Hello, my name is Shane, I'm sure I went to sleep still having hands among other things. So why am I now covered in fur and several feet shorter? [Set in the PonyEarthverse. Teen for possible mild language and suggestive themes.]
Chapters (12)
Galaneth
Joined 17th Jul, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- drnachos · 3.1k words · 24 13 · 1.5k views
- butterfield pancake · 5.3k words · 61 11 · 3.1k views
- Ykayney · 6.2k words · 11 2 · 617 views
- VanishingAct · 4.4k words · 16 0 · 757 views
- house932 · 14k words · 29 4 · 1.2k views
- Somebodycallmylawyer · 7k words · 12 4 · 900 views
- Judoon_Warrior · 11k words · 61 10 · 2.3k views
- ShackledTime · 15k words · 48 6 · 1.6k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.121 seconds
Total duration
1,030 users online
2,244,176 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well, to say the least I'm rather nervous about this. Anyway, I'll start by saying to whoever reads this, I do hope you find it enjoyable. I would very much appreciate constructive criticism should you find something you feel is wrong. I'm certainly no artist so should any artist be interested enough to lend a hand in drawing my OC, please contact me, I would be ever so grateful.
Edit: Okay, I wound up going over the first chapter making some small changes here and there. For those who care enough to read it again, the changes I made are mainly punctuation and a few sentences reworded. The chapter itself is still largely the same just with what I hope to be improvements to the overall structure.
You seem to use periods in place of commas a lot. For example, in your A/N,
That should be a comma. Although they are separate clauses, a period breaks up the fluency of the piece, and can be distracting for someone who reads slower than myself. Also, if a thought is unfinished with a following independent clause, there should be a comma instead of a period.
1545277 It's kind of ironic for me to hear that as I felt I was using too many commas. Thanks for the advice though. I'm currently working with a proof reader to correct typos.
A'ight, I'll give this a read. But I see you need a proofreading, you want me to proofread?
1548763 Yes actually, I would very much appreciate that.
1548689 I understand you dislike it, but would you kind enough explain why? I would much rather hear your opinion over Linkara saying no over and over.
1548998
I'm not really sure to begin. But I guess I'll start with the opening:
>I was never sure as to whether I enjoyed or disliked waking up. I'm no morning person that's for sure. But there are those rare moments I was able to wake up full of energy. Ready to face the day. Regrettably, this was not one of those days. Ah! I'm getting ahead of myself here. My name is Shane and while I wouldn't call myself average. I'm not exactly special either. Although I've certainly been called a few things, a personal favorite amongst my friends is troll. While I'd much prefer the tittle smart ass over troll. I suppose beggars can't be choosers.
First of all, the sense of time hops all over the place. When the hell are we? The past? The present day? The distant past? The future? If this is a guy talking about the past ("I was never sure"), then the writing needs to strictly stick to that backward looking perspective and stop flopping around to talking about this right now ("I suppose beggars", etc).
Secondly, you see punctuation and sentence structure are crazy. Like look specifically at: "My name is Shane and while I wouldn't call myself average. I'm not exactly special either." and compare with: "My name is Shane. And, while I wouldn't call myself average, I'm not exactly special either."
Third, okay, other than the fact that our protagonist is named Shane (Come back!), there's nothing whatsoever to make a reader 'hooked' into reading. He's as bland as a potato. In fact, worse than that! Apparently, he's a snarky-snork that's proud of his snork-nature. That seems like kryptonite to readers for me.
Do readers want to see another HiE with a snork-loaded protagonist guy with no major motivation for anything, no character drive, no interesting deep background, no experiences, and so on? Are they interested in seeing more snork venting upon other bland, un-described characters? No, they probably don't. I'm sorry, but I don't think they do.
Forth, look, the whole thing begins in a formless bit of nowhere. He's just talking to... someone. He could be in jail talking to a bird in the cell window for all we know. Where the sense of place? The sense of place?
I read on past the first paragraph, but most readers-- I think-- won't. And you do explain some things later, but the problems seem to compound. Honestly, these stories are all the same. A human wakes up as a pony. Nothing interesting happens to them. And since we have no reason whatsoever as readers given to use to actually like the human, then we don't care.
I try not to sound mean when I comment, I really do-- especially since it comes across as me as an author with a lot of fics picking on people and I hate looking like a bully / being a bully, but as an author you should be dreaming of more than just another uninspired human-pony fic. Please put your abilities to use with something else. Anything else!
Like I said before:
1549112 I see, thank you, I meant it too. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm also just getting started. I do plan on starting other stories eventually, and that my own writing needs a lot of work to improve. However, if something were easy to obtain, then it probably isn't worth it. Again, thank you for your input.
1548998
I hang around with a bunch of people which write this sorta thing, and they're REALLY good at it. More or less becoming 'the little pone', but I digress. Could always link you sooner or later, if you're interested. If I'm going to proof this, google docs would be a godsend of help.
1549610
10/10
Would report
1549209 I see, I'm willing to work with you if you are. Also I do write in google docs, and would you like to get in contact through something like skype?
1549956 Just reported it as spam.
To the tune of the chorus of deadmau5's song Professional Griefers
*deep breath*
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME WANT NEW CHAPTER AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME ADD TO FAVOURITES AWESOME AWESOME NOW IT'S ON READ LATER AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME CAN'T THANK YA ENOUGH AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME WANT NEW CHAPTER AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME ADD TO FAVOURITES AWESOME AWESOME NOW IT'S ON READ LATER AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME CAN'T THANK YA ENOUGH
*exhale*
Okay, now that I got that out of the way, this is an awesome fic!
Pfft...Alright, I gotta admit, you got me giggling there for a moment. Welcome to the group by the way. I'm Tony. (Rarity) Wish you well with the next chapters! Have fun with your writing!
1553817 Kind of at a loss on how to put this but, thank you three times over I think?(hoping that does sound like a compliment.) Anyway this is a little bit embarrassing to say but I actually forgot to favorite yours to keep track of it. Now looking at it it, I'm pleassently surprised to know that I have yet more to catch up on with the mane six stories of this group.
1550350
Sounds good, yes. Skype is calclor.
It is interesting to be able to quickly look at what most people focus on when writing these kinds of stories, rather than the story in and of itself. It's amusing to see which aspect people become most entranced with, for some people it is the loss of hands, others the changed gender, melding of thoughts, etc.
Walter/Trixie btw.
T'was a good read! Can't wait to see more!
Le first xDDDD
Right, yes, I'll read over this. If I want to proofread I'll probably use Google Docs.
Indeed, what now?
Well, I'd like to start with an apology to the people who read and enjoy my work. I shouldn't have taken this long to finish this chapter, and it was delayed a mostly due to a case of self doubt and motivation issues. It's unfair and immature of me to behave that way and the readers deserve better. That being said, I regrettably have at least one more chapter before hitting a potential road block, hopefully I'll discover a way through by the time I get to it. Once again I'm sorry for the long period of time it took for me to release this.
Edit: Not to mention how this kinda feels like a relatively weak chapter, but I'm still learning huh?
You're doing fine.
Honestly, I think I started my own PonyEarthverse fic too far into the future.
Now, I have to wait until my unofficial collab author finishes publishing some of his chapters.
You go at your own pace.
You know the vet's gonna take one look and then…
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc4cwgg7ac1rwk9quo1_500.gif
BUCK DIS!!!!
Table flip heard around the world.
Wut
...what.
a-ba?
Nani?
Okay, starting from here on, I have an event that will be going on for those who want to participate. You see, the names of the two ponies that poor Shane is now caught in, are hidden in the previous chapters I've written. See if you can find them before I end the event by posting the next chapter revealing their respective names!
The hunt is afoot!
P.S. To everypony's reaction to the last chapter. I wholeheartedly thank you, that really made may day/night!
Edit: I apologize as I forgot something I should have left before ending this one. There's two hints I have for getting you guys started, Which are as follows.
The two names are together but not in chapter, while they stand close to the beginning.
Good luck everypony!
Skimming Sails?
Strawberry Pineapples
Dusk Dawn?
1603628>>1605242>>1605889
Those are decent tries and one of them is semi close, let me give you one more hint since I'm halfway trough the chapter.
They are to be collected and pieced together like a puzzle. Find the trend and they will jump at you.
Good luck everypony!
OOOH! So it's like a Ranma mechanic!
Uhh, one question. Could you PLEASE take out the 'Embarrassing favor from Princess Luna' bit? I don't want to address that.
Some OCs have strange powers. My own has bardic magic, and another has huge wings and can control weather with his mind.
1608851
Leave him alone! (Unless you're joking, which I totally get)
1608851 Actually, you shouldn't have to, plus it's going to take a very long time for me to work out the nature of said favor. I put that in there more of as an event that occurred long before the current timeline. So it shouldn't have any real bearing on the current events, well, other then to give a few laughs. I also just might leave it as is to, keep people guessing.
1609070 I was hesitant to put that in at first, but felt it necessary to explain the reason behind the gender swap mechanic.
Edit: Okay, now that I had more time to think about it, the situation itself is an idea that I was thinking of expanding on later. When I get around to writing out my own OCs adventures in Equestria, separate from the PonyEarthverse.
Fascinating, so I take it your more or less merged with a pony from equestria that is your counter part rather then simply being converted? I have noticed that is a theme among many of the PonyEarthverse though not explicitly stated in the rule book.
1610425 I haven't fully worked it out yet, but more or less you're right. It's kind of an unspoken agreement we follow due to a trend set by the mane six writers. At least that's what I perceive it as, so I can't really tell you what the other writers think about it.
1610448
Ah, interesting, though it might make the story I had planned a bit trickier.
See I am actually trying to work on a different more substantial story but a golden idea crossed my mind so I wanted to toss my hat in the ring as well even if only for the lulz.
My story idea consists of a brony who has been waiting for his turn to be ponyfied and finely wakes up one morning to find his wish has come true!.... or at least until he takes a look at his reflection.
He looks to his mirror to find a strong looking red and black pony with both wings and a horn staring back at him with dragonic eyes, for he has been turned into the dreaded GARY STU!
So anyways the fact that you are at least heavily encouraged to have an equestrian counter part could complicate things. Yes I want to rustle some jimmies but like a good prank I want to RUSTLE not smash them....
1609798
Interesting stuff, Solar Glint and Lunar Flare huh?
...continue.
1610562
"Gary Stu"?
That... has bad idea written all over it.
That vet is a unicorn. I did NOT see that coming.
I would love to see his dad's face.
...huh.
1628476
her*
my my, quite an interesting tale of a genderbender
sorry, i ment THE gender bender
My thoughts exactly!
Was zum Teufel?
What?