you can't go making fun of somepony just because they're in love!"
"Well, you've gotta admit, Rainbow Dash is kinda out of his league." said Scootaloo.
The two fillies stared daggers at their friend, who shrank back from the pair's vicious gazes. Caramel soon found himself fearing for the poor little pegasi's life.
"What? It's true!"
And just like that the three foals exploded into a chaotic argument. Caramel wisely stood aside and watched, he'd heard more than enough about the destructive Cutie Mark Crusaders to know that standing in their way would almost certainly cost him at least two of his limbs. Applebloom and Scootaloo were locked in what was perhaps the loudest verbal debate of all time, whilst Sweetie Belle yelled at them both with a voice audible enough to put Princess Luna to shame. Wasn't she on Applebloom's side a minute ago?
"Wait!" screamed Sweetie Belle, promptly silencing her friends with her unnaturally loud voice. Suddenly, she pointed a hoof at Caramel accusingly. "You!"
Caramel hopped backwards with a fillyish squeal as Sweetie Belle addressed him.
"Y-yes ma'am?"
"You love Rainbow Dash, correct?"
"Well, I gu-"
"And you want to ask her out, right?"
"Uhuh..." Caramel gulped audibly as a creepy smile began to spread across the fillies faces. They were the kind of smiles heralded an unspeakable terror and immeasurable pain, the kind of smiles which marked the dawning of unending chaos and horrific destruction, the kind of smiles which you'd usually only see on psychopaths. Never in his life had Caramel felt as worried as he did at that moment.
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MATCHMAKERS!"
Caramel's jaw dropped in utter disbelief as the hulking mass of wood and gears rolled down the street. Big Macintosh pushed from behind, sweat dribbling down his face. Ponies passing by would stop and stare at the mechanical behemoth he was moving. Finally, the massive, churning wheels came to a halt, and Big Mac promptly collapsed onto his side, gasping with exhaustion. On top of the wooden and metal mass sat the Cutie Mark Crusaders, their manic grins wider than ever.
A catapult.
A Celestia darned catapult.
Caramel uneasily approached Applebloom as she carefully worked her way down off of the colossal seige machine. He had regarded the Cutie Mark Crusaders slightly unnerving upon first meeting them, what with their over the top giddiness and all. But now he was nothing short of terrified of them. A catapult. A deadly weapon. He didn't even want to think about where they got it from.
"Look Mister Caramel!" squeaked the three seemingly innocent foals as they formed a neat line in front of him. "We kin get you up there usin' this!" said Applebloom, pointing a hoof towards the towering death machine. Caramel didn't know what horrified him more, the fact that they wanted to fire him out of a catapult or disturbingly wide smiles on each of the fillies little faces.
"Guh..." said Caramel, who was currently too shocked to form a coherent sentence. Scootaloo sauntered up to him, obviously taking pride in his dumbfounded shock.
"Now, I know what you're thinking, and don't worry, it's perfectly safe!" she bumped him playfully with a hoof. "You'll be up there swooning over RD in no time."
"Guh..."
"Of course, keeping you up there might be a problem." continued Scootaloo, blissfully unaware that her explanation was falling on deaf ears. "But luckily, we've got a solution for that." Sweetie Belle rummaged through her saddlebags before pulling a dark green satchel from them.
"A parachute!" they cheered together.
"Guh..."
Applebloom gave a curt nod to Big Mac, who began to crank a steel gear that protruded from the catapult's side. The arm began to descend sluggishly, soon hitting the floor with a heavy 'thud'. Caramel finally found his voice.
"W-what are you?" he stuttered, staring at the three fillies with wide, fearful eyes.
"Pfft, well that's a stupid question," said Scootaloo with a dismissive wave of a hoof. "we're filly's silly!" she thumped Caramel playfully on the side. "Now get in the catapult."
"I... doubt this will work."
"Oh C'mon!" whined Sweetie Belle. "You're doing this in the name of love, you can't back out, not now!"
Caramel huffed, kicking up a small cloud of dust with a fore hoof. He liked Rainbow Dash, really liked her, but enough to hurl himself through the air via a catapult he acquired from a trio of hyper-reactive fillies who were known to cause enough chaos to put Discord to shame?
It was deplorable.
He gave a heavy sigh. "If I get in that thing," he pointed a hoof towards the catapult. "I am going to be walking away in one piece, right?"
"With the most awesome mare in the world on your shoulder!" assured Scootaloo with a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows.
Glancing at each filly in turn and taking in each of their reassuring grins, Caramel finally made his decision. "All right," he groaned and plucked the parachute from Applebloom's hooves. "But if I die, I am so telling your parents."
Caramel swung the parachute over his shoulders and clambered into the catapult, all the while mentally screaming at himself for committing what was most likely suicide. His heart beat savagely against his ribcage as he hoisted himself over the rim of the bucket. He wasn't really doing this, was he?
"Are ya comfy?" asked Applebloom, the very model of innocence.
"I-I suppose..."
'Stay cool, Caramel. You have a parachute, after all... A very lumpy, pink parachute... with a flower on it...'
Curious as to why his one and only lifeline was so unusual, he briefly removed it from his shoulders and gave it a closer inspection. The words 'property of Applebloom' were scrawled on the back in messy mouth writing, and a zipper ran across the top.
He unzipped the bag, only to find that his 'parachute' consisted of nothing more than a lunchbox, a pencil case, and an A4 paper notebook.
"Applebloom!" he screamed. "You mixed up the-"
"Fire!" bellowed Sweetie Belle as she stomped on the firing lever.
Twilight Sparkle crooned over a steaming cup of tea, savouring the alluring scent of lavender that wafted from it. Fluttershy sat opposite her, a second cup resting upon the quaint tea table in front of the butter-yellow Pegasus. They were alone in the Golden Oaks Library, as Spike had dedicated the entire day to worshipping Rarity.
"Now lets go over this again." said Twilight as she magically lifted her cup and took a generous sip. "You like this pony, as in like like, correct?"
Fluttershy ruffled her wings and glanced to the side. "Well... kind of." she admitted with a blush. "I'm just not all that sure that he likes me."
Twilight nodded understandingly. Fluttershy was, is, and always shall be a shy pony, hence the second half of her name. Of course, this made romance, in her books, an extremely awkward endeavour. Since she had left school, she'd had a grand total of zero romantic relationships, despite having several crushes on both mares and stallions.
In the end of the day, social interaction in general just wasn't her forte. She'd avoid crowded areas, decline party invitations (respectfully, of course), and the mere thought of grocery shopping made her shudder with fear.
"Look Fluttershy," said Twilight. "whoever this pony is, they aren't going to know you have these feelings about them until you tell them yourself!"
"Oh, I know that, Twilight. It's just, well, talking to other ponies is so... scary." Fluttershy shivered visibly as she uttered the last word.
"Well, we're talking now, aren't we?"
"That's different though! We're friends."
Twilight scratched her chin thoughtfully. "That's true, but you can't make friends with somepony without talking to them first, can you?"
Fluttershy responded with silence.
"Oh come on, Fluttershy," cooed Twilight. "meeting new ponies isn't that bad." she lifted the teapot from the table and filled her cup to the brim. "Besides, it's hearts and hooves day! Your perfect match isn't going to just fall out of the sky."
The ceiling gave way with a thundering crack, and a blur of yellow and brown soared down from the heavens and ploughed into the table. The teapot, along with the cups, were sent rocketing into the air, bathing both of the mares in lavender scented tea. Twilight leapt backwards as her favourite piece of furniture was turned into a scattered pile of splinters and wood chippings. The entire building trembled with the deafening roar of the crash, and a thick veil of dust fogged the air around the room. Fluttershy had thrown herself to the floor and shivering in fear.
As the dust settled, the two mares uneasily approached the deep crater with now sat in the middle of Twilights beloved library.
"W-what was that?" squeaked Fluttershy. She stopped six feet away and didn't dare to get any closer to the gaping hole in the floor. Twilight inched towards the brim and peered into the crater. Her jaw fell open.
"Fluttershy, your perfect match wouldn't happen to be a beat-up earth pony holding pink schoolbag, would it?" asked Twilight.
"W-what?"
A bruised, battered, and extremely angry stallion rose out of crater, small chunks of debris clinging to his dust-matted mane. His eyes twitched with the essence of a madpony, and in his hooves he held a bright pink rucksack. The saddlebags that hung around his waist were uneven, the crimson head of a bouquet of roses poking out of them.
"Never again." whispered the stallion before coughing up a dark cloud of soot and dusk. "Never. Again."
He heaved himself out of the crater and made his way towards the exit.
"Um, sir?" squeaked the meek Pegasus. "If you don't mind me saying, I think you might... need... medical... attention..."
"NEVER AGAIN!" he screamed madly as he shoved the front door open. He froze halfway out of the doorway. "Wait... WAIT!" Turning in place, now with a lecherous leer on his face, he pointed a hoof accusingly at Fluttershy.
"YOU!" squawked the stallion in a voice that was halfway between ecstatic and insane. Fluttershy scrambled backwards.
"M-me?"
"How much can you lift?"
"... Excuse me?"
This was going to work. This had to work. In fact, why hadn't he thought of this sooner? It was so blaringly simple! It had been there the whole time, and he'd just ignored it. for Celestia's sake, how did he miss this?
After he had calmed down over a warm cup of tea (which Twilight Sparkle had generously provided) and provided the two mares with an explanation, Fluttershy, bless her heart, had agreed to provide some much needed help.
He also wrote out a cheque for Twilight. Damaged property doesn't fix itself, y'know.
"Now you're sure you can lift me, right?" he asked Fluttershy as she awkwardly hooked her forelegs around him.
"Oh, don't worry," answered the Pegasus in her soft, soothing voice. "I'm stronger than I look."
They stood directly beneath Rainbow Dash's household. A couple ponies stopped and stared at them, partly because some of them recognised Caramel as the lunatic who'd launched himself out of a catapult earlier that day, but mainly because of hiss somewhat grievous injuries.
He was too excited to even notice them.
Fluttershy tightened her grip around him. "Are you ready?"
Caramel fished through his saddlebags, produced both his bouquet of flowers and Hearts and Hooves Day card and held them as if they were his sword and shield. This was it. Victory was assured this time, he had no doubt. This plan was so beautifully simple that it had to work.
"Ready."
Fluttershy's wings began to flutter, and they gradually began to ascend. Caramel suddenly felt nervous. Here he was, battered, dirty and un-groomed, about to ask his childhood friend and crush to be his special somepony. Admittedly, his chances were considerably slimmer than they could've been, but then again, Rainbow Dash never was that keen on presentation anyways.
Still, the chocolates would've helped.
They were about fifteen feet in the air now, and steadily rising. Fluttershy wasn't lying when she said she was stronger than she looked. Caramel allowed himself a deep, calming breath. This was Rainbow Dash he was thinking about, she wouldn't just flat out reject him, would she?
The air was colder up here, but not unpleasantly so. The soft blow of the wind was like a gentle kiss upon his face, and it done well to soothe his throbbing bruises. They passed into a clot of clouds and emerged at around fifty feet in the air.
Caramel looked down and smiled.
This was the third time he'd been up in the air today, and it was no less breath-taking than the first. The setting sun had bathed the town in a lively sheen of orange light. The Ponyville river twinkled as the sun caught it, as if it were the night sky, brimming with countless stars. Shadows lurched from the buildings and stretched across the ground in pools of shade, and the coupled ponies who strode through the streets looked as if they were nothing more than moving blotches of colour.
It was like a painting in motion.
"M-mister Caramel?" muttered Fluttershy. "We're almost there."
Caramel looked upwards, and his heart immediately began to race. They were levelling off with The cloud house's front door, Rainbow Dash's front door!
'Sweet Celestia, I'm actually doing this! Okay, just be yourself... only a little bit better. You can do this, bro!'
He raised a hoof to tap on the door, but snatched it back as he caught a glimpse through the window. His heart froze mid-beat, and his breath caught abruptly in his throat.
A stallion...
The pony was a red coated Pegasus with a mane of azure blue. A slender package wrapped in paper and sealed with a bow was tucked beneath one of his wings, and a crimson, heart-shaped card sat in his hoof. Rainbow Dash stood with him, beaming at him as if he were an old friend. She flung her forelegs around his neck in a hug, which he returned with great enthusiasm.
Oh...
Fluttershy followed Caramel's gaze and gave a small gasp as she peered through the window. Rainbow Dash had unfurled herself from the stallion's neck and taken his hoof in hers. The two of them walked out of view, the muffled sound of their laughter echoing from behind the door as they began to throw fillyish quips at one another.
"Oh dear..." said Fluttershy. She urged herself to muster some comforting words to give Caramel, but they died on her tongue. The earth pony remained silent, still staring at the spot where his crush had been. He didn't cry, he didn't moan, he simply... stared.
"Take me home, Fluttershy." he said finally without a single scrap of emotion. Caramel let the card and bouquet slip from his hooves and tumble off into the air.
They landed outside his house just as the sun slipped away and the day gave way to the night. Fluttershy had gave him an affectionate squeeze and an empty promise of a better Hearts and Hooves day next year. He gave her his thanks and allowed her to slink back to her cottage. There she would at least be able to enjoy the company of her many pets.
He entered his quaint little home, went straight to the freezer and plucked out a tub of vanilla ice cream before plopping himself onto his sofa and burying his snout in the tub. He emptied it within seconds and tossed it carelessly to the side.
Ice cream had always been his go-to solution for sorrow. No matter how down in the dumps he felt, a sizeable enough dose of vanhilla flavoured ice cream had never failed to null the emotional pain. It just seemed to fill the hole, per se. When he came home from school that day when Applejack had stolen his poetry, he ate ice cream. When he found out that he'd failed his science exam, he ate ice cream. When his last mare friend, Sassaflash, left him and walked off with one of his friends, he ate ice cream. It was, all in all, his deterrent for sadness.
Currently, it wasn't working worth a darn.
After all of his anticipation, all of his preparation, and all of his-
*Knock knock knock*
hard work, another pony had beaten him to the mark. He didn't know what hurt the most, losing his chance to ask Rainbow Dash to be his special somepony-
*Knock knock knock knock knock*
or the fact that he hadn't even seen that Pegasus before. Seriously! Who did that guy think he was? That Pegasus probably didn't know Rainbow Dash even half as well as he di-
*Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock*
"Alright!" roared Caramel as he threw himself towards the door. Couldn't the world just let him wallow in his sadness in relative peace? He tore open the door-
And was all of a sudden face to face with Rainbow Dash...
The Rainbow Dash...
"Hey Caramel," she said, the nervousness in her voice betraying her daredevil demeanour. She brushed a stray strand of mane out of her eyes, 'Those deep, alluring, magenta eyes', and gave a forced, but nonetheless beautiful, smile.
"Rainbow!" exclaimed Caramel, suddenly finding his voice. "Y-you're here!"
"Yeah... I am," she raised a curious brow. "is there a problem with that?"
"Yes, I mean NO! No, there's n-no problem, I just thought, well, you'd be... occupied?"
Rainbow Dash released a short snort of laughter before plugging her mouth with a hoof. "Actually, now that you mention it, there was this one guy from my weather team who wanted to make me his special somepony!" she chuffed and gave her head a light shake.
"Well, what did you say?"
She shrugged her wings nonchalantly. "I said thanks, but no thanks," she took a step closer, and Caramel's heart threatened to explode out of his chest when he felt her warm breath reach his face. "I've... kinda already got another pony in mind for Hearts and Hooves day." she diverted her eyes to the ground. "That is, if he's okay with it and all."
Caramel blinked in confusion. "So... who is he?"
"Well, that's kind of why I'm here."
The two of them stood in silence as Caramel let the words sink in. "I'm not following you."
The Pegasus sighed and gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "Do I need to spell it out for you?"
"... Maybe."
Rainbow Dash gave another painfully loud sigh before hooking her hooves around the back of Caramel's head and dragging him into a fierce kiss.
His heart rocketed into his throat as his childhood crush pressed her lips onto his. His mind blanked and his body went numb, yet he was all too aware of Rainbow's Hooves as they cupped the back of his neck. All of a sudden, his senses came crashing back, washing over him like a tidal wave. The spicy aroma of her coat, the delicate taste of her lips, the cosy warmth of her mane as he ran his hooves through it- Sweet Celestia he was kissing her back!
Caramel's forelegs wrapped around her waist, and he embraced her in a passionate hug. He parted from her mouth (reluctantly) and stared at her in an expression of surprise, awe, and most of all, happiness.
"W-where did that come from?" he asked, his chest still thumping with excitement.
"Trust me, you're not exactly the most subtle stallion in the world," she said with a smirk. "you really think I didn't notice you sneaking poetry into my locker in school?"
Caramel blushed at the early childhood memory. She remembered that?
"And besides," she continued. "Twilight told me everything. Anypony who's willing to launch themselves out of a catapult is alright in my books!"
"Oh... you head about that?" he asked, his blush deepening.
"You're darned right I did!" yelled Rainbow Dash merrily. "I always knew you were a little loco, but from a catapult?" she bellowed with laughter. "You gotta fill me in on that!"
"It'd be my pleasure," he answered Caramel with a laugh of his own. "But you have to answer something for me first!"
"Yeah?"
Without a hint of hesitation, Caramel delivered the question that he'd been practicing in front of his mirror for weeks on end.
"Will you be my special somepony?"
Rainbow Dash slipped her forelegs around him in another satisfying hug, pressing her muzzle into his ear and whispering the words that Caramel would no doubt remember for the rest of his life.
"Well duh!"
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So.much.Daaaaaaawwwwwww
Also
this was funny
2125460 Well thanks, I'm glad somebody liked it
I'm the only person to comment
ohmicelestia! This was awesome! I loved it so much! Oh, you described the CMCs SO WELL. haha,
2126048 Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it
good fanfic since it was hearts and hooves day yesterday
2128455 Thank you, hope you liked it!
2126116
no problem! It was awesome.
D'awwww! This was adorable.
Also: two things you never want to see at the same time:
Cutie Mark Crusaders
and
Siege Weaponry
This was alright. I kinda felt the flashbacks were a little disruptive for the reading experience, but otherwise it was good.
+2 for including music, though.
2574291 Thanks. It definitely isn't my best fic, but I'm proud of it nonetheless.
The last line of the description was enough for me to upvote this.
Lame horse pun is lame.
...but that line makes it worth it.
In fact, most of the narration is the most creative comedy I've seen since... well, mine! I've found a kindred spirit! 
a.tgcdn.net/images/products/zoom/ea7f_doctor_who_bowtie.jpg
That better be a completely unintentional reference to the soundtrack. Because if it is intentional, it's pretty lame.
(Oh no, is he going try to go up there with a bunch of balloons? Ugh, that would be so contrived.)
Uh, that's feet.
but I kinda already have a special somepony for today.
Now I know why this is in the crack ship group. Couldn't have thought of a better partner for her.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3lxm2HN6p1r43g6fo1_500.gif
And yet, they never get respect for it.
What's up with that? Every fic I read the Mane Six are treated like the freaking Justice League, but in the canon show, they're constantly being overlooked.
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/b/b9/Tension_between_Blueblood_and_Rarity_S1E26.png
Get over it Scoots, stop being so jelly. After all, RD dumped you literally after a week.
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMTIvMTcvMjBfMzJfMTRfNDNfMTg1Njk2X19VTk9QVF9fc2FmZV9yYWluYm93X2Rhc2hfc2Nvb3RhbG9vX3NwaXRmaXJlIl1d/185696__safe_rainbow-dash_scootaloo_spitfire_scootalone_scootalove-denied.png
OH GOD, THEY'RE SHIPPING AGAIN!
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120327000837/mlp/images/9/9b/S02E17_-_Am_I_Wearing_a_Wedding_Veil.png
"We're fillies, silly!"
*sarcasm mode engaged* Oh gee, I wonder if this relevant to the plot?
Who in Ponyville could Fluttershy be crushing on? Why, it could be anypony!
BTW, Fluttershy would go to Rarity about this. No contest.
*epic sarcasm unlocked* WOW, REALLY? LOOKS LIKE RAINBOW DASH IS TAKEN. I TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING. I WONDER WHO WILL BE CARAMEL'S REBOUND GIRL? WHO COULD IT POSSIBLY BE? WELL, I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW. CARAMEL WILL DIE ALONE NOW. END OF STORY.
*sarcasm shutdown activated* Huh. Guess it wasn't Fluttershy. Guess we'll never know who Shy was crushing on.
...
It was Big Mac, wasn't it?
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/107094.jpg?1369893128
Short and sweet!
*Grins* very adorable and goofy fun. I confess the scene with Dash blowing the guy off felt very confusing as if she rebuffed him why did she wrap herself around his neck and lead him into her house? It sort of really heavily suggests she was blowing hot and cold.
4178545 Thanks. I'll admit that it isn't my best, but it isn't my worst either.
Such an odd pairing, but it works.
A d'aaaawww worthy story.
How the heck did you figure AJ as a bully, though?
4937860 The bully thing and the odd coupling were both for variety's sake- a little something to set it apart from other fics. The way I see it; the odder and more out-of-the-blue the premise is, the more interesting the story is going to turn out.
4938848
Especially considering she's now Caramel's boss in this continuity and I know I wouldn't want to even see a person who bullied me as a kid, let alone work for them. 
It doesn't always work out that way, though. The AJ-as-a-bully thing, for instance, nearly threw me out of the story.
Unless there was a good story involving AJ being turned around from her a-hole ways. Nudge nudge, wink wink.
4942481 I'm a stout believer that who you are as a kid doesn't define who you are as an adult. Plenty of my now friends used to be my tormentors back in my early days. Now that we've grown older and realised how petty our past conflicts were, we made up and now everything is fine.
S'all about the forgiving and the forgetting, man.
As for a fic concerning Applejack turning over a new leaf- let's be honest, this fic doesn't exactly justify a prequel. One-offs rarely do.
Funny, Well Written, And overall good Story. "8/8 It's okay" - IGN. "10/11 wud red evridey" - Guby. "Smashing" - FaZe Obama.
Lol just like the doctor say
Oh yeah that's right I forgot that Pinkie Pie has a flying helicopter during the time when she wants to hang out with rainbow and Gilda back in season 1
Oh wow Pinkie Pie is going out with bulk bicep very interesting shipping but okay he's a nice guy
That doesn't sound like Applejack at all I mean I get it she's a kid and every kids go through changes but I feel like that's so out of her character
The last time you try to do that kids you you made a love poison on Big Mac and Cheerilee and it did not go very well
I'm surprised that big Mac is helping the situation especially after what those girls did to him during the Hearts and Hooves Day
Omg this was a pretty funny story and also very cute as well so it looks like caramel has been really distracted with rainbow flying around that he didn't know that he was supposed to be working but luckily Applejack gave him a day off so he wanted to go to Rainbow to be has special some pony the only problem is how the heck is he supposed to get out there while her house is basically in the sky so he asked Pinkie Pie if she can help him and she basically let him borrow her helicopter bike at first it started out pretty well until he ran out of gas and basically crashed landed and then here comes the craziest kids in town the Cutie Mark Crusaders and they are willing to give him a helping hand even though their idea of launching him with a catapult is completely insane and it did not work at all because they gave him the wrong parachute and basically crash-landed into Twilight's house while Twilight and Fluttershy talk about to overcome her shyness to talk with somebody but the lesson was interrupted when he crashed landed and it looks like he could have just asked Fluttershy to help him to fly up there which I'm pretty surprised that Fluttershy can lift him but once he got up there his world was beginning to crumble when he saw rainbow with a different guy and he thinks that she's in love with him and basically he was heartbroken and just went back home but then there was a visitor he was going to tell them off to leave until he saw Rainbow Dash and he was not expecting to see her but he was pretty excited to see her and she did told him there was a guy but she already fell in love with somebody and basically to prove her point she kissed caramel which that is pretty adorable and they became a couple aww so cute I really like the story keep up the good work