Chapter 2: ...going unordinary (REWRITTEN)
Chapter 2: ...going unordinary
I had just finished yelling and I had no idea what to say, what to think, or what to do. Cell kept pointing the knife at me with a shaky hand, still shocked and confused; but I didn't even register it anymore, because the fact that I had just been turned into a changeling was more terrifying .
"This can't be real..." I said to myself. "There's no way this can be real... this must be a dream... just a silly, pointless dream..." I tried to pinch myself, but realised that I couldn't do it with the hooves that had replaced my hands, which made me panic even more. "I have to wake up..." I closed my eyes and punched myself in the face as hard as I could. "Please..." I reopened them and saw Cell still pointing the knife at me, his face now showing a hint of confusion. "No.." I looked at myself again and still saw the changeling body. "NO!"
"Stop that pathetic shit! I know you aren't Yan!" he yelled at me.
"Cell, it's me!" I replied, yelling as well.
"You... you can't even be real! You are fictional! You... you are just a fictional character from a made-up world!" He was obviously as confused as I was; never had I seen Cell this confused and helpless before, which didn't help building up a form of hope that this all could be a weird dream.
I found myself at a loss for words. "I know that this can't be real! But it's me!" was all I could think of at the moment.
"You can't be him! Yan is not a changeling!" Suddenly his face turned from shock to pure anger, as if he suddenly realised what this whole situation could mean. "Oh god no! You replaced him! You.. you trapped him in a cocoon and replaced him, haven't you?!" he yelled even more, the frustration in his voice replaced by fury.
"Cell, no! I am Yan, damn it!" From that point on tears were forming in my eyes, as I was fearing for my life.
"Stop lying and tell me where he is!" he yelled and placed the knife's tip at my throat, the blade close to piercing my skin and ending my life. "Tell me where he is or I am going to stab you to death; and don't think crying is gonna help you!" He was suddenly very determined, probably because I was crying and he saw himself as superior.
"Please believe me! I am Yan!" I pleaded, which - to my own surprise - seemed to make him doubtful for a second, because the pressure on my throat was lowered a bit.
"Prove it!"
This was my chance, probably my last if I didn't convince him that I am myself. "We... we first met while playing Team Fortress 2 in 2009... and we first met in real life in 2011 at the Gamescom; we met Ryu on his birthday just a few months ago!" I said; with every word Cell seemed to relax a bit, letting me hope that I could convince him. "Your favourite colour is green and you had a cat called Susi. I still owe you a new laptop and fifteen Euros for a game you bought me when I couldn't open Steam to get the summer-sale."
"This... this can't be..." He stepped back, his face showing confusion once again, the knife still pointing in my direction, but at least not threatening to spill my blood in a second.
"Cell, if I had really have replaced myself - which doesn't even make any sense - you would be trapped in a cocoon already, or something like that. Look what Chrysalis did after her disguise was blown."
"You.. are right," he said, still breathing heavily, like me. "But... this can't be! Changelings are fictional... Hell! The whole My Little Pony world is fictional! But... how can you be one? Did you know it?"
"I swear by my life that I didn't know it."
"I.. I believe you," he replied and looked at the knife still clenched in his shaking hand. He instantly dropped it, realising what he nearly did.
Relief washed over my body, watching the blade fall to the ground. "Thanks," I said; that was all I could manage to say with the adrenaline slowly leaving my body.
We were both silent for several minutes, giving each other odd stares, because this whole situation was simply awkward; just a few seconds ago one of my best friends nearly killed me because I had turned into a changeling in front of his eyes. "And what are we going to do now?" Cell asked, breaking the silence.
"I have no idea; seriously, I mean, I am a fuckin' changeling!" I said to him, chuckling at the whole situation for a second, more out of helplessness than finding it funny; until realising what it meant for me, what impact this will have on my life, nothing will be the same again... "What are my parents going to say..." I muttered.
He looked at the floor for a second and at me again. "Turn back", he said.
"What?"
"I said 'turn back', like in 'transform your body into yours again'," he said, like it was a matter of fact.
Is he serious? "What? Cell, I just discovered that I am an evil fictional race from a cartoon and now you want me to turn back?" I deadpanned.
"I don't know." He shrugged, his gaze wandering to the ground. "Just turn back and... we forget all of this. Okay?"
I simply stared at him, unsure if he was joking around. "Are you serious? First of all, this is nothing you can forget about. Second-," I paused for a moment before throwing my arms/legs into the air. "-I have no idea how to shape shift!"
"Then... what are we going to do now? You can't go out like that," he stated.
"You are right... First of all I think I should figure out how to change my body until tomorrow morning, or else...," I gulped, imagining how I could explain this situation to my parents. They would never believe me...
"... your parents are gonna find out that you are not a human?" Cell finished my sentence.
Thanks for getting my hopes up... "Right and with how overdramatic they can be, this wouldn't be pleasant... wait a minute...", I said and placed my hands-turned-hooves on my head. "That means that my parents are changelings... OR I AM ADOPTED!"
"Hey, hey, hey! Calm down!" Cell said while grabbing me at my shoulder. "I don't think that you are adopted; you told me that you have exactly the same allergies as your mother and it's kinda impossible that this is just coincidence."
"But that means... they are changelings? Oh my god, why didn't they tell me about this," I sniffed, fearing what I possibly did all the time. "All these years I have been feeding off my friends, like they are just... food..."
"Yan, I am okay, Ryu is okay and everyone else you know as well - nobody died and nobody is ill. Even if you feed upon us, it clearly doesn't hurt." he stated.
"You are right..." I said and wiped my tears away. "Cell, this needs to be kept a secret, like you said 'forget that it happened'. If anyone sees me like that it will go around like a forest fire and if the government gets behind this I am dead..." I began to panic again, thinking about what they would do with me. "They... would slice me open, look how I work and what I can do... and... and-" My monologue, aka panic attack, was ended by his flat hand abruptly connecting to my cheek.
"Calm down! Nothing like that will happen! I won't tell anyone and as long as you won't, all will be fine! Think about it: you managed to hide this for all 17 years of your life, even you yourself didn't knew it. If you manage to turn back, you will be safe."
"If I can... I don't even know what to begin with..." I simply shook my head in defeat. "Shit, can this day get any worse?"
"C'mon, this isn't so bad after all," he tried to cheer me up.
"What do you mean?" I asked him while glaring angrily at him, because seriously, what can be good about this? On the other hand, he was just trying to help.
"You are a changeling, right? That means that changelings exist and that means-," he smiled at me.
What could he... I thought before I realised what he meant. "Tha... that means... that MLP is real!" I said while grinning at the thought of meeting the Mane 6 and seeing their world for real.
"Have you ever seen a changeling grin? That looks so creepy, you should see for yourself." He chuckled.
"Wha-, why?"
"Well, you have long fangs and that kinda looks like a vampire mouth... you would be perfect for a fun house!" Cell said and began laughing at the glare I gave him.
"Haha, really funny." He still laughed, but I didn't bother...
Looking at myself again a thought crossed my mind: Wait... why did I even change into this? Shouldn't it need some sort of magic to disrupt a changeling disguise? Maybe Cell knows... "Cell, what actually happened?" He stopped laughing, the grin still plastered on his face. "What has changed me into-," I pointed at my body, "-this? I just remember that we were working on the Tesla Coil and then nothing."
"You don't remember it? Well, no wonder after you hit yourself with enough electrical power to stop a heart..." He scratched his head. "It's a wonder that you are still alive."
I DID WHAT? "Wait, wait, wait; what? Do you mean that I touched the turned-on coil?"
"Not really.... oh wait I will show you!," he said while I gave him a questioning look. "Your camera is still recording, we got everything on tape!"
I gulped at this. "We have that on tape? We should better delete it before-," I tried to stand up but fell on my chin instantly. "Uff! Oh man, what the-," I tried and fell again; meanwhile Cell grinned and suppressed his laughter. "You think this is funny? I have a serious problem here!"
"I don't think that you can walk on two legs," he commented, barely able to suppress his laughter.
"Ugh, now I need to figure out how to walk like a horse as well; great!" I stood up again, still very shakily. I knew how a horse or pony walked, but doing it yourself is something totally different. C'mon Yan, you can do this! It's like crawling on the floor! I tried to step forward and....
To my surprise I didn't fall. I had great difficulties holding my balance, but I somehow managed to stand. "That's... easier than I thought," I said with a smirk on my face...
Until I fell again, Cell now laughing his ass off.
"Hahahah man, that's priceless! Like a foal doing its first steps!" He laughed even more after saying this. And now you know why I call everyone of my friends an 'ass' sometimes...
"Well, these ARE my first steps as a changeling! So could you stop laughing and... I don't know, carry me upstairs or something?"
He stopped laughing and looked at me like I asked him to do something extremely embarrassing. "What? Carry you?"
"Yes! The sooner this is over, the sooner we can forget all of this!" I replied with a stern tone.
"Ugh, okay." He walked up to me and grabbed me at around chest. "You are much heavier than I thought, weren't you trying to eat less?" he said with a huge grin.
"Very funny, Cell! Of course I am heavier in this state! Do you even know how heavy a horse or pony is?"
"You aren't THIS heavy, actually I think you weigh the same," Cell stated. "It's just funny to see you rage." And this is another reason why I call him an 'ass' sometimes...
Grumbling at him making fun of my weight problem - yes I am slightly overweight, but this isn't something you have to know - I noticed something else:
A changeling has one hell of a scary voice! Seriously, that grumbling came out like predatory growling, just like a wolf's one.
Now that I think about it, my voice sounded different. "Test, test, 1, 2, 3...,"
"What... are you doing?" Cell asked me, slightly confused.
"Nothing, just testing my voice," I replied. It sounds like Chrysalis'... my voice seems to be mixed with another, distorted one... cool? Having a voice like that was cool in one way, I mean, it sounded very alien-like, but on the other hand it was still partly my own voice.
After Cell carried me upstairs he let me down on my hooves so I could stand - actually it was more like controlled shaking than standing... "I will get the camera and don't fall down again. I don't want to patch up a changeling, because I have no idea what to do then."
"Why?"
"Well, maybe changelings have acid-like blood or you go insane by a wound and try to eat flesh to regenerate?" he explained and looked at me like it was a matter of fact.
Í had no idea what to say and simply stared at him. Sometimes I really wondered what was wrong with Cell... or my friends in general... it felt like I was surrounded by group of maniacs... "*sigh* Just get the damn camera, I will be fine..." And with that he went down into the cellar again. Not wanting to stand the entire time in the hallway I decided to walk to the living room, but... how?
I lifted a hoof and already felt my weight shifting to one side, I immediately put the hoof down onto the ground again so I didn't fall. Okay, this isn't going to work... How can this be so hard? Must have something to do with the electrical shock... or the adrenaline... or both...
I tried again, but the fear of falling again stopped me; so I just decided to crawl into the living room, stopping beside the sofa.
A few seconds later I heard Cell hastily walking upstairs again and calling for me: "Yan, where are you?"
"I am in the living room!"
He came into the room and looked at me. "Are you sure you want to watch this and not delete it instantly? I mean, can you bear watching yourself turning into a changeling? Kinda shocking if you ask me..."
I thought about it for a second. Will this change me? Will this change my life? Will this-... Fuck it, YOLO! "Just a single time and then we will delete it, okay?"
"If you say so, then let's watch it." He plugged the cord coming from his TV into the camcorder and started the video.
I could see myself and him standing beside the Tesla Coil; I was currently plugging the cords in and heard Cell trying to warn me, but was interrupted by a bang. The capacitors unloaded their energy in form of a bolt, my body was instantly falling down and engulfed in green fire; Cell looked flabbergasted and shocked at what was happening. "Like in the wedding episode," I commented. After the flames had expired, I could see myself as a changeling, Cell going into 'mental breakdown'-mode; luckily my clothes were still unharmed by the flames, which surprised me. "You can stop the video."
"And? What now?" my friend asked me.
"Like I said: I have to transform myself into my normal self... and then we NEVER talk about this again!"
"What? Didn't you say that something like this can't be forgotten that easily?"
"I know, but what if somebody finds out what I am? What is going to happen? What if they catch me and put me into a lab? What if they dissect me?" I said with a cranky voice. The thought about getting cut into small bits wasn't very pleasant.
"Yan, you already had that thought a few minutes ago and I told you that nobody will find out," Cell tried to calm me down.
"I hope so... The sooner I turn back the sooner I can live my life again and nobody will ever know... Ugh, but I have no idea how to do this, you?"
"Weeeellll.... no. How about thinking about it? Imagine your old self and... use the force?" he suggested.
"Oookay?" With his 'advice' in mind, I tried to think of myself again and-...
"WAIT!"
"What?"
"I am not ready!" I wanted to ask Cell what he meant, but saw that he was crawling under his table and shielding his head with his arms. "Okay, ready!"
"I... ugh" Trying to concentrate again, I closed my eyes and blocked out everything I could. I concentrated on my an image of myself and imagined shape shifting into this form. At first nothing happened, but after some time I felt some kind of... instinct... like a new limb reacting. Trying to control it I felt a static and prickling feeling washing over me; I felt my bones reshaping, my muscles stretching and my changeling shell melting into human skin; it was like every nerve in my body was on fire and frozen at the same time.
This all felt very scary and I was close to freaking out, but at the same time I somehow knew that it was... natural, like I was used to it.
The feeling stopped and I opened my eyes again. "Did it work?"
"Look at yourself," Cell said.
I held up my hand instantly and I could truly see my hand; I wiggled my fingers to confirm that it really was my own. "Yes, it worked!" I yelled in joy and stood up from my lying position.
"That was way faster than I expected. Are you sure that you have never done this before?"
"Currently I am not even sure if this all real. But if it's just... a... " I suddenly felt extremely dizzy and my eyelids were getting heavier and heavier, until I couldn't keep them open. "Cell... help..." I felt myself falling down and hitting the floor.
— — — —
Suddenly I woke up in my own room and everything seemed normal. To say that I was confused was an understatement, but I soon realised that this all was just a bad dream. "Oh shit... that was a nightmare, just a nightmare...," I chuckled at the thought of it. "Just a crazy nightmare," I laughed.
"Not really...."
End of chapter 2
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Very, interesting. The dialogue feels off when I read it, the way the characters speak seem to be in a monotone or a direct and not very casual way of speaking. The "I will..." And not "I'll..." Seems as if a robot is speaking. That's all I can give for today, partly because I'm tired and the other half is because this story has a great premise and great promise. The two P's in my mind can make a wonderful story if done correctly.
Oh yeah, and a little spoiler :)
i.imgur.com/cVXk9Cw.jpg
I want to read the next one
3735621 for the love of every thing please tell me you're joking! please?
A lot of the grammar and sentence structure is pretty wonky, but I like the premise of this story so I think I'll stick with it.
Okay, chapter two means round two. Again, I don't want to sound like a dick. And If I called it wrong on the Asian thing i'm really sorry, but I'd still wager you can speak another language other than English. Only a couple of problems I noticed in this chapter that aren't total repeats from the previous. Sorry to say just about all of them are still present. (The previous problems that is.) First: Your narrative. You used
the whole starred action thing is gonna drive people nuts man. This isn't a chat window or an RP forum. You have to use narrative to describe your actions. Anything else easily comes off either lazy or inexperienced. Try this:
Notice I also added a conjunction where 'I' and 'will' was. It's the little things like this that can really clean up your narrative and keep the story running smoothly. Another thing, and this is more of a pet peeve than anything. You don't indent your paragraphs. Not even a little. It makes them look nicer and helps keep track of where a paragraph begins or ends. Witch leads me to another point that is a bit more pertinent. Your spacing between said paragraphs. At times, it's non existent even though I can tell where one is meant to end before a new one starts on the very next line. It happens way too often. My guess is that you don't preview the file between uploading it from your G-docs and publishing the chapter. Or maybe you just missed it. My point being that, even if the page break shows that theres space between the paragraphs, it won't show up that way here where there are no breaks. So watch out for those. Alright, I think I'm done. I'm not even an editor, just another writer like you. None of what I've said is meant to discourage you. Your story is nice despite the little stuff. I've only been writing since late October myself, but thanks to the guidance of a few good writers I've been able to catch on to how writing works more or less. I can't really point out your grammar mistakes given I could never survive without my editors. Making the flow of the story, as well as it's presentation smooth and enticing is about all I'm good at besides creating the stories in the first place. I hope you can take all this as equal parts advice as well as criticism. Keep at it dude, it's worth it.
3736133
The spoiler or the criticism? Had me worried for a sec there that I said something retarded.
3737487 oh no I'm the retarded one her. I misunderstood, I thought that the story was already finished and this was a revised version. but I was wrong and took the "spoiler alert" seriously... sorry I was in the wrong here not you... *face palms* Stupid me
3737509
It's alright, you're not a stupid pony. Just the fact that many people haven't yet shed themselves of their innocence-formed shield that can crack in the most delightful ways if speared properly by the correct stimuli! In other words, it's perfectly normal to misunderstand one person or another. And you're not stupid for misinterpreting my spoiler, we all die at some point.
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/e/ec/FANMADE_Twilight_Clapping.gif
3737315 Thanks for the constructive criticism
And yeah, English isn't my first language (I am from Germany), so a few phrases are hard to formulate for me.
The dialogue here is 75% from the old version of the story, but already heavy edited - you can imagine how crappy it was written in the original form
And about the Google Doc thing: I am using Word for writing, because I am used to using it for school; I will try to look out for the paragraph errors in the future.
It seems like not having any English lesson for two weeks and not writing for half a year ruined my English vocabular as well.
3737512 um wow that last part was morbid and... I LOVED IT. and you're right I'm not stupid everyone else is just smarter then me.
So this time you don't get to go home like nothing happened as you planned. In this one, things just get even stranger when you just changed back to normal and I'm guessing Luna is immediately there in the next chapter which has me wondering how you're going to have her respond now. I suppose I have to miss Luna keep getting knocked out by our heroes in hilarious ways. ^^;
3737723 Don't sweat it. I was so off on the ethnicity it wasn't funny tho, I'm loling at myself for that. I would suggest trying to use G-docs,but stick to what your comfortable with I suppose. But it helps using G-docs for prereaders and editors. There is a reason there's a handy upload button that's specifically designed for ripping docs from google drive you know... And, like I said, just stick with it man, all good things come with time. Some patience and practice are a couple of things that have always served me well, I'm sure the same would be true for you.
3738353
Nah, that's just a misconception humans have placed upon others to appear more intelligent than others, but in truth we're all equal in intelligence just in different studies. One person might know everything about fishing, while not knowing how to do dishes, and vice versa; in that way we are all similarly equal. But that's just how I see the world.
3739159
Didn't she get smashed in the face by a metal keyboard or something?
3744476
I think that's what Yan did, I think the most hilarious knock out of Luna was when she was tasered from behind. :D
3742700 You know what? you are right you just... blew my mind you rock!
3744673
Yeah
That was pretty hilarious
3744700
Your welcome?
I dunno, but whatever.
This is looking interesting, although it could use a bit more polish so I would look into finding a Grammar Nazi to look chapters over for you before you post them.
What Happens Next!!!
Right then.
Keep going! ;)
Yes! Keep writing it! It's getting better and better!
IF YOU CANCEL THIS I WILL FREEZE YOU AND SMASH YOUR FROZEN STATUE!
3759850 The only grammar problem I have with this Story is the lack of contractions. e.g. I am - I'm
I will - I'll
I'm guessing english is not the author's first language.
3955536 It has been far too long for me to remember what I saw, but I do not make comments like that unless I see a significant number of substantial errors so you probably missed things.
Any chance of this updating again sometime soon?
3968261 I need to learn 2-3 years of stuff for my Abitur... So, don't expect too much from me at the moment, sorry
Interesting. Keep up the good work!
i6.photobucket.com/albums/y230/flower_of_carnage/Macros%20and%20Gifs/wait.gif
for another chapter, how long till then?
4604531 I... well...
let's just say that I finally have too much free-time...
I hope that I can finish the next chapter in a week, but no promises
4604547 data3.whicdn.com/images/50402529/tumblr_m88heriBEH1rziwwco1_500_large.gif
let's hope, plus the story is amazing! can't wait.
4873788
What you are is not my concern. And silence is not an option it is submission, I shall not bow, bend or warp.
4873799
Then I will have failed and die miserable; a failure.
Is there any chance this will start updating on a consistent (or, more realistically, semi-consistent) basis any time soon? I'm getting pretty close to giving up on it as dead.
Talk to us, man. Tell us you're still alive.
5199373 Sorry for not saying anything in the past few months, I was a "little" busy
I really want to continue writing this story, but at the moment I simply don't have much time, sorry.
At least I am constantly writing down story ideas, cause I REALLY need to polish my story (we know how hard I failed with the first version of "What I Am"...)
3436730 Its a very protective mother... no further comment...
3436219 The first few chapter will remain mostly the same, just with a few tweaks and, most important, a better writing style.
5201262
That's a good idea. Stories turn out best when they're thoroughly pre-planned.
5201262
I hope it's the stress talking in the "evil" part.
Even if this story does update sometime soon, I worry about the update after that, and the one after that. It's just too likely to die for real somewhere along the way. I might just wait to see if it's ever completed before reading any more of it, but that has the downside that I wouldn't be able to give you criticism in real time. I don't know, do you think there's still a good chance you'll see this story through to the end? If not, that's fine, I'd just really like to know one way or the other.
Edit: Forget this, I'm giving up on this story.
Dead story is dead
dead story number 14#
6702921
Well it's been another two years.
8826157
Well, I don't have high hopes for this story (in particular because the author has now been gone for those two years) but I've seen people come back after longer than a year of inactivity.
8826157
8826492
Well now it has bine four.
10481619
Yep, fizz...
10481625
I hate it when people leave and leave their stories to rot
10481629
He could be literally dead for all we know, or in a coma, and the unknowability of that drives me nuts personally...
10481736
Me too.
Let us have a minute for our fallen soldier and his unfinished work