Dangerous Damned Doggo Dashes Down Delightful Delicious Dragon Dong aka Lusty Loona lavishes lonely lizard-like lovingly, lasting long lives aka Hormonal Hell Hound Hunting Heat Hold, Hungrily Hammers Hot Helper

Dangerous Damned Doggo Dashes Down Delightful Delicious Dragon Dong aka Lusty Loona lavishes lonely lizard-like lovingly, lasting long lives aka Hormonal Hell Hound Hunting Heat Hold, Hungrily Hammers Hot Helper

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Alabaster Augment

Alabaster Augment #1 · Apr 4th, 2023 · · ·

Why the hell does this read like a Kids Next Door weapon

Little_Draco

Little_Draco #2 · Apr 4th, 2023 · 1 · ·

11547470
Bwahaha
I legitimately laughed upon reading that.
Truth was i didn't know which title sounded better so i included it all together.

Alabaster Augment

Alabaster Augment #3 · Apr 4th, 2023 · 1 · ·

11547472
It’s amazing but I still got flashbacks of that computer voice and the black screen with blueprints reading it out to me.

Little_Draco

Little_Draco #4 · Apr 4th, 2023 · · ·

11547485
No lie same whenever i see an acronym for something

dirty little secret

dirty little secret #5 · Apr 10th, 2023 · 1 · ·

This is your official review for the Furry Foray Festival Contest!

I've tried to be as objective as possible, but of course there are limits. I've tried to avoid being biased or arbitrary as much as I can, and hopefully I've succeeded at least somewhat. The full, final results will be announced on May 4th, and winners will be contacted shortly afterward to ask how they would like to accept their prizes. When readings these comments, please keep in mind that I know I'm often overly critical -- to the point where I can always find nitpicks even with the greatest works of literature. So don't take anything personally!

Notes:
- This title seems made specifically to fuck up my spreadsheet, lol. (Seriously, though, WTF?)
- despite them speaking on his behalf, he was denied asylum "asylum" really isn't quite the word you're looking for here.
- The whole litany explaining where Spike's friends -- even distant friends -- are drags on for quite some time ... was it really necessary?
- it felt like fate had him by himself. Fate ... or the plot, lol. It really does seem kind of forced.
- So he just happens to be aimlessly wandering through the magical artifact room, just because he's bored, at exactly the moment Loona comes through. That's sure ... convenient.
- He did notice it had a bare of ample breasts A pair?
- understand your environment and asses and... When a wee little typo vastly changes the meaning of a sentence...
- Though I am sure it's spelled differently. “Two o’s instead of a ‘u’ like I am sure the other one is.” There are so many completely unfounded assumptions just flying right by in this exchange!
- She finally encountered her first set of ponies, a pair of shorts… Uh... Is she saying the ponies were short? Or that she also encountered shorts? I'm kind of at a loss to figure out what this was supposed to mean.
- She continued to take pictures of the world around us. Ah... So we're in the story too now?
- but outside of that, you have been tame. Oh, man. A comment about being 'tame' should really piss Loona off.
- they do give off a bad odor and most of the ponies shoo them away with a broom or hose. Fukkin' rude! Yeah, nobody likes guests who smell bad, but running them off with brooms and hoses is pretty fucked up.
- she half wondered if she actually died and went to heaven. Loona, you're a hellhound who assists with -- and sometimes directly carries out -- murder for hire. Pretty sure you're not going to heaven. Then again, what does happen to hellhounds when they die? Do they just like, get reincarnated back in hell or something? And what about imps and demons and the other assorted denizens of hell? ... This offhand comment is now getting me onto a distracted theological tangent.
- sensored censored
- “I ain’t eating grass or hale and shit like that. Hay? Kale? ... also missing end quotation mark.
- The way she eats her burger is really cute.
- “The fuck are you looking at?!” She barked. "She" should be lowercase.
- It actually is kind of adorable how Loona is having trouble controlling her heat.
- and then her underwear, which was dredged, Drenched?
- Of all the Loonas in this contest ... I'm actually really liking this one. You've managed to make her properly intense without constantly going over the top.
- Would have been nice to include just a little bit of a cooldown after Spike's orgasm. Just a paragraph or two. The way it immediately cuts to a section break is a bit abrupt.
- Kind of feels like Loona is taking advantage of Spike's innocence, really.
- Pretty cute and sentimental ending there, while still being pretty lewd. Let's just hope Spike doesn't lose his half of the portal. Or for that matter, Loona doesn't get her half stolen.
- Overall, there's a lot to love in this story. Though the beginning was pretty rough, and there are quite a few grammar issues throughout.

Scores:
Provocativeness: 80
Progression: 75
Payoff: 95
Pacing: 50
Personality: 85
Prose: 45
Total: 430
For more information on what these scores mean, see the scoring rubric.

Little_Draco

Little_Draco #6 · Apr 10th, 2023 · · ·

I appreciate your feedback and advice from all this.
It would seem like there was more to it then needed but glad I got some appreciation for all this.