Postmodern
Joined 21st Nov, 2021 ·
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Postmodern · 16k words · 31 29 · 525 views
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Nice! No wonder it's been a while! I'll be sure to provide feedback once I get a chance to read it.
Glad to see you back around!
I haven't read it yet but I love the Mary and Celestia series, I was having such an awful past few days but I didn't expect the next installment here! I just have to read it.
I just like how well written the series as a whole is, it's definitely not usual clop.
I'm definitely curious to know about what kind of oath Applejack and the other elements swore to each other.
Applejack definitely has a grudge against Celestia though it seems pretty justifiable considering what she did to Twilight.
And what about the other elements? I'm only on chapter 2 and I'm already invested to see how things will escalate.
Thanks! It's good to be back. I always have a lot of fun writing these deviants.
Now I see what you mean when you said that there would be a human that was a match for Celestia. Not physically, but she has plenty of dirt on her.
Nice "Tia of the Dawn" reference of Celestia being unable to read minds still.
As for the bergamot investigation if it happens, looking forward to seeing Twilight's role. I also wonder what happens to Cadance who was using it to get ponies to love her, is she still tied up to the bed, stuck in a nightmare about everypony hating her and realizing that she's a fraud? Celestia is taking her dear time for sure if she has all of these diplomatic meetings around the world.
So Applejack also wanted to take Twilight's virginity? Didn't see that twist coming.
Finally made it through!
Hot and well written, with your usual tension. I think the setup and characters are really solid and you lavish a lot on portraying them — but I do have to say that this is maybe too long?
There's a lot of back and forth in a way that... makes it harder to appreciate this as either porn or thriller. I think much of the issue is that the story, apart from chapter 1, is all one, drawn out scene — with the stakes and decisions changed in some ways, but it's constant rising action.
That ends up having friction when the tugging, hot, reader-engagement perspective also bounces between our four main characters, in different vectors.
There's an inherent adversarial nature you render in sex, and that's extremely hot and a core appeal and theme of this series. And I think this time challenges Celestia in a very compelling way — your nature and interest in supporting the current winner muddles the emotional ride?
I feel a little bit bad about being overly critical, and underselling the moments of raw hot depravity — everything Mary does is pure fire, as usual — but I want to give thoughtful commentary, too!
Very excited to find out if you have a plan in the overarching narrative to follow this up with! There wasn't quite a 'status quo' anyway, but... there's going to be some international reaction to this, that I cannot predict if will be relatively washed over to allow for another setpiece, or exploited for it. <3
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Hey, thanks for your review. I've got pretty thick skin, so don't worry too much!
I feel you on the length; I agree that's definitely a big issue. I had a lot of thoughts about re-establishing the characters after so long, but it would've been a better idea to just carve out a tighter narrative. I do have an overarching story planned out, and there are details in this piece which will come back later, so there's that.
Always appreciate your comments!
Nicely done!
I wonder what Twilight's up to, what they're going to do with Cadance, what Celestia has planned for revenge for Mary, and what effect the public scandal will have on Celestia.
AJ was cute, not being able to lie; I wonder how you'll portray the other mane 6 characters.
I wish I had more time to leave feedback, but c'est la vie.
"Okay love, we seem to be going through the set. Which one next, the white one, the blue one, the pi..."
"We don't sling one up the pink one. We do not speak of the pink one."
"Wait... why are you covering yourself with your wings like... Celestia? Are you shaking?"
"WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE PINK ONE! THERE ARE GASHES LEFT UNDIDDLED FOR A REASON!"
And through air, a whisper of a snort followed by a ghost of a series of giggles wafted through the air.
"SHE HAD WANDERED THE FIELDS OF DELIRIUM, HAD SLUNK THROUGH THE GARDENS OF DESTINY AND BEEN BLESSED BY DREAM AND DESIRE! SHE IS THE ANETHAMA OF DESPAIR, DESTRUCTION TREMBLES BEFORE HER PLONK, AND DEATH WILL NOT CLAIM HER! SHE KNOWS WE SPEAK OF IT, YOU BRING DOOM UPON US BOTH YOU MOUTHY WANTON SLUT!"