Chapter 6: Mother Berry
Ever since the moment that young Ursa cub took my horn away from me, from then on, all I could remember was a history dyed in contempt and anger. If it had only been that one incident, perhaps I could've learned to let go of those feelings. Maybe I could've learned to channel that anger instead, using it for something more productive and wholesome for others and for Equestria as a whole. I think all I needed was to have focus and clarity. An avenue to vent. A person to be there for me.
But fate is said to test all who lie under its watchful gaze. Some more so than others. My test began the moment I protected my friends, sacrificing a part of me to do so. And I was shunned for it. Even my own family did little to help or guide me when I was hurting. I felt so alone, so betrayed. So lost.
And while the Princesses were the first to give me a chance for redemption, Mother Tera was the first one to truly find me and show me a path I could take that would lead to somewhere. To a place I could call my own, surrounded by those I could call family. To a home.
She left too early. She left me with a responsibility I wasn't ready for. She left me to take care of a brittle home that was on the verge of collapsing, without ever properly teaching me how to fix it. Despite that, I do not resent Mother Tera for her decision. She was wise beyond her innumerable years. It's only now that I understand that. Blind as she was, she must've seen that I would find a way to fix the true burden plaguing our home despite not being ready for it. She must've sensed that the solution would come to me in time, and allowing me to fail and grow from it would teach me a lesson I desperately needed to learn.
I am Fizzlepop Berrytwist. I was Tempest Shadow, a rebel leader and a powerful mage. Even without my horn, my prowess in combat and leadership skills went unmatched. I alone had the power and cunning to bring Equestria to its knees. I thought, and was so sure, that my ambition would always be unmatched.
And yet, I couldn't even protect this new home of mine from slowly crumbling down.
I have been humbled. Once. Twice. Thrice. Every time we speak, I feel humbled. Every time I look into her eyes, I feel humbled. Her presence alone humbles mine. Every part of my life, she dwarfs. All the many long years I spent practicing my magic despite my addled horn, I feel as if she's placed efforts many times my own. All the brooding I've done, I feel as if she's done it for far longer. The tooth and nail grind of climbing to a position of respect and power... I feel as if my life has been a trifle when compared to her own.
It truly feels as if she has had three lifetimes worth of experiences, and the wisdoms that come from it. In that sense, she reminds me so much of Mother Tera. So much so, my heart can't help but gravitate towards her. She is a whole generation younger than me, and despite the air of confidence and wisdom she leads with an undaunting spirit and an iron hoof, she still feels... vulnerable. It's hard to explain. And I feel like it's just me, since none of the sisters seemed to have noticed it with their own eyes. But I can feel a tiny hint of something. A miniscule, microscopic something. I find I am always second guessing my ability to judge a pony's character when I look upon her. As I live and breath, I swear, Tiara's steps seem to hide such a sorrowfully desperate ambition. Contorted by contempt perhaps. In a way, she too seems to be lost.
Judging by her history, that would come at no surprise. The evidence in her case is spotty at best, which suggests everything she's been accused of is false. Both the jury and all participating audience members seemed to have been specifically selected by someone, which questions the unanimity of the final decision. The result of that was that no one even tried to testify in favor of her despite the many who still supported Tiara save for one grade school child, so it's safe to assume that whole charade of a "hearing" had been meticulously set up by someone. There was no deliberation, no due process. She stood completely alone on that day. Even her parents moved forward with disowning her at the time. At her suggestion but still... My own parents were neglectful, but never that outright malicious.
Whoever did it were out to get her, and robbed her of everything. Her home, her life, and any friendship she'd made. Any normal pony would be livid at this injustice. Or perhaps greatly saddened into depression. But she is no normal pony, that much is for sure. There is no telling with her what she's gone through, as none of it ever shows on her face.
The air that follows her is sophisticated and graceful, mature and beautiful. Her expression can always be seen with a collected and impenetrable smile, calm and friendly while also leaving no room for others to question her authority. It was as if a grand and regal Queen had stepped out of painting, carrying with her divine providence. Wherever she threads, blessings follow. Our nightmares ended shortly after her arrival. She quickly took command creating a better home for us almost seemingly overnight, as well as giving the sisters new outlooks and reasons for life. Even improvements we did not witness her do directly, we could trust it was done by her thoughtful hooves.
A wingless angel descend upon our temple. Or so the sisters see it. But maybe because I'm the only one that she will talk to more freely, perhaps I alone am privy to the mortal flaws of the one now known as Evergold Tiara. Even then, she keeps me at a far length's away from her. Her eyes never truly look at me, even when she looks directly into mine. Her smile never truly reaches her ears, even when she's trying to show genuine happiness. Her laughs ring hollow.
Mother Tera taught me well. I am painfully aware of why she is the way she is, as she reflects my own past self... She hides a hurt deeply rooted in the soul. She grieves from within.
She doesn't think of her parents highly, and they do not seem to distract her from that something else she seems so desperate for. She does not speak of any of the friends she might've had, and does not flinch at the mention of them either, so it seems as though she has no attachment to any of them. What then did she truly lose, I wonder?
We seem so alike, yet we're worlds different. She seems so close and yet so distant. I follow her lead up a mountain only a few short steps behind, but we might as well be continents apart.
Again, my heart can't help but gravitate towards her. I don't think she even realizes it herself, perfect as she thinks she's being. I've noticed it when she almost failed to save Myrtle. She wants to be adored, but is deathly afraid that adoration will fall apart at a moment's notice. She's desperately clinging to all the threads at her disposal, and weaving and weaving and weaving them hoping none of them snap. For now, she's in near perfect control. But that will only last her so long the more threads she piles on.
That's why I decided to go with her on her journey, leaving Sanctuary to the Sisters. If I was my sterner, younger self, I would've denied this until the cows came home. But I can say it now. I truly care about Tiara. I want to be there to catch her if those threads are ever to snap and she falls. She seems convinced that she needs to be putting every fiber of her being, every minute of the day, and every waking second in the service of others to get them to adore her. That's her only true failing, I feel. She doesn't quite understand these things. She doesn't have much experience with it. After all, in her life, it was rare that she was ever truly loved.
It's now that I see, that Mother Tera did not intend for me to fix Sanctuary in the first place. Tiara took care of that just fine. What I'm intended to fix is my "home". The place where I belong. And maybe that place is not a house or a temple or even a nation. Maybe that place is just one tiny area that likes to move around a lot.
Mother Tera showed me what a family is truly supposed to look like. Now it's my turn to be the kind of support and rock that a Mother is supposed to be to her children.
I could hardly breathe in a lung-full without the horribly icy air stinging like fire as it made its way down my throat. The sensitive skin around my ears burned from the layers of snow that had clung onto my coat. Even my runny nostrils ached from the watery solution of my snot having frozen from the sheer cold, making the already scarce, thin air that much more difficult to breathe as it plugged up my nose.
It'd been an age since I last left Sanctuary. It had always been cold, but never like this. Extreme winds carrying the frost thrashed all around you like an invisible hand always shoving you in each direction. It was no wonder why no sane pony or even Yak had ever attempted to cross these treacherous mountain ranges, and those crazy enough who did, well, they were never heard from again.
It was hard enough just to keep steady with the high winds pushing against us, but now I also want you to imagine the kind of terrain we were dealing with. Even with our specialized heavy cleated horseshoes, it was a struggle to maintain any sort of footing in these slick, iced-over rocky terrains weathered by mother nature herself into near frictionless slopes. Our only saving grace seemed to be grooves and footings etched into the very mountainside which were coincidentally in a pattern befitting the traversal of pony-kind. Something I can only imagine is a testament to the brave and foolish ponies who once tried to scale Mount Everhoof in vain.
Thankfully, not many were crazy enough to attempt such a climb. And those who were, were thoroughly warned and led away from those dangers by the pony who acted as the mountain's groundskeeper, who could always be heard saying that it was virtually impossible to scale thanks to the enduring magic from Gusty the Great. Apparently, she ended up sealing the mountain with powerful wind magic when she fought against an old Equestrian enemy known as Grogar. The old coot told us of how his family has been in charge of keeping foolish ponies like ourselves from climbing it ever since, as attempting the climb was tantamount to seeking an early grave.
No amount of warning would deter Tiara however. That was simple enough to see from the fire in her eyes.
Old Rusty Bucket initially looked as though he would not budge on disallowing others to take that risk. While from the outside the lanky stallion looked to be a joke considering his old age and terribly worn attire, his combat prowess was anything but. Even without hearing tales of his many feats throughout his lifetime, it was obvious that Rusty Bucket descended from the last few warrior families in Equestria who still vehemently valued their training as though war were only around the corner from tomorrow. A rare lineage indeed in these modern times.
The rusty bucket on his head might've given you the impression of his senility, but his words and mind were still as sharp as ever, and even his helmet was riddled with dents, scratches, and damage likely caused by all sorts of dangers. Tales of the creatures that lived near and around Mount Everhoof and the ranges beyond were all ghastly and dreadful, so I could only speculate as to what Rusty has had to fend off throughout his historied guard. The rest of his make-shift armor like his armored horseshoes and tattered old cape were all the same, and told a similar story. His shovel, despite it being almost as old as him by the look of the ancient gnarled wooden handle, was anything but worn. The steel shovel head was shiny and new, with a few scratches to it. Meticulously kept and meticulously used, with its edge as razor sharp as a knife. It was anyone's guess as to how many shovel heads he must've gone through in his time as groundskeeper. It was easy to imagine that "many" might be the appropriate word to use here.
Yes, it was plain as day that old Rusty Bucket was and perhaps still is the best close-quarters combatant that pony-kind has seen in ages. And he has likely saved many-a-life by using those honed skills of his to keep reckless ponies away from Mount Everhoof. Yet, Tiara did not budge on insisting that she travel past it. If it was obvious enough for me to see what a large obstacle Rusty Bucket was going to be, then it was likely just as obvious for her too. It's likely she even knew all about Rusty Bucket before ever meeting him, as she did not falter in his presence even as he became more forceful in his warnings against scaling the mountain.
To my surprise, that old coot relented in the face of Tiara.
The entire time he spoke to us, his eyes were sizing us up. At first, Old Rusty was his jolly self, happy just to see someone travel to his small cottage and to have someone to talk to after so long by himself in these mountains. But as he gave us his initial warning and looked upon a wordless Tiara and saw that sheer determination on her face as she looked towards Mount Everhoof, his expressions darkened. His eyes began to look closer, and his words became carefully calculated. When Tiara asked if anyone else had attempted to travel up the mountain, he mentioned that no pony had even thought about it in over 20 years. And strangely, Tiara was happy to hear that bit of news. Old Rusty must've understood what Tiara was planning to do, as he began to tell us the cautionary tale of the mountain's history and of the battle that took place between Gusty and Grogar, unprompted, disguised as his final warning.
I felt like I understood what was about to happen. I readied my horn for the ensuing battle against the groundskeeper. But all I ended up doing was embarrassing myself in the end. When Tiara began to move towards the mountain, Rusty Bucket shifted his stance as if he was about to strike at Tiara to keep her from continuing forward. I quickly pointed an ensnaring spell at the old coot in my haste to protect her, but I quickly found out that I was the only misguided one there.
Rusty did not move to stop her. On the contrary, he moved to kneel to her, as a show of respect.
"Come along, Berry. These mountains won't move out of the way for us, and precious daylight isn't known to be patient." She said as she looked back to me, mischievous grin spread across her face from amusement.
If there's one thing I don't like about Tiara, it's her tendency to joke and dig at you in similar ways. That's part of her charm, I suppose. And it was only ever something she did to to me on occasion, so I felt grateful for it in a way. But I wish she would exercise some restraint from time to time, and especially at a time like this, since I was left to pick up my flustered shame and apologize to old Rusty Bucket.
"Oh don't mind it young'un. I doubt you could've hurt me anyways. I might not look it, but I can best any unicorn any day." Rusty said to me after my apology, returning back to his jolly old self.
I let Tiara continue without me so I could quickly speak to old Rusty in private, to ask him why he had done what he'd done, and why he was allowing us passage.
"From time to time, we get a reckless pony or two wanting to attempt the climb. These mountains are extremely dangerous, and many have tried to bypass the groundskeepers like myself in the past since we're often the biggest roadblock for them. But we're not perfect of course. Especially now that its just me out here, there have been times where a few slip past my guard. See, part of my job is not only to stop passage to these mountains, but also to rescue any foolish soul that tempts fate out in the wilderness. There's many many a hungry creature out there. So me, my pa, my pa's pa, my grandpa's pa, and the pa of that pa, and so on and so forth all had one promise to keep with Pintsize the Brave, which we've continued and kept to this day, Miss." His eyes seemed to travel back to a time when he was a child as he reminisced about the times prior. "And that was to guard these mountains from those unworthy to cross it. And worthiness comes in many forms, not just in how strong and prepared a pony is to climb it. Today has been the first day since our promise was made with him all those many millennia ago, where I could truly say someone was worthy enough. And that pony is your friend over there. That's why I kneeled. To fulfill that promise."
I did not respond, not knowing what to say. I always figured Tiara was special from the moment I met her despite her trying to seem like a meek and mild golden child at first. But I never really understood just how special she really was until someone like old Rusty had said it.
"You take care of her now, will you? Hard to explain, but she seems a little lopsided. Although I am allowing you two passage, know that Mount Everhoof and the mountains beyond it are not for the weak of heart. If my intuition is correct and she really is unbalanced... then even she will need someone to support her." He poked at my foreleg.
"Way ahead of you, Rusty. Thank you." As I turned to leave, I figured I'd ask one more question that was bugging me about what he'd just said. "Say, your family promise... you said it was made with Pintsize the Brave. It wasn't with Gusty the Great?"
He laughed like someone had made a very good joke. "History tends to only remember those who dealt the finishing blow, and not the ones who contributed to peace the most. If I'm not mistaken, I think I read on the news some years ago of something similar happening in the Crystal Empire. Something to do with a small baby dragon." He smiled and waved us off goodbye as I ran back to catch up with Tiara, who hadn't progressed too far since she purposely slowed down for me.
Before I was out of earshot from old Rusty, I heard him speak to himself one last time in a soft and hushed voice. "The time has finally come to end this endless watch..."
What must he have meant by that? Did he truly believe that Tiara would put an end to the dangers of these mountains? It put to question just what kind of generational promise that Rusty's family had made. Was it really just as simple as protecting ponies from those dangers, or was he safe-guarding something far more valuable? Maybe he meant it in the way that he was becoming too old to continue his guard. He did mention he was the only one there now, as a way to say he was the last of his lineage and the last of the groundskeepers as a result? All just conjecture on my part.
It didn't do well to dwell on something that had no bearing on our journey. But without any conversation happening between Tiara and I, I couldn't help but be stuck inside of my own mind, overthinking everything. Even before reaching the depths of the mountains, it was ice-cold between us. I must have angered her somehow, as she seemed to be refusing to speak to me more than she needed to, only ever answering my questions with the shortest and most vague answers possible.
It must've started before I returned, although I can't remember for the life of me what I could've possibly done to upset her. Surprisingly, convincing Twilight to give Tiara the ability to venture out of Sanctuary and into other non-Equestrian territory like she had asked for was simple and easy enough. Although initially as confused as I was when I proposed it to her after my court hearing against the Marquis, Twilight gave her approval without much of a second thought, even without any proper or apt description of where Tiara intended to go. I tried a number of times to get Tiara to tell me, warning her that it would not help her case when trying to convince Twilight, but she refused every time and purposely kept it vague. Maybe Tiara knew Twilight would refuse if she told her, so she purposely kept it vague since she felt her odds might've been better then? But then why not lie about the location at that point?
Banking on the benefit of doubt... Tiara was a scary gambler. Scary in the sense that her reckless gambles kept winning. How much longer until she'd lose for real? Was she ready for such a thing? Take this approval for example. Would she have gone against Twilight's decision just so she could set out on her little journey even if it meant turning on Equestria a second time, sentencing her to an even worse fate as a result? Reckless, I swear.
As if to prove my thoughts right, the ledge that I had leveraged my upper body weight onto caved at that moment, sending me tumbling to secure my footing again while the debris of stone and rock stumbled down the dizzyingly looming heights of that steady incline. It brought a genuine smile to my face when I looked up after securing myself again, only to see Tiara take a step down from her own perch, having readied her body to catch me in the event of a more catastrophic fall. She must've realized the folly of her own selfless worry for me, as she quickly composed herself again trying to seem as though she hadn't worried at all there.
Tiara could be mad at me all she wanted to be, and for whatever reason. It wouldn't deter me any. And none of it could convince me that she didn't care about me just as much if not more.
"I'm okay." I said in-between short, pained breaths, being unable to help my smile.
"Every breath is a luxury up here, so save it and focus." She responded with.
I perfectly understood what she meant. There was no room for conversation up on Mount Everhoof. Speaking a few sentences was a quick way to exhaust any lingering air in your lungs, tiring you out just as quickly while also allowing the blistering cold air to nettle at your insides as they made their way through you. Tiara must have felt my smile through my mask since I could see a tinge of a flustered blush on her ears as she walked ahead of me. I say felt because she wouldn't have been able to see past the mask due to its thickness which was specifically made for mountaineering which allowed some degree of circular breathing in order to recycle your own warm breath as a way to keep from inhaling the pure might of the mountain elements.
Still though, that was a shotty excuse for the cold shoulder she'd been giving me since the moment we left Sanctuary, as the trek through Rusty's pass had been relatively passive and warm. Heck, I was still mostly in the dark about the kind of place Tiara intended to go. She mentioned "Mount Everhoof" and "Beyond it" only a few times when I tried pressing her.
What could I have done? Let's see... Did she resent me for all the errands I made her run in her time at Sanctuary? Nah, that can't be it. She seemed to have her own agenda, so it seemed like she would use each trip for her own gains too. We've had a bit of a rough and tumble relationship ever since she ousted me, and as commandeering as she likes to be at times, I am often the only one to she looks upon as an equal. It could just be she's fed up with sharing the spotlight. I half thought she intended to just rest control of Sanctuary from me, but no. So that can't be it either.
But there I go again. I might just be overthinking it, making her out to be larger than life with all these deep reasons. She could just be mad at me for something mundane and small. The time I slammed the door on her butt? Big maybe. Maybe when I told her that Princess Twilight's only condition for approval was that I would be the one to supervise her vacation? Getting warmer I think, but quite likely not the reason. Tiara should have known her request would come with a few caveats, especially since she kept the destination so vague. Hmm... what could it be...
Oh! I know! She was a bit upset at the time when I told her. Nothing that could be seen on her face unless you were adept at reading others as I was. That tiny split-second muscle twitch on her eyebrows immediately after I told her spelled out that she was not entirely happy with the decision. She's probably upset that she had to get mountaineering gear ready for another pony that wasn't her, since she likely planned to go alone. The gear we brought was not cheap and she likely paid out of pocket for me. It even took us a few weeks to depart from Sanctuary because every piece had to be special ordered from several places.
Our ropes, climbing picks, horseshoes, and harnesses were all made in Yakyakistan by expert yak crafters, since no one was more adept at mountaineering than the Yaks. Had to go there personally to get my hooves measured and fitted for the horseshoes, as well as give them my dimensions for the harness. As for our thick winter coats, masks, and camping gear, we had to special order it from the Crystal Empire. Mostly because Yaks were adapted to surviving in the mountain and didn't make any of that stuff normally, what with their naturally thick coats, bulky muscles, and tendency for violent smashing. Their coats allowed them to weather any cold weather, their strength to carry anything they needed on their back without a backpack, and their smashing habit was a good way to get lumber and all sorts of useful camping gear from nature, as they were also naturally good carpenters and most of them could have likely built a log cabin in the time it took a pony to set up a tent.
Although I'm starting to wonder why we even packed a tent. The winds were far too extreme to have any sort of stable tent out in these slopes, with no end to their ferocity. Good luck trying to find a clearing big enough to set one down anyway.
Thankfully, just as that thought had crossed my mind, Tiara signaled to me wordlessly to look in a certain direction. I could almost cry at the sight of it, but I did my best to stem my flow of tears since they would've stung if they froze upon my face.
It was a cave. My joy at seeing the cave was immeasurable and my relief was palpable. The sun was now nearing set since we'd been climbing for nearly a full waking day now. We would have to spend the night resting at the cave or the likelihood of losing our lives to exposure could have been incredibly real. It was hard to see anything past the overwhelming flurry of snow as we approached it, and entering the mouth of the cave was a near-instant godsend. The wind, once near the top, was all blowing in the opposite direction of the cave, so once we had made it inside, we were completely shielded from its strength. And boy what strength! If I hadn't been attached to Tiara via harness, I likely would've been swept away by it since, ashamedly, my barrier spells are relatively weak compared to my attack spells, so I could not use my magic to shield us even for a bit in that kind of condition. Still though, for as petite as Tiara seemed from the outside, she seemed to hide the strength of a yak inside. She is an earth pony, so it makes sense. But I couldn't have imagined just how strong she'd be. She weathered that storm like it was nothing.
Once inside, Tiara made herself busy by using the bit of tinder we brought along to light a fire after making an appropriate firepit out of the cave's loose stones. The ground all over the cave was damp in many places so she had me use my magic until we suitably dried the fireplace and a few other places to sleep in our sleeping bag. Next, all it took was a small spark from my magic to light the fire, and we had a cozying warmth slowly fill the space around us. The cave itself didn't look to be too deep, so it was being particularly good at retaining heat especially after Tiara partially closed the mouth of it using condensed ice blocks, which she had me make with my magic to compress them, and then used layers of loose ice to cement and coat it from both the inside and outside.
"Know anything about igloos? Domes and homes made from ice." She asked me in response to my question when I asked her how sealing the entrance would help, since the wind was already pushing one way.
"Can't say I do. I've never been to a place with snow that didn't have big lumbering beasts with enough fur on them to be their own walking cots. Yaks and Hedgehogs alike. But still, I don't understand how building your home out of ice will make it less... cold. Seems like a conflict of interest?"
"You would think right? But it's how the ice fundamentally works that actually creates the perfect seal for keeping heat in. The blocks themselves act as a physical barrier for the wind and cold, but the loose ice here will melt with the fire's heat. At that point, some of that water becomes steam and gets trapped in-between the blocks and the rest of the loose ice, creating bubbles of air that entrap heat even better than most solutions, like wooden or brick homes. The cave walls and this makeshift entrance we made out of ice is the perfect insulation barrier to keep not only the outside cold out, but the warmth of our fire in. At that point, we just need a small entrance so as to let air vent so we don't get poisoned by the fire's smoke over time. Simple."
"Simple now that you spell it out. I never would've imagined that water and ice could have that kind of property before. Certainly never heard of an igloo before you mentioned it Tiara. Where'd you learn all this?"
"From a faraway place and a faraway peoples." She said, going back to her sullen ways.
"I'm surprised you actually gave me a whole explanation like that." I said almost immediately, noticing the shift in her mood. I wasn't about to allow her to sweep this swing of hers under the rug. "And here I thought you were upset at me for a second."
Silence. Then, right before I could cut straight to the chase to ask her directly why she was upset at me, she answered.
"I'm sorry if I seemed that way to you Fizzlepop. I just needed to make sure."
"Sure of what?"
"That you were you." That response from her certainly got a good laugh out of me. I didn't expect her to make a joke after nearly a full day of acting all stoic and wordless. It was so unlike Tiara.
"Of course I'm me, Evergold! Who else would I be?"
"An old lady who grew a sudden interest in sticking her nose in my business."
"Ouch. And here I am, doing this as a huge favor to you."
"Are you?"
Silence.
Ah... Now I know why she was upset. She's annoyed at me because I lied to her. Boy, Tiara can be real scary at times. Maybe I should take her more seriously when she says she has a big information conglomerate at her disposal.
"Alright, you got me. With a hoof in the cookie jar and everything." I couldn't help but sigh as I looked down towards the fire. "Twilight didn't give any conditions for your extended leave, Tiara. I didn't have to come with you. I chose to, and lied to you about it so you couldn't turn me down. Are you happy now?" Tiara smiled at last. The glow of the fire seemed make it more sinister than it needed to be, and it helped to unnerve me since she stayed silent to contemplate on my little revelation.
"I am happy that you've told me the truth, yes. But I wasn't upset that you lied to me in the first place, Berry. I almost never tell you the full truth anyways. Some say that's the same as lying. It would be terribly hypocritical of me to reprimand you for such a thing at this point in our relationship."
"So then why the silent treatment?"
"Ah ah, don't make repeat myself now." Tiara had a real way of testing my patience. Was she serious about making sure that I was myself? What kind deduction was she getting at?
Before I had another chance to ponder on it at all, Tiara took a blanket from out of her own supplies and draped it over me. I hadn't even noticed that I was shivering. The fire hadn't had enough time to warm the cave enough, so there was still a chill in the air. And now that we had relaxed, my body's temperature had slowly begun to fall.
"Thank you Tiara. And even if you say you weren't upset by it, I'm sorry that I lied to you."
"Sometimes we lie for all sorts of reasons. Knowing you, I'd like to think you did it for a good one. So then, would you be against telling me why?" She said softly as she finished wrapping it around me as I was too stunned by my shivering to do it myself.
"Just looking out for you kid. I don't know where you're going or even as to why you're going, but something was telling me that I needed to come with. Is that a good enough excuse?"
"Sure, I guess. Stranger things have happened. Fizzlepop Berrytwist's intuition is almost never wrong. Except for that one time when it was." Now that was a quality joke at my expense, totally deserved. We both got a good laugh out of it. "I take it this has something to do with Grandmother Tera?" She followed up with.
"Good guess, actually. I'm surprised you know about Mother Tera, Tiara. She was the original Abbess that created Sanctuary."
"Oh please, all the other sisters loved her and I'd get my ear talked off everyday by some of them. And they mentioned how much you loved her too. And how much she loved you all as well. Must've been nice..."
"Tiara... do you miss your parents?" I asked, seeing the fault in her voice. This was new to me. I'd never seen this level of vulnerability from Tiara.
"Oh heavens no. Don't worry about me like that. I meant it in relation to Mother Tera. She sounded like a great pony and I would have loved to sit down with her and have a nice long chat."
"Haha, I guess that comes as no surprise to me what with the way you mention your parents. And yeah, I get that. She is a fantastic pony, and our conversations were always fulfilling. I hope I can talk to her again someday myself and ask her all sorts of things. It's only until someone is gone that you recognize how much a big part of you was filled by them, and how big of a void you're left with when they're gone."
"Yeah..." There it was again. But this time, that small response from her was so tiny and quiet. So... sorrowful. But as I turned to see her face now that she had gone back to sit opposite of me from the fire, all that I could see on her expression was an intense determination. Deeply, deeply intense. Like a fire was burning hotter inside her than even the flame between us. Then, her expression became soft again and fell. "Mother Berry, do you know about the religion of this world?"
"The what of this world? Huh?"
"Hmm, how to phrase it... I guess the faith of this world? The ideas of divinity and the powers that be."
"Other than the Alicorn Princesses, I guess I really don't know much now that I think about it. This is a strange question that came out of left field Tiara. Something on your mind?"
"A lot at all times, but right now I was hoping to finally tell you about where we're actually headed to. First, I'd like to ask you these questions and for you to answer them. What do you know of the Alicorn Princesses?"
"Oh, okay. Sure. Um let's see. There's the Royal Sisters, Cadence, Twilight, and Flurry Heart, right?"
"Right, right."
"And that's about it really. I never went to a traditional school so I didn't learn about Equestrian history all that much."
"That's alright, Berry. If it helps, almost all of Equestria's citizens know as much as you do in respect to their race and nature. Which is to say, almost nil. They know Twilight ascended from a Unicorn previously, but that's about it."
"She was just a normal unicorn before? No joke? Wow. What'd she do to get souped up like that anyway? Or any of the other Alicorns?"
"Twilight completed a special, unfinished spell by Starswirl the Bearded, which granted her ascension. No one knows how the other three came to be, but Flurry Heart is the obvious stand-out from them, as she was a natural born one. Something that both the royal sisters and Cadence mentioned that she was the first of her kind. But outside of them, no record exists of Alicorns beside them. Their history is dyed in mystery."
"Wait, so what does this have to do with the place we're headed to, Tiara?"
She ignored my question and continued on with her own. "Back to the question about religion. You're now the Head Mother and Abbess to Sanctuary, Berry. A monastery built specifically for worship and prayer. Our sisterhood exists for that reason. But I ask you, to whom do we pray and why? What is that god's name?"
"That's... huh..." I was at a loss for words. I had never given Sanctuary's purpose much of a thought. For all intents and purposes I always imagined that it was just a boarding house for troubled mares. But now that Tiara was putting this in a new light for me, I'm remembering all the times that Mother Tera had sat in silence and contemplation, with hooves gestured in prayer.
I never thought to ask her what the purpose of it was. Nowhere outside of Equestria or even within Equestria was there ever a practice like this 'religion' that Tiara speaks about, and so I crossed that practice out of my mind as though it were just some recreational meditation of sorts. Gods? The only thing that I could even think of remotely fitting that description where the Alicorn Princesses... But Mother Tera... She never struck me as the type to be praying to the Alicorns. She seemed... older than them. Far older than them, and much more distinguished. So then, to who...?
"Your silence is my answer, Berry. You don't know. But don't be afraid. The lack of answer doesn't mean that there's something more sinister at play, like information suppression. Sometimes the truth is more simple and more complicated than we give it credit for."
"Can you spare me the crypticism Tiara? You've already got me questioning my whole life here."
"I'll tell it to you straight then. Equestria, no, this whole world even outside of Equestria's borders is all governed by three gods. And when I say 'gods' I do not mean the likes of Princess Celestia or any would be power that you'd recognize, like spirits or monsters. In fact, these gods are not individuals. They have no body, shape, or form in this world. They exist as an immutable rule. They are more closely related to forces of nature than they are willing or willful powers."
"Then are they really gods at that point? This all sounds so complicated."
"Well, if I told you their names, you'd likely think it's the simplest answer in the world. Their names are..." Again with taking unnecessary pauses where I needed her to tell me without fanfare. Her pension for dramatics was annoying in its own right.
"Yes...?" The fire crackled as she loomed on that silence.
"Fate, God of Destiny and Story. Harmony, God of Virtue and Chaos. And Magic, Goddess of Life and Willpower."
"Ha. Haha." That's all I could muster. Three weak ha's. It took a while for me to reel in this information. It was simultaneously so simple and so complex all at the same time, like she promised. And all while I thought, Tiara let me contemplate in silence. "So the gods exist as concepts?"
"Not merely concepts, Berry. But true to life Gods. Gods that exist side by side with each other united almost as if they were one. Magic lending herself to Harmony and Fate. Fate transcribing meaning onto Harmony and Magic. And Harmony creating balance between the two." She tossed the kindling in the fireplace, opening up more fuel to burn so as to keep the fire going. "Even the most powerful beings in this world exist with rules set in place. They are fallible, as they must adhere to the powers that be. Take Discord for example, the Spirit of Chaos himself."
"Now that you mention him, you said Harmony is the God of Virtue and Chaos? So the same God that gives Alicorns their power is also the same God that gives Discord his power? Weren't they at odds at one point? How is that harmonious?"
"You'd be surprised in the ways that harmony is maintained. It is said that good cannot exist without evil. In that same mantra, Harmony cannot exist without Chaos. Because if everything is chaotic, then it's all harmonic in that chaotic fashion, and so on and so forth. So a balance is made. Discord exists as a spirit of chaos because he acts a great equalizer to the balance of the world. I don't know if you've noticed, but Equestria and the rest of the world have been pretty harmonious in recent memory, and so his being was born in order to create that eternal flow. Discord has near unlimited power. As a Spirit made of pure Chaos magic, he can turn every fundamental law of the universe on its head. He could snap his fingers, and suddenly this whole mountain would come alive and be made entirely out of chocolate, with no regards for rhyme, reason, or logic. But did you know, there's a special little mineral out there that can completely mute his powers and render him completely useless? Were you aware that as a thinking and feeling individual, if he ever takes measures to stop being his chaotic self, he seizes to be entirely? The Alicorns are even weaker than that, and adhere to a stricter logic set out to them by the God of Harmony. True Gods exist, Fizzlepop. The kind with unlimited power, all-seeing eyes, and who control all the things in our lives. But they do not exist as individuals. The way you imagine them to be as concepts and ideas, is how they exist in our world. Tell me, have you never felt the invisible arms of magic wrapping around you? Never felt Harmony aiding and abetting you? Or..."
She didn't say that last sentence. She knew I understood exactly what she was getting at. My one hoof that raised to caress the stump of my horn suggested as much. Fate... I looked towards the solemn expression on Tiara's face. There was a hint of pity and sadness as she looked to me. A kind of genuine empathy and sympathy that could not be found from anyone else. She had adopted it... my hurt...
"Mother Berry... The place I'm going to... The place beyond Mount Everhoof, far into the Frozen North Lands... It's a very important stepping stone to the journey I'm on. It's fraught with peril and danger, the likes of which I would not wish upon you. I knew that you were lying to me from the start. And... I knew that I would not get you to back down unless I showed you a part of those dangers first-hoof. That's why I've allowed you to stay with me up until now. So now I need to you to understand that you cannot come with me. Come daybreak, I will escort you down to the base of the mountain so you can rejoin the sisters at the monastery. Sanctuary needs its Mother. But please, don't worry about me. Someday, I'll come back. And I'll return with the power necessary to fix everything. The kind of power that can even give you back your hor-"
"TIARA! ENOUGH!" I felt myself shout, bringing about the kind of silence none would wish to linger on. I was angry. Truly angry. Tiara had said something that upset me from my very core. It took me a while to un-grit my teeth enough to begin talking again, but I could still feel the emotion welling in my throat. "Do not speak for me. DO NOT decide for me. You have no idea h-"
"But I do!!" Tiara was now pleading, more emotional than I had ever heard her before. "I do know what you've been through! Your horn! You lost it protecting the friends you cared about from an Ursa Minor! You were abandoned, hurt by those you trusted! Broken, inside and out! Most ponies don't have to face even half of the the kind of grief you did in your life, so can't everyone just be a bit more understanding?! Can't they see the pony you can become if given a chance?! Does nobody trust that you can be better?! Can't there be someone to save you when you need it most?! JUST ONE pony... That's all you needed... All too little, all too late... You deserve a second chance more than anyone, Mother Berry. So please, let me do this on my own. Let me help you get back your horn. Please..."
Tiara had begun to shiver with sadness. She wasn't allowing herself to cry, so the only way that it was manifesting on her were in the form of quiet, dry sobs and the sounds of her teeth grinding from her effort to keep strong. A part of the ice wall had collapsed when I had raised my voice, so there was a noticeable chill in the air and the sounds of rushing wind was more audible now, drowning out Tiara's sobs.
I moved to her side to drape her with the other half of the blanket she had given me earlier, so that we could both be under it's warmth. I pulled her close and let her sob into my chest while I patted her back, in much the same way that Mother Tera had done for me so often when I was vulnerable. No one was ever too old to feel the love of a mother, or so she often said.
Gently, softly, I spoke to her once more. "Tiara, you really shouldn't interrupt someone when they're about to say something, you know that?" I rubbed her back to try and make her feel better, placing my cheek against the top of her hair. "So where was I? Oh yes. Tiara, listen up. Do not speak for me. Do not decide for me. You have no idea just how much I care about you. If you think I'm going to sit quietly while you embark on a life-threatening journey all by yourself, you've got another thing coming. What, you think I'm not strong enough to protect myself, or protect you for that matter? You're incredibly smart, capable, and competent Tiara. But sometimes you're incredible reckless, and thus, incredibly stupid. I don't even know half of the things about you, but I want to. I want to find this thing you're looking for. Fight this battle you're fighting. Don't worry about me. This old horn? You know, I've gotten pretty used to it. And lately, I've started to appreciate losing that part of me. So nah, I don't want it back."
"But how? You wanted it so badly before..." She said quietly muffled by her face digging into my chest still.
"Yeah, I've had a rough go of things. This horn... Fate... Was it Fate that allowed me to go to Sanctuary? So then, it's Fate that allowed me to meet Mother Tera. It's Fate that I got to lead the sisters and grow from my failures, and grow as a pony too. And Fate that I got to meet you. Win-lose, you know. It's not so bad, right?"
I could hear her sniffle and lighten up, as her sobs slowly came to a halt. "Which one is the win and which is the lose?" She said, still as quiet and still as muffled.
"Eh, lots of loses to be honest. But hey, I got a few wins. I won against the Marquis, thanks to you."
She now seemed more copacetic, and pulled away from me, laughing as she did so. I know she would never admit it, but it was likely Tiara had shed some tears judging by the frozen moisture clinging to my coat. Could've been snot too. Who knows.
"For my sake, please don't say such sad things like you'll be gone for who knows how long. You weren't planning to return to Sanctuary after this trip, where you? You made it sound like that two week 'vacation' would be more like a few years, by your choice of words. That's what made me mad initially. That, and the fact you were planning such a treacherous trip just for you alone."
"But it really will be dangerous, Berry. The creatures we will have to fight... The places we will visit... and the things we must obtain... they're mired in danger. Are you sure?"
"More than sure. Someone needs to watch your back. You can't carry an entire world on your shoulders alone, Tiara. Besides, Sanctuary will be fine now that Myrtle has taken the helm. And it's not like we're saying goodbye forever. You saw that farewell party they threw us. They knew it was only going to be for two weeks, but they still went and set it up for you anyway. They care about you just as much as I do. Sanctuary will forever be your home. Our home. For our strange little misfit family."
"Ain't that the truth!" She yelled heartily, a smile spreading across her face.
But this one was another first. This one was a genuine smile. The kind that spread all the way, and which conveyed a true happiness and mirth.
"Thank you, Mother Berry."
Turns out, we didn't need sleeping bags either. Tiara fell asleep that night with her head to my shoulders, blanket enveloping the both of us. I couldn't sleep. My mind was troubled with how Tiara had reacted. I couldn't get that look she gave me when she was mentioning my past out of my mind.
Her words earlier... They weren't meant for me.
A part of them were genuine sympathy for me, I understood that much. And despite it feeling like we had made real progress in our relationship, that didn't feel like the truth of it. I've never told anyone my past, not even Twilight or even Mother Tera. I was so sure I would live and die with no one ever knowing the true cause of my pain. But all over again, Tiara had spelled it out like she knew everything that had happened to me, word for word.
I stopped myself from pressing her about it. Something incredibly wounding had happened to her that made my situation relevant to her pain, and it showed. Her pleading felt like a reflection of her own wants, her own questions, her own pain. But it didn't seem quite right. Why was that? What did her words mean? For whom where they for? I couldn't tell, no matter how much I thought on it. "Trust is so easily shaken nowadays, don't you agree? That's why I'm not giving you the whole truth. I need someone to always be questioning every bit of me. Only then can I be a truly honest person." I whispered to myself as I remembered what she told me a while back.
Seems I've fallen hook, line and sinker to Tiara's mind games. So much so, I was questioning if that emotional outburst Tiara had had back there was ever really genuine at all. It didn't feel beyond her to be this kind of cunning.
I felt myself yawn from within with my eyes growing heavier and heavier. I was slowly dozing off, mentally exhausted by all this thinking I'd done thanks to Tiara.
Well, so what if I'm got? That's not such a bad thing, when it comes to Tiara. If it means that I can stay by her side and support her however I can, then I want to. I want to see that again. Over and over and over.
That genuine smile of hers.
Slowly, slowly, my eyes closed and my mind began to wander into that black haze of sleep.
But...
Right there before the darkness of dreams could overtake me...
Quiet as a mouse, and agile as a cat, Tiara stole away from my side.
I was too tired to break free from this sleep paralysis that had taken to me. But I dared not dream until I knew she was beside me again. Moments passed, and nothing.
Then after a while she returned, a strange dark green item on her person. She began to dig into my backpack from where I'd left it, sitting against the cave wall, and carefully concealing that thing she'd brought within the mess of tent parts and sleeping bags.
It all felt like a strange dream, since I knew that my eyes were closed, yet I could still see her in my mind's eye. Or maybe, I could feel her? My mind felt dull and slow from how tired I was and how desperate my body wished to sleep. I couldn't so much as question why Tiara was doing this, or what was going on with her. She must've realized I was partially awake since she came close to me, then met my eyes with her own despite mine being entirely closed. Her mouth moved, but my body had shut off my hearing altogether now as if it were powering down for the night so I could not hear a single word she had said to me.
What was she saying? I could read lips to some degree. A useful interrogation tactic for a tyrant, believe it or not. But it was never a one hundred percent success for me. From her lips, I made out the first sentence just fine. "I feel that I can entrust it to you, Berry, since you know our plight best. So I want you to have this, just in case."
And her next words...
No. No no no no... That can't be right.
Tiara wouldn't have asked that of me. Surely, it was just some translation error right? I was loopy. Sleepy. Dreaming even. My eyes were closed after all. Yeah, that's it. All just a dream.
"If I should ever stray from the path of good, be it from the will of the Gods or not..."
Just a dream.
"I will need someone capable, someone who will not flinch at what must be done. That someone being you, Mother."
Just a dream.
"If it should come to that, I will need you to end me."
All just one. horrible. dream.
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Evergold's back, baby! The change in perspective is an interesting change of pace. Also, Fizzlepop is being quite perceptive, given what we, the readers, already know. That ending scene though... oh dear...
Fizzlepop would be flattered, but she's not Mother Tera.
11854958
Nice catch GJ! Slipped my initial comb.
Nice
YOU ARE BACK! And I know the feeling of well... Feeling bad about a late chapter, how do you fight against it? Simple, a mega chapter.
Mine for example surpassed 40k words, I'll have to break it up though, far too big.
We are so back. I'm excited to see where things will go.
I think you got Diamond Tiara confused with Cozy Glow.
I don’t remember that part.