Welcome to my page! Feel free to read my stories as I publish. All comments, critiques, criticisms, contempts, compliments, curiosities, and crossiants are welcome.
As the newly donned Element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash is entrusted to protect Equestria. What that means, however, can be skewed. A new acquaintance reveals a friend in a different light, leading her down a dark path.
This was written for "A Thousand Words Contest II".
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Does Lightning Dust appear in this story?
11609457
Nope. Why do you ask?
Interesting, I assumed Sombra at first, but
a new force? Very interesting.
11609672
It's technically a new force, but more so a rebirth of an already known one. I didn't quite spell out whom, both for intrigue and the challenge written for. However, the context is present right from the start.
I feel like this is the first of the contest entries I’ve read that I think really suffers from the word limit. I think it needs at least another thousand to really get across the slow twisting of Rainbow’s loyalties. As it is, it feels like there’s not enough room or context to convey what you’re trying to. That’s what I think, anyway.
Regardless, best of luck in the contest!
Certainly interesting. An epic in a thousand words!
Minor ideas. Take or leave as you will:
RE: "usurping "
consider "attempt at usurpation" or "attempted usurpation"
RE:"months training"
consider "months of training" or "monthslong training"
RE: "her left face peeled"
consider "her left side peeled", "her left cheek peeled" or "her flesh peeled. It reddened in the heat and the vision in her left eye blurred as she..."
11609918
I do agree it suffers. I'd have suffered more trying to make it into a full-length chapter story, but I will admit I could have gone for in-between with the hours I spent chopping this one, and gone for a different 1k idea.
Restriction and suffering are art in their own way.
11611595
A restricted epic, to be exact. The insane pinkie image fits to a T.
Thank you for pointing out those minor errors! I've corrected the first two and quibbled around with the third.
Also, fun fact: The entire premise of this spun from when I remember the scene in the first episode in which Rainbow accuses Twilight of being on the evil side for merely knowing about it. My mind twisted it from there and twisted it further when writing.
that is creepy!
well that is just mean!
i guess even this fucked up Rainbow Dash really wants to be a Wonderbolt
This was way too ambitious, stretched so thin that it’s mostly tears. When you have to mangle most sentences to fit the word count limit, you’ve gone too far. Questions like how Celestia handles Twilight’s disappearance or Dash’s other friends reacting to her slow shift in attitude have to be left by the wayside.
A key part of the challenge in this contest is choosing a story that can be told in just a thousand words. Here, you chose poorly.