I'm a human named Andrew James or at least I used to be when I wake up as applejack my life changes
[Edit the User Hope has helped me edit my story] Another edit Masterweaver has he
lped me now as well
I have been a MLP fan fro about 2 Years and my real name is Andrew [My Fav MLP character is Rainbow Dash and Applejack]
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Canadian AppleJack
This is the best thing ever.
1508343 Thanks I figured it would be more interesting [And Yes I really am a Canadian] [And I also made a crossover story with Glory of Heracles [Called Glory of Applejack] [http://www.fimfiction.net/story/56714/Glory-of-Applejack
Aaaahhhh! So many… run-on sentences…
But in all seriousness, my Canadian friend, you are in desperate need of an editor. Me? Hell no, my editing is schist. Dashing Rainbow does an excellent job with this… and the dude's Australian! Canada and Australia… Holy crap, that's two different kinds of awesome!
1508396 Thank for your opinion I've never been the best at Grammar
Okay. This story, I won't lie to you, has horrible grammar, and needs an editor. Also, it goes too fast. It needs progress over different chapters. You could get an editor, like I said before. Otherwise, aside from those problems, it's okay.
1508412 I was planning for the story to have a few mishaps on the way tom place I need to go to [AKA my niece who is a MLP fan] [and in real life she always comes to visit in Wednesday's
Ah. Canadian applejack.
That must be one hell of a accent.
1508515 Yeah it sure is eh?
lol fun
I'd like to read this later... after you find somebody that's willing to proofread/edit your grammar.
An editor. You need one. Pronto.
Also, Boy Howdy? Is that some kind of Southern US stereotype where you come from? Trust me, I've heard the worst of them from a British guy.
1511000 I live in a part of Canada where a lot of People of Cowboys
1508896
Replying to yourself?
1508412 Hope helped me edit it
1509043 Hope helped me edit it
It's slightly better.
I'm still seeing misuse (or lack of use) of punctuation, a few run-on sentences, and a few spots where it's difficult to immediately tell who is talking.
These aren't just a couple easy fixes. I think you should consider finding an additional proofreader.
I want to enjoy this, but it's really hard to force my eyes to ignore every single mistake.
Here, I'll try to end my comment on a positive note.
Kassie sure loves her dolls.
1516871>>1516949
Chapter 2 just got edited, not up quite yet. chapter 1 was the one he was talking about.
I did my best not to change the story or characters too much.
1516972 And thanks for your help
Whoa. Holy schist this is amazing now! I'm noticing the storyline much better now.
•••
Wait, you have a dog named Marcus?!
1517048 Yes I do and he is really cute as well
You should get a cover picture for this story.
Makes it look... more profesional, ya' know?
And chapter two, I would think there would be a comma between the words great and my.
So: Great, my niece is here.
For I wouldn't think the word niece would be capitalized.
Idunno. Just some suggestions.
-ThatOneRandomPony (Octavia)
1521714 Your right any suggestions where I could get a cover for the story?
1521847
Just look on deviantART
Thats really the main website for any doodles, really.
But always ask the illustrator for permission, unless it says you can w/o permission.
1521949 Thanks for the info I'll check DA [Can't believe I never thought of that and I check DA everyday]
1521949 I added a cover now after I got permission of course
Chapter 3:
It's better.
I don't know what you did differently, but it's easier to follow along the events that are happening. That's good.
1532030 Well with Chapter 3 its for laughs and I tired to make it a little more humerous but at the same time serious [That's wht I added the fruit incident
I'm guessing you are Calgarian? Or at least Albertan?
1538769 Yes I do live in Calgary
1539257 Cool, I live in Edmonton, and am writing my own story in this universe.
Well actually I used to live in Edmonton before Calgary [Small world eh?]
Ah gotta be honest.
Sucky chapter.
Ah've read over a thousand fics... and a large chunk of 'em are self-inserts.
And mah piece of advice. If yer gonna talk about yerself, don't be makin' yer story sound like a grocery list.
+
Good stories need creativity, verbosity, and originality.
This (Ah'm in Equestria) genre lacks originality, hence you (the author) must spin a tale that sweeps us off our feet (...hooves... whatever) with intuitive imagination and beautiful prose.
Stare at your first sentence. Seriously. Stare at it. Does it show potential? No.
And as we venture forward... the story (in my biased opinion) collapses on its plot.
Honesty is the best policy. *AJ is best pony* I won't "dislike" or "thumbs down" your story... because everypony deserves a chance to improve.
Good luck.
I am very interested in this verse of fics, and have faved all of the mane 6 stories. If at any point you would like some tips, editing, or ideas, I'd be glad to help. Just send me a PM.
I must get to work on this new calender. But I need to know what day of the normal year this all started first. Any ideas?
1577129
October 20th is my head canon
Well that escalated quickly.
Applejack fell in the manhole.
man good times
1590832 I'm glad you liked that part [It was my attempt to end with some humor
Wieners and manholes.
Just another day... for the sexy mare.
...
Why do I suddenly have the urge to take a cold shower?
I don't think AJ should have KO'd him completely. After all, if she's going to be going around in an unfamiliar place, she should at least have someone who's somewhat familiar to "talk" with.
1596705 Don't worry I will wake up in the next chapter [Well sort of]
1598327 *le gasp* Spoilers!
1598769 that is only a clue [Not gonna go into details
Andrew James... AJ. x) I see what you did there
1625464 Yeah it actually is a legit nickname I have in real life
1626083 xD coincidence xD
1626112 It was also one of the reasons I picked to wake up as AJ in the first place
1626245 :) So it seems, Well I have favorited your story which I will read later I have a few more I am in the middle of :)
1539423
1539369 Wow it is a small universe I live in Medicine Hat, Alberta