When Rainbow Dash returned to the library so Rarity could do some touch-up work on her fog suit, she arrived solo, having left Thunderlane on the Unicorn Ridge to keep watch in case the fog did anything unexpected. The pair sequestered themselves inside the kitchen for “privacy,” leaving Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle in the library’s main room.
“Um, do you think it’s a good idea to leave those two alone? I mean, well... actually, I suppose I don’t have any proof of it, but the way Rarity was acting earlier....”
Twilight Sparkle sighed. “I know what you mean, Fluttershy. Rarity seemed way too interested in keeping Pencil Pusher away from Rainbow Dash. It’s starting to look like it was a mistake for me to tell her about Rainbow’s crush in the first place.”
“It’s just that I never would have expected Rarity to be interested in a pony like Pencil Pusher.”
“Well, it’s not like anypony would have expected Rainbow Dash to be interested in him either,” Twilight pointed out. “Maybe there’s something I’m not seeing. I mean, sure, he’s gone above and beyond what anypony would have expected to help us out, but it’s not like he’s the first helpful stallion they’ve met.”
Fluttershy’s ears perked up. “Oh, uh, no, I don’t think so,” she said, stumbling over her words somewhat as she tried to make her thoughts coherent. “I mean, everypony is looking for something different in a special somepony, right? It’s not always predictable.” As confusing as the situation was, Fluttershy felt absolutely certain that it would only get worse if Twilight fell for the bureaucrat, too. “Besides, maybe we’ve misunderstood something.”
“But what is there to misunderstand?” Twilight asked. “Rarity knows that Rainbow is interested in Pencil Pusher, but she obviously wanted to keep them apart. The only explanation I can think of is that Rarity has a crush on Pencil Pusher herself.”
“Well... maybe we ought to stand back and see how it all plays out,” Fluttershy suggested as she idly glanced out the window. “Who knows? It... it could end up working out in the end.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Twilight admitted before returning her attention to her wind vector calculations.
Somewhere in the back of their minds, both mares knew that this sort of idle speculation was beneath them, but right now, they just needed something to take their minds off the fog until it actually started doing something. Unfortunately, neither of them noticed that on the opposite side of the room, a baby dragon had stopped dusting the bookcases and started to grip the shelves so tightly that claw marks appeared in the wood.
September 2 – 10:42 AM
Although the party had only been underway for a mere ten minutes, it already seemed that Pinkie Pie had a good shot of achieving her stated goal of throwing the best party ever. At the moment, most of the massive central room was filled with the biggest game of Musical Chairs anypony in Ponyville had seen, which would have been impressive in itself, but Pinkie Pie had upped the ante even further by using her massive budget to hire one of the hottest DJs in Equestria to actually run the game, which was all the more impressive when one considered that the job was offered on such short notice. DJ Pon-3 seemed to be enjoying the diversion from her usual gigs, as she occasionally halted her thumping beats so ponies could scramble to find seats, and equally importantly, the music was good enough that the ponies who were forced from the game early were having a good time dancing.
Quieter activities were taking place in the side rooms; most of the bedroom suites had been converted into craft stations where the foals could make homemade toys or gifts for friends and relatives, while the dining room was being prepped for the full buffet that was to be served at lunchtime. Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, was in the nursery, entertaining the youngest of the foals and the adults who had been charged with seeing to their wellbeing.
Mayor Mare was present at the party as well, wearing the same clown costume she wore every Nightmare Night, except this time, she was doing some actual clowning. Apparently, she’d had a job as a part-time clown to help make ends meet while she was earning her political science degree from Oldenburg College. She rarely brought her experience up in ordinary conversation, because she’d gotten tired of jokes about its similarity with her current profession several years earlier. However, as she deftly inflated balloons and twisted them into all sorts of amusing shapes, it was obvious that she was quite skilled at it. She’d even pulled off an impromptu comedy sketch with Pinkie Pie that demonstrated her knack for comic timing, which certainly looked like it would keep the foals amused as they waited in line for the bounce house, which was easily the most popular attraction.
This turned out to be an unexpected problem for the Cutie Mark Crusaders when they had first arrived, because upon seeing the inflated building, Sweetie Belle seemed to lose interest in the human trap as she rushed to get to the front of the line. Thus, as Apple Bloom went off to search for a means of escape, Scootaloo was tasked with getting their friend’s attention back where it belonged. Unfortunately, the stallion who was watching over the bounce house didn’t seem willing to cooperate.
“Look,” Pencil Pusher said in his most diplomatic tone of voice, “I know you want your turn, but I can’t empty out the bounce house just to rush you in. The other foals inside just started theirs a few minutes ago, and I don’t think they’d be happy if I cut it short just for you.”
Scootaloo groaned and shook her head. “No, that’s not what I meant. I don’t need you to kick all of them out of there. I just need to talk to my friend.”
“And it can’t wait until her ten minutes are up? I mean, it’s not like you’re going to be going anywhere for the next few hours.”
At this, Scootaloo was a bit flummoxed, as the stallion’s prediction could very well prove true if Sweetie Belle wasn’t cooperating, but she couldn’t very well tell him that. She finally settled on dismissing his point. “I don’t think it’ll be that long. I mean, Rainbow Dash is helping out, and she’s the fastest pegasus ever.”
Pencil Pusher sighed and rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m sure she’s an excellent flyer, but you don’t really need aerobatic skills to be effective at weather management. Honestly, if this town wasn’t so small to begin with, I’m not sure she’d have been put in charge. She seems like a rather average weatherpony to me.” He didn’t particularly like criticizing ponies when they weren’t around to defend themselves, but if this filly really thought that fancy flying skills were an essential part of a weatherpony’s job, it was probably best to set her straight as soon as possible.
“No way! Rainbow Dash is the best around!”
“Actually, the best weatherpony around is probably the mare in charge of Canterlot’s climate, but that’s really not important. Look, kid, I’m not saying that Rainbow Dash is bad at her job. She’s just not going to get reassigned to a more prestigious region any time soon.”
“Well, she doesn’t need to. She’s going to be a Wonderbolt one day.”
Pencil Pusher simply shrugged and took another look at the clock on the wall. “Five minutes, and you can talk to your friend again.”
Scootaloo sighed. “I guess I can wait a little longer.”
At that moment, Apple Bloom suddenly appeared at Scootaloo’s side. “Hey, Scoots, you got Sweetie Belle yet?” she asked with a wide grin.
“Nope,” Scootaloo said with a brief gesture towards Pencil Pusher. “The rules say she gets her full ten minutes in the bounce house, apparently.”
Upon noticing that there was an authority figure in the area, Apple Bloom took several steps backwards and rather awkwardly brought one of her hooves to the back of her head, as if she was adjusting her hair ribbon. Pencil Pusher wasn’t certain why, but the action seemed rather odd—but then again, he didn’t know that many ponies who wore ribbons in their manes in the first place, so he decided to let it slide.
Apple Bloom, meanwhile returned to Scootaloo’s side and, in a much lower voice, said, “Meet up with me when Sweetie Belle’s done. I think I found somethin’ y’all oughta see.”
September 2 – 10:44 AM
Spike had spent nearly half an hour pacing around Twilight’s room in the library, and he’d only stopped when his feet started getting tired, rather than because he’d reached any sort of resolution over the current predicament. He never would have suspected that Rarity could fall for somepony like Pencil Pusher—a well-connected aristocrat like Blueblood, sure, but not an ordinary cubicle-dweller. Even now, as he sat slumped over on his bed, he still wasn’t certain how best to react to what he’d overheard Twilight and Fluttershy talking about.
Naturally, being the very essence of draconic machismo, Spike’s first thought was to start a fight with Pencil Pusher. He was fairly certain that he’d have an overwhelming advantage if it came down to fisticuffs, because unlike his opponent, Spike could actually form a fist. That said, unless the bureaucrat actually did something really nasty, there was a good chance Spike would come off looking worse in Rarity’s eyes (plus, Twilight would probably ground him until Hearth’s Warming Eve again).
Then again, if everypony thought Pencil Pusher had actually done something nasty, a fight wouldn’t even be necessary—Rarity would drop him like last summer’s saddlebag. All Spike needed to do was lure him to a secluded place and... and then... “Uh...” Spike said out loud as his internal monologue ground to a halt. It had just occurred to him that in order to frame Pencil Pusher for something nasty, he had to make sure that something nasty happened in the first place, which meant that he’d pretty much have to be the bad guy. But Spike had already tried that back when Twilight adopted Owlowiscious, and he wasn’t anxious to give it another go, even if it did mean he’d get to have a totally cool mustache.
Well, if being aggressive was out, perhaps the opposite path still lay open before him. Spike wracked his brain as he tried to determine the most non-aggressive means by which he might ward off his competition. After a few moments, it came to him: he would fling himself before the stallions hooves, crying like a hatchling whose candied sapphire had just been stolen by bullies, and beg Pencil Pusher to please, please, call off his relationship with Rarity. Doubtless, the bureaucrat would be moved to pity and leave Ponyville, never to return, so that Spike could comfort the heartbroken love of his life. He’d finally have Rarity, and all it would cost him was every ounce of dignity and self-respect he had, which seemed like a pretty good trade to him.
However, there was always the chance that Pencil Pusher wouldn’t respond to his heart-wrenching pleas, which would be a problem if Spike didn’t have a backup plan. He supposed he could try stalking the bureaucrat with a camera, waiting for a chance to get photographic evidence of... well, something that would dissuade Rarity from her pursuit. If not any nastiness, then perhaps Pencil Pusher would do something to make it seem like he wasn’t really interested in Rarity.
Wait a minute, Spike suddenly thought to himself. Do I even know if he returns Rarity’s feelings? Here was a potential solution that didn’t require any elaborate plans or personal debasement; if Pencil Pusher wasn’t interested, then Rarity would have to turn somewhere else for romance, and with any luck, she’d turn in the general direction of wherever Spike happened to be at the moment. All he needed to do was figure out what Pencil Pusher’s actual opinion was... and to do that, he’d need to do some party crashing.
...is this turning in a romantic comedy? No, wait, scratch that, it HAS turned in a romantic comedy. Didn't really see that coming, I have to admit. And while the genre is not exactly one of my cookies, it still is interesting.
Keep up the good work!
Ah romance is in the air. Nuts.
We have passed complicated, and entered the realm of Rude Goldberg romances.
Oh no Spike!
Read on...
Oh, good this doesn't sound so bad then
...and now the circle's complete. Forget love triangle, there's enough angles now to...to...
Can't wait to see how this all pans out.
Inarguable logic.
4730768 what you're looking for is a love dodecahedron, or a love tesseract.
4730827
But those words aren't funny. They're all mathish and sciency.
4730855 Romance: will it blend, that is the question
From my
many wasted yearslong experience reading fiction, I suspect that the CMC-trap thing is going to collide with the main arc, but for the life of me I don't know how.4730913
Clearly something horrifically awkward is going to happen and everybody present will just sit agape in pure unfiltered awkwardness, then as the boulder smashes into a nearby building, all will breathe a sigh of relief and thank whatever deity they believe in for the interruption.
You're killing me here.
I like the story, okay? But I HATE that "he said she said comedy of errors will they won't they" routine crap. EVERYbody uses it, and it's always just to pad out the length. It's literally as old as Shakespeare, only Shakespeare actually had some SKILL with it, and used moderately rational reasons to keep it rolling (--- example: in "Twelfth Night" the source of all the confusion was a young woman who had to remain disguised as a man as part of a plot to help her family.) Since then, everyone who's used it has been imitating him, badly. They rely on paper- thin rationales, barely-missed connections and contrived misunderstandings--- idiot balls for everyone!--- to keep the nonsense going when all it would take is just ONE PERSON spitting it out to make it fall into place. It's not funny anymore, and hasn't been for centuries--- It's just exasperating and emotionally exhausting. I don't feel entertained, I feel toyed with.
4730753
Unless Spike gets caught out in the fog on the way to the party. I would say that the cold wouldn't bother a fire-breathing dragon, but he did catch a cold when he fell into the lake following Winter Wrap-Up...
You should write more. This is like Austraeoh except ten times worse because I've got no idea when the next update is. This is one of my favorite stories and I've watched it since it hit the feature box.
This story... Is in the feature box...
Once a month, at least.
Oh glorious Kwakerjak, Tell me your secrets.
4730827 I think the relationship geometry has reached non-euclidean classifications.
This is somehow going to end in even more fires and covered in tree-sap now than it was before, isn't it...?
4731033 Dude, calm your tits. While I hate cliches as much as the next guy, what is it you have against miscommunication misunderstandings? Is it because it is fake? Heck no this happens all the time! I was in one of these very situations myself- I was wrong about the girl's target, but my brother thinks I'm the best wing-man ever. Is it because someone set the precedence beforehand? Well then, lets go trash talk J.K. Rowling and George R.R. Martin because C.S. Lewis and Tolkien already wrote fantasy books about magic and middle age times respectively. As for being blunt, well, it's a little thing called tact. You don't flat out say what you feel until you are completely sure of/ready for the other's response (if you're Pencil Pusher) and as for the others, well just the slightest gap between what you know and what is true spirals out into the very thing you seem to hate.
Seriously, why are you so worked up?
On another note, its great that the A-plot seems to be getting resolved, shame the B-plot is getting worse and the C-plot is going to throw a monkey wrench into the wheels.
That was good, and it is looking like Spike is going to be the key to unraveling this whole mess because he is going to directly ask Pencil what is going on and figure out what is going on so he can go solve the problem by directly telling the others rather than getting dragged into convoluted schemes like everyone else.
4731242 It's RealityCheck. Don't waste your time dealing with him. It never goes anywhere.
4731279 encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQYiNFGkFMLBSFGzM-N3OlibX4QunqLQ3MeIrkoXyFuBYXBqmL7
4731318 You can try if you want, but he knows what he knows and silly things like facts and logic mean nothing to him and he will just rage harder at every contrary opinion he sees. Trust me, I have been down this path before and it is not worth the effort.
4731370 I have encountered him before, and have always enjoyed making his type squirm. I may not sway them but it's always fun to make them rage when someone contradicts them. Just sit back and watch the drama (and comment count) soar.
4731033 smd.
4731386 Ah, that approach works too and I have done that myself on occasion, although I mostly just ignore him now.
Dont tell Twilight they need her help in drawing the relationship graph out, She would probably end up throwing the CMC in as a tertiary ajunct and end up calling up Rl'yah (?) collect?
Another excellent chapter. Though it was too short. And there isn't another one already ready for me to destroy with my eyes. (Not legitimate complaints) As always, loving this, looking forward to more.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
4731386 "His type"? I wouldn't call him a troll, just more than a bit reactionary.
Kwakerjak: Spike seems to be the only one thinking straight about this "romance" situation...
Great update! Sweetie Belle immediately rushing for the bounce house made me giggle, she's such a sweetie! Also, the means of which Spike was considering to 'win' Rarity leads me to believe that he might be a relatively benign stalker/psychopath. Funny though!
4730705 Well, the leading man was flying for half the fic, so I suppose nuts would be in the air.
No regrets
And now Spike thinks Rarity likes Pencil Pusher. You're going to make the writers of Fraiser proud by the time you finish with this subplot, Kwakerjak.
Wait? He's going to talk to Pencil? Spike's going to sensible thing? But... but... that might sort this whole mess out before everything goes to heck. Inconceivable!
4731033 - In story, the misunderstandings have been going on for only fourteen hours. Not weeks. Not days. Hours. The characters involved in the misunderstandings have been awake for about eight of those hours, and during that time, they've been very busy with the fog, which is their top priority. I don't think there's any reason to be surprised that this problem hasn't resolved itself yet.
The reason I'm focusing on this subplot instead of detailing all of the preventative measures is because there's more opportunity for jokes, it's preferable to repeating what's already been said, only with more detail, and along the way, it provides a convenient way around one of the narrative obstacles in the Crusaders' subplot.
4731686 Nah, trolls I avoid; die-hard ranters on the other hand... Well, they provide excellent entertainment.
I still eagerly await the day that this finally gets the 'complete' tag. I read the first few chapters when it was new, loved it, and remembered how painful waiting from one chapter to another is. As soon as this is marked complete, I'm sitting down and spending a few hours just reading through it.
That day will be a grand day.
4730827 Not really ... it's all in ponies' imaginations, so it's just a love christmas-tree-lights. Start untangling!
4731067 Or falls into a human trap.
You love her, but she loves him, and he loves somebody else - you just can't win.
4731699 Now I have an almost Twilight like wonder of how one Unicorn Horn proofs a bounce house.
4731721 Not quite what I meant, but hilarious all the same.
4731242 I trash George RR Martin because of all the wiener flopping going on.
4732501 You sir, win a mustache.
Good
4731686
You should, because what he does *every time* he comments on this site could be used as a textbook-example of trolling.
IT KEEPS HAPPENING!
Anyone want to place bets on the next contestant of this crazy reality show known as Everypony Loves Pencil Pusher?
My bits are on Luna.
4731799
cutting the gordian knot? Who knows... stranger things have happened.
4732432
Corks. Just stick it on the tip of their horns.
Facepalms! So!Many!Facepalms! This could all be avoided if they'd just talk to each other instead of trying to 'help out' behind each others backs.
The worst part of this is that this sort of shit does happen with girls. All. The. Time. Sheesh, girls, the talk so much but say so little. I don't mean to sound sexist, I actually think females are superior to males in a lot of respects, but you got to admit it's true.
4734365
Most comedies could be easily remedied if people just talked to each other. Therin lies humor in the absurdady of the situation.
Gossip is almost as powerful and as fast as bad news. You gotta watch out for idle tongues.
Wait a minute... Is Spike going to solve that entire romantic subplot? I'll admit that I was getting annoyed with the whole Much Ado about Pencil Pusher thing you had going on here, but I think I can dig it if the resolution looks how I think it might.
4734727 True, but this is just getting rediculous. I mean, if they like gossiping you'd think they'd end up finding out everything about eachothers plans from other ponies they've talked to, but no. Very little information is making it to the needed places here.
4732432 Simple, you don't, just make the unicorns all wear a safety ball on the end of their horn.