September 1 – 11:13 AM
Pencil Pusher didn’t have much time to properly identify the multicolored blur that had slammed into him, mostly because his flight trajectory was a bigger concern. He barely had time to register that it had changed from “in the general direction of Fluttershy” to “uh, down-ish, I guess?” before he crashed into the surface of the fog. Pencil hadn’t flown this fast since his days as a benchwarmer on the junior varsity flight team, which was actually rather fortunate, since the impact temporarily compacted the fog, which bounced him back out into the air instead of enveloping him in its mists. What was significantly more unfortunate was the fact that all the extra exertion had made him feel rather lightheaded, which in turn made reorientation rather taxing.
Eventually, he managed to clear his head—just in time to collide with an isolated white object on the ground.
September 1 – 11:14 AM
Fluttershy rubbed her hooves together nervously as she flew back and forth over Rarity’s chair, making various whimpers that clearly signaled her vague sense of unease to anypony who might be in hearing range. Regrettably, this category included Rarity, who was not very appreciative of having her mind continually distracted from images of a sophisticated city mare falling for a simple (yet unquestionably hunky) country blacksmith, especially since the two characters were getting close to the section of the story that was completely inappropriate for foals (i.e., “the good part”).
Eventually, the fashionista was left with no choice but to turn down the corner of her page and set her novel aside. “Is something the matter, Fluttershy?”
“Oh, um, no, not really. I mean, besides the massive fog bank that looks like it’s getting bigger and hasn’t gone away yet and it’s going to ruin everything and it’s all my fault—”
“Would you like me to fetch my fainting couch for you?” Rarity asked drolly.
“Um, no, that’s alright,” Fluttershy said as she landed. “I’m just a little nervous, that’s all.”
“That’s perfectly understandable, but I daresay you’ll need to find a more constructive way to deal with your emotions. After all, other ponies are looking to you for your leadership.”
Fluttershy stared at the ground. “That’s because I’m the fog specialist, so I’m supposed to know everything.”
“Darling, I know you’re troubled by the situation, but it isn’t as though the answers are just going to fall out of the sky.” Apparently, fate had grown tired of that particular figure of speech, as it chose that particular moment to knock Rarity onto the ground in the most ironic way possible.
“Urgh...” Pencil Pusher groaned as the dust cloud around him started to settle down. “That was... unpleasant. But at least I landed on something soft this time.”
Something soft, on the other hoof, had a rather different take on the matter. “Would you kindly get off of me?! And watch where you’re putting those hooves!”
“Yipe!” Pencil Pusher lept back into the air, giving Rarity the chance to survey the damage that comes from having an out-of-control pegasus smack into your side and grind you into the dirt as he skids to a halt.
“Ah! My coat is completely soiled! It seems that I will have to make a trip to the spa today. And my mane! I spent a solid forty-five minutes getting it just so, and now it looks like I just rolled out of bed... and into a pigsty,” she added as she plucked some of the larger clumps of dirt out of her mane with her magic. “I swear, if I end up with split ends over this, so help me...”
Concerned though he was by Rarity’s ominous mumbling, Pencil Pusher still had a job to do. “Do you know where I can find Fluttershy?”
“I’m right here, Pencil.”
The stallion froze as he heard Fluttershy’s voice. She called me “Pencil....” Fortunately for his professional reputation, Pencil Pusher managed to drag his mind back to matters of more immediate concern. “Fluttershy, I’ve got the formula from Caligo here,” he said, silently thanking Celestia that the thick envelope hadn’t fallen out of his saddlebag in all of the chaos.
“Oh, thank you very much,” Fluttershy said nervously as she accepted the surprisingly heavy package. “I’ll have a look at it later.”
“Um, actually, you might want to have a look at it now,” Pencil Pusher replied uneasily.
“Why?”
“Well, I’m not sure, because you’re the only one outside of Caligo who’s authorized to read the formula, but the executive seemed to think it was really important that I get this to you as fast as I could. As in, ‘no time to think about how you’re going to stop’ fast.” Pencil Pusher hoped that the last sentence would be enough to make his crash landing seem heroic, rather than pitiful.
Fluttershy was about to open the envelope when she suddenly froze. “Oh, I just realized; they probably won’t want me to read this where anypony else might see it. Um, do you two mind if I go off by myself for a bit?”
Given the way Rarity was glowering at him, Pencil Pusher did indeed mind, but he wasn’t really in any position to do anything about it. “You’re the boss, Fluttershy.”
“Okay,” Fluttershy answered with an uncertain nod. “If anypony needs me, I’ll be in that grove of trees over there,” she said before flying off to finally learn just what she was up against.
There was an awkward silence for about thirty seconds before Pencil Pusher broke it. “So, uh, how has your morning gone?”
In retrospect, this was not the smartest way for Pencil Pusher to strike up a conversation with a mare who was obviously irritated with him, as Rarity proceeded to launch into a highly detailed screed about her activities that morning, making sure to point out precisely how he’d ruined her efforts with his carelessness. Somewhere around the ten minute mark, however, it started to get tedious.
“...and I brushed each lock of my mane fifty times before setting it with Pomade’s Mousse. Have you any idea how many bits that costs?! And then, of course, I had to repeat the process with my tail—are you yawning?!”
“Huh?” Pencil Pusher asked as he quickly moved his hoof away from his mouth. “Uh, sorry.”
“Sir, I am a lady in the middle of a diatribe! How dare you not give me your full attention!”
“Look, Miss Rarity, with all due respect, I basically got your point a while ago. I should have paid more attention to where I was flying.”
“You’re darned right you should have!” shouted a new, rougher, and even more irritated voice. Pencil Pusher turned his head and saw Rainbow Dash, flying towards him with a scowl to match Rarity’s.
For her part, Rarity’s attention immediately zeroed in the most pertinent detail. “My goodness! What happened to your fog suit? It’s all scuffed!”
“Yeah, that sort of thing happens when you accidentally fly into the ground after getting knocked for a loop by a high-speed desk jockey. Mr. Pusher here collided with me over the fog bank while he was making his descent.”
“More irresponsibility! Do you know how long it takes me to help Rainbow Dash get that suit on in the first place?”
“Is... is it really that important that the suit be shiny?” Pencil Pusher asked.
“Of course! Do you really think I’d let one of my friends wear something that hideous if it wasn’t absolutely necessary?”
Pencil Pusher sighed. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I just really needed to get that cloud formula to Fluttershy as fast as possible.”
“Whoa! Easy there, loverboy,” Rainbow Dash said. “I know you’re all excited to give it a shot, but I think Flutters is a bit busy at the moment.”
“That’s right,” Rarity said, “you can’t just think of y—hang on. ‘Loverboy’?”
Pencil Pusher groaned as Rainbow Dash explained, “Oh yeah. Mr. Bureaucrat here is hoping that by going the extra mile, Fluttershy will be so impressed that she’ll agree to a date.”
“A date?” Rarity asked. “That’s it?”
“Well, it’s not just that,” Pencil Pusher said awkwardly. “I mean, Fluttershy seems really nice, and if there’s something there, I wouldn’t mind, you know, something more long term. But you’ve got to start somewhere, right?”
Rarity didn’t answer right away, but then again, she didn’t really need to say anything. The fact that her skeptical scowl had morphed into an ecstatic smile in an instant was enough to convey exactly how she felt about this. “That... is... the most fabulously wonderful thing I’ve ever heard!” she shouted, galloping over to Pencil Pusher and squeezing him in the tightest hug she could manage.
“Ugh... can’t... breathe... Rainbow Dash... help....”
Rainbow Dash, however, had doubled over in an obvious effort to suppress peals of laughter. That said, the brief flashes of eye contact she made with Pencil Pusher convinced the stallion that this was precisely what she’d hoped would happen when she let Rarity in on his secret.
Rarity, meanwhile, had already begun giving advice. “Now, for the most part, I think you’re going about this the right way; if you’re too aggressive, you’ll just kill the relationship before it has a chance to truly blossom, especially since her experience with that motivational speaker has made Fluttershy overly sensitive to hyper-assertiveness. That said, you’ll definitely want to make the first move, since she’s definitely the type of mare who’d enjoy being swept off her hooves, though preferably not by crashing into her.”
“But that was—”
Rarity, however, didn’t even pause to let her new protégé get a word in. “Now, given that you don’t exactly have a draft pony build, you’ll no doubt need to use charm and wit as you win her over. Fortunately for you, I’m the most charming and witty pony I’ve ever met, so I can coach you in that department. If you own a thesaurus, I suggest you start memorizing it. The more synonyms you know, the more cultured and erudite you’ll sound.”
“So... Fluttershy likes the intellectual type?” Pencil Pusher asked.
“Er... well, I’m not sure. She doesn’t really discuss her taste in stallions very often—though I am fairly certain that she is indeed interested in stallions, so you’ve definitely got a good head start on that front.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Look, Pencil. You know how there’s this stereotype about mares who ignore nice guys and go for bad colts instead?”
“Yeah,” he replied, his ears drooping forlornly.
“Well, Fluttershy has absolutely no interest in bad colts whatsoever. She wants a nice guy.”
Rarity’s eyes widened. “She told you that?”
“No, but she didn’t have to. In all the time I’ve known her, the stallions she’s shown the most interest in have always been nice guys. The problem is that most of those nice guys were almost as shy as she is, so nothing ever got started. Bad colts, on the other hoof, just make her nervous.”
“Are you sure?” Rarity asked. “She does seem to get along with some rather intimidating animals at times.”
“Yeah, so? I’m talking about ponies here,” Rainbow Dash said.
Pencil Pusher decided to enter the conversation again. “So, what are you saying? I should be myself?”
“Well, yeah. After all, if you—”
“Rainbow Dash!” The three ponies’ heads all turned as Fluttershy flew back into the clearing.
“Oh, hey there, Flutters,” Rainbow Dash said. “Is everything—”
“There’s no time to explain! We need to stop seeding the fog right now, before it’s too late!”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“The fog... we’re only making it worse!”
September 1 – 11:25 AM
Hard Hitter was in a rather foul mood as he sifted through a stack of files in the Weather Department’s archives. Somehow, his normally flawless technique of badgering an interviewee with aggressive questions had failed, and his efforts to convince himself that what’s-his-name had directed him to the archives so that he could “leak” information about Fluttershy without technically “leaking” anything had fallen rather flat, as the past two hours hadn’t produced anything that was even remotely scandalous.
Sure, there were quite a few things that were unusual, most notably the fact that, despite having been certified as a fog specialist two years earlier, this was the first time that Fluttershy had been called into active service. Hard Hitter had been all but certain that this was evidence that she’d been using her pull as a celebrity to snag a high-profile job over other, more qualified ponies, but when he ran this idea by the archivist, the old stallion merely chuckled derisively and explained that the more experienced specialists were legitimately unavailable.
Without any juicy internecine squabbling to uncover, the intrepid-yet-stymied reporter had been reduced to going through lists of certification records, hoping that Fluttershy’s entry would show some evidence that something inappropriate had been going on. This might not have been so bad were it not for the fact that there were so few fog specialists that their records were lumped in with every other miscellaneous expert who’d applied for certification over the past few years. And though it would have been a coup to discover that Fluttershy’s qualifications were, in fact, nonexistent, verifying it would mean having to spend even more hours checking and double-checking to make sure that there hadn’t been any oversight, and by the time Hard Hitter was done with that, the public’s interest could easily have moved on elsewhere. More importantly, though, using that method to prove his suspicions was boring.
Also, it was irrelevant, because Hard Hitter somehow managed to spot Fluttershy’s name in that bureaucratic morass. At first, it appeared to be another dead end: all of the appropriate information was present, with nary an asterisk to indicate that any chicanery had gone on. Hard Hitter groaned in frustration and was just about to close the file when he glanced again at the entry and suddenly froze. He scanned the words which had caught his attention, silently mouthing them as he mentally worked through their implications. As he did so, the corners of Hard Hitter’s turned upwards into a vindictive smile.
Perhaps this story had wings, after all....
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And the romance goes on! With Rarity entering the ring...
And Hard's hit pay dirt, it seems...
~Skeeter The Lurker
Go play in the fog, Hard Hitter.
Pencil Pusher is seriously beginning to win out over my inherent dislike of OC/show pony pairings. Good on him!
And that, my friends, is my problem.
Did he... Did he find out that Fluttershy has tail extensions ? Scandalous !
snowflake, big mac, thunderlane, i think it's time we tested mr. hitters name in fisticuffs. he wants to drag fluttershy's name through the mud, we're gonna drag him through THE PAIN!
snowflake: YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Hmmmm.
well. sure hope flutters has an idea that'll be useful.
also hope hitter gets hit back
And we still don't know what's up with Fluttershy's qualifications, since apparently she's qualified enough to understand the data from Caligo.
Now that Fluttershy has the info, it's time for the counterattack!
Man, I really don't understand how anything could be dicey about Fluttershy's certification. She took the test, learned the material and got certified.
Civil Service doesn't give a shit about your motivation for doing so, as long as you don't fabricate anything.
3329260 Courage is not the absence of fear, it's acting despite it.
we need more! barely anything of significance happened here and that's really annoying I like your story realy realy realy well just wish that updates wern't within 3 or so months of each other
Fluttershy just wants a nice guy, eh? That's pretty believable.
And Fluttershy has an "oh crap" moment off screen.
Untangling the bureaucratic mess resulting from this event will be a nightmare worthy of defeating... Nightmare. Moon... Okay, I'm bad at this.
MY POINT BEING, this is the sort of thing that brings out lengthy investigations. Poor Fluttershy.
And poor Pencil Pusher; I just know he's going to get screwed in the end,
Good
uh oh, something tells me that most likely attached to Fluttershy's File was the Request for her cottage, and all the various expenses that were written off over the past two years after she got her certification. and this is why nobody listens to or reads the news anymore, because "Journalists" will do ANYTHING to keep Viewership or readership up, even drag a well known national hero through the mud for the sake of "Ratings". and like JetstreamGW Said:
its kind of like the ASE Automotive Certifications I will probably go through in the future; you can learn how to work on vehicles, and you can take the test, pass it and be the worst mechanic in the world and break more than you fix, but that does not detract from the fact that you took the test, passed it, and got the patch on your shirt, the Certification Card in your wallet, and your certificate hanging up in the shop. (although for ASE Certification, you have to have a MINIMUM of Two Years Experience to be considered Certified; although 4 months ago, they introduced a Maintenance and Light Repair Certification that requires only one year of experience)
3330206 - You mean three weeks, right?
The reason it takes so long between updates is because I'm alternating chapters between this story and Pandelirium, and that story's chapters, being three or four times longer, take much longer to write.
3329630
There's nothing wrong with her qualifications. (That's been implied, at least) The problem is that Fluttershy got qualified to be a fog specialist for the sake of a tax break, then proceeded to do absolutely nothing related to being a fog specialist. She doesn't even work on the Weather Patrol, even, as far as I can tell, as an auxiliary. This is perfectly legal, but, from Fluttershy's perspective, makes her sound sneaky and unreliable.
On top of that, Fluttershy has serious concerns about her competency, despite passing the test. Clearly, her fears are mostly unfounded (and her failures are completely the fault of corporate secrecy and bleeding edge technologies that her certification couldn't train her for) but that's normal for Fluttershy.
3330990 I agree, There is nothing legally wrong with anything Fluttershy has done, but she feels a little sneaky about it because of the reasons you specified. I have no idea what Hard Hitter has found, the only thing I can think of is some obscure requirement to actually have done some work with your qualification to make it a legal tax break. Even so, I think it would be hilarious if Fluttershy solved the problem, saved the day, then Hard Hitter publishes his story. Then everyone just gets pissed off with him for attacking the hero of the moment.
Well atleast im not the only one who wants hard hitter in a ditch somewhere mabey when celestia find out she can come up with a fitting punishment for being an ass no offence intended to the donkey community at large im thinking two weeks on the moon or maybe he gets to be discords plaything for a week a trip to the lovely changeling resort and spa center use magic to make him fat the put him through the royal guard bootcamp or the wonderbolts training camp set his tail on fire just a few ideas for more ideas consult your local creepypasta writer
Great job Kwakerjack, you made Pencil Pusher one of my favorite character in this story.
3331145
I doubt it's anything as legal as that. No, simply the knowledge that Fluttershy has been benefiting from a tax break from possessing a qualification that she hasn't made use of would be enough to write an article that calls her a terrible pony because of it. It's unscrupulous, and definitely not news, but Hard Hitter doesn't give off the image of being scrupulous in the first place.
A shitstorm is brewing and it's not the fog...
Hmm.
I am at a loss as to what he just found, but....hmm....
That's it, we've reached the point where Pencil Pusher is legitimately my favorite OC I've ever seen in a story.
It feels weird to be saying this, but it's actually legitimately refreshing to have an OC with a talent in something as mundane as government bureaucracy. I get it, many OC's are varying degrees of 'Self insertion', and so most people tend to focus on talents like writing, art, or adventurous type activities. In that regard, Pencil Pusher's talent is actually fairly unique.
That said, all the uniqueness in the world wouldn't make me like him so much if he weren't a genuinely likable character.
Sure he has slight ulterior motives for being so nice, namely wanting that date, but that's identifiable. Everybody's done things like that at some point or another to try and impress a girl/boy. In this case though, it doesn't feel totally out of character. It never feels to me like he's interested in Fluttershy only because he thinks she's attractive, nor does it feel like his charitable actions are totally out of character.
In short, your characterization is wonderful, and I'm certainly giving this story a favorite and an up vote.
3331467
A good, and unscrupulous, reporter can spin that into an expose of lax standards, tax loopholes and such, with Fluttershy used as the example.
So... I just got caught up, and I obviously left this story on my "read later" list for far too long. I must say I am enjoying this quite much at the moment. I'm just sad that I have to wait for the next update... Would going to the future to read the next chapter be considered "an inappropriate use" of a time machine?
3332565
No, I'm pretty sure that it only qualifies as inappropriate use if you bring back spoilers.
3334418
oh thank heaven! i'll be back in a jiffy... *looks at doctor whooves* How do you work this thing again?
Oh SHIT. Something bad is going to happen, and HA! That's what you get Rarity for being a bitch! Love when bad shit happens to her, Gods DAMN! I'm betting that letter Shy got is very important, this is not going to be good, wonder when she will get arrested?
3330788 heh sorry
just really addictive! time seems all stretchy and weird when you wait on these chapters keep up the good work
I feel like somepony in Data Entry may have made a typo and, rather than originally applying to be a Fog Specialist, Fluttershy was actually attempting to be certified as a Frog Specialist.
Look, as much as I have enjoyed this story so far, I gotta say it moves so fucking slow I sometimes forget that after almost a year, it's barely been 2 days in-story since the whole accident began, so to quote Yahtzee: "It's paced like an ant pushing a brick across the desert".
Seriously though, it has been enjoyable, but so little happens in each chapter, and the resolution of the fiasco seems so farther and farther every time a new one pops up, that sometimes I wonder if it will really end, or will it going in circles, introducing plot points that turn up useless, or keeping the slow pace until a year latter we have barely moved from day 3...
3381203 - It seems to be moving slowly because I'm alternating between writing chapters for this story and Pandelirium. That story's chapters are much, much longer, so they take quite a while to finish, whereas I can usually knock out a chapter of Flash Fog in about a week. When it's finished, I think you'll find that the story is quite fast-paced when taken as a whole, largely because the chapters are deliberately short.
Also, the story takes place over three days to begin with, so it's more than halfway done.
3383143
It's a 62,220 words story, and without meaning to insult, but for what has happened so far I don't think it will feel that fast paced...
Three days hum? So we are halfway there...
This story is great! Even with the usual fanfic themes present, it feels very much like the show in tone. The characters all act very naturally, and it's a very pleasant read. It's really nice to see Pinkie being just the right kind of silly without going overboard crazy, and also being helpful. I also love the random antics of the crusaders. I can't wait to see how their trap will affect the effort.
I was surprised and pleased at the idea of prepper Bonbon, since it's an idea I've used myself (although with markedly less paranoia.)
Looking forward to what happens next
Annnnnd... caught up!
Is it bad that I'm kinda excited Hard Hitter found some dirt? Fluttershy's just been so cagey this whole time about what exactly will get her in massive trouble if examined too closely, and I want to find out!
I still think Hard Hitter should take an impromptu ride on Luna's chariot as a hood ornament. Guy is as plotfaced as they come.
Also, that scene Earlier with Pencil Pusher legitly pulling rank on his boss was glorious!
Finally up to 23.
Hard Hitter is going to make Fluttershy cry...
The poor fool has no idea what's going to happen to him.
*Fast forward: Fluttershy cries. Hard Hitter is dreaming his sick twisted dreams of the even, laughing in his evil villain voice and twirling his newly acquired Snidely Whiplash mustache villainously when suddenly thousands of portals open all around him! Fearfully he shrinks back as strange bipedal forms with expressions of seething unfettered hatred and rage practically erupting from their faces.
"W-what are you?! What do you want?!" whimpered Hard Hitter in stark terror.
"WE ARE BRONIES!!" the alien mob declared in one voice, the roar of which shook the cloud house apart. "YOU MAKE FLUTTERSHY CRY!! MAKE US ANGRY!! NOW WE SMASH!!"
A gooey smear is found the next morning, which is later magically identified as Hard Hitter.
On another note, Lyra and Bonbon are soon swept into an argument about the clear evidence of 'humans' having invaded. Bonbon declares that they clearly mean to murder ponies, while Lyra states that, as a souless reporter who made Fluttershy cry, Hard Hitter was clearly a demon from Tartarus and was slain to PROTECT ponies from this monster. Bonbon realizes her mistake and apologizes.
The bit with Bulk Biceps made me crack up :D
Ok, that has to be at least one of the top 5 funniest things I have heard that aren't either extremely vulgar or completely random. :D
Also Rarity's novel sounds wonderful!
I keep reading Hard Hitter as Hard Hitler...
So what did the asshole find out, and how minor and bullshit will it end up being?
Besides, no matter how much he digs up, all it takes is one little royal decree, and everything is perfectly fine.
It's good being friends with royalty. Yeah yeah might cause more issues, but can those reports really do much damage... FROM THE MOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!
But really, it's not likely to be anything that huge. And Fluttershy has been handling this very professionally and almsot perfectly, it's not her fault this isn't the ordinary type of fog she was trained for.
Just a passing comment as I read through but I have the strange feeling Hard Hitter in his search for dirt has found something that will actually show Fluttershy in a good light but also one that will sell papers and is happy because of the second part of that equation. Well onwards to the next chapter.