Life pretty much sucked. I had little to no friends, failing pretty much all classes in school. My parents abuse me and to make it worse they are my only family. That means I'm kinda stuck with them. The only good things in my life are my Video Games and my remaining dignity. After being humiliated in front of the entire school one day. I decided to end my life and make the pain stop. Right as I am about to end it all. There is a knock on the door and I go to see who it is. No one was there and strange scroll laid on the door mat. I unfurl it to read "It is time to come home, brother".
Chapters (2)
Absolutely LOVE the story, except for the fact that the school bully has the same name as me, lol.
Holy junk...this fanfic is sexy
8th or 9th time I've seen that picture used as cover art. Yesh, that must be popular.
Sonuvabich! Well I guess someone finally wrote it before my lazy ass...
Anyway, really good start.
Definitely want more
pretty damned intriguing, just need some clean-up grammar work.
The summary was all I needed to read.
t.qkme.me/35oqwt.jpg
I'm out.
1322991
Second time by the same writer, too.
Check the profile page.
Not a bad start. Definately looking forward to more
A great storyline, a mediocre execution. Something I noticed consistently was this:
"Shut up Seth".
"Oh we got a bad ass over here".
"I'm not going to take your B.S. today".
"OH really what you gonna do".
"Just knock it off".
"Or what"?
Speech mark: "
"Hi there!"
Quotation mark: '
Yes. 'Advice'. That's what this is called.
See the difference? I'm really bad at explaining stuff.
images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/10/4/128991649687606467.jpg
Can't wait to see more of this.
Yes you can.
Oh, I guess your right.
Anyone get the reference?
But in all seriousness keep up the good work.
1323311 It's one of the asdf movies, of course!
...Throw The CHEEEEEEEESE!!!!!
1323325
Alien attack
Throw the CHEEEEESE!!!
30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lva9l9a8Qx1r09zs6o1_500.gif
This premise... it pleases me immensely.
Please, do carry on.
"Teenage protagonist's every day life is hell. Suddenly, they are transported to Equestria, become an alicorn and (presumably) save the day from returning antagonist. Oh yes, and the protagonist's name matches the writer's username." (no, mr. writer, changing your username doesn't fix things)
1323372
"Teenage protaganist's every day life is hell."
Story of my life
1323437
Story of the author's life.
Hm. Well, this is a bit... Meh.
I just had to read the description.
Well, this is definitely something I've NEVER read before. Nope, can't remember the other two dozen times I've seen this. Bye.
lol depressing nerd.
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/2187822469248781769216847.gif?1320350270
Enough said
find out he is a pony... screams
but that big of a reaction i did not expect
1323478
Then in am similiar to him
interesting
My only gripe is that this seems to be going down the road of your character is the only good human and all other humans are evil/bastards please don't go down that road I really don't want to have to thumbs down you
Both a train wreck and a brilliant ride. Fix the numerous spelling errors, brush up on your grammatical abilities, and this story could be the next Griffin the Griffin.
The only reason I'm not rating this is because it utilizes the same pitfalls that I know turn people off from my one of my own HiE stories.
This story is so close to being another bad story.
You need to keep in mind that he was about to shot himself and had cried 20 minutes ago,PLEASE dont forget that!
Dont make him just be fine when he goes to equestria, At the end of the day he is sill a very traumatized child with social problems.
Just givin an opinion, It CAN be a great story...But can easily fall into the trap like so many others...Dont be one of them,
How in the world did this get featured?
I mean, don't get me wrong, it is far from being genuinely bad, but it is fairly average. The grammar could use a big upgrade, the story-telling itself is rather plain, both the dialogue and the progress don't flow naturally and seem extremely forced and hurried. I don't know, it could be you have great plans for the future chapters and were in the hurry to get the "boring" part over with, but it could use a lot of improvement.
Also, something funny you've been doing... take this sentence for example:
"Oh my are you all right"?
Why are you putting the question mark, or any other marks for that matter, AFTER the quotation marks? I have never seen anyone doing that in my life.
Keep on trying! I'm going to keep an eye on this one. For now, I won't rate it.
This is everything my 2 fics make fun of.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/036/290/grammarnaziinvalidargument.jpg
The fact that this got featured jibbers my flibbers.
Well. This has been used god knows how many times; I'm intrested to see if someone can actually pull it off.
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My grammar nazi head is smoking. Seriously, not only has this been done over a dozen times (probably, I'm not looking for stories like these), but also you use the same name for the main character as you use for your username, leading me to find this a self-insert. Alicorn self-insert. I'm surprised this got featured. I'll read on to see if this story can get better. Another thing, SLOW DOWN. The story itself feels rushed (because it is).
1323956 I can only hope that you are a creature made of hate and sin, so the Orbital Friendship Cannon will flay you where you stand.
The story is good, I like the idea, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. The grammar Nazi part of my personality is acting up, needs some polish and a proofreader. Other than that... HAVE AT EM'!
"When we were done, we got back into the car and drove towards my car."
Dude I am with you 100%. I would freak the fuck out,then i would shit bricks!
What I like - Non-brony/someone from a universe without MLP gets transported to Equestria and is related to the princesses, may have always been.
What I don't like: EVERYTHING ELSE.
Namely:
1) Aww, boo hoo, someone's leading a moderately bad teenage life, welp, time to end it all.
2) Alicorn OC. ...again. Why? Because fuck originality, that's why!
3) Bad pacing.
4) The flow was choppy at best.
5) (and this is by far that most grievous offense) Horrible fucking grammar! Holy hell that was atrocious.
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/+_bc1dd7ccce25d0c4ac4b9957b264cb18.jpg
An alicorn oc self-insert fic got featured? What is this I don't even... Unless it's exceptional (which the thumb ratio doesn't indicate), this sort of story should never be featured. What happened here?
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png
No.
No.
No.
1323878
Far from being genuinely bad?
I could go on all day talking about why this is terrible, but I really don't want to waste that much of my time so I'll try and keep it short.
-Zero originality points! Teenager's life sucks, he goes to Equestria and becomes a pony. Becoming an Alicorn really doesn't help.
-Pacing. Too fast! Slow down and take in the view, and describe some thoughts and feelings.
-Punctuation. Did you even go to school? There are dozens of places where commas and other marks are needed, but completely forgotten. You add in periods, exclamations and question marks after you close the dialogue for fuck's sake!
-Descriptions? Lacking to completely omitted. You could really benefit from reading this blog post. It's not entertaining to read I did this, then I did this. This happened because of this, unless there is a point to it.
-Dialogue (if you can even call it that!) is terrible. You write like you characters can express themselves only through speech, having no emotions or expressions. Robots? Nay, just terrible writing. Add in some tones, facial expressions, body language, etc.
-Characterization. There isn't any. Everyone is just a cardboard cut out of what they're meant to be.
My final advice? Get rid of this and start again. Get it pre-read by someone who knows what they're doing and take their advice. I am actually at a loss as to how something can be this abysmal, not to mention being able to reach the feature box.
...Unless it's a troll fic. If that's the case then I have only one thing to say to you:
Thumb. Fucking. Down.
-Sparklight
This is very promising, but IMHO, I feel this could use a slight re-write, just to make everything flow more smoothly.
Premise is WAY overused, but hey, I'm interested.
Ponies are NEVER worth visiting....
You'll just get annoyed by pinkie
, and on top of that, a rainbow-colored attention-whore (
) will "try" to make you jealous...
Pony-ville is worst town...
The grammar is pretty off, but other then that, this is a pretty good story. Keep 'em coming!
1324038 overreaction much?
It's not THAT bad, sure it's not an original idea, but..
you know what I got nothing.
still, I think you're overreacting.
It's a good fic, just fix your grammar. Like when Celestia said, "Luna do you hear that noise". It should be, "Luna, do you hear that noise?"
The fact this got featured really jimmies my rustles.
1323372 The way it is written kinda sucks as well
Very good so far, keep going!!!
I'm flabbergasted as to why this would get featured. From the writings so far I have perceived a typical alicorn self-insert pity story. Not exactly the greatest, although it did indeed pique my interest.
Carry on, good sir!
P.s. Please consider checking the story with a dictionary/spelling check/thesaurus, the mistakes are simply awful!
1324038
Excuse me, sir, but you seem to have lost this, I am hereby returning it to you:
No.
This should never have been featured.