Rarity meets Brad Paisley

by thewaffler

A fashionista's worst nightmare.

It was a fairly normal morning in Ponyville, the birds were singing, the flower triplets were taking their anti-anxiety medication and a certain dress maker was getting ready to start her day. She had a huge order to fill and thanks to Sweetie Belle's latest "art project", she needed to pick up some fabrics from Button Stitch's Fabrics and Refrigerator Repair shop. The mare that ran the shop reasoned that since not ever pony wore clothes, that she needed another source of income, but that is a story for another time.

Continuing the story, Rarity stepped out her boutique and was confronted by an odd sight. It was a creature of myth known as a hoo-man holding out a guitar and staring at her. "Can, I help you?"

"I'm Brad Praisley, are you Rarity?" The strange creature spoke in an accent not too dissimilar from the Apple family.

"Yes."

With her answer the hoo-man gave his guitar a test strum and broke out into song. To say that the fashionista was confused would be an understatement; however, since ponies are prone to break out into song at moment’s notice, she didn't question why he was beginning to sing.

Kevin wasn't really all that popular in school

But I remember well the day I thought

Now, that guy's pretty cool

He pulled into the parking lot and everybody cheered

'Cause he'd gone and painted his entire Chevy Cavalier

"What in Equestria is a Chevy Cavalier?"

Camouflage, camouflage

It disappears when it pulls out of his garage

Camouflage, camouflage

"Distasteful, I will have you know that camouflage as a pattern on anything is far from Elegant."

Well, I asked Jenny to the prom

And her mom knew how to sew

So she made a matching tux

And gown from Duck Blind Mossy Oak

"While I disapprove of the ensemble at least they were smart enough to coordinate."

We took pictures in the backyard

Before we went to the dance

And the only thing that you can see

Is our faces and our hands

"At least no one will have to see that crime against fashion."

Camouflage, camouflage

You should've seen the way it popped with her corsage

Camouflage, camouflage

Ain't nothing doesn't go with camouflage

"As a designer, I beg to differ."

You can blend in in the country

You can stand out in the fashion world

Be invisible to a whitetail

Irresistible to a redneck girl

Suddenly Applejack appeared as if drawn to the music like a magnet. "Whooo!"

Rarity shocked by her friend gushing and swooning over the strange biped. "This behavior unbefitting of a lady."

"I. Can't. Help. It." The earth pony muttered as she fell under the hypnotic spell of the music.

Camouflage, camouflage

Oh, you're my favorite color, camouflage

"OKAY. DARLING WE UNDERSTAND YOUR LOVE OF ICKY BLENDED EARTH TONES!" The unicorn was ignored by the human.

However, by this time a train from Appleloosa pulled into the station and the mass of ponies gathered around the country singer.

You can blend in in the country

You can stand out in the fashion world

Be invisible to a whitetail

Irresistible to a redneck girl

The resulting mares and buffalo cows threw whatever they had with them at the boots of Brad and gestured for him to call them. Rarity was growing more annoyed that this creature seemed to have a pied piper effect on uncivilized ponies.

Well, the stars and bars offend some folks

And I guess I see why

But nowadays there's still a way

To show your Southern pride

"What do stars and bars have to do with anything!!!" The white mare couldn't take anymore as her anger and annoyance over such a song praising such a drab and disgusting fabric pattern.

The only thing as patriotic

As the old red, white and blue

It's green and gray and black

And brown and tan all rolled into

As if conjured up from magic her Spikey Wikey came out of nowhere and performed a piano solo for this song praising a crime against fashion.

Camouflage, camouflage

Designed by Mother Nature and by God

It's camouflage, camouflage

You're my favorite color, camouflage, yeah

The crowd erupted into shouts of "YEE HAWS" and "GIT R DONES."

Rarity fainted and as she blackout she thanked Celestia that it at least wasn't a song calling green plaid wonderful. 'Eww, gross, gross.'

Brad Paisley looked down and gave a smirk. "Look like my job is done here." With that said, he struck a super sentai pose and teleported out of there.

---

Meanwhile in Canterlot Castle Prince Blueblood snuggled with his girlfriend The Great and Powerful Trixie as they watched Rarity's mental breakdown on a giant crystal ball intently with much enjoyment.

"HA HA, that's almost as funny as the time you turned her mane into a rat's nest. It also serves as my long awaited revenge for being covered in cake."

"All that's left to do is pay Mr. Paisley a sum of one chest full of gem stones."

"My dear, not that I'm complaining, but I do find it a little odd that he would settle for such a meager fee. It's also like gems are worth something in his world. The chest cost more than the gems."

"Let's not dwell on such trivial things. Now, Trixie demands a you rub her shoulders."

The stallion complied as the two continued to laugh at the misfortune of others and Trixie planned her own revenge against a certain purple pony.

---

Hours Later

Rarity woke up in her bed. "Thank heaven it was all a dream." Then she sat up and saw all of her friends with a concerned looks on their faces.

"Ya took a mighty big spill there."

"Oh, Applejack I had the most horrible dream. It was about a weird hairless ape singing a song about icky camouflage and...and you were there..." She pointed a hoof at the farm pony. "...and you were there too Spike..." She pointed a hoof toward the young drake to the side of her. "...and you were there as well Mister Praisley." She was about to point a forehoof at the human, but stopped. "Wait, MISTER PRAISLEY?!?"

"Yeah, I felt a little bad once I got home to my mansion. So, I came back to make sure you weren't hurt." He said in a sincere tone.

"Say, I'd like to make up for my behavior, can I get some something commissioned?"

"Of course, darling, what can I make for you?"

"Well, I'm goin' hunting with Ted Nugent and I need a jacket and pants set done up in...camouflage."

Rarity fainted once again albeit this time her landing was a mattress.

The ponies and dragon looked at Brad. "Was it something I said?"

Comments

[totallynotabrony]

Strangest crossover of all time.
OF ALL TIME

I'm goin' hunting with Ted Nugent
YOU GET A THUMBS UP

[Dataguy]

Oh lol

[The Princess Rarity]

I hate that song too, Rarity. And not because of the fabric. Because Brad Paisley is annoying. *coming from a country music fan*
*faves and upvotes*

[Misterf]

Rarity disgusts me, so I'm always up for her being in emotional and physical distress and trauma

Thumbs-up!

[Riften Guard]

1649853
I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU!!

[GeodesicDragon]

That was random.

I like random.

[thewaffler]

1650137
deleted the spam comment, the bad spam man won't hurt you.

[Mcayon]

So. AWESOME!

[Null_Void]

THIS IS SO GOOD I WANT SO SHOOT HATED PONIES IN THE FACE!!!!

[ClosetKnight]

ummm...sdeufjnfgdhhgjkjuyggvertgyhj6thefaweytsehxfdgbdfuy46724363365346jrtudryhsey4567568790987654321`;lkjhgfdslkjhgiuyiuytkjhmnkijhguytrjhgfdl,kmjnhbgvkmnbvgfdfculkiurgjgk

[Ariel Schnee]

Brad Praisley is not country.

Alabama, Bellamy Brothers, Bobby Bare, Bobby Helms, Buddy Jewell, Charlie Daniels Band, Charlie Pride, Charlie Rich, Clay Walker, Conway Twitty, Crystal Gale, Dan Seals, Diamond Rio, Dolly Parton, Don Williams, Dottie West, Ed Bruce, Eddie Rabbit, Ernest Ashworth, Ferlin Husky, Gatlin Brothers, Hank Williams Jr, John Denver, Johny Cash, Johny Lee, Keith Whitley, Kendalls, Kenny Rogers, Lacy J Dalton, Lee Greenwood, Lefty Frizell, Loretta Lynn, Lynn Anderson, Mel McDaniel, Moe Bandy, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Oak Ridge Boys, Reba McEntire, Ricky Skaggs, Ronnie Millsap, Sonny James, T.G. Sheppard, Tanya Tucker, Tex Morton, Tom T. Hall, Waylon Jennings, and Willie Nelson are country.

There's a pretty big difference.

[thewaffler]

1659980

Umm...okay. Dude, I'm not not defending Brad Paisley...some of his songs are okay, but the for some reason the only station that doesn't play chat radio in the mornings on my 40 minute drive to class is a country station or that's how they label it. Anyway...I'm not sure how to phrase this without sounding like a twit, but I guess they play anyone who is in the country category in the Grammys or who has ever appeared on CMT; the point is the play a few of his songs here and there.

I'm not big on country, but from that list, a lot of those artists haven't had a huge hit since the 90's. Even so, Dolly Parton's theme park is really fun.

Hell, to be honest I prefer folk music and instrumental metal. I just heard the song and thought it'd be fun to write a story.

[Allieco]

I couldn't stop laughing. This has been the funniest fanfic I have read in a long time

[Vailen]

LOL, I love that ending

[ClosetKnight]

can i have a cookie?

[thewaffler]

1825859

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6utd3ab9s1qlzrh6o1_500.gif

OOPS.

[ClosetKnight]

1825866 aaawww *hangs head*

[BronyHawk30]

Rarity would have a heart attack if she met my buddy William. He almost always wears something camo

[the mj brony]

1651470
Imagine rarity's reaction to green day LOL