A derp trying to make sense of reality.
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After a year of being tormented and teased, the cutie mark crusaders couldn't take it anymore. It's time that they stand up to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
Alternate Universe tag because I don't think this is going to happen anytime soon in the canon universe.
Rated 'Teen' for this sensitive topic.
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The end of bullying ends with the schools and the parents. One can't wave a magic pixie stick and gain courage to stand up to bullies, especially those who have no voice of their own.
It's a bit of a complex issue than just talking really passionately back to your bullies. I think the story itself is fine, though DT was more hoofs on than she's portrayed on the show. But the being honest of how miserable they make them feel, and sternly standing up for themselves was what many should do, without resorting to violence, which is always great. But that can lead to being further taunted and made into a bigger target at times.
I think you got a good start here. Rather then end it on this ONE step, I'd encourage you to try and expand on this topic. It IS a new school year and although the two Sugar Lumps there got morally defeated, that doesn't mean you can't introduce new players to show off other aspects of bullyings and how to potentially handle those.
Many tend to keep things bottled up. Either embarrassed to talk to their parents or teachers, or too prideful to acknowledge they need help. Worst off is feeling they'd be outcast by the other students for being a snitch.
Bullying is a big issue. Standing up for yourselves is just one step, one many can't often get to depending on the ones being bullied and the type of bullies they're dealing with. Which leads to the big whooper, proving you're being bullied. Often times the victim of bullying is treated as the problem for 'making themselves a target' or simply because it's just plain easier to punish/remove the victim and make them someone else's problem as seen with many past recent events.
And, yeah, this has been done a bit. But they never really go far with it. Since many just want to throw a piece of 'awareness' out with little to no care as to how it's presented.
That being said, this could become a nice story if you expanded on it. Out with the old bullies, in with the bigger and badder ones. Just a thought. In any case, have a like. And here's hoping those two think long and hard about that little revelation. Certain 'games' aren't as fun anymore when you can feel what the others you've 'played with' feel.
(might want to fix that typo in "sham" to "shame". That missing "e" changes the whole meaning there at the end)
NEIGH
Well... the idea is good, yes, but the execution of it does fall somewhat flat, I'm afraid. There's no real substance to the confrontation between the CMC and the "terrible two" -- and rarely, if ever, is a bully going to be stopped in their tracks just by having one of their victims ask "how would you feel if I did it to you?" Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon "hanging their heads in shame" after a single exchange of dialogue just isn't realistic.
Also... the substitution of a new teacher was mostly unnecessary; it really didn't add anything of substance to the story, and the character wasn't developed enough to matter. (It also doesn't make sense in the show's context, since the Ponyville schoolhouse is clearly not large enough for there to be multiple classrooms and teachers.) Honestly, if you'd left her as Miss Cheerilee, it wouldn't have affected the story's progression or outcome at all.
Also: Your grammar needs a fair bit of work, love. You're constantly jumping between past and present-tense verbs, and that's really not permissible in narrative.
You also seem to have a bad habit of "telling" how your characters feel or what they're thinking, rather than showing it through their actions and dialogue.
Last -- try to stick with the plain "said", "asked", or "replied" for dialogue tags. Tags like "assertively stated" draw attention to themselves, especially when you use them constantly, and are unnecessary more often than not. Save them for when you really need them. (Oh -- and if you do use them, the adverb goes after the verb, not before. "stated assertively", "said sternly", "answered calmly", "whispered quietly".)
That's not to say the story's bad, it just needs more substance to it to make the characters' actions, particularly DT and SS, believable.
5082980 I understand and thank you for the criticism!
About the unnecessary substitute, I thought that since they are in a new school year, you don't get the same teacher you had last year, right?
5127768
I suppose that depends on how big Ponyville's school actually is. If it's large enough to have separate classrooms for separate grades, then yes, you wouldn't have the same teacher from one year to the next -- but as seen in the show, Ponyville's school doesn't seem nearly large enough for that; it looks to be the "one-room schoolhouse" that was fairly common in rural farming communities up to the 1940s or so. In that system, one teacher would teach several grades all mixed together in one class, so students would have the same teacher for several years in a row; they wouldn't have different teachers until they cross over from primary to secondary school. ("Elementary" to "High" school, for you Yanks.
)
REAL bullies don't back down to a verbal challenge. DT and SS are watered down wannabes from a kids show. Real bullies will get physical.
a tetherball to the back of the head is literally childs play. how bout a kick to the groin or a punch in the face?
how bout destruction of property or theft. I hated school and sometimes I still have nightmares about being back there.
It sickens me this big movement against bullying, because there was no such help for me when I was growing up. And if you ask me it's as pointless as all the councilors who told me to ignore them.
they don't go away. They keep up till you crack.. or your mother (in my case) homes schools you after your freshmen year.
sometimes I don't wana love these two but i do. I'll up vote but I really wish I NEVER read this and I don't know why I did.
I hate tics that depict SS/DT as the same mean little brats they are in the show F(
) them all!
i00.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v0/681955162/New-font-b-Shamwow-b-font-Super-Absorbant-Towels-Cleaning-font-b-Cloths-b-font-1pack.jpg Sorry. I couldn't resist!
5480712 I have to go fix that!
5480714 Just here to help and give a laugh at the same time
Insta-fave!
5690146 Alrighty then, thank you for that.
Finished reviewing the story for the goodfic bin. I think the execution in this is botched a fair bit, and for that reason, I'm rejecting it from submissions.
Decision is here.